Downward Spiral
by Nature9000
Summary: Two sisters grew up in a home that was filled with neglect and isolation, but one overcame while the other seemed destined for another path. There are many things that Trina is not, but those around her seem more certain of what she is than Trina is of herself. When she finds herself alone in the darkness, can she be found or will she remain lost forever?
1. Prologue: A Case Study

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: As I begin my internship at the probation office, I watch a training video that makes me realize something. The criminogenic needs and traits that can cause someone, unsupported and unhelped, to go down the path of criminality is something I have not capitalized on. So here you go, please enjoy this tale. We're going to see the "present day" first, but the story is primarily taking place in Trina's teen years. The "present day" just refers to when the criminologists begin talking with Trina as the subject, with her future unclear until the end…this may be my last Victorious story as well while I move back to iCarly.

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Chapter 1 (Prologue: Case Study)

A woman in the middle of her thirties made her way towards a university classroom, prepared to give lecture over the insights of the criminal mind using a case study with the subject that inspired her to study criminology.

She had long dark hair which swept the middle of her back, and wore a professional outfit consisting of a navy blue, round collar shirt and a dark blue skirt that swept past her knees. Her brown eyes were like two dark specks on her pale complexion, and her red painted lips were flattened into a thin line below her slender nose.

Her black purse hung from her right padded shoulder, and she clutched a briefcase in her right hand so tightly that her knuckles were becoming white as the chalk on the board of the classroom.

The University professor stood almost leisurely against the desk in front of a room full of nearly one hundred students. His shoulders were perched up like the tips of mountains and his tanned face bore a tired expression as stress lines formed on his forehead.

His waist was against the edge of his desk and his hands were gripping the edge and his knuckles were just as white as hers. His familiar brown hair was longer and straighter than it was in his teens, and he had a thick comb-shaped moustache which bristled with every slow breath from his nostrils. "Ms. West," he introduced firmly before correcting himself. "Dr. West."

Jade slung her hair over her left shoulder and closed her eyes. "Good morning, Dr. Oliver." Beck taught the criminology course on campus, but he wasn't a criminologist; he was only a teacher within the university's criminal justice program. He reached out to her, inviting her to be a guest speaker in his class. "It's been a long time."

"Not long enough," she heard him whisper. She rolled her eyes and stepped in front desk, then turned towards the class. Beck pushed himself from the desk and clapped his hands while stepping alongside Jade. "Alright class, let me introduce Dr. Jadelyn LaClair West, renowned Criminologist and foremost forensic psychiatrist." Jade flashed a pleasant smile as Beck extended a hand towards her. "She is here as today's guest speaker and will educate you on a very important subject."

"I am here to talk to you about Criminogenic Needs and risk factors that can enable someone to fall onto the path of crime." She saw some eyes glaze over while other students hastily put their pends to their notepads. Jade set her briefcase carefully on the desk and walked towards the right. Her eyes flickered towards the clock on the wall and she took a slow, deep breath.

"I will also explain how it can be possible for people brought up the same way but yet one may become a criminal while the other will not." She heard Beck start to cough and raised an eyebrow. "I will discuss with you my personal case study which involves a girl that I knew personally some time ago, one whom I began to study to try and figure out why a girl raised by a cop father would go into a life of crime, but her sister would not."

Beck slid his hand through his hair and raised it. "Let me interject for the moment." Jade's eyebrows slid up and the students looked eagerly towards their teacher. "The girl she mentions is somebody that we both knew. That family is someone we knew twenty years ago." He frowned and turned his eyes to her. "We may have been partially responsible, according to Dr. West's case study."

"That is correct." She crossed her arms and her cheeks were indented by the corners of her mouth. "But I will get to this. The first thing you need to know is a 2010 study by Andrews and Bonta, who have singled out eight criminogenic risk and need factors."

Beck nodded and a student raised their hands, asking what was important to know regarding these. She smiled at the student and took a deep breath. "It's important for counselors, and even probation officers, to know these so that the know what level of treatment and what criminogenic needs are to be focused on. The goal here is to try and limit the risk of future criminal behavior."

Beck leaned back against his desk and folded his arms neatly against his chest. "You'll hear talk of the _Central Eight_ , where the first four are said to have the greatest impact on the reoffending of crime."

"Correct. The second group of four have a little bit of a less impact, but still impacting enough."

Jade grabbed her laptop from the briefcase and hooked it up to the projector in the classroom while Beck set up the powerpoint for her. Once it was up and running, Jade grabbed the remote to change slides and turned to the first, which detailed each of the eight risk factors.

"Write these down."

The eight were as follows: A history of antisocial behavior, antisocial personality patterns, antisocial cognition, antisocial associates, family and marital circumstances, school and work, leisure and recreation, and finally substance abuse.

Environment and social groups were a heavy influence on a person, as well as their manner of thinking. For Jade's case study, she focused on Katrina Vega. Much of the girl's life she faced neglect and isolation from her family, and she did not have very many friends.

"The difference…" Jade put up the next slide, which showed a photograph of Trina and her sister, Tori. "…Between these two girls is simple: One was well loved by her parents and had a good circle of friends that gave her a positive environment for which she could grow and build positive interpersonal skills. The other did not have friends, was isolated from her family and her peers, was constantly belittled and made to feel as a failure."

Beck rolled his head to the right and slowly shook his head. "If I remember, we wondered why she still lived with her parents when she was nineteen, twenty years old. Katrina dropped out of high school her junior or senior year, unbeknownst to her family. Right?"

"That's right." Jade frowned and paced in front of the class. "Miss Vega did not have a network of people to support her or to push her to continue forward. She was often overshadowed by her younger sister, and she felt as though she did not have many talents, and multiple rejections caused this woman to feel as though she could not accomplish anything."

"When did it all begin?"

"Childhood, of course."

"No, I mean the crime."

Jade rolled her eyes and waved her hand in a circular motion. "This is a criminology course, Professor. The traits that establish a criminal mindset go far beyond when a person has committed their very first crime."

Another student raised their hand and pointed at the photograph. "That's Victoria Vega," the student quipped, "She's a big time pop star now, isn't she?" Jade looked at the screen and smiled.

"Yes. She was the successful one. Her parents did all they could to put her through college. Still, she was not the focus of the study. She is a part of it, however."

"We all were. You, me, Robbie, Andre, and even Cat. We were the circle of friends that Tori had, the ones that pushed her to keep going and make a name for herself." Beck crossed his right ankle over his left and narrowed his eyes at his students. "You see, both sisters grew up in a home that was filled with neglect and chaos. Both grew up feeling isolated from their parents and from their peers. Victoria was shy, Katrina acted out for attention, perhaps more so after she helped her sister get into a prestigious arts school."

"Correct. She met us." Jade's eyebrows bounced and her eyes slammed shut as she remembered the very moment Tori came into their lives. Her throat tightened and her head turned slightly to Beck. "Of course Professor Oliver insisted on us being friends with her." Beck's faint smile faded and his eyes darted to the door.

"Right. We pushed Tori to try for everything she could, to excel and do the best she could. Eventually we managed to convince her parents that they could be proud of her."

"Positive peers and a nurturing environment can help to prevent someone that has a recipe for a criminal mind to go that route."

"While we're at it, Dr. West…" Beck's fingers tapped his arm and his voice grew thick and rough. "Care to explain to the class _our_ involvement?"

She straightened her back and raised her head so as not to appear affected in any way. "Yes." She wouldn't mince words. In all her years of research through criminology, she knew the impact that this group of friends had on Tori's sibling. "We hounded Katrina, we were part of the problem." Some of the tired students perked up and their eyes grew large. "When she would act up, we'd insult her. When she would do something to us, we would do something back-"

"To get her not to do it again." Beck's eyes closed and his muscles tensed as the stress creases on his forehead stretched out further. "Of course, we didn't start to realize we were doing anything wrong-or I didn't-until that time Robbie, Andre and I played that puppet gag on her and her father. I never thought I'd hear the guy tell his daughter to get as far away as she could, but he did, and when I went back to apologize, she was poking holes in the tires of her father's car…"

She nearly smirked at the memory. When this happened, David was clearly enraged, but he didn't think Trina was responsible. No one knew she was responsible until Jade began her study and Beck informed her of what he had witnessed that night.

In fact, the very next day David grabbed Robbie out of school, accusing him of the crime. Robbie had already been accused of stalking both the Vega sisters, among other crimes against the family he was suspected of, so David was sure he was the culprit.

"Poor Robert." Jade shook her head and curled up the corner of her lip. "Captain Vega interrogated him, almost illegally I might add, for hours." A chuckling scoff fell from Beck's mouth and he turned his head away.

"The guy had nightmares for days and couldn't go over to the Vega home for a while. Mr. Vega never found out it was his daughter, or if he did, I'm not certain what happened." He flashed a toothy grin and waved his hand in the air. "But I digress, please continue on with your lecture. We only have a few hours."

"She had a lot of anger that night, I imagine." Jade scratched at her chin and slanted her eyes. "Remember when Robert and Catherine told us about her smashing their guitar?"

"Yes. Some guy dumped her and made them sing it to her."

Jade clicked her tongue and hit the slide to show some information regarding Trina. "I started my case study in my Junior year of college when I began an internship at my father's probation department. I was shocked to discover Miss Vega on one of the officers' caseload. That's was when I determined to find out what caused this girl to commit the crime that put her on probation to begin with."

Beck coughed in his hand and stepped alongside her, still keeping his gaze away from her. "Or more appropriately." He rolled his head to the right and his eyebrows rose up slowly. "The crimes that she had committed, when she got involved in drugs and alcohol to find solace, and what it was that began the downward spiral of Katrina Vega."

"This is her story…"

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There's a reason Trina's fate is left ambiguous here. Obviously you're not to know what her present day status is until the end. There's a lot of questions to be raised, and this prologue just explains a bit of how environment, socialization, and other psychological factors can cause such extreme wavering. As you see, Tori became a success, there's a reason for this despite that both girls grew up in a household environment where they would have been neglected and felt isolated from their family. The reason for Tori's end versus Trina's is quite easy if you think about it and once you realize where the distinction happened.


	2. First Touch

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: Yes this is going to touch on some serious issues. Yes, substance abuse (drug addiction) is a part of this, but the story isn't about that. There's a deepness to it, something you have to see and find as you read. Here's the start of Trina's story

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Chapter 2 (First Touch)

Seventeen years old and still, she was a nobody in the eyes of anyone that met her. As Trina watched her sister perform on stage in front of the entire school, she couldn't help but to feel a slight pull of envy crawling up her spine.

Trina was too disgusted to listen to the roaring crowd as her sister pranced about the stage as though she owned it, so she left the noise behind. "For all her success, and she never thanked me for convincing her to give this school another shot." She didn't know how Tori managed to befriend Jade after the stunt she pulled with Beck, but the whole issue between the trio made Tori come close to giving up on Hollywood Arts. If it wasn't for Trina suggesting she keep pushing for it, the girl probably would have given up.

Before then it was just the two of them against the world; their parents didn't give a damn about them and never had. Their father was too obsessed with his job to pay any attention to them, and their mother was too busy cheating on the guy to take notice.

Though recently they seemed to be paying a little more attention to their rising star daughter, while their oldest child they were too busy brushing off like some nonexistent pile of shit that wasn't good enough to be stepped in.

Trina approached a small booth she'd constructed before the performance, and on it were several flyers she'd printed out. With trembling hands she caressed the top of the flyer, focusing on the glossy image of herself. "Come all, come see my play." As her head started to bow, her hair fell like a veil around her face and her body shook violently.

Where she stood felt like an island surrounded by nothing but dense air and cracked ground. Laughter and applause for her sister's performance faded like a train leaving into the distance.

"Who am I kidding?" She raised her head and a scoff trembled away from her quivering lips. "Nobody's going to come to a play I put on. It'd just be a repeat of that one act play I tried before…"

People went to that one only after Robbie called it a _comedy._ She went along with it because at least it gave her some attention. What she hated was how no one really gave a damn for her performance, so no matter what, it was all fake.

This one was supposed to be better; she actually found people willing to try and act. They would probably cancel at the last minute like always, and even if they didn't, she was almost entirely certain nobody was going to show.

"No one likes you." She ran her hands through her hair and narrowed her eyes at the image on the page. It was a photograph of her smiling brightly at the camera, wearing a sunhat and a long yellow dress. "No one likes you." She repeated the words she heard so frequently and picked up the stack of flyers.

"You're ugly as hell. You can't sing like your sister, you can't act, you can't even fucking dance. Who are you kidding? Who do you think you are?" She closed her eyes as Tori's song saturated her ears. Nausea swirled violently within her stomach, and bile shot up her throat. "Tori Vega's sister, that's all. That's all you'll ever be. Not good enough, not good enough to make a name anywhere."

Her fingers tightened on the edges of the flyers, forcing tight creases and tears to extend from them.

Tori's voice seemed to grow louder, like that of a siren, echoing into her head. With it she heard her father, telling her not to bother him, and her mother suggesting to her that she might not be good enough to do much more than retail.

Jade's mocking voice joined in, with each 'no one likes you' striking her like someone punching her hard in the jaw. Her body shook more with every pulse of rage, and tears burned at her eyelids as she stared down at the face that was smiling from the flyers.

Tori's chorus burst like an explosion, concealing Trina's cry of frustration as she threw the flyers across ground. She pushed her table over and started to drop to her knees and buried her face into her hands.

Just then a familiar sound of laughter caught her attention. She raised her head out of her hands and looked into the trees near the back of the school. Her heartbeat pulsed and she pulled herself up while listening to the voices.

"That sounds like Sinjin…" He creeped her out on a regular basis, though not as much as Robbie did with his stalker-like ways. So she approached the area, stepping against the wall and poking her head slightly around the corner.

Sinjin was seated with the strange kid in Tori's class, Damian Parker, and a couple of other students. Their eyes were bloodshot and they were laughing over a number of chips and cookies.

Also with them were several cases of beer and a large bottle of brandy. Trina pulled her hand to her stomach and looked towards the ground while trying to ignore the peculiar stench coming from the group of kids.

It was the stench of marijuana, and from what she could see, they were passing around homemade blunts. "Gross," she mumbled under her breath. She hated marijuana, and she never cared much for alcohol, but she lingered there to watch the group.

Every second that passed, their laughter was rich and carefree. They drank and talked as though there wasn't a care in the world. "How? Why?" She leaned forward, sniffing the smoke that was wafting towards her.

Sinjin never looked like he was so peaceful before, and Damian certainly wasn't one to joke and pal around with people. "Dude!" Sinjin cackled while handing the blunt away and looking in the opposite direction of Trina. "I swear to god there's someone watching us over there."

Trina ducked back for a second, her heart froze and her muscles tensed. When she looked back around the corner, she saw the group walking towards a group of trees. "Where the hell are they going?" Her eyes moved to the abandoned blunts on the crate they'd been sitting around, and the alcohol nearby.

Her mind began to wander and she started to contemplate the effect that these items were having on the boys. She knew without a doubt they were drugs, and they would alter the mind severely, but she never saw anybody looking so thrilled and at peace.

"They're gone…" She stepped past the hiding spot behind the wall and watched the tree area for a time. Sinjin and the group eventually left, having either forgotten or ceased to care for the items left behind. "Should I report this?" She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and looked over her shoulder with a sudden gasp.

Tori's song was still echoing in the air, and it was like poison that tried to strike her deaf. "Everyone's so focused on her." She looked back to the marijuana and the alcohol, her hands closed slowly and a tightness spread across her chest.

One thing she knew about the drugs is people would say how it could make them forget, as if to take them onto another plane of existence for the moment. In her current state, she would love nothing more than to forget-to let go of all the anger and the pain she felt inside of her, and to ignore the streak of envy she felt.

"Maybe…" She swallowed down the lump forming in her throat and took a trembling step forward. "Maybe just a taste." Trina picked up the brandy first and held it in front of her face, studying the amber brown liquid.

She first looked over her shoulder to ensure no one was watching, then she brought the elixir slowly towards her trembling lips. Her eyes fluttered shut and she leaned her head back to open her mouth and let the drink spill onto her tongue.

At first it burned like fire and she almost dropped the glass while searching the area for water. The only thing there was to relieve her was an open can of Miller Lite, so she grabbed it without thought and took a large gulp to douse the fire.

This time the alcohol had a sweet taste to it, one that drew her in and beckoned her. She pulled the can from her mouth and smacked her lips together while sloshing the cool and crisp liquid around with her tongue.

A smile came over her and she turned her eyes to one of the premade blunts with a contemplative hum. "Just one puff, to see what the big deal is…"

Trina sat down and reached for the blunt, picking it up carefully between her forefinger and thumb as one might a cigarette. She studied it with her eyes, and slid her fingertip across the paper. It had a lumpy, but soft texture, and when she brought the object to her nose she detected a more pleasant aroma than the stench of smoke.

She recalled hearing a conversation her father had with someone, in which he was talking about marijuana. At some point he got around to saying people were supposed to inhale it and hold onto it.

"Okay, here goes…" Trina picked up a lighter on the crate and placed the blunt between her lips. She closed her eyes and lit the end of the blunt. The smoke tantalized her nostrils and she took a sharp and deep breath, drawing in the smoke and holding it in the back of her throat.

It began to tickle and sting, so she puffed her cheeks and tried to hold it in as long as possible while still uncertain of what to do with it. It started to burn and tears erupted from her eyes as she forced open her lips and began coughing violently.

"That was wrong," she said in a raspy voice, "I must have done that wrong." She waved her hand through the smoke in the air and looked at the blunt for a few more seconds of contemplation. "I should-I should try again."

Whatever had possessed her, she wasn't sure, but now her mind was focused on this new curiosity she had and less on her sister's shrill voice from afar.

She took another hit of the blunt, this time swallowing it, and it burned her throat with such voracity that she had to down another large gulp of alcohol.

It wasn't long before everything began to spin around her and her stomach was beginning to growl. Her eyes were becoming bloodshot as she found herself entering an entirely new state of mind-with all her surroundings either blurred or moving so swiftly before her.

"Wow," she said with a laugh, "This _is_ different." She could hear Tori's voice in the distance, but it no longer troubled her; it was almost unrecognizable. For a minute she thought Tori was a man with an unnaturally high pitch.

All the pain and anger she felt was gone, seemingly replaced by an insatiable hunger with each hit of the blunt she took and each swig of alcohol. By the time she was finished, she had fallen on her back and was gazing up at the dark sky with a goofy grin on her face.

"Holy shit," she heard someone say, "Our stuff. Is that-oh god it is!" Trina chuckled softly as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her and lift her from the ground. "Come on Trina." It was Sinjin, likely remembering finally the items they'd abandoned. "What in the hell were you thinking? We need to get you home."

"Nothing." Trina's grin only grew as the men started to carry her to their truck. Drool ran down the side of her face, and her body was drenched in a cold sweat. "I have no thoughts or concerns whatsoever-it's great."

"Shit…Her father is going to kill us, guys."

Trina raised her hand and studied the strange bulges beneath the surface of her skin. "No he won't," she replied slowly, "He won't even notice. Screw him, he doesn't matter. He won't care."

* * *

For many people, drugs and alcohol serve an escape from a painful world, and for many that have a chaotic life that feels out of control, this is something they feel some sort of control over. For many that go down a darker path, they get their start here. Addiction fuels need, and where need is, one does what they can to satisfy.


	3. Broken Bonds

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

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Chapter 3 (Broken Bond)

Trina felt a tickling sensation on her cheek that grew into a supple caress. The skin around her eyes began to tense and she waved her hand across her face as though swatting a fly. "Leave me alone," she said with a moan.

Her entire body felt as though it had been struck by a semi, and her nose and mouth burned from vomit. "Trina? Are you okay?" At the sound of Tori's voice, she rolled onto her side and pushed herself into the velvet like cushions of the couch. "Trina…"

She heard the compassion in her sister's voice; a sound which she hadn't heard in some time. Even now, she still felt a great deal of anger towards her. "Leave me alone." Her hands folded over her stomach and she let out a groan as a sharp pain struck her. "Go away."

"You disappeared last night. Sinjin called and said he dropped you off at home. Why did you sleep on the couch?" Her eyes opened partially and she shrugged.

"Felt like it." The truth of the matter was that she had no recollection of getting home. The night before came to her only in painful flashes. "That's all."

She remembered Sinjin's truck; a four door Nissan Titan. She could remember sitting in the back with Damian and the two other friends that were perched there while Sinjin was in the front driving. They started to fondle her, so Sinjin pulled over and forced them out of his car while having her move to the front passenger side.

That was the last thing she remembered.

"Well, you look sick." She felt Tori's fingernails slide into her hair and gently pull it back. Thinking fast, she sat upright and leaned away from Tori with a growl. Tori's hand hung in midair for a second before moving into her lap. The girl's eyebrows quivered and closed, and her lips pursed. "What's going on, Trina?" Trina looked away and shrugged.

"Nothing. I don't want to be touched; I want to be left alone." Tori's frown deepened and she looked away. Her shoulders fell and her lips split apart.

"Okay Trina…" Trina's nose wiggled and she narrowed her eyes on Tori. "You know. Ever since I got into Hollywood Arts, you've been…really different." She rolled her eyes and scoffed.

Of course Tori would say that.

Almost instantly she was on the defensive. "I've been different?" She inhaled and leaned forward. "You're the one that's changed." Tori jerked back and moved her hand up to her chest. "You've done nothing but ignore me ever since you went to Hollywood Arts. You insult me all the time, and so do your friends. As far as I know, you hate me just like everyone else."

"That's not true."

"It is, and even if you say it's not, I know you're lying." She stood up and almost immediately, several purple spots appeared before her. Her stomach flipped and she stumbled to the right. Tori stood and reached out for her arm, but she swat at the girl's hand. "Leave me alone."

"Sorry, I-okay."

Trina took a step back, raising her voice as she focused her glare onto the girl. "Just leave me alone and go play with those stupid friends of yours. I don't need you, I don't need anybody." Tori looked hurt, but rather than say another word, she turned away. Trina's eyes filled with tears and the rasp in her voice grew worse. "All you do is hurt me like everyone else. If you really cared about me, you would be a better sister."

She stopped herself and leaned back slowly while biting down on her lip. "I didn't mean it like that…" Her voice fell quiet and she bowed her head. It wasn't that Tori wasn't a 'better sister', it was more that Tori was acting like she didn't care about her anymore; she abandoned her. "It's just, we used to do everything together, and now you don't even give me the time of day anymore."

"It's not like you fight to get involved with us anymore." Tori looked at her with a scrunched forehead and crossed arms. "You ignore us now."

"Why shouldn't I? Every time I come around, they just insult me. You don't exactly tell them to stop."

"I know, but you know we haven't had friends growing up." Trina held back a scoff. She understood where Tori was coming from, but this held the tone of an excuse more than anything. "These are the first friends I've had, Trina. I don't want to risk-"

Trina held her hand up and Tori stopped on a dime. "Just stop." The girl dropped her hands and Trina shook her head slowly. "It's just an excuse. I know you don't want to lose your friends, but you're just going to let them walk all over me?" She didn't expect Tori to take her side over theirs, she didn't expect her to do anything with them, but it hurt knowing that her own sister no longer had her back because she didn't want to run the risk that standing up for her sibling would cause her friends to leave her.

"Trina."

"We've been through hell living with parents that don't give a shit about us, what we do, where we're at. I grew up with you as my only friend…"

"What do you want me to do? Drop them?"

"Of course not, I just wish you'd stand up for me."

Tori snapped out and raised her hand. "Well maybe it's time for you to stand up for yourself." Trina's heart stopped and Tori's eyes snapped open, as though aware of what she'd just said. Tori moved her hand over her mouth and looked to the right. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean how that sounded."

Tori reached for Trina's shoulder but when she pulled away, she curled her hand up and lowered it. "You're always going to be my sister, Trina. Through thick and thin…"

"Yeah. Until one of us gets some friends who can get her away from problems at home." Trina shook her head and walked away from Tori, unable to look at her anymore as the pain inside her became unbearable. "I think I want to be alone for a bit."

"Trina if you'll just hear me out-"

"Please." Tears welled up beneath her eyelids and Tori brushed her hair with her hands. The doorbell rang and Trina slowly bowed her head. Tori rushed to the door, and when Trina heard the familiar voices of Tori's friends, she made her way to the kitchen without further word.

In the corner of her eyes she saw Tori looking back at her. The girl pressed her lips together and thin lines stretched out from them just before she turned and walked out the door.

Finally alone, Trina started searching through the cabinets for something to eat. When she came across a transparent bottle stashed in the back of the top, leftmost cabinet, she reached for it out of curiosity.

Her father kept a stash of liquor from what she knew, and she knew where that stash was, but it was unusual to see one out of place as this. "He must have forgotten it." The label on the bottle said 'Vodka' and the clear fluid was about half empty.

"Strange. Dad must have forgotten about this." A clicking noise behind her caught her attention and she turned to see her father leaving his study. David's hair was a mess and he was wearing his heavy red robe while shuffling across the floor with a bent and slouched posture.

The man turned his head to her and every inch of her body stopped until she could feel only the thumps of her heart striking her chest. Her eyes drifted to the vodka in her hand and she began contemplating what she could say about this. She hadn't drank any of it, but he didn't know it.

"Did the mail come by yet?" David asked with a tired yawn. "Or the newspaper, I'm sorry."

"You…had a long night, Daddy?" She feigned a smile and David pat his mouth gently with his hand.

"Double homicide, I've been up all night. Where's your sister at? Did she come back from the performance last night?"

"Um. Yes. She's out with her friends."

"Oh, okay." He turned around and walked to the stairs. She was stunned that he didn't ask about her or even that she wound up sleeping on the couch, but then, she didn't know why she expected him to say anything.

His hand gripped the rail and he looked over his shoulder. "Your mother and I will be in our bedroom. She was up all night at the hospital and has a headache, so please Trina… _Try_ and keep it down." She rolled her eyes and carefully set the vodka on the counter.

"Whatever." She peered down at the bottle as a strange new thirst started to rumble in her stomach. From her taste of alcohol the night prior, she knew it worked wonders in helping her get beyond the pain and the anger she was feeling.

Maybe it would be good to feel loose again and not care whether her sister or her father were abandoning her. The longer she contemplated it, the drier her lips felt. She wet her lips with her tongue and pulled a glass from one of the cabinets.

With reckless abandon she poured the vodka in, filling the tall glass. Most times she'd seen people drink vodka, it was in a shot glass, but she wasn't sure if they had any and she didn't care.

She downed the drink with swiftness, grunting as the back of her throat and her neck started burning from the contact. Trina tore the glass from her lips and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, blowing it away with a heavy sigh.

Her chest started to tighten and the pounding in her head started to dull. "What the hell is this?" It felt like poison, and yet, it tasted pure. Once the burning sensation subsided, a cool fluid-like feeling began sweeping through her veins, relaxing her body. "Another drink can't hurt."

Uncertainty swirled in her heart, but desire outweighed it, and once more she poured and drank a glass of Vodka. Trina wasn't drinking it correctly, and she knew it, but it didn't feel like it would cause any harm.

Her head had grown lighter and the room was beginning to move swifter than normal when she turned her eyes.

A third drink killed the pain and she started to feel hyper. When she stumbled over herself upon walking, she laughed out until her father called down for her to 'shut the hell up'.

Trina swayed like a leaf in the wind and raised her hand. "You shut up," she replied with a slur. She let out a laugh and fell onto the couch while holding onto another glass of vodka.

She heard heavy footsteps behind her and didn't bother to look back when she heard her father's angry voice. "Excuse me?" David walked up to the couch and she leaned her head back against the top, peering up into his wide, burning glare. "Did I hear you telling me to shut up?"

"Maybe."

"No. No 'maybe'. Do you want to be grounded? Unable to see your friends?"

"What friends? Tori's the one with the friends…" She pushed her hand through her hair and laughed again while slapping her hand out into the air. "I don't even care, Daddy. I don't need friends, I don't need you either. It's not like you and mom ever paid any attention to us. Go ahead and ground me if you want, I don't care."

"Oh I'll do more than that, if you keep running your mouth." David extended a finger and his eyes sharpened. "You'd better watch yourself Katrina, I am your father and you are the child. Show some respect, maybe you should watch how your sister interacts with people."

She frowned and stared at the screen, shrugging as David turned away to return to the stairs. Her eyes moved towards the glass in her hand and her mouth slid into a smirk. "He didn't even notice my drink." She never realized how easy she could get away with stuff when her parents didn't even care.

Trina's heartbeat was accelerating quickly as it pumped adrenaline into her body. Her father's words struck an angry chord within her and her fingers began to tighten around the glass. "Screw you, Dad. Who do you think you are? You're not a father, you're just a sperm donor."

She threw the glass across the room, watching as it shattered into several shards against a photograph on the wall. The photograph was of her father in military uniform. The instant the glass and vodka struck it, it bounced off the wall and collapsed onto the ground.

"Keep it down, Katrina!" She heard her father shout. Trina rolled her eyes and looked at the front door in time to see it swing open. Tori froze in the doorway, her eyes grew large and her trembling hand was resting on the doorknob.

Her friends were standing behind her, looking at her as though expecting her to move. Tori's eyes drifted to the picture and broken glass and she rushed in with exclamation. "What happened here?" Tori knelt and Trina shrugged.

"Dad got angry." Tori's head rose in a sudden motion and she started to sniff in the air.

"Really?"

Trina crossed her arms and looked away. "He was having a drink. He got angry and threw the glass against the wall."

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Don't know."

Jade stepped into the room and a smirk spread across her face. "What a wonderful family you have." Sarcasm laced her tone like venom. Her eyes narrowed onto Tori and her head tilted to the right. "And I thought it was just your sister that was insane, but your father is too. Amazing."

Tori's eyes closed and her fingers swept over her forehead. "Not now, Jade." She let out an exhale and shook her head. "Just help me clean this up." Trina scoffed at Jade's words and left the couch with a huff.

"I'm not going to sit here while your friends insult me."

"Good," Jade spat, "We don't want you here anyway." Tori started to lean against the wall, pressing the side of her head against it and clenching her eyes shut. Trina placed her hands at her hips and furrowed her brow.

"Why do I even bother?"

"I don't know." Jade laughed and spread her arms out. "No one likes you."

Tori groaned out, but to Trina's surprise, it was Beck that shouted for Jade to stop. Jade looked at him suddenly and her jaw fell open as he sliced his hands through the air. "Can't you tell something's wrong?" Beck asked while pointing to Tori. "You're upsetting Tori, and you're pissing Trina off."

"They're big girls, Beck, they don't need you standing up for them when you're supposed to be _my_ boyfriend." Andre agreed with Beck, but that only made Jade angrier. "Who in the hell asked you?"

With that, Trina grabbed the bottle of Vodka from the counter and hid it underneath her shirt while making a broken run out the back door. Her eyes were burning with tears and her face was hot with blood. With everyone fighting and no one paying attention to her, she was sure to get out without anybody suspecting.

She didn't care about them, she didn't care about any of them. "I need another drink." Her hand trembled as she raised the bottle up towards her face. "To calm my nerves." She pressed her back against the wall next to the glass door and brought the lip of the bottle to her mouth.

Trina tilted her head back and shut her eyes, but when nothing came to her lips, she pulled the bottle away and stared at it with dismay. "Empty…" Perhaps it was for the best, since her world was already spinning and now she was uncertain where her sense of direction had gone.

She felt a surge within her stomach and collapsed on the porch swing nearby. Her hands folded over her stomach and she let out a loud groan as a rush of bile and swill started to rise in her esophagus.

Vodka was much too strong. She liked the taste and the effect, but this was perhaps too much for her. The glass door started to open, so she instantly hid the bottle behind her and sat upright to try and come across unaffected.

Tori's head poked out and she looked towards her with concern. "Trina, are you okay? You look really out of it."

"She's fine!" Andre called from inside. Tori looked back inside and her hand tightened firmly on the door. "Just leave the girl alone and let's play poker, damn it. If she needs you, she'll let you know."

Tori glanced back at her with a frown. "Trina? Do you need anything?" Trina raised a hand and swept it in the air.

"I'm fine, just go back to your friends."

"Okay, but let me know if you need something."

Tori's words were hollow as far as she was concerned. "Whatever." She knew her sister didn't want to be bothered. After all, Trina was a burden to her. She couldn't even be bothered to look after her after a dental surgery. "Go have fun with them, Tori."

Her sister hesitated and looked like she was going to say something, but then shook her head and retreated back inside.

* * *

So what are your thoughts here? You see a lot of what's going on, just how ignorant the Vega parents are towards their children is one crucial factor you see. I do want to point out the obvious, Tori's friends _are_ good friends to have-as you see in the prologue they would have impacted Tori's life in a positive way. Both sisters grew up in the same condition, so they end up being a catalyst. But as a whole you start to see how negative the environment they're in actually is, and how it can influence.


	4. Giving Up

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 4 (Giving Up)

The day of Trina's performance which she was trying to direct wound up as chaotic as she expected it to be. While she waited in the auditorium for her actors to show up, she stared with a nonchalant expression at the doors while sitting on the stage. Her right hand fingers tapped the wooden stage one at a time while her left hand was folded over her left thigh and gripping so firmly as to cause pressure pain to spread into her muscles.

"Nobody's going to show up," she muttered under her breath. Those she asked to help her in the play just simply didn't believe she could put on a good performance. She figured that perhaps they were right.

"I should just cancel it. Call it off." She pushed herself off the stage and walked to the auditorium doors. There wasn't any chance for the performance to be a good one regardless, so there was no point in trying.

She'd stuck with a classic as well. Yes, it was a musical performance as her first had been, but it was based on the film and Broadway play 'Chicago'. It was a long walk to the doors, or so it felt. She stopped partway, contemplating whether or not to wait just a little bit longer for her actors.

The song that entered her mind was one of her favorites in the play, _Mr. Cellophane._ As Trina walked back to the stage, she began humming the tune to the song as it played in her head. "If someone stood up in a crowd and raised his voice way out loud, and waved his arm and shook his leg, you'd notice him…" Her eyes dropped to the floor and her shoulders rose.

"If someone in the movie show yelled 'fire in the second row, this place is a powder keg…you'd notice her." She tapped her foot and raised her eyes to the stage, smiling faintly. "And even without clucking like a hen, everyone gets noticed now and then…unless of course that person it should be…"

She walked up to the stage and heaved forth a heavy sigh. "Invisible." Her eyes rolled and she envisioned the musicians and instruments around her. "Inconsequential…Me."

She closed her eyes and spread her arms out, waving her hands as she raised them up. "Cellophane. Missus Cellophane, should've been my name, Missus Cellophane." Her eyes opened and she began to strut across the stage, singing in tune with the beats as though the song were playing with her. "'Cause you can look right through me, walk right by me, and never even know I'm there!'"

Tears poured from her eyes and her voice became raw as she choked on the words and held back a sob. "I tell ya, Cellphane. Mrs. Cellophane should've been my name, Missus Cellophane. Because you can look right through me, walk right by me and never even know I'm there!"

She dropped her hands and turned to the empty audience, visualizing people seated in front of them. A sob rolled out of her lips in the form of a broken laugh and she swept her fingers across her face while saying the next lines as it was meant to be; someone talking to the audience.

"Suppose you were a cat, residing in a person's flat who fed you fish and scratched your ears. You'd notice him. Suppose you was a woman wed and sleeping in a double bed beside one man for seven years!" She raised her right index finger and scoffed. "You'd notice him."

She turned sideways and walked to stage left. "A human being's made of more than air. With all that bulk you're bound to see her there, unless that human being next to you is…" She shrugged and her eyelids fell halfway as the next words rolled out with a sigh. "Unimpressive. Undistinguished. You know who…"

She threw her head back and ripped out a broken laugh. "Should've been my name, Missus Cellophane. 'Cause you can look right through me…" Her muscles tightened and her tears fell like rain around her feet. "Walk right by me, and never even know I'm there."

Trina dropped to one knee, took a deep breath and spread her arms out. "Cellophane, Missus Cellophane…You can look right through me, walk right by me and never even know…" Her arms dropped down and her heart slammed into her chest as she panted rapidly. "I'm here."

The auditorium was still empty and her actors weren't coming. Trina swept the tears off her face and leapt from the stage with a huff. "I give up. Shouldn't have even bothered."

Trina rushed through the school until she found Mr. Sikowitz's office. Tori's friends were in the office, talking about some class project, but Tori wasn't present. When she entered, the man looked at her curiously and the group turned partially towards her. "I'm finished, Mr. Sikowitz."

He was in charge of the drama department, and he was responsible for whether or not school plays are done. So if someone had to cancel, they had to go through him.

"Not now," Robbie interrupted, "We were here first Trina." Trina's head jerked back and she stared at him with a blank expression. She didn't care that they were there first, she had to cancel before people started coming to see the play and realized it wasn't going on.

"I have to cancel before people start showing up."

Andre snickered and flashed a smirk at her. "What people?" Her heart sank into the pits of her stomach while the others shot Andre a look. Her lips dipped down and she closed her eyes.

"You're right. No one wants to see a stupid play I put on."

"It's not that nobody wants to see it." Her eyebrows rose and for a moment she felt a flicker of hope. Could it be that it could be good enough, she pondered. Andre crossed his arms and shrugged. "It's just that you're not good enough. I mean everyone knows you suck at acting, and you certainly can't sing…I mean you're doing a musical, right? You shouldn't do a musical if you can't sing."

Just like that the wind was knocked out of her as if he'd slammed a fist into her gut. Her heart began to crack and her eyes stung as moisture collected within them.

"That's quite enough, Andre." Sikowitz walked around the desk and locked his wrists behind his back. His brow furrowed and he peered out at her with a subtle frown. "Miss Vega, are you certain you want to cancel the play?" Trina couldn't take her tearful gaze off Andre, and now she could think of nothing except the words that had come out of his mouth.

"Y-Yes." She tried to breathe, but every intake of air stopped in her throat and her lungs were beginning to shrivel. "It wouldn't be good enough, anyway." The teacher's eyebrow rose and he turned partially to Andre.

"Miss Vega, don't let one critic's opinion dissuade you."

 _"One critic?"_ She flicked her hair over her shoulder and laughed. "As if I'd let one person determine my life." It wasn't just one person, it was everybody. She was destined for failure, and everyone knew that. "It's just, I can't do this play anymore."

"I am certain there are people who have bought tickets, Miss Vega."

"Who would buy anything she puts on?" Jade asked aloud. The girl froze in an instant and her hand moved up to her lips as the others in the room shot her a look. "I didn't mean to say that out loud."

"No." Trina narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. Her mouth twisted into a scowl and her head shook from side to side. "You just didn't want anyone to hear you say it." Sikowitz's shoulders fell and the man looked at her with a pitiful glance.

"Miss Vega-"

"My actors have cancelled on me and aren't showing up for the play. I can't put on a production without them. I have not seen my crew members as well."

"So postpone the production. Make it for another day, that would be easier than cancelling the entire play."

She rolled her eyes and repeated herself with a firm and deep voice. "The play isn't good enough, Mr. Sikowitz. No one is going to show up, and no one wants to see a production that _I_ put on. I'm canning it, and that's the end of it."

"So you're giving up? Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"You see," Andre said, "She can't even finish what she starts." Trina gasped out and spread her arms out as Sikowitz called for Andre to be quiet. The man's voice was full of anger and command, and Andre immediately shrank on the spot.

Sikowitz took a breath and walked towards his chair. "Okay." He spoke softly and looked once more at her. "I will begin making phone calls and returning refunds of anyone that has purchased a ticket. If you feel truly that this play cannot be performed in a timely and quality manner, I will have it cancelled."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sikowitz. I wish I could."

"I understand. I do hope you'll try again in the future."

Her lips pressed against each other and her narrow eyes moved to the group standing in front of her. She had no desire to try again, not with this play or any other. "I won't." She stormed out of the office and began walking back to the auditorium so she could make sure to let anyone know the play was over. If anyone showed up.

Tori was standing at the doors, watching her with a tiny smile. "Trina!" Trina met the girl's chipper gaze and quickly averted her eyes.

"Not now, Tori."

"But-"

"I said no." She walked past the girl and pushed open the doors of the auditorium. Looking at the stage she was shocked to see all her actors and crewmembers present. The air in her lungs evaporated and her hands began to tremble. "What is this?"

Tori stepped in behind her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I walked by the stage and heard you singing. It was nice."

 _Liar_.

Trina scoffed and shook her head. Tori's hand rolled away from her and her sister peered out at the stage. "I made some phone calls and ran from class to class to find all your actors and crewmembers. Wouldn't you put it on?"

"No." She clenched her fists and started moving down the aisle. Tori gasped and ran swiftly behind her.

"What?"

They stopped in the middle of the aisle and the minute Tori put her hand on Trina's upper arm, she tore herself away and twisted around to her sister. "I told Mr. Sikowitz to cancel it. He's already making calls and returning tickets-not that any were bought." Tori's eyes grew and the girl slouched in response.

"Trina…Why?"

"Because it's not good enough, it never was going to be good enough, and it never will be." She raised her hand to her chest and saliva dripped from her harshly spoken words. "I'm not good enough."

"That can't be true, if you would just-"

"Just stop it." Trina dismissed her sister and moved for the stage, swinging her hands in the air at the people waiting for her. "You guys can all go back to what you were doing." A rush of murmurs and questioning erupted from them. She put her hands to her hips and narrowed her eyes. "You weren't going to show up if Tori hadn't gone to get you, so your hearts wouldn't be in the acting _anyway_ , so I told Mr. Sikowitz to cancel the play and start sending out refunds. I doubt anyone purchased any tickets anyway."

"Is this because we weren't showing up?" Someone asked. "You're a good director, Trina, we just-"

"If you were committed, you would have been here." She put her hands to her back and narrowed her eyes. "Don't make excuses. I'm sick of excuses."

"But we're not giving up."

"You already did. It isn't like anyone thinks this is going to be worthwhile." It didn't matter all the work she put in it, nor all the work they did. If it wasn't going to be good enough from the start, or their hearts were only half into it, then there wasn't any point in pretending. "We're finished. I'm sorry."

She turned away and walked off, brushing past Tori with her shoulder and leaving the auditorium as quickly as she came. She had the option to go to class since her play wasn't going to happen, but she wasn't sure if it would be good to bother going.

There wasn't anything to do, but if she went to class it would be pointless. No matter what she could learn, no matter how well anyone could teach her, she wasn't good enough to put her lessons to use.

Rather than head up the stairs and down the hall, Trina made a break for the school doors.

Though her next class was with Mr. Sikowitz, surely he wouldn't notice if she wasn't present. Even if he did, she never cut class before, so there was a chance he'd let it slide. Besides, what could anyone do to her if she didn't go? Her parents would blow off any teacher that made an issue of it, and she didn't have any relatives that gave a damn about her success or failure to attend school.

Trina stopped before the doors, placing her trembling hand on the bar and looking back at the school. "It's just this once. What will it matter?" Sikowitz was there when Andre and the others said what they said, so surely he'd understand there was no point in her being in class. They must know her well enough to say the things they said about her, and everything they said was the same as what everyone else-including her parents-said of her, so they must have been right in their judgements of her.

* * *

Something can be said for how low it seems she has fallen, but for what is to come, this is very small. Just the beginning, she already feels there is no point in trying when she cannot be successful, and it seems that she has heard it so much that she can't believe the positive when it is introduced to her. What are your thoughts and observations?


	5. The Fall

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 5 (The Fall)

Trina found Sinjin and his friends behind the school with a blunt in their hands. The minute she saw them, she felt a powerful urge to take another hit of the blunt. With every nerve of her body screaming with pain and grief, she wanted to kill it and feel as at peace as she had before.

Sinjin saw her coming and turned fully to her while stepping in front of the others. "Trina, what are you doing back here?" He hid his blunt behind his back, but she could still see the smoke rising up behind him.

She extended a finger and he glanced over his shoulder. "Let me have a hit." He snapped his head back and raised his eyebrows. "I need it." If they were all getting high behind the school, certainly they'd let her join. "I need to feel good again."

He cleared his throat and quickly shook his head. "I don't think that's such a good idea, Trina." Her head jerked back and she scoffed at him.

"Why? It's not hurting anyone." Sinjin looked at her with a frown and held a lingering gaze on her. Perhaps he was shocked that she was asking for a blunt, since she never displayed an interest before, but that shouldn't matter. It wasn't his business that she wanted a hit, it was just to dull the pain like it had before.

She swept her tongue across her lips and bounced on her heels. "Come on Sinjin."

"Your dad's a cop. I can't be giving you stuff like this." She rolled her eyes and started to groan. His bushy eyebrows moved together, pushing up a wrinkle. His hands lowered and he glanced sideways at the others. "It wouldn't be right."

"Says the guy cutting school to get high." She crossed her arms and looked at the building with a sly grin. "What if I went back in and told Principal Eikner." His eyes popped out of his head and he moved his hand up to his curly brown hair.

"No don't do that." The urgency in his voice confirmed he knew what he was doing wasn't right and he didn't want to be found out, so she could easily use this against him if she wanted.

Trina took a step towards him and narrowed her eyes. "So if you don't want to be found out and kicked out of school, you'll let me join your little group of stoners." She knew blackmail was wrong, but for the moment she didn't care, she simply had to take a hit.

"Fine." Sinjin looked at the crate in front of them and gestured at Damian. "Roll her one." His eyes moved back to her and she flashed a hopeful smile. "But I'm not going to do this often for you. Just this once, if you want anymore, you're going to have to find your own elsewhere."

"Fine by me." Once the blunt was rolled, she held it between her lips and waited as Sinjin brought the flame of a lighter towards it. She inhaled the smoke, bringing it in deep and holding it for an extended period of time.

It wasn't as difficult or harsh as it had been on her first time, and with each puff she took, she could feel herself loosening up. "Oh that's better." Smoke rolled out of her mouth as pure as silk and drifted into the air, intoxicating the sky around her. "Much better."

"It's the good stuff," Sinjin replied with a casual shrug. "None of that shit you see in the poor areas of town, this is the rich weed." Trina chuckled once and heard Damian mention that it was medical marijuana that was provided by the man's older brother.

"No wonder you're so stingy with it." She lowered the blunt towards her waist, still holding it tight between her forefinger and middle finger. "I thought there were regulations for medical marijuana, though?"

"Oh there are," Damian said. The man laughed and waved his blunt in the air. "Honestly the government thinks they're smart, and I'm sure people use it for medicinal shit and all, but it's not that difficult to get around the hurdles in place." He sucked on his blunt and exhaled the smoke slowly. "My brother qualifies for medical marijuana, but he doesn't smoke it. He just gets it and gives it to me. Easy shit, man."

"Wow. I never knew how easy it was to play the government."

"People do it all the time." Damian wagged the blunt in the air and closed his eyes, speaking with confidence as though he were an expert on the subject of conversation. "They cheat on their taxes, lie on welfare slips to get disability. The people that actually _need_ the stuff can't get it because they're honest, and honesty never pays."

Sinjin bounced his head and took a hit of his blunt. "Pretty accurate." Trina leaned herself up against the wall and looked down at the blunt in her hand. "After all, my own grandmother needed disability and was denied, so she put a more serious disability down than what she actually had…and what do ya know, she was granted disability."

Damian started to cough and pound his chest. He took a sharp breath of air and flashed a toothy grin. "Government's run by idiots, I swear." The man folded his arms and the others nodded in agreement. "They make it so easy to be taken advantage of, people do it all the time and never get caught."

It sounded like a fairly skewed view of government, but yet, she knew there was some truth in what they were saying. There were people out there that knew how to cheat the system, people who received things they didn't deserve and took resources away from those that actually needed help.

"It's a flawed system," she said with confidence. "They do well, but then they can't catch everyone." She took another hit of the blunt and released the smoke. The fire that had once been in her blood was now gone and she was in such a calm state of mind that she felt her thoughts were clear of any dilemma.

"If the IRS audited everybody, Trina, they would find so many liars that the whole system would just implode and collapse on itself."

"Oh I know."

Damian started to approach her and Sinjin's gaze shot over to the man. Trina stiffened, remembering what happened in Sinjin's car the other day. "Look Vega, about the other night…" Damian ran his hand over the back of his neck and cleared his throat. "I wanted to apologize. We weren't in our right state of mind."

"You shouldn't touch a girl when she doesn't want to be touched." Her eyelids sank halfway and her mouth twisted into a scowl. "I said stop and you guys kept putting your hands on my thighs and my breasts…if Sinjin hadn't stopped the car."

"I know, and it wasn't right of us to try and take advantage." Damian's hand fell and his eyebrows rose up. "I mean, you're cool. Not many girls stop by and get high, much less actually talk to us, and after that night…I'm surprised you even stopped."

She raised her blunt to her lips and shrugged. "I needed another hit." She wasn't comfortable around them, but currently she didn't feel anything wrong with talking to this guy. She didn't associate it with the effects of the drug in her body, but for all she knew, it could be. "I didn't think I'd like smoking this stuff, but it calms me."

"Exactly." Damian let out a nervous laugh. "That's the thing people don't get, man. People only want to get high because it calms everyone down. You're all mellow and calm because of it, so it's a _good_ thing. People need to stop being so afraid and give it a try."

Sinjin leaned himself around the corner and Trina watched him tense up. "Shit guys, teacher's coming!" He pulled himself back and the others began to panic. "It's Sikowitz. Every man for himself."

Trina's heartbeat pulsed and she watched the group run away, abandoning her. She looked left to right, trying to think of which way to go. At first she didn't think getting caught would cause a problem, but when she took into consideration the others running away, she knew better than to let herself be caught by the one teacher that knew she was cutting class.

Just as she turned to run, she saw the man's shadow fall onto the ground next to her. "Trina Vega!" His shocked voice echoed into her ears and she quickly dropped her blunt and stepped on it, thinking he wouldn't notice. "Is that pot?"

"N-No." She spun around and saw him with his arms crossed and a skeptical expression on his face. She ran her hand nervously over the back of her neck and flicked her eyes off to the right. "I um, it's medical."

"Medical or not, you shouldn't be smoking on school property."

"I wasn't?"

Sikowitz crossed his arms and shook his head slowly. "My office. Now." She rolled her eyes and moved past him with a loud, defeated groan. It wasn't fair that she was the one to get caught and the others ran off, especially since they'd been smoking for longer.

Sikowitz believed her when she said it was her first time and that she was experimenting, but he didn't seem to care about anyone else's involvement. "That's what happens when you're dealing with people that take drugs." He folded his hands over his desk and leaned forward, staring into her eyes with a sharpness that she'd never seen before. "They care only for themselves and will throw you under the bus the first chance they get."

"But-"

"No buts. _You_ were the one I found, and you are the one getting punished." She crossed her arms over her stomach and sank in the chair while rolling her eyes. There was no use arguing, the man caught her fair and square. "I'm sorry it's come to this, Trina." He leaned back and she shrugged at him.

"Whatever."

His mouth shut tight and he tugged gently on his beard. "Since it's your first offense, I will not report you." She raised her eyebrows and her jaw dropped to the floor. Sikowitz picked up his pen and leaned over a sheet of paper. "However, I trust that you will not smoke on school property again, and that you will stay away from those delinquents."

"Sure." She moved her hands behind her head and flashed a smug grin. Sikowitz's eyes flicked up at her and he moved his head from left to right.

"You are still in trouble for cutting class." Her eyes bulged and she moved her hands from her head. Her breath held in her throat and her heart began to pulse loudly within her. Sikowitz breathed out and his body shifted down. "I'm giving you detention after school to think about what you've done."

"But Mr.-"

"Ah!" He raised his hand and extended his pen upwards while curling his index finger around it. "I said I will not report you for taking drugs on school grounds this time, be thankful for that and take detention for cutting my class." She slouched and Sikowitz leaned towards her, narrowing his eyes. "Or do you _want_ me to report your delinquency? Because you may be thrown out of our school, and you will be placed under arrest."

"What? Why me? Tori's friends do so many things and they get away with everything!"

"That's their problem, not yours."

"And what about the others?"

"I will investigate that matter, Trina, but again…that isn't your concern." She stood up suddenly, kicking the chair back with her leg.

"Fine." Her eyes narrowed and her shoulders rose high. Sikowitz played hardball, and she wasn't in the mood to argue with him. She didn't care if he did report her, it wasn't like anyone would care, but she didn't want to get in trouble for something she'd only done once or twice. "I'll take detention."

Sikowitz smiled at her. "Good. I will see you after school in the auditorium." She lowered her arms and watched his head bow over the sheet of paper. His pen slid gracefully across it as he scribbled down his notes. The skin around her eyes and nose crinkled and her nose scrunched upwards as Sikowitz's pen stopped moving. He kept his focus on the paper but spoke with a stern voice. "You may go now, Miss Vega."

"Whatever." She turned around and stormed out the door. In the corner of her eyes she saw a couple of Tori's friends watching her closely. "What are you looking at?" They flinched and shook their heads as she marched off with an angered huff.

* * *

Any thoughts and observations?


	6. Detention

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 6 (Detention)

Detention frightened her; it was the first time she'd ever had to go. At the same time, she wanted to appear tougher than she knew how to be. She pictured Jade in her mind, thinking the best way to survive detention was to act like the mean girl herself.

Her left hand clinched her waist and her eyes went narrow as though she would stab the next person she saw with them.

The moment she opened the door, the façade was swept away and her eyes travelled to the person in the back of the room. Jade West herself was sitting with a sneer across her face. Instantly Trina's heart sank into her stomach. There was no way she could pretend to be Jade when Jade was sitting there.

Despite the eight other people in the room that were gawking and whispering about her presence, she marched past them and focused her target. "What are _you_ doing here?" She asked the goth. Jade's eyes went big and her mouth fell open.

"It's obvious why I'd be in detention." Jade spoke with a surprised stammer. Her eyes travelled up and down Trina as though the girl were trying to figure out who she was. "Spoke back to a teacher and knocked over their coffee…but you? What the hell are you doing here?"

Trina looked smug for a moment, leaned back her upper body, and crossed her arms. "I guess I'm just not as goody-goody as my little sister." She did want to know why it would be so shocking that Tori Vega's sister would be in detention. "I am not my sister. Obviously. You and your friends make _that_ quite clear."

Jade shifted uncomfortably in her seat and Trina sat in a desk behind the girl. Her judgement was still clouded and her senses were off kilter, but she didn't feel any different than normal.

Trina stretched her arms and extended her hands forward with a loud groan that caused Jade to twist around. She dropped her right hand to the desk and curled her left hand over it like an arch. Her eyebrows moved together and dipped in the center while she flashed a cold smirk at the girl in front of her.

"I know this is detention, Trina, but if you're trying to act tough…you're picking the wrong girl to play to."

"You don't know me."

"I know you might be a bit crazy, but you're not a bad person." Trina looked to the side, scoffing in surprise, then she leaned menacingly towards Jade. The girl sniffed Trina's breath and jerked back, her eyes grew larger and her mouth formed an open circle.

"Again, Jade, you don't know me." She wagged her eyebrows once and pushed herself back into place without once taking her eyes away from Jade's. "Look away now."

Jade mouthed something and turned back around. The girl raised her hand up and cupped it over the back of her neck. Trina slowly reached into her purse, preparing to raise a little hell for detention as the teacher wasn't here yet.

The other students were still watching, so for the first time in her life, she felt she had an audience. "You haven't seen crazy," she whispered while removing her phone. She bit down on her lip and narrowed her eyes as she came up to one of her favorite songs 'King of the World' by Porcelain and the Tramps.

She set the phone on the desk and struck the play button. As the music began to play, Jade started to turn. "What…" Trina stood from her desk and walked around to the front of Jade's. She gripped the edges of the desk and leaned towards the raven-haired girl, sneering into her eyes.

The girl was frozen in her seat, as though she didn't know how to react to what was happening. "You want to know how far I'll go?" She wanted to push Jade's buttons, to see how the tough girl would react.

"What's gotten into you, Trina? This isn't like you."

Even she wasn't sure what she was doing, or why she was getting in Jade's face, but part of her liked it. Part of her wanted to be the one to scare this girl. "You think you're scary, Jade? You think you're tough?" She pushed Jade's desk out of the way, causing the girl to flinch. "You're all talk and nothing to show for it."

Trina moved towards Jade and slid her foot behind the steel leg of the chair. Jade peered down and gasped as her hands gripped the edges of the chair. "What the hell is your problem, Trina? Did you have some kind of breakdown?"

Jade bumped into Trina's desk and looked back as the song changed to another of Trina's favorites. _Frozen Innocence_ by Atargatis. Jade's eyebrows shot up and Trina gripped the edge of Jade's chair as if she were going to flip it over with the girl in it. Jade grabbed her arm and raised her head up to Trina.

"I'll show you who's worthless." She pulled the chair forward and flared her nostrils as Jade's eyes moved into hers. "Don't like me? When I'm through with you, you're going to wish people liked you."

Jade sneered back at her and started to raise her voice. "Watch who you're threatening."

"Oh? What are you going to do, steal my blood when I'm getting it drawn at the hospital?" Jade's skin grew white and Trina smirked. "I don't think you know what I'm capable of."

"I don't think even you know what you're capable of."

"I'm nothing. I don't matter. I don't think anyone cares what I do." Trina leaned upright and walked around Jade, sliding her hand through the tip of the girl's dark hair. "You could do anything to me and everyone would believe that you did something, I can do anything and no one would care. No one would think anything of it. I could cut your hair while you sleep, for example, and everyone would laugh because I'm too insignificant to have 'acted out'."

"I still don't know why you're in detention."

Trina placed her hand on Jade's upper back and gave her a quick push. The girl shouted out and caught herself, then turned around with a growl. Trina stared back at her and crossed her arms as she raised her shoulders up.

"None of your business. Maybe I wanted to check it out, see what it was like." She walked around to the front and hummed. "I thought detention was for the nobodies. The people who don't matter. So, I still can't believe you're in here."

"I said I was in here because-"

"Yeah, don't care." She dismissed her with a wave and looked at the door just as it started to slide open. Sikowitz stepped in and his eyes immediately fell onto her. "Hey look, it's Mr. Sikowitz."

"What's going on in here?" He asked. The other students turned around and Jade closed her lips.

"Oh nothing." Trina shot the girl a look and held a pleasant smile. "Jade and I were just having a friendly talk." The teacher gave her a suspicious look, then walked for the desk.

"Okay, well take your seat and don't move." She did as instructed and watched as Jade pulled the desk towards her. She had a feeling this would all blow over and the girl would forget about it, especially since it was just the first time she really acted out.

The weird part was how good it felt. She was in control, in power, and for once Jade wasn't the one in charge. She reveled in the ability to be the one in control and wanted to feel like that again.

Like her first taste of liquor or of the drug, she relished the taste of power. When Jade looked back at her with an unsettled look, she could only grin. Like it or not, she got under the girl's skin, and that in itself was a feat she'd never before accomplished.

She didn't want to do it again now that she had, and yet, she felt like she could do it again if she was given the opportunity. As for Jade, she knew the girl was probably too worried about what Tori might say if she snapped back at her.

There was a wide gap of empty seats between them and the other students in the room. It was surprising that Jade wouldn't be mingling with the crowd, but she had a feeling Jade wasn't as bad as she made herself out to be-even now, when she should have fought back, she didn't.

"Psst, Jade. How come you're not with the other people?" Jade's head turned and her shoulders rose.

"I don't feel like it? I stay away from them."

The eight students consisted of six guys and two girls. The men looked to gravitate towards spiky haired blonde in the middle. He wore a leather jacket and a white shirt underneath that was halfway tucked into his denim jeans. "They don't look all that bad." Jade raised an eyebrow and shook her head.

"Some things even I won't do. Those guys get detention for the craziest things."

"You don't say." She recognized one of the guys as someone that was out behind the school with Sinjin and Damian. It was unlikely he got detention for smoking weed. "Do you know any of them?"

"Yeah." Jade crossed her arms and shrugged. "The guy in the center there? That's Samuel, he considers himself the 'king of detention'." Jade's eyes rolled and she pointed out the four men sitting with him. "They're always here. If Samuel has detention, they have detention."

Trina perched her chin on her raised hand and turned her eyes onto the others. "What about the other guy?"

"He comes and goes, usually he's just in for cutting class or something. The girls here are about the same. They'd _like_ to get caught up with that crowd, but you know, bad crowd."

"Coming from you?" She laughed. There wasn't a chance in hell Jade thought there could be anything wrong with these people. "Even if you thought there was something wrong with them, you're the 'cruelest' person in school."

"Trina…"

Just then Samuel got up from his seat and moved towards them. Trina raised her eyes towards him and Jade put on a protective stance. "Hey there." Samuel leaned against the desk and his mouth twisted into a slick smirk. "You're a new face. What's a pretty chick like you doin' here? Russell over there said you got busted for smoking some weed."

Jade coughed and turned to Trina with a sharp tone. "What?" Trina dismissed her and smiled back at Samuel.

She put on the tough façade once more for this guy. The unease in her was almost overbearing, but she didn't want anyone to see discomfort, otherwise they might take advantage. "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

Samuel pushed a small sheet of paper onto her desk and looked off to the right. "You're cool. Send me a text sometime." Jade grabbed the paper and stuffed it into her purse with a growl.

"Go back to your desk, Samuel. Trina isn't interested."

Trina scoffed and jerked back. "I can speak for myself, Jade." This girl was not helping by making decisions for her. Anyone else and she might consider them, but since it was Jade, the action only caused her more anger. "Maybe this is why no one ever wants to talk to me, huh Jade?"

Jade's brow furrowed and she flinched. "What? No, Trina-"

"That's it isn't it? You and your friends hate me so much that you keep anyone from talking to me, or tell them some big lie about me." Jade closed her hands and leaned towards her.

"That's not true. You don't need to get mixed in with these people."

Samuel stood upright and started to chuckle. "It's all good." Trina looked up with a startled gasp, watching as he turned to move back to his desk. "Maybe another time." He winked at her and Jade extended her hand.

"Go away, Samuel." Trina shot her a look and her mouth twisted into a deep scowl. Jade was a hypocrite as far as she was concerned, and had no business keeping someone from talking to her. "Trina." Jade's palms flattened on the desk and the girl exhaled slowly. "They're bad kids."

"And you're not?"

"I don't destroy school property, I don't mess around with drugs, and I don't get a kick out of seeing people in pain."

Trina rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, that last one?" Jade dropped her head and looked to the teacher. Sikowitz had been reading a book this entire time, but his only purpose was to ensure no one started any trouble. "You could have fooled me. You do nothing but cause people pain."

"Just…stay away from the people in detention. It really isn't your scene."

"Oh." She moved her hands behind her head and kicked her heels up to the desk. "I kind of like it, actually."

* * *

Any thoughts?


	7. A Different Crowd

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: There will be times we see glimpses of the present day (Remember it's a lecture Jade is giving to a class), when this happens it isn't random. Since the lecture itself is only a few hours, that means important clues and hints are found. Things that tell us certain details to look out for. Trina's story will eventually merge into the present, so bear that in mind; how is just the thing I won't say. So just don't ignore the few glimpses to the present you'll see.

* * *

Chapter 7 (A Different Crowd)

Back in the present day, Jade stopped for a student asking a question. It was a young girl with brown hair that matched her chocolate eyes. "What is your question Rachel?" Beck asked without missing a beat. Jade shot him a look, wishing he wouldn't interrupt her lecture, but she understood this was still his class.

"You had contact with her and tried to help even though you were the ones always putting her down?" Rachel inquired. The girl tapped her chin with her pencil and index finger, curling finger just under her lip. "I'm confused."

"I had my own issues, yes." Jade folded her arms and walked to the right. "But for the most part, back then, I was more of a rebellious teenager acting out." Looking back now, at thirty-eight, she'd grown enough to know her actions were just simple juvenile antics.

"I grew up with a mother and a father that gave me everything, despite them being strict disciplinarians. I acted out because of their strict parenting, not because I had emotional problems." She heard a snorting noise from Beck's direction and shot him a look. "I had jealousy issues when it came to my boyfriend at the time, that much I will confess too."

Beck crossed his arms and shrugged. "Overbearing jealousy issue." Rachel lowered her hand and furrowed her brow. The man turned his gaze onto her and smiled faintly. "But Dr. West is right, she may have fought people a lot and been cruel-mostly to any woman I came in contact with-but she still had the heart to try and keep Trina from slipping into the wrong crowd."

"Yes." She relaxed herself and raised her hand to her forehead. Her shoulders sank and a sigh rolled away from her. "Unfortunately I didn't see the red flags that day. I went home, thinking it was just a temporary issue with Trina. I didn't believe when I heard Mr. Ross say she took weed, I didn't tell anybody how she was acting."

"Part of you didn't care. That's one thing, you didn't quite care about others as much, even if you did try to keep them out of harm's way."

"She was Tori's sister, and Tori seemed to care about the girl despite everything, so I didn't want to be blamed for Trina getting involved with those kids…unfortunately, I may have ended up doing just that."

"I do feel bad for her though." Rachel crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. "It must be hard to have a family that doesn't act like they want you." Jade smiled sadly as and locked her wrists together behind her back as Rachel looked down to her notes. "I was adopted at a young age, I have faint memories of my mother, so I always wondered if she ever wanted me. My dad's always taken good care of me."

"That's good."

Rachel's lips pursed and she raised her head sharply. "So you said you ended up pushing her to going back to that group?"

"Yes." Jade swept her hair over her ear and took a steady breath of air. "I believe her mentality at the point may have been similar to that of a rebellious teenager going against what their parents' wishes are. I was someone that treated her poorly, someone that always acted like I didn't care about her, so when I was the one that told her to stay away from Samuel…that made her want to go to him all the more."

She stopped for a moment, remembering her studies and the chronological way that everything occurred. "At the same time, Samuel and his friends were also just teenagers acting out, but in a more dangerous way. They opened the door for her." They were a stepping stone for Trina, but they weren't the worst thing to happen to her. They introduced the worst possible people that could have entered her life. "Allow me to continue…"

After detention Trina followed Samuel out, making sure Jade wasn't in sight to keep her from doing so. Whatever the girl's problem was, she didn't have time to worry about it and thought she needed to mind her own business.

When Samuel turned a corner outside the school, she rushed after him. Intrigue shot through her like a knife while fear gripped her at the same time. This seemed almost too much for her, and normally she wouldn't follow someone like this, but _Jade_ of all people telling her what to do was something she didn't care for one bit.

Samuel already seemed to be waiting for her; he was leaning leisurely against the trunk of a tree and had his right leg placed over his left. "Hey chica." He flashed a smirk and Trina stopped in her place, studying him closely. "I see you were able to get away buzzkill back there."

"I don't know what her problem is." Trina swept her hair over her shoulder and walked forward. "She treats me like shit, and then she wants to keep me from talking to the people in detention? Who does she think she is?" The sun glistened in his eyes.

His smirk increased and his eyebrows rose. "What if she's right? But then, she's nothing. She puts on a good front, she's got half the weaklings at school scared of her." He popped his collar and pushed himself away from the tree. "But most of us real people know who she is. She's just a tough chick wannabe, acting up because of restrictions her parents get on her ass about shit. Who really cares?"

"Oh I know. She's pathetic." Her eyes dropped to Samuel's hand as he reached into his jacket. Trina held onto her breath, waiting and watching as he removed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

He lit one and flicked his eyes up to her. "You smoke, babe?" Trina leaned towards him, studying the cigarette with apprehension. It was the one thing she couldn't stand. Her grandparents all smoked, and every one of them had problems attributed to smoking.

"No thanks."

"Ever tried?"

"To be honest, I'm not interested."

He paused, and with a smile, he returned the pack to his jacket pocket. "Fair enough." It was a bit confusing since she didn't know for sure if marijuana smoke had the same effects or not. Various people said it didn't, so she wasn't as reluctant. "So, you think you can hang?"

"Depends on what your version of 'hanging' is." She smirked at him and took another step towards him. "If you mean hanging out and fitting in, I think I can." Samuel circled her, raising his head back and looking down his nose at her. His shoulders broadened and his hands closed up.

"Well if you're a goody-goody like that sister of yours…" The cigarette flicked ash at her and the smoke began to pool in the sky. "Plus, isn't your father a cop?"

"My father doesn't even care about me. Nobody does, so I've decided to start putting myself first." He pulled his cigarette from his lips and started to hum. Trina felt her muscles tighten. Her teeth ground together and her eyes narrowed as he circled her once more. "I thought you were interested in talking to me. I don't need to waste my time with you if you're going to play games."

She was through with games, through with people that wanted to toy with her. Samuel stopped in front of her and began to chuckle.

"I don't have a problem. I'm just checking you out is all. Seeing if you got what it takes to hang with the crew." She wanted to hang of course; she needed friends like Tori had. Maybe these guys wouldn't be so bad.

"I can hang. What do you guys do for fun?"

Samuel leaned back and glanced up at the roof of the school. "Sometimes we liked to sit on the roof and throw shit off." Trina's heart grew still as she followed his gaze. Students weren't allowed on the school roof, they could get expelled if caught. Not to mention how dangerous it was.

"Is that a problem for you, Senorita?"

Trina flinched and looked to see him leaning over her left shoulder with a daring gaze and a broadening smirk.

"I have a name." She crossed her arms and her eyes narrowed upon him. "And no, it's no problem. Jade said you guys destroy property and vandalize…" Samuel took a step back and spread his hands outwards.

"We might take a baseball bat to one or two cafeteria tables, but it's all fun and games really. Nothing too serious." Trina steadied her breathing and closed her eyes. Vandalizing wasn't something she wanted to get into, but maybe she didn't have to if all she did was spend some time with these people.

"So, is there anyone I should know about? Anyone I haven't met?"

"Sure." He shrugged and motioned for her to follow him. They made their way to a ladder in the back of the school and she watched as the man began his climb.

Trina's hand trembled as she set it on the stepping bar and turned her head to see if anyone was looking. She felt a cold sensation rush down her spine as the air began to grow denser.

This wasn't smoking pot behind the school, this was breaking a major rule and climbing up onto the roof of the building. This was something that perhaps even Jade had never done.

She fought back the fear rising in her and looked up to see Samuel already at the top and yelling down for her to hurry up. "I'm coming." Trina closed her eyes and pulled herself up, then struck the first bar with her right foot.

Her heels made it difficult to climb, so she kicked them off without much thought. The dress she wore did nothing to help her climb either, but it wasn't as though she could change out of it.

By the time she reached top, somebody was helping her up. He was tall and muscular, had spiked hair with faded sides, and near black eyes. The man appeared to be wearing a college football jacket with a beige shirt beneath that hung loosely over his torn blue denim jeans.

"Who is this?" Trina's eyes moved up and down the man's body with suspicion. The man's arms folded over and his tanned cheekbones dropped the corners of his thin lips into a line. Samuel placed a hand on the man's shoulder and laughed once.

"This is Marcus. He's one of the guys' older brother. He attends UCLA." Trina smiled pleasantly and extended her hand to him. Marcus's eyes fell to her hand and his right eyebrow rose up into his forehead.

After a second of uneasy silence, she started to pull away when he extended his own hand to shake hers. "If Samuel feels the need to bring you up here, I guess he sees something in you." Marcus's eyebrows pulled together and the leftmost corner of his mouth tilted up a tiny bit. "Good to meet you."

"Dude Mark, this is Trina." Samuel pulled his hand away and Marcus turned his head. "She's just scared the shit out of that girl in detention, Jade." Trina felt immense pride, while at the same time, she was still unsure whether or not her actions in detention were good. "Trina Vega."

"Vega?" Marcus's smirk faded and his right hand rose to cup his chin. "As in the prissy one with the police dad?" Trina was a bit taken aback by the man's statement, offended in that he called her sister 'prissy'. While he could have been talking about her, she felt it would be Tori everyone knew of. Marcus's tone became gradually deeper and his breath, huskier. "You brought a cop's daughter into your group?"

"She says he doesn't care."

"True," Trina replied. "My dad's too ignorant to give a damn about his own family." She leaned backwards and gently tapped the ground with her right foot. "I doubt he'd even realize I'm not home right now."

"He sounds like an ass. No offense."

"None taken." She smiled back at him and shrugged. "He is." Samuel moved for the ladder, saying he was going to grab the rest of the guys. Marcus walked to the edge of the roof, overlooking the sunset and the streets that surrounded them.

Trina approached him from behind and looked out at the sunset with a soft smile as the warm breeze caressed her cheeks. "So, Marcus?" The man turned partially, furrowing his brow. "I take it you don't like cops?"

He let out a grunt and shook his head. "It's not that I don't care for cops, they're fine and all, I just don't like self-righteous people." His shoulders rose and he sneered at the distant view. "I have class with this guy on campus, leads the martial arts club and thinks he's all that. He's a self-righteous bastard that I have frequent debates with."

"Like?"

"I'm a football player, I come into class late." Marcus brought his hands to his chest and turned to face her. He chuckled once and raised his eyebrows. "The guy asked me once why I so routinely come late. I say it's none of his business."

"Right."

"He says he gets it, and then makes a comment about how he's always at practice and still manages to come in on time. I call him an asshole, we argue a bit over my using football as an excuse to do whatever the hell I want."

"And do you?"

Marcus shrugged. His mouth opened into a laughing smile. "Yeah." Trina jerked her head back, dumbfounded. This classmate was then correct in his assumption at least. "The guy doesn't know that."

Whoever the classmate was, he probably had a decent head on his shoulders to say the least. If he was always so punctual and believed in doing the right things, then that was his life to live.

"Does he usually push his views on you?"

"No." Marcus frowned and rolled his eyes. "Usually I end up saying something that gets on his nerves. We're polar opposites. He passes all his classes, does 'what's right', he's a leader of some student organization, and the list goes on."

"And you?"

"Not important."

Trina flashed a smile and moved a bit closer to him. She raised her hand to his upper arm and he turned his head, staring at her hand inquisitively. "I know that feeling pretty well, Marcus. I'm sorry." She whisked her hand away and watched him shrug. "I guess that guy's got a good life."

"I guess, who really cares? Far as I know he's only got a mother, his father ran off with some woman when he was just a toddler. Says he's got a brother somewhere as well, but he doesn't know where." She was struck with curiosity, surprised that he knew that bit about the life of a student he was often on ends with.

There had to be more to it, but she didn't feel like pressing him on something that may not be all that important.

Standing there in silence with the guy wasn't as nerve-wracking as she thought it would be. Thoughts ran through her head like wildfire and she began to contemplate whether or not this would be a good turn for her.

She needed the friends, so she wanted to be friendly with Marcus and the others. At the same time, they were doing serious things-according to Jade-that made her question her motives.

It was the first time she felt accepted by anyone, and the first time anyone was giving her the time of day. Much like Tori and her friends, Trina felt like she'd found somebody that might be good for her, and she didn't want to pass it up.

* * *

So it's very possible that Samuel and his crew aren't necessarily the truly bad crowd to hang with. Marcus has given us some pivotal information about himself as well without actually saying it. He refers to his classmate as his "polar opposite", so it's safe to say he's not doing too well. What are your thoughts about Marcus, Samuel, and everything else that happened in this chapter? Any observations or anything that peaks your curiosity?


	8. Exposed

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: I want to point your attention to a matter in this chapter. If you don't know what Borderline Personality Disorder is, I would suggest doing some research. You're going to see in this chapter the glimpses of it in Tori, she does in fact have BPD. Trina however, does not. I decided to utilize this after my experiences with someone that had it, while her sibling didn't, it stems in childhood and is truly a mystery. One should absolutely not get BPD confused with bipolar disorder, they are two very separate issues.

* * *

Chapter 8 (Exposed)

By the time she arrived home it was almost midnight. The time had gone by so quickly on the school roof with Marcus, Samuel and the group. There was a unique and odd charm to them all, so she had fun.

Tori was up with her friends all over at her house. She was startled to see them there so late, and they looked at her just as shocked when she walked into the door. "Trina!" Tori stood. "You're home so late!" She heard the friends say something, but ignored them as she moved past the couch without so much as a glance.

"So I am. What do you care?"

"You get detention, and then you never came home." Trina stepped on the first stair towards the second floor and her hand gripped the stairwell firmly. Her eyes flickered towards the top of the stairs.

"No…" Tori took a deep, shuttering breath. "No one's seen you, and you never called. I was worried something happened."

"Sure you were."

Beck jumped from the couch. "She was." His voice cut through the silence like a knife, stopping her as she stepped on the next stair. "She kept all of us here because she was going to go out looking for you if you didn't come home."

"Sorry she kept you." She continued to her bedroom and ignored Tori calling out. Trina closed the door behind her and locked it just in case her sister tried to follow for whatever reason.

Trina marched over to her vanity dresser and stared back at the reflection. Her eyes were weary and her hair was a mess from being blown about by the outside winds. She touched her cheek with her fingertips and slid them downwards, feeling of the rough and dried skin.

Her heart was beating swiftly and her body trembled. "What is happening to me?" She whisked her hand away and looked at the door when she heard a rattling noise. "It's locked."

"Trina, let me in. Please." Hearing her sister's voice, Trina rolled her eyes and approached the door. Rather than opening it, she leaned her shoulder against it and folded her arms over her stomach.

Tori knocked again and Trina smirked. "Nope. You can stay out there, Tori." She looked towards her window, admiring the dark purple curtains that framed it. She crossed her legs and dropped her gaze towards the floor. "So why are you waiting up? Where are mom and dad?"

She felt a thump on the other side of the door, followed by a faint sliding noise. When she looked to the crack at the bottom, she saw a shadow in the center that seemed to suggest Tori was now sitting down.

Tori fell silent for several seconds before speaking so softly that Trina had to focus in order to hear her. "Where they always are when they're not home: Not home."

Trina slid down to the floor and leaned her back against the door. Her fingers grabbed the peach carpeting as though it were blades of grass to clutch, and her knees bent and pressed into her chest.

"Have they been home at all, Tori?"

It bothered her enough to ask, though she was certain of the answer. Holly was likely off screwing around with Gary, since she was never on call this late at night, and David would either be at a homicide scene or the bar. She was betting that he'd be getting sloshed at the nearest bar in town.

"No. I haven't heard anything from them either." Trina turned her head and pressed her cheek against the door. "Trina, I'm scared. That's why my friends are here, because you weren't."

"I had detention."

"For an hour, and then you never called home to say where you were. What were you doing?"

She'd spent the majority of the night hanging with Marcus and the others. After sitting on the roof for several hours, they went out to a karaoke place where Marcus knew a few older college students that let them in.

"That doesn't matter."

"Yes it does." Trina heard a frustrated sob from the other side. She shut her eyes and leaned her head back while tightening her fingers on the carpet. "Mom and Dad haven't been home at all, and neither have you. I wasn't even going to have my friends over, but I was getting scared all by myself. You would never have done this before…"

"Things change, Tori."

Tori's voice rose to a feverish pitch and Trina felt a thump strike her upper back. "Why?" Trina leaned forward and narrowed her eyes at the door. "What is changing? Why should things change?" Another thump struck the door, followed by a second. "Why are you leaving me by myself like this? Tell me what I did."

Trina held her breath as the pounding ceased and a strange new silence surrounded them. Time passed by slowly, and with each second, the tension in the air grew thicker. It was only broken by the faintest sound of someone weeping.

"Tori." Trina twisted around and left a lingering stare on the door. No response came, but the weeping never ceased. "Tori come on, don't cry." She raised her eyes towards the ceiling and started to groan as moisture began to build beneath her eyelids.

"You don't love me anymore. You're just like mom and dad, leaving me." A surge of pain shot through her heart. Her eyes shut tight and tears splashed outwards. "Everyone always leaves me."

"That's not true. You have your friends."

"They'll leave me too. They'll leave and I'll be alone."

Trina stood slowly and opened the door. Tori was seated on the floor with her knees against her chest and her face buried in her hands. "I'm sorry." Trina knelt and carefully wrapped her arms around her sister.

"Why do you want to leave me?" Tori leaned her head against Trina's chest and clutched tight onto her dress. "Why do you want to leave me like mom and dad?" A strain of guilt struck her, but she didn't know exactly what to say.

Part of her wanted to remind Tori that it was on the other foot, but her sister was simply projecting onto her. "I don't want to leave you Tori. I'm not trying to abandon you." Tori's hands tightened on her dress and her voice rose above her sobs.

"It's not true. You're lying to me just like mom and dad do."

It wasn't so much lying as she didn't think it was any of Tori's business what she was doing. "Tori…" She took a deep breath and set her chin down on top of Tori's head. If it would appease her sister to know what she was up to, then it would be better to talk. "I met some people that actually wanted me to hang out with them, okay?"

Tori raised her head, revealing the streaks of tears and mascara running down her face. "Why make me worry? Why would you not call me and leave me alone all day?"

"I didn't think about it. I thought mom and dad would be home."

"Well they weren't. They're still out." Tori wiped her face with her wrist and her breath trembled. "You left me here all night to worry about whether or not anyone was coming home, and I had to call my friends to keep me from going crazy."

"I know, Tori." They were both getting older and going on separate roads, Tori had to know she wasn't going to be around forever just like she wasn't around as much anymore. "You know you have your friends, I don't have anyone."

"You have me, but you avoid my friends."

"You tell your friends all these things about me that aren't true, and you expect me to want to spend any time with them after they insult me?"

Trina helped her to her feet and guided her into the bathroom so she could clean up. It was only the first time she'd been out all night like this, so she hadn't seen Tori in such a state.

With all her friends, she didn't suspect Tori ever would get this bad; but part of her wasn't surprised. "Tori, are your friends still down there?"

"Yes." Tori looked at the mirror and ran her hands through her hair. "I asked them to wait while coming to talk to you."

Trina fluffed Tori's hair with her hands and smiled faintly at the mirror. "Okay." She was confident that this was a side that the friends hadn't seen yet, so she wanted to make sure they didn't see it. "Let's get you cleaned up then." She grabbed a washcloth from beside the sink while reaching to the faucet.

"Don't worry about me." Tori grabbed the rag and Trina raised an eyebrow at the girl. "I'll clean myself up."

"Okay…"

"You don't care about me anymore."

Trina took a step away and breathed in slowly as she watched her sister wipe away the tears and mascara from her face. "That's not true, Tori. How am I supposed to act when you and your friends push me away?"

Tori moved the rag beneath the water and wrung it. Her eyes closed and she shrugged.

Trina threw her hands up and left the bathroom. She made her way downstairs and spotted Tori's friends standing around the living room. She felt their eyes on her and started to picture herself with several tiny lasers scanning her body.

"What are you looking at?" She snapped at them and they turned away. Trina marched into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. The bottom drawer had several cans of beer that her father kept, in plain sight unlike his stronger drinks.

She reached in and grabbed one while turning to ensure the others weren't staring at her again. The only one was Robbie, and he flinched when her narrow eyes fell onto him.

"You guys can go home now, if you want."

"Tori told us to wait," Cat remarked. "Are you okay?"

Trina scowled down at the can of beer in her hand and shrugged. "What do you care?" She stormed out onto the patio and fell into the porch swing.

The way Tori was, the way she was, it was all their parents fault and she hated them for it. She wanted them to see the damage they'd caused, but she knew they never would; and if they did, they certainly would never own up to it.

When she heard Tori's voice, she peered at the still open door and narrowed her eyes. "I'm just fine. Trina's just having one of her moods again." Trina popped open the can and let out a heavy sigh.

"We can tell," Jade replied, "I'm starting to think your sister's just insane."

She wanted to go back inside and cuss them out, to tell them to leave and not come back, but Tori needed them to be there. Although, part of her felt she needed them there as well. She didn't know how to deal with Tori right now, nor did she want to.

"What are you talking about?" She muttered. Trina brought the beer to her lips and tilted her head back to let the liquid hit her tongue and throat. When she lowered the beer back to her knee, she studied the doorway with a furrowed brow.

"You might be right," Tori laughed. "She doesn't want to talk to me. I tried, but you know how it is when she gets into one of her moods…"

"Sorry you have to deal with her."

"Well I mean, she is my sister. Mom and Dad just don't come around, so it's usually the two of us. If she didn't try so hard to get attention, you know, then maybe people would be more accepting of her. Like you guys?"

"Nah we really don't want to mess with that," Andre replied. His voice was cold and harsh. Trina pushed the swing back with her legs and sneered as her fingers began to crush the can. "She's a different level of crazy, Tori."

Trina flicked her gaze out into the yard. "You don't know crazy," she said under her breath. She caught a flash of lights in the corner of her eyes and turned her head as she listened to the sound of tires screeching to a halt. What followed was the sound of a car door opening and slamming, then she heard her parents' angry voices echoing in the sky. "This whole family is fucking insane."

* * *

Tell me your thoughts, and of course if you have any questions I'd be happy to answer.


	9. Beneath the Mask

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: So let me give you a heads up. By now you know what's coming, but even still I should let you know. You'll see the Vega house, and the friends will see it in a way they never have. The mask comes off, so to speak. This chapter shows the abuse that is going on.

* * *

Chapter 9 (Beneath the Mask)

"Get out of my house." David's drunken scream vibrated off the walls and echoed into the patio outside where Trina waited eagerly for the confrontation that was to come.

To her delight, Tori's friends scrambled from the couch and the table. She could only see part of them from the patio and had little interest in going into the home.

Holly came to their defense, raising her voice above her husbands. "Don't talk to them that way." Trina heard a loud slap and leaned forward to get a better view of what was going on inside. David's hand was on his face, and his eyes were nearly bulging from his sockets at his wife, who stood with her hand in the air.

Everything froze in that moment, with all of Tori's friends holding their breath. Trina's only response was to lean back in the swinging bench and sip the last of her beer.

Normally she would go in and attempt to stop their fighting, but not this time. Her pleas often fell to deaf ears regardless, and she was in no mood to deal with their ire. An added caveat was that their wrath was now directed at each other and at Tori's friends rather than their daughters.

"Why?" David's voice shook with rage and his lips curled away into a deadly sneer. "Why would you go to their defense? You don't even like them."

"How would you know? You're just a drunken fool."

"I guess I wouldn't know, you're too busy fucking my partner behind my back." Holly gasped aloud and dealt another hard slap to his face. Trina rolled her eyes and set crushed, empty beer can down beside her.

A sudden crash caught her attention, followed by a wave of terrified gasps and screams. Trina's head jerked up and she bolted into the room to see her father standing above Holly with his fist in the air.

Tori fell to her mother's side, grabbing the woman's arm and glaring up at her father. "How could you?" The girl's voice began to rise, but David's ire did not fade from his face. "This is your wife."

"She's a fucking whore is what she is."

Trina ran for the friends and began pushing the nearest one towards the door. "You guys need to leave," she ordered. They pushed back in an attempt to resist her, so she repeated herself firmly. "Now."

"No." David turned around, swinging arm and slurring in his speech. "Let them stay. Let them see how bad we are-it isn't like our youngest doesn't tell them everything about us as it is. We have no secrets because your sister can't help but to run her mouth."

Tori started to scream at him, protesting and calling him a terrible father. Holly was trembling and tears were running down her face, and David was shouting for both of them to shut up.

Sensing the coming danger, Trina shoved the friends more with an added burst of adrenaline. "No!" She heard her father shout. "Let them see what the blabbermouth says is true."

"You guys need to leave now." David rushed to the door and shut it. The door sounded off like a gun firing. Trina's heart sank and she stared at her father with bewilderment. "Shit."

"Come inside, come inside." David laughed the words of a familiar tune and spread his hands out. "Welcome to the show that never ends. Vega family circus."

This was worse than she suspected, and there was no doubt in mind he was about to turn on the group. As always, she was the one that would have to silence her father's drunken rage while her mom and sister watched from the ground, but this was the first she had to worry about someone outside the family.

"Dad stop." The man lowered his hands and watched as Tori's friends piled behind her. David's head tilted to the right.

"Or what? Are you going to call the police on me?" He threw his head back and started laughing. "I _am_ the police. Who's going to come?" Trina ground her teeth and stood firm, refusing to back down.

"These people aren't your family, you have no right to threaten them."

"I'm not threatening them yet." Trina extended her arms and stared into his eyes with a stern expression. David's eyes seemed to pop and he mocked her with a laugh. "Don't tell me you're protecting their asses. They insult you like there's no tomorrow, they wouldn't know respect if it came and hit them in the face…"

David flinched and she narrowed her eyes as he began to smirk. "Watch." He extended his arm and snapped his fingers. "You. With the puppet." Trina looked at Robbie and watched him begin to tremble. "Come over here."

"Don't move," she said to him. Robbie swallowed hard as Cat grabbed his hand and Andre put a hand on his shoulder.

"You good for nothing bitch, quit protecting their asses." She closed her eyes and felt a lump growing in her throat. "Puppet kid, get your fucking ass over here now."

"What do you want?" Robbie stuttered over his words and began to point his shaky hand at Jade. "Why don't you look at her? She's the one that like drained your daughter's blood at the hospital." Jade's eyes shot open and David belched.

"I'll get through all of you if I have to."

"He's not normally like this," Trina whispered to them. She didn't want them to be scared off, especially since they were good for Tori. They weren't around enough to see David in his drunken rage and this was just the first they saw this side in him, so they didn't need to be scared away.

Holly stood and clenched her fists at her sides. "Why do you think I run around with Gary?" Her shout pulled David's gaze over. "He's a real man. You're not even half the man he is."

"What did you say to me? Who the hell do you think pays your bills? You would be nothing without me. Nothing!"

With him distracted, Trina could help the others escape. The fence in the backyard had a gate they could get out. "Go out the back." She spoke with a quick and harsh tone while motioning to the glass door. "There's a gate you guys can go through."

"Will your mom and Tori be alright?" Andre asked. Trina rolled her eyes and nodded while pointing once more at the door. The group wasted no time heading for their escape, and Trina followed to ensure they got out.

"Hold it, Katrina." Her father's voice stopped her just at the door frame and sent a cold shiver running down her spine. Her eyes followed the group to the gate she spoke of, and once they were out safely, she was able to relax. "If you step out that door, you're dead."

The familiar clicking noise followed by silent gasps did not startle her. Trina turned around slowly and focused on the gun in David's hand. It was best not to provoke him at this point, since she knew he only ever used the gun to threaten and never actually fired it.

"I'm not going anywhere, Dad." Her chest tightened as she watched Holly and Tori cower together on the couch. David's thumb was on the hammer, brushing back on the course ridges. "Put it down, nothing's going to happen. I'm not going anywhere."

"Get me a beer from the fridge." She took one slow step and David gestured at the kitchen. "Hurry up." She wiped the sweat off her brow and ran to the refrigerator, doing as she was told.

All she cared about was that Tori's friends were out of harm's way and they didn't have to see how out of control David truly was. All they saw was a small part of one of his rages. Now that they were gone, she could be able to do everything in her power to calm him down and keep him from losing it even more.

When she gave him the beer, that was it. He sank into the couch with his beer and a television remote in his other hand. Holly had run off to the master bedroom and Trina guided Tori carefully upstairs.

Once again their dad would pass out on the couch. This was nothing new to any of them, and yet Trina was the only one that felt like it was commonplace.

Months went by without too much of an issue on the outside. Trina was still hanging with Marcus, however, and saw him as a means of escape from the never-ending chaos on the inside.

"My house is a nightmare," Trina said as she fell beside Marcus. The man had his hands on the steering wheel and was looking at her with a faint smile. Trina slammed the car door shut and buried her fingers into the side of her head while she leaned against the door. "Drive."

"Where to?"

"Anywhere but here." A month had gone by since she met the man, and right now he was the best person to get away from her family for a while. "I just need to get away." Her heart felt ready to collapse from pressure, and her anxiety was shooting up like a rocket.

"Is it that bad?" Her eyes darted out sideways at him and his smile faded in an instant. She had little desire to discuss what was going on within her home and only wanted him to take her away from the drama. "I'll take you to my place, you can get some rest there."

"Thank you."

Her father was busy ignoring everyone, Holly was busy screaming about how ignorant he was, and Tori was still busying herself with friends that couldn't take one second to quit digging their teeth into Trina.

The strangest part was that Tori's friends had forgotten her father's violent episode, or at the very least, they were ignoring it and pretending like it never happened. Of course there was tension in the house whenever they were there at the same time David was, but Trina was always there to keep watch and make sure nothing happened.

Marcus's apartment was small and it looked like a smoker's den. The walls were covered with soot, the windows were stained and foggy, and every breath Trina took felt as though she were breathing in stuffy air.

"Interesting place you got here, Marc."

"Thanks." Trina fell onto his pale brown couch, sinking between the two large cushions while Marcus walked into the kitchen on the other side of the wall behind the couch. "Want something to eat? I have some leftover chicken breast."

Her stomach growled at the mention of food. She smiled warily and placed her hand onto her abdomen. "Of course. I'd appreciate it."

There was a rugged charm to the home; something familiar that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Next to the green front door was a small television stand with an equally small television seated on top of it. It was laden with dust and soot, which wasn't much of a surprise considering the rest of the home.

After a while Marcus appeared before her with a plate of chicken and a glass of water in his hands. He smiled at her while setting the plate in her lap, then extended the glass towards her. "Thank you," she said while taking the glass.

He sat down beside her and slid an arm behind her neck and around her shoulders. "How are you feeling?" Her shoulders fell and she raised her head, breathing in shakily while looking around the walls.

"Like I can relax for a change." It was new to her, and despite how filthy the apartment was, she felt like she could get past that. "Still feel like I need a drink. Whiskey or something."

"I know a guy that can get some stuff to take down the pain a bit, if you're overanxious." He rubbed her arm gently and she furrowed her brow. "You always seem so troubled at home, but you never talk about it. I'll listen if you need me to."

"I know you will." She put her head to his shoulder and looked down at the food. Tears welled up beneath her eyelids and she tensed her hands on the plate.

She wanted to talk about her home life more than anything else, but the more she thought about how Tori spoke so fragrantly to her friends, the less comfortable she felt about bringing up the drama. "I don't need to talk about it right now." Her home life wasn't anyone's business but her own as far as she was concerned.

Marcus chuckled once and she looked up to him. "I understand Trina." Her lips slid into a smirk and her head tilted to the right.

"Don't be surprised if one day you see my family on the Investigation Discovery network though."

* * *

So what are your thoughts? Between David's drunkenness, the parents fighting constantly, and now we have Marcus who seems to be getting off on just the right start of how many abusive relationships begin. Charm. Red flags everywhere perhaps. You have observations and thoughts, so let me know.


	10. The Lecture Continues

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: This opens in the present day lecture. Like one might see in a documentary, there are obvious time gaps while certain things are highlighted and explained. Jade will be doing this here. The reason is because things don't change for Trina right away.

* * *

Chapter 10 (The Lecture Continues)

The student, Rachel, raised her hand up and Jade paused in her lecture. "Yes Miss Tyler?" Rachel lowered her hand to her chin and tapped her purple pen on her cheek while studying the notebook on her desk.

"That boy you mentioned. Marcus. I think my father knew him." Jade raised an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder. Beck's arms were crossed and his head was bowed, but his mouth was twisted into a slight smirk. "My dad talked about this guy in college that was always causing problems with him. Is that same guy?"

Beck looked up and raised his right hand in front of his chest. "Yes." His reply was calm and simple as though this was a fact he'd known for several years. Jade was taken aback, but this wasn't the appropriate time to get involved in personal details.

"I see you've done some studying yourself, Mr. Oliver?" She crossed her arms and leaned back slowly. Beck's shoulders rose and his eyes flickered over to Rachel.

"She is my niece, Dr. West." The curtness in his voice made her blood run cold. Beck's eyelids fell halfway and he glanced sideways at her. "The man that adopted her is my half-brother. Maybe if you paid a little more attention in college…"

"I'm going to ignore that."

"Please do."

Another student raised their hand and to Jade's chagrin, the student had been noticing the glances and the tension between the two, and they asked about them. "We know through the lecture you dated, but it's clear you two have something more going on."

"That's not really important to this study," Jade answered, "But yes. We separated in college." She put all her focus on the case study and her internship that she simply didn't have time for a relationship. The stress made her lash out at Beck from time to time, and she accused him more harshly of having affairs behind he back, so he finally had enough and dumped her.

"We broke up often. Tori was the one that wound up getting us back together each time. Without her to do that, we couldn't find out how to reconnect." She cleared her throat and walked to the right. "It's strange when you think about it, considering her mental state."

Rachel started to hum and her brow furrowed. "She has BPD? I recognize that from my psychology class. Dr. Mai had us do a research project on personality disorders and assigned that one to me. I recognize the symptoms."

"Good eye."

"Rachel." Beck walked forward and motioned the girl to approach. Rachel set her pen down and slowly rose from the chair. "Please step outside with me for a moment, if you will." Jade's brow furrowed and she watched as Beck placed his hand onto his niece's back and guided her to the door. He stopped and turned towards Jade. "We'll be a minute Dr. West. Please continue your lecture. There is something I must explain to my niece in private…"

Jade hummed and turned back to the class. "Right. So back to my case study. By all accounts Marcus was charming, considerate and he presented for Katrina a way to escape the abuse and drama at home."

She paced to the right and turned her eyes to the window of the shut door. Beck had his back turned while Rachel was sitting on a wooden bench with her hands trembling before her mouth.

Whatever he was telling Rachel, Jade wanted to know. The only problem was it wasn't her place, nor was it the appropriate time. If she stopped her lecture now, she would appear unprofessional and unpracticed.

"Of course Trina fell deeply in love with the man, but kept her a secret from everyone she knew." If word had gotten out that she was dating someone in college, half of Tori's friends-Jade included-would have made fun of the girl or suggested that Marcus couldn't possibly be into her.

"I acknowledge that those of us that saw Mr. Vega's rage that day were terrified of the demon that came out of him, so when we did find out about Marcus, we were secretly happy for Trina."

A nearby student spoke with a mumble, but loud enough for her to hear. "She did save you guys that day. It's hard to think that you guys would still be mean to her after that. Much less, not go to the police."

"Understandable, Mr…"

"Johnny."

"Johnny." She leaned back against the desk and raised her right hand to her chin. "Mr. Vega was a Police Captain at the time, and after what we saw, we were rightly terrified of him. What would happen to the girls if we tried to get help? He could hurt them, he could hurt us. Would the police believe us if we went to them? All of these questions we asked ourselves…as for our treatment of Trina? Yes we ignored the elephant in the room on many occasions, tried to pretend like everything was normal and nothing was wrong."

"Almost like if you ignore the problem, it'll just go away?"

"Yes." She closed her eyes and breathed out slow. "Unfortunately it didn't work out that way. Looking for an escape from everything stressing her out, Trina eventually moved to harder, more mind-altering drugs. She also dropped out of school."

"Why?"

Jade rolled her head to the right and looked at the powerpoint on the screen. "When I was studying her history, it looked as though she dropped out in order to protect her mom and her sister." She scratched her chin and looked towards the ground. "Of course, Marcus may have persuaded her that she didn't need to remain in school."

"He wasn't really a nice guy, was he?"

"No."

"When did you find out about him?"

Jade's lips pressed together and small lines started to frame them. "Well, it wasn't a good time." She ran her hand over her neck and stood upright. The tension in the silent room grew thicker as she listened to the sounds of pencils and pens scraping against paper. "Before Trina dropped out of school, she suffered a tragic event."

The event was a school play which Tori begged her sister to take part in. One of Tori's friends was upset with Trina about something, so they sabotaged the harness that held her up in the air, and what resulted sent her straight to the hospital.

Jade started to frown as the story replayed in her mind. "Robbie Shapiro confided in me some time after Trina was sent to the hospital when someone messed with her harness during a school play that Tori had to twist Trina's arm to attend." The students all looked up at her with intrigue, some pursed their lips while others raised their eyebrows in astonishment.

"Robbie told you he did it?"

"Yes. He was upset because Trina, nor Tori, would go out with him. She also insulted his puppet. He wasn't trying to do anything more than scare her. Still, it was devastating, and somehow Marcus found out that Robbie was responsible-that's when we first learned about him."

Johnny leaned forward, his dark eyes grew wide and his hands slid forward on the desk. "What happened?" An exhale trembled from Jade's lips and her eyes closed slowly.

"Marcus approached us behind the school one day, asking for Robbie. We were frozen when we saw him beat Robbie up on the spot." Her eyelids drifted up and her hands folded over the edge of Beck's desk. "He said if we ever hurt his girlfriend again, he would do worse. After what happened with Mr. Vega, we were already terrified to try anything against people threatening us."

The classroom door cracked open and Jade turned to see Beck following Rachel in. The girl's hands were in front of her waist, with her index fingers locked together. Her head was bowed and her face was hidden by her long brown hair.

When she sat down at her desk, a male student beside her leaned towards her. "You okay, Rachel?" Rachel swept her finger under her nose and cleared her throat.

"I'm fine, Ryan. Thank you. Uncle just wanted to tell me something; it's nothing to worry about right now." She picked up her pen and looked up at Jade. "Please. Go on, Dr. West."

At first glance it appeared the girl had been crying, though her entire face and the border of her hair were wet as though splashed with water.

Beck moved to his chair and reclined in it. His hands folded over each other in his lap and his expression was solemn. Deciding once more that it was not appropriate to ask, Jade coughed into her hand and clicked the slideshow onto the next slide.

"As I was saying, we saw less of Trina when she dropped out-of course-we thought she moved out of the house in 2011. It wasn't until I got to college and began my study on her that I learned the true nature behind why she left the Vega home."

Beck looked up at her, then back to the class, shrugging his shoulders. "Her parents found out she dropped out of school and thought that she might be doing drugs, so her father kicked her out."

"Correct." Jade folded her arms and stretched her back. "From my understanding, it was very violent. When she moved, Tori went on about how Trina wanted to leave all this time and made it appear that she just up and abandoned the family." Her voice grew soft and she shook her head. "The truth was far worse."

Beck raised up a hand and spoke above her. "I'd like to point out that just because she moved out doesn't mean we didn't see her again. She came around the Vega home on occasion when we were visiting Tori, and we saw in other areas as well."

"That's true, but our interaction with her lessoned."

Rachel raised her hand. "I guess that means she moved in with Marcus?" Jade's eyes flew over and she nodded. Rachel dropped her hand and continued to speak in an oddly quiet tone of voice. "Since you studied her life, Dr. West, can I ask something else? Is she still alive at least? She's not still with Marcus, if she is, is she?"

"No." Jade smiled sadly and shook her head. "Marcus was shot and killed some years down the line. By Samuel Ross, actually." Rachel jerked her head back and Jade chuckled once.

"I thought we'd heard the last of him."

"We have. Marcus was a violent individual, and I think you're going to find that all violent individuals here have met a violent end. Mr. Ross saw this man's violence and took matters into his own hands. Marcus met his end in a very personal, rage-filled attack."

Rachel's brow furrowed and her arms folded over her stomach. "How did he die?" Jade wasn't sure she wanted to answer that question. While this was a criminology course, and these students knew violent crimes already, this was almost too much even for her.

"He was stabbed. Eighty-three times."

Rachel shifted in her seat and her skin began to pale. "And Trina? Is she…is she still alive at least, or no?"

"She is alive, but I will get to that soon, Miss Tyler." Jade walked forward, watching the girl's muscles tense up and then relax. It was strange to see such a shift in this student. She worried that Rachel was getting uncomfortable, but the lecture had to continue.

"Summer of 2011, she moved in with Marcus, and that's when the 'charming and caring' boyfriend showed his true colors; and when things went from bad to worse. She found herself trapped, and after suffering abuse from a father, and now an abusive boyfriend. She resigned herself to the thought that this was going to be normal, and there she stopped resisting and turned to drugs and alcohol to ease the pain..."

* * *

What are your thoughts here? Frankly nothing much changes for Trina until she drops out of high school, so that's why we see the lecture. Do you have any thoughts about what Beck could have told Rachel, who we now see is his niece. Marcus meets a violent end in the future, though we may not see that in the story, but Jade also said all of the violent people in this tale have met violent ends. What could that mean? Bear in mind that most homicide cases won't go through probation, some do but it's rare. I will tell you right now, the crime that Trina gets put on probation for is _not_ murder.


	11. The Relationship

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 11 (The Relationship)

"What do you mean you're dropping out?" Trina looked up from the couch, watching Marcus as he paced the floor. His hand shook in his hair and his face was twisted in an expression of anger. "I left high school for you, and now you're thinking of leaving college?"

Marcus stopped and turned towards her. "I've had enough." His hand slid down over his mouth and chin. "I can't deal with it anymore."

"Is this about that guy you're always going on about?" Marcus was still at ends with his classmate. The guy's name was Jason, and to her knowledge, he was Mr. Sikowitz's nephew. She'd not seen him, but the way he was described by Marcus, she knew he had to be a good person. "Don't drop out because of Jason."

"It's not because of that asshole, Trina. My grades are shitty, I don't care about the course material…" He looked into her eyes and his body relaxed. "You know I care about you. I'm sure you'd like for me to be with you more often." The blood rushed to her cheeks and she smiled faintly.

"It would be nice." The question on her mind now was what would they do if neither of them were at school. One of them needed to get a job. "It's just, you know my dad's cut me off. We have no money, Marcus. I can't go back home, Dad won't even let me in the front door."

"Don't worry, I'll try and find work." Marcus looked to his wristwatch and took a deep breath. "In fact, I'll go look for one right now." Trina smiled at him and stood up as he approached her. She took his hands into hers and when he smiled, she started to swoon. "Everything's going to be fine, babe."

"Good. We have no money, so it wouldn't be good to just sit around." She trusted him. Though she wasn't entirely certain how he had any money for schooling in the first place, she knew he could find a way to make things work. "Do you want me to look for a job? I can try. There's not much I'm good at, but maybe there's something."

Marcus caressed her right cheek and leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "You don't have to worry about it." She closed her eyes and her lips parted briefly. "I'll do my best to handle the finances. You just get your rest. I know you've gone through a hard time with your family…"

"Thank you."

"I love you babe, you know that?" Her heart skipped a beat and she nodded once. "I'll be back later." He pulled away and started for the front door. Trina held her breath and folded her hands in front of her waist as she watched him leave.

It was the middle of August, and school was starting back up for everyone. She was curious how Tori was faring without her, though she didn't think the girl or her friends would even notice.

Letting her curiosity guide her, she made her way to the school campus to check on them. Trina made sure to keep herself disguised since she didn't want to get caught and thrown off the campus.

Tori and her friends were at their regular table, talking about how their summer went. Robbie was looking at Jade and the others turned their eyes when he spoke. "So your father's offering you a job, Jade?"

"In a way." Jade extended her arms on the table and curved her fingertips. "He's the new head of Los Angeles County Adult Probation. He said if I do well enough in my final years of high school and then first year or two of college, he'll consider giving me a paid internship."

"Oh. That's a ways off." Robbie leaned back and shrugged. "I mean, we're sixteen, so you've got a while before that happens."

"It's something, anyway." Jade tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and raised her eyebrows up. "I don't really know where I want to go career wise, so if Dad wants to get me a job in the future, I'll take it. What about you guys?"

Beck moved his hands behind his head and casually smirked. "I was thinking I might join the police force after high school." The others jerked back in surprise and Beck's confident smirk faded. "What?"

"Dude I thought you would have wanted to be an actor," Andre replied, "Not a _cop_." Beck moved his hands back and proceeded to crack his knuckles.

"Just the appeal of it really. Don't get me wrong." He put his arm around Jade's shoulders and looked out at the others. "I enjoy acting, it's fun and something to do on the weekends, but I'm thinking more and more about whether or not it's right for me."

"Makes sense. I'd like to go into something like athletics." Andre flashed a grin. "I mean I still want to go into music, but I'd like to go into sports as well." He crossed his arms and his broad shoulders fell into a flat line. "As far as the 'appeal', I don't know…seeing how Tori's dad is? Kind of scary, man."

"My dad isn't that bad." Tori rolled her eyes and looked away to the right. "I mean he's an asshole and he rarely comes around, and when he is around he's usually drunk, but seriously…"

"Right." Andre shook his head and hunched over the table. "Anyway, have you heard anything from your sister?"

"No. She's just avoiding us now."

Trina scoffed and decided to leave at that point. She'd called Tori just the other day to check on her. As she approached the parking lot, she heard a familiar voice that made her leap behind a nearby tree.

Sikowitz was walking down the sidewalk with a younger man beside him. This man had strong shoulders and a broad chest. He stood tall and moved with a confident gait. "Honestly Jason, why you insist on wasting your breath with that drug dealer in your class, I will never know."

"I wouldn't be so certain that he is one, but he talks a lot of shit in class." Jason crossed his arms and raised a hand to his chin. "I might bring him down a few notches. I'm not trying to be some 'self-righteous prick' as he puts it."

"Jason. It might be best for you to just focus on yourself. I know you're just trying to help the guy, for whatever reason, but sometimes you can't save everyone." The two men stopped walking and Trina pulled herself back behind the tree. Sikowitz turned towards his nephew and placed a hand onto his shoulder. "Look at you. Finally got your associates degree, working on your bachelor's…I'm proud of you my boy. I want you to know that."

"Thank you, Uncle."

Sikowitz locked his wrists together behind his back and turned towards the school. "Have you decided on a major yet?" Jason leaned himself back and began walking after him. "I know we've talked about you wanting to be an occupational therapist. Is that still on your mind?"

"Yes. I want to go into something medical, my minor is Kinesiology." Trina pressed her back against the tree and brought her hand to her chest. The plan this man had for his life was impressive, or at least, she thought it was great that he had a plan.

Sikowitz pulled his beard and tucked the corner of his lip up. "My boy, have you given any thought to settling down yet? You put so much focus on work and education, you could certainly find a companion."

Jason let out a rich laugh and shook his head. "No. I told you, I don't need a relationship right now."

Trina poked her head out and smiled as she watched the two depart in the distance. "He does seem like a good man. Hard to believe Marcus doesn't like him." She bit her lower lip and slid her eyes towards the parking lot.

A hand fell on her shoulder, causing her to flinch and nearly jump out of her clothing. When she turned around, she saw Sinjin staring back with wide eyes. "Sorry." Sinjin lowered his hand and furrowed his brow. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Trina put her hand over her heart and felt it striking her palm with rapid procession. "Jesus. What the hell are you doing here?" She raised an eyebrow and Sinjin started to bow his head.

"I um have to repeat a year." He ran a hand over his shoulder and smacked his lips. "Apparently getting high and skipping classes will do that to you, and Sikowitz reprimanded me."

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Go figure."

"Yeah well…" His hand fell to the side and his eyes moved into hers. "What about you? What are you doing here?"

"I dropped out." Sinjin's eyes bulged and his jaw fell open. Trina pulled her hair back over her shoulder. "I figure since I'm not good enough for school, or much else, then what's the point in even trying?"

"Oh. I see…So then what are you doing here?"

"I was trying to see how my sister and her friends are doing." She leaned back against the tree and glanced at the lunch area. "They seem fine." Her heart sank into her stomach and her arm muscles grew tight.

"You don't seem happy."

"I'm not going to speak ill of my sister."

"Doesn't she?"

"Yeah but she's…" Trina uncrossed her arms and a trembling breath escaped her lips. "She's different."

"I can tell. She's a little bit of a drama queen."

"Sinjin don't." She didn't want anyone badmouthing her sister, even if the things they said were accurate. Sinjin smiled faintly and nodded.

"Right. I'm sorry." She pushed herself away from the tree and started for the parking lot. Sinjin walked alongside her in silence until they reached her car; it was the one thing her father let her keep. "So, Trina…" Sinjin ran his fingers through the back of his hair and breathed in sharply. "I um, I'd love to catch up sometime."

Trina's eyelids fell halfway as she pulled open the car door. "I have a boyfriend now, Sinjin."

"Right, I don't mean-I mean as friends. The whole gang is still together you know, if you were interested in hanging sometime." Trina flashed a smile at him and entered her car.

"That might be nice actually." She wanted to see how everyone was doing, and it had been some time since she got her hands on any marijuana. She was itching to try some, though didn't want to tell anyone about the stuff Marcus had been bringing home.

He was smoking crack and had her try a couple of times. She didn't know whether or not she liked it, since it was much different than pot. At the same time, alcohol was a much greater vice in her eyes, it was odd for her to go this long without a sip of something.

"We can grab some beer and hang out, okay Sinjin?" He looked uncertain for a few seconds, then smiled and nodded back at her.

"Sure."

That night she returned to Marcus's apartment to find him sitting in the dark living room with only his lamp on beside him. The man's hands were folded over his stomach and trembling violently. His bloodshot eyes pierced into her like talons clawing at her.

"Hey honey." Trina smiled warily and watched as his hands moved slowly towards the arm rests of his chair. "Did you get any of my texts? I was trying to ask if you wanted to hang out with these people-"

"Where were you?" She jerked her head back and whisked her hand away from the doorknob. Marcus stood menacingly and his shadow extended across the floor. "Why did you not tell me where you were going?"

"Um…" She was taken aback by this change in his demeanor, but she didn't think it was a big issue for the moment. "It was more a spur of the moment thing. A friend asked me to hang with his crew."

Marcus moved towards her, appearing to grow in height with every step he took. "You didn't let me know you were going to go out."

"I tried texting you."

"I don't do text messages." A lump formed in her throat and her hands tightened around her purse as he stepped within a foot of her and glared back into her eyes. "If you're going to go out, let me know beforehand."

"Okay! I'm sorry. Geez, don't get so upset." Marcus raised his hand up beside his head and closed his eyes, sighing as his fingers flexed. Trina's eyes widened and she focused on his hand until he lowered it.

"Sorry. Look, just let me know in the future, okay?" He started to smile and moved his hand towards her face. She flinched and turned her head away. "Trina…I didn't mean to startle you. You know I love you."

She smiled back at him and nodded. "Y-Yeah." He wouldn't hurt her. He wasn't anything like her father was. "Let's just go to sleep. I'm tired."

"Of course." Marcus ran his hand down her arm and then curled his fingers around hers. "Let's cuddle up or something." She relaxed herself and dropped her purse to the floor. She found herself enticed by his charming smile and let him guide her into the bedroom.

* * *

Well, what are your thoughts here? By the way, yes this is in August of 2011. Rachel's born in May of 2012. So, we've seen a few things, such as where Jade's father mentions giving her a future job if she does well in school. Marcus is slowly beginning to show a darker side, but Trina might be in disbelief. She looks to like Jason, he seems responsible. How do you think he'll come to adopt her daughter? Remember, up until the present time, Rachel has no idea who her birth mother is-which means Jason didn't know when he adopted her.


	12. One Abuser to Another

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 12 (One Abuse to Another)

Trina stumbled into the emergency room, holding her left hand over the left side of her face. Her neck and shoulders were soaked with sweat and she was in such a state of shock that she was not able to concentrate on her surroundings. "Help." Her voice bore a crackling sound that grabbed the attention of the nurses nearby.

"Trina?" A nurse ran up to her and placed her hand around Trina's wrist. She tightened her muscles and pulled away with a groan. The nurse put her hand to her back and started walking with her. "I need a doctor over here. Stat!"

Her vision was blurred from tears, her hair was a mess, and she didn't remember running to the hospital. The nurse guided her into a room, telling her everything was going to be okay and trying to get her to talk about what happened, but she didn't want to say anything.

"Fell." She mumbled her reply and turned her head away. "I fell on a large rock outside my boyfriend's apartment." She heard the nurse question, but for some reason Trina wasn't able to recognize the woman. She rubbed her right eye with her fingers and groaned at the searing pain that pounded in her head.

"This wasn't a fall, don't try and play that with me."

"It was a fall."

"Look at me, don't you see me?" Trina wept into her hands, holding back a frustrated scream. She couldn't see anything, and the ringing in her ears was only growing louder. "What boyfriend, Trina? What boyfriend do you have?"

"Like I couldn't have one. Right?" She felt a sudden tug that pulled her left hand away from her face. The nurse screamed out at the large purple bruise and red scratches around her eyes and cheekbones. It was then she recognized the woman as her mother. She gasped aloud and extended her hands. "He didn't do this, Momma. I swear he didn't do this."

It wasn't like Holly would do anything about it, or at least she never pegged her mother to be a mother of action. Still, she knew there was nothing she could do to convince her mom Marcus hadn't done this; not when the woman knew what abuse was like.

The horror flashed before Trina, with the scene unfolding before her as clear as day. She'd come home late again, and this time Marcus was high on the drugs he'd been doing. He was angry that he didn't know where she was, and nothing she said appeased him.

Marcus struck her and called her a liar. On the floor, she trembled with shock and fear as his shadow fell over her. He struck her again despite her pleas for him to stop.

She'd been so terrified and stunned by what was happening that she couldn't fight. Not like she had been able to stand up against her father.

"It was just an accident." Trina watched her mother move to the medical supplies. The woman was eerily silent, her eyes were narrow and her lips were clamped tight. "I fell. Honest."

Trina wound up waiting until Marcus left to the bedroom before she could get up and run. It seemed like she knew the path to the hospital by heart.

"We've dealt with your father for several years, and you want to pass off an excuse as old and obvious as that?" Trina winced as Holly brought a moist cotton ball towards her face.

When the cotton touched her scratches, it sent a burning sensation into the wound and caused her to jump back with a start. "That stings."

"Tough."

Trina shut her eyes as the constant sweeps of pain shot through her like lightning with each touch. "Ouch." She grit her teeth and opened her eyes partially. "How's Tori doing, by the way?"

Holly lowered the swab and smacked her lips. "She's doing about as well as she can without her big sister."

"You know Dad threw me out of the house. I'm not welcome there."

"You're welcome there anytime your father's gone. If it would make you feel any better." Holly returned the swab to Trina's cheek and applied firm pressure. Trina's cheek throbbed and her lips fell open to release a loud gasp.

"Since when are you so attentive and concerned?"

"Since you just came in because someone struck you." Trina shook her head once more and struggled to come up with an excuse. It wasn't normal for her mother to fawn over her like this, and while she liked it, she wasn't entirely sure just how she felt. "Did you hit him back?"

She raised an eyebrow and shot her mother a skeptical look. "No…why would I do that?"

"You're always fighting back with your father when he's in his moods." Holly groomed Trina's hair with her fingers and swept it behind her ear. "Talk to me Trina. You know you can come home if you want to. Your father's just, you know, he's got a lot of stress."

"I am not going back to that hellhole." As much as she wanted to go back and ensure Tori and her mother were okay, she didn't want to deal with her father's rages anymore.

She hugged her abdomen and hunched forward. Holly rubbed her chin and a small smile formed on her face. "Tori needs her big sister." Trina's eyes closed tight and stress lines formed across her forehead.

"I know. I just-I can't. Marcus doesn't think I should put myself in that situation. He doesn't think it's a good idea for me to go back there."

Holly dropped her hand and walked to the counter. "What do you think, Trina?" She turned on the faucet and Trina focused on the sound of running water.

Trina shrugged and turned her head away. "It doesn't matter what I think. It never matters what I think." Holly shut off the faucet and turned around. She leaned herself against the counter and flashed a smile.

"Trina. This is the first civil conversation we've had in a long time. It makes me happy."

Trina's eyes moved up Holly's relaxed form and a single chuckle drifted away from her lips. "It's the first time I haven't cared about the fact that you're cheating on Dad with his partner at work." She didn't expect these 'civil' conversations to last, much less happen again.

Right now, she needed her mother, no matter how much she didn't want to admit to it.

"Gary is a good man," Holly replied. The woman's head rolled to the right and her eyes were cast off towards the door. "I never thought I would be the type to have an affair. I know it's wrong, Trina."

"Then why even have an affair?"

"Your father…" Holly's breathing shallowed for a moment and Trina watched with confusion as her mother's eyes started to glaze over. "He's always been the way he is. Controlling, manipulative, angry. Gary comforted me once after one of his rages, made me feel good for a change. I liked that, so I kept seeing him. I knew it was wrong, and it doesn't justify my having one…"

"I guess I can understand." She pushed her hands towards her knees and folded her fingers over them. Her brow furrowed and the lower right corner of her lip tucked under her front teeth. "Maybe he makes you feel safer than Dad does, but that doesn't explain why you would ignore your children."

"I-I don't have any explanation for that. Nothing that wouldn't sound like an excuse."

"Yeah."

Trina stood from the hospital bed and walked towards the door. Holly called for her to wait, so she stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Trina, please come home. Your father can try whatever he wants, but I don't want you going somewhere where you might be hurt…"

Her eyes welled up with tears and her voice started to crack. "Marcus didn't mean it, he was just upset…" Holly let out an exasperated sigh.

"Then take care of yourself. Don't fall into a cycle of abuse, Trina." Holly's tears slid down her cheeks and her voice fell quiet. "I'm a nurse, I've seen this all too often. It never ends well."

Trina bit back on her own tears and forced herself to leave the room. "Bye mom." Whatever further medical procedures would be necessary, she didn't care. She hurried as quick as she could for the doors of the hospital.

"Trina?" A shocked tone stopped her just as she reached the door. Her heart pulsed in her chest and her eyes darted to the right. "What on earth happened to you?"

Samuel Ross approached her with his arm in a sling. His knuckles were red and his body was covered in bruising as though he just got into a fight. "Nothing, Ross."

"That on your face isn't nothing. Did Marcus do that to you?" She rolled her eyes and grasped the door's handrail so tight that her knuckles were turning white. "I know how he gets when he gets high on drugs. I didn't know you two were going to hook up when I introduced you to the guy…"

"He's fine. There's nothing wrong with him." She began to push the bar, but stopped as she thought about the reasons Marcus decided to drop out of college. "Hey, Ross, you know Marcus pretty well right?"

"I guess you could say that."

"What do you know about that classmate Marcus can't stand?" She released the bar and raised her eyebrows at Ross. "I've seen the guy. His uncle's one of my former teachers. I can't imagine why Marcus hates him so much."

Ross moved his head back and started to laugh. "You're kidding right?" Trina pursed her lips and Ross stopped to study her, raising his eyebrow and humming. "Okay you're not kidding. They go back a long way, like seventh grade. They used to be pretty good friends."

"So that's why Mr. Sikowitz was talking to Jason like he was trying to help Marcus?"

"I suppose." Ross shrugged and crossed his arms. "I wouldn't know much about that. I just know both of them got involved in athletic stuff. Marcus began to use steroids, Jason didn't. There was this huge fight they had in high school, right in the middle of their weightlifting class; so everyone saw the dissolution of whatever friendship they once had."

She was shocked, but not surprised. It was the first she'd heard about any sort of friendship Marcus had, and the first she knew his brush with drugs went back so far. "Did their fight get physical?"

"Yeah. Marcus was into boxing, that dude Jason was into martial arts. They started fighting right there and the coach couldn't stop them. Marcus hit Jason in the back with a dumbbell, I think. Jason still managed to beat him without even touching him."

"How?"

"Just kept dodging the guy's punches until he got tired. I've always liked martial arts better than boxing, but hey, who am I to judge?"

"Yeah…so Marcus's annoyance with him is more than just Jason's 'self-righteous' demeanor?"

"Yep. Some people just want to keep helping a friend even after they can't be helped anymore." Ross breathed in slow and looked towards the doors. "Honestly, you would have been better off if you met Jason before you met Marcus, but again, who am I to judge…"

Trina narrowed her eyes and raised a hand to her chin. "You don't sound like you like Marcus as much as you did when we were first talking."

"You lose a lot of respect for a man willing to hit a woman. Just sayin'." Ross leaned his right shoulder against the wall next to Trina and he flashed a brisk smile. "Don't get me wrong, he's sort of a friend of mine. You probably realize he's a dealer. He's given us a lot of stuff in the past."

"Oh. So you're not like best friends with the guy or anything."

"No. Less now, seeing that bruise on your face." Trina touched her fingers to her cheek, but winced at the pain that shot through her when she brushed against the wound.

"Marcus is a dealer?" She lowered her hand and her chest tightened. "So that's where the money's coming from. He said he was going to try and find a job."

"Honestly? If I were you, I'd get out of that relationship as soon as you could."

"Why bother? It's not like I have anyone else to go to…"

Ross looked away and she followed his gaze. When she saw her mother standing across the hospital's waiting room, watching her closely, her heartbeat grew still. "That nurse has been watching us since I walked up to you, Trina."

"That's my mother."

"She looks conflicted."

"She just now started acting like she gives a damn about her daughter, Ross. It's kind of hard to validate whether or not she actually does."

"You don't think she does?"

"It's not that." Her eyes dropped to the floor and she moved her hand back to the bar on the door. "I've gone on worrying about my sister, worrying about my mother. I've gone all my life with that meaning little to them or anyone else, and I've gone all my life being belittled-put down-ridiculed so why should I start believing now that anybody could give a damn about me?"

"I see."

She pushed the door open and swept a stray tear from her cheek. "I have to go. If Marcus wakes up and I'm gone, he might not like it." Ross started to frown, and a flicker of anger flashed before his eyes. Trina stepped out and waited for the door to close.

Her hands balled up and her muscles grew tight while her eyes peered out at the moonlit horizon. "Mom and Ross shouldn't say anything. Marcus won't hit me again…"

* * *

So there's a lot to think about in this chapter. We've learned a little background regarding Marcus, we're seeing a side of Holly that hasn't been seen, and perhaps the beginning of whatever went down between Ross and Marcus. What are your thoughts towards everything in this chapter? Observations and opinions?


	13. Unexpected News

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 13 (Unexpected News)

December rolled around and Trina was feeling like crap as she had been for the last several weeks. They didn't have the money to go to the doctor and find out what was wrong, or why she felt any bit as nauseous as she had, and she certainly didn't want to raise suspicions about Marcus's drug use.

For her she'd been drinking more than she'd been using drugs, since alcohol was the one thing that truly dulled the pain from when Marcus was high and going into one of his rages. Seeing how he got as a result of the drug use was enough to keep her from wanting to use anymore.

"I know they're terrible but I still would like to see my family for Christmas." Trina's arms were crossed and her back was to the door. Her stomach felt tight and her body was trembling as she fought back the urge to rush towards the bathroom to throw up. "I've never been without them around this time of year, Marcus."

"I'm just looking out for you, babe." Marcus was standing beside their Christmas tree in the corner. It was short and barely had any decorations, a much different sight than she was accustomed to.

She missed seeing the giant spruce tree adorned with gold and silver ornamental balls and pictures of her family. She missed seeing the tinsel and garland that ran in a spiral down the tree, and the angel that sat at the very tip.

Often times her family would put this cotton blanket down, giving the appearance of fallen snow at the bottom. _"I never thought I'd miss my family."_ Perhaps it had more to do with Marcus keeping her away from them than anything else. She didn't like being told she couldn't see them, and the more he pushed that fact, the more she wanted to resist him.

Tori was always calling, blaming her for not coming by to visit. Trina tried to tell her it wasn't her fault, that Marcus had become more controlling than before.

Marcus approached her and put his hands on her shoulders. "You don't need them." He looked into her eyes with a smile. "I'll take care of you. You don't need the stress they put you through."

"I guess." She moved her right hand to rest on her right cheek and her eyes tore away from him. "You're right. I've just been feeling off lately, that's all."

Marcus frowned and his brow furrowed. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know." There was a number of things. She could feel her waist beginning to thicken, and her breasts had been feeling tender as of late, but these were things she thought may have had to do with all the drugs and alcohol around her. "I've been feeling a bit under the weather for the past few weeks, Marcus. That's all. Tired."

"Do you need to lay down? Get some sleep?"

"Probably." She'd been sleeping later in the day than she was accustomed to, so she wasn't sure napping was going to help her. "I've been thinking. Maybe I need to see a doctor." She walked over to the couch and sat down. "I know we don't have the money, but…this is insane…"

Her hand fell onto her abdomen and for a second, she felt a peculiar firmness. Trina raised her eyebrows and pressed gently on the firm part of her abdomen. _"What is that?"_

Marcus sat beside her and moved a careful hand over hers. She raised her eyes to his and smiled back at him. "If you feel like you need to go to the hospital, I'll take you there."

"My mom will throw you out." She laughed once and Marcus nodded. Holly hated Marcus for some reason. Then, a lot of people did. Each time she saw Ross, the man would be seething if Marcus was brought up-because Ross was aware of the abuse even though she didn't bring it up as often.

The only person in the world that didn't seem to have something bad to say about him was this Jason guy. She had yet to actually interact with the man, but he'd been over to the apartment a few times just looking for Marcus to try and talk to him-to help him.

"I don't care if they put me out or not." Marcus's hand brushed through her hair and Trina swayed towards him. "I just care that you're okay. If you're still feeling so sick, then we need to make sure nothing's going on."

"Thank you." Marcus stood up and lifted her hand. She rose to her feet and walked with him out the door. "Drive slow, Marcus. I feel like I'm going to throw up any minute."

Holly wasn't on shift when they got to the hospital, so the nurse that took Trina inside was the same one that was on staff when Jade wound up taking Tori's blood to try and get a lead in some play.

At the nurse's order, she left Marcus in the waiting room and followed her inside. "How are you still working after what happened with my sister?" The nurse frowned and her shoulders dropped.

"Your mother is my direct supervisor, she fired me when that news came out, but I begged for my job back. She rehired me, so I've been trying to prove my worth."

"I see. Any new workers around?"

"Yeah, we've got a student intern working as a physical therapist." She raised her eyebrows and the nurse pointed off to the right. Trina turned to see Jason walking by, looking down and writing on a clipboard. She thought it strange how he seemed to turn up on occasion, but she thought little of it.

It was nice to see some people actually taking steps to have a plan in their life, unlike Marcus, who still needed to find a job.

"So what brings you here today?" Trina walked into the examination room and sat on the hospital bed, looking up as the nurse shut the door.

"I've just been feeling sick lately. I thought it was a stomach virus at first, but it's been several weeks now." The nurse sat down on a small leather stool and began writing down her notes.

"Care to elaborate on the symptoms?"

"Yes." Trina placed her hand on her abdomen and closed her eyes. "I've been feeling nauseous every day, like I'm about to throw up. I've been exhausted throughout the day, no matter how much sleep I've gotten, my breasts are tender to the touch and I feel like I'm starting to gain weight…to the point that I've started wearing my clothing a little more loose than normal."

"Oh." The nurse raised her head and shut her lips tight. "Dear. How long have these symptoms been going on?" She was taken aback by the nurse's serious expression and was beginning to worry that this sickness was something serious.

"Um. I'm not sure. A few weeks, maybe more."

"Have you had any other symptoms? Have you been feeling any pain?"

"A bit." Trina raised her hand over her mouth. "I mean the nausea isn't as bad as it was a week or two ago. I've been a bit moody here and there, I was thinking that was all stress-related. I know a while back I was having major heartburn issues, so I wound up cutting down on spicy foods…"

That was a decision she hated, since she always loved spices. "I love spices. My grandmother used to make the _best_ foods from Spain, and she would always cook with peppers." The nurse hummed and smiled back at her as Trina's mind drifted to her childhood memories. "Grandma Rachel. She was the best when I was growing up."

"Sounds like you had a nice grandmother."

"She was the best." Trina swayed back, laughing out at the thought of her grandmother's traditional spice infused cookies she invented for the holidays. "Every Christmas growing up, Grandma made these cookies that were so sweet and spicy, I just couldn't get enough of them!"

"What ever happened to her?"

"Oh…" Her heart sank and the left corner of her mouth indented her cheek. "She um, she passed away when I was young. 2002. I miss her a lot."

"I'm sorry to hear that." The woman set her clipboard down and stood from the stool. "Okay Trina, I'm going to need to get a urine sample from you." Trina's eyebrow arched and the nurse smiled faintly. "Maybe this Christmas will hold a surprise of its own."

"What do you mean?" The nurse removed a transparent cylindrical container and extended it to Trina. As she took it in her hands, a lump began to form in her throat. "Miss, what do you think it is?"

"Just go ahead and bring me a sample. When you're done, we'll talk."

Trina did as instructed and returned the urine sample to the nurse within minutes. The woman left with it, leaving her alone in the cold examination room. The longer she waited, the more nervous she became.

Her trembling hands gripped her thighs while her eyes darted about the room. "She looked so serious," Trina whispered. "I'm already stressing out. I'm always stressed. It's just stress."

It wasn't long before the nurse returned with a female doctor in tow. Trina inhaled slowly and extended her hand to shake the Doctor's hand. "Hi Doctor…" She glanced at the lady's badge and smiled. "Dr. Saenz."

Dr. Saenz smiled back at her. "Good to meet you, Katrina." Several sheets of paper were gripped between the Doctor's left arm and torso, which only added the anxiety in her. "We have a lot to talk about. I understand Nurse Bethany asked your boyfriend to wait outside, but would you like to bring him in?"

"N-No." It was the one time she got to be away from Marcus for a bit. He could wait a little while longer. "What's going on? Is there something seriously wrong with me?" Her heart was leaping from her chest and her hair was glued to the sweat on the back of her neck.

"Well, it's nothing bad." Trina moved her hand to her chest as a wave of relief crashed through her. "Katrina, have you ever discussed with your mother the symptoms of pregnancy?"

"What?" Her heart stopped and every muscle in her body grew tense with pain. "Pregnancy?" She choked out the word and shut her eyes. "No. I haven't even thought about that."

It crossed her mind once or twice but she put it off as an impossibility. Her life was chaotic as it was, and with Marcus, there was no way in hell she could take care of a baby.

Her hands closed on the bottom of her shirt and her lower lip began to tremble. "Am I-am I pregnant?" Dr. Saenz sat on the stool and rolled it towards her. "I-I can't be pregnant." Her voice rose to a pitch and the tremble in her hands spread throughout her body. "I'm in no position to have a baby."

"Well. There _are_ other options…"

"What? No!" She gasped out, assuming the worst implied by the doctor. She was scared the doctor would suggest abortion if she were pregnant, but that was out of the question entirely. She brushed her hair back with her hands and took a deep breath. "Just tell me what the results were…"

"First off, yes. You tested positive for pregnancy." She felt the air escape her lungs, and fear crashed through her like a hurricane ready to throw her off her feet. "You are pregnant. Now I will need to run some tests to see how far along you are."

She tried to respond, but all that she could do was whimper. Marcus was abusive, she'd come to accept that, but she didn't have any idea how to get away from him without going right back to her father-both of whom she knew would be a risk to her unborn baby.

Then there was the fact that Marcus not only did drugs, but he smoked. She wasn't a strong woman, she didn't think she could lay ground rules that he would follow.

There was also the matter of when the baby was born. "We don't have the money, Dr. Saenz." Her eyes welled up with tears and she raised her hands towards her face. Her breath shuttered and her head started to throb. "I can't afford a baby, much less the doctor appointments."

"Well. I know your mother well, perhaps we could-"

Trina's head shot up and her eyes widened. "No!" Dr. Saenz's forehead tensed and her body leaned to the right. "No don't talk to my mother right now. The last thing I need is my father knowing about this. I don't even know how I'm going to tell Marcus yet."

"Well, we will give you some time, but you can't go through a pregnancy without seeing a doctor. You could, but it is not recommended. It also sounds like you might be more than just a few weeks into your pregnancy, but we can't know for sure without running some tests."

"I understand." She hugged her knees to her chest and buried her face into them. Trina felt Dr. Saenz's hand pat her back, but she remained motionless and only able to fret over what she was going to do. "I-I'll think of something."

* * *

Your thoughts on this chapter?


	14. Through the Pregnancy

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: Again we are in the present. This won't happen as often as it is right now once Trina gets into Probation. The reason it's happening at this frequency is because so much of what happens _pre-probation_ is known and a bit redundant. As a friend said, we get the gist of what is going on. Once we get to her actual crime and probation, it becomes more her struggle against herself and so on.

* * *

Chapter 14 (Through the Pregnancy)

Jade's hand bounced in place as she paced the floor. "Trina's pregnancy stirred up a number of emotions, like that of panic and uncertainty." Her eyes drifted to Beck, who was now sitting at his desk with his lesson plan in hand. He'd said so little that she was shocked, but grateful at the same time. "Marcus received the news of her pregnancy surprisingly well."

In the corner of her eyes she saw a student's hand go up. She turned her head and smiled at Rachel. While she was grateful for the girl's questions, she wanted to hear more from the other students as well. "Dr. West? Do you know if this pregnancy was something she wanted? Did she want the baby?"

Beck's eyes lifted from his lesson plan and Jade turned fully towards Rachel. "Well." In truth, she didn't know how much Trina wanted the baby at the time. In her research, Dr. Saenz indicated that Trina felt a great love towards her unborn child, but that love also came with a great deal of conflict.

Rachel's brow furrowed and the girl's left hand wrapped tightly around the edge of her desk. "She wanted to keep the baby, but I think she was afraid." Jade held her breath for a second and heard the strike of Beck's folder tapping his desk. "She was afraid she wouldn't be able to take care of her baby, afraid that Marcus would abuse it, afraid that her father would kill it. She didn't have the finances or ability to raise a child in such a chaotic world."

"Oh." The girl looked down at her notes. Her hands moved into her lap and her shoulders rose slowly. "So, circumstances prevented her from being able to keep her baby."

"I think what Trina wanted was to ensure that baby would have a good life, not born into chaos. Not having their life at risk from the moment of birth. That child's safety was her first and foremost priority, I believe."

Jade saw Beck smile, then looked back at Rachel to see a smile forming on her face as well. It was a peculiar reaction, but one she felt glad to receive. "Most times I give lectures, students don't take as much of an interest in it. I appreciate your questions." Rachel picked up her pen and shrugged.

"Happy to ask. Happy to learn." Rachel's pen scratched across her notebook and her misty eyes focused on the writing. "One more question Dr. West…You said Marcus was receptive of the pregnancy?"

"That is correct." Jade cleared her throat and tapped her fingertips together. "Marcus refrained from physical abuse and appeared to help Trina through the pregnancy, but he still did drugs-though not in her presence. He still put her down on a regular basis both verbally and emotionally, so while the physical abuse lessoned-the overall abuse grew worse."

Most of the information she got about Trina's personal life with Marcus came from Trina herself during her years of research. According to Trina, it wasn't long after the baby's birth that Marcus started to hit her again.

"So what happened." Rachel leaned back slowly, stretching her back and folding her arms across her chest. Jade looked into the girl's inquisitive gaze and raised an eyebrow. "Did she actually give the baby up? Your lecture seems to indicate she didn't keep the kid…"

"She did give the baby up." Jade's fingers tangled together and her hands lowered down to her waist. "As a matter of fact, she kept following that boy around that Marcus knew-Jason-kept learning more about him." Rachel's head tilted to the right and her eyes slid towards Ryan, the student sitting beside her. "She ended up befriending a social worker that was close to her mother, and convinced the woman to make sure Jason and his family adopted that child."

"She must have thought he'd be a good father then. Better than Marcus could ever be."

"Yes." Rachel hummed as she scribbled down her notes once more. Jade paced to the right. "Marcus continued to abuse drugs, as well as deal them, to the point that Trina became more fearful of him. She didn't know how to get away from him, or if getting away from him was even possible."

Another student raised their hand, questioning if financial strain continued playing a factor throughout the pregnancy. "Also," the student continued, "What about friends? I'm assuming Marcus kept her away from people. It's said that an abuser will do anything to keep their victim close and away from outside influence."

"That is correct. Marcus did in fact do everything in power to ensure he had her full attention. She didn't have friends, she certainly didn't talk to any of us for a while." She moved to the left and swept her hand through her hair. "As for finances, she still wasn't able to get a job. The bigger issue was her being unable to figure out where to look, and Marcus preferred her to stay at home."

"So essentially it was really Marcus that kept her from finding a job?"

"Yes, because if she worked elsewhere, she would have a way out. So to speak." Jade moved behind a wooden podium and slid her hands along the top of it. "As far as friends go, she didn't have much. She would talk to Ross on occasion, but he only grew more hateful towards Marcus, so eventually Trina stopped associating with him."

"He's the guy that killed Marcus, right?"

"Right. Marcus was murdered not long after the birth of Trina's child. While Trina had nothing to do with his murder, it's my belief that Ross murdered Marcus _because_ of Trina."

"You mentioned a bit earlier that Marcus was shot, then you said stabbed, so which was accurate?"

"Both." Jade folded her fingers over the edge of the podium and erected her back. "On July 4th, 2012, while the fireworks were going off around the neighborhood, Marcus was shot by Ross in the lower back." She turned to the powerpoint and moved forward several slides until the crime scene pictures were shown. "He was then stabbed multiple times while on the ground."

The photos portrayed Marcus face down on the ground with his hands clutching the grass as though he were trying to crawl away. A gunshot wound was an inch to the right of the lower portion of his spine. He had knife wounds in bulk on his upper and lower back, some knife wounds on his arms and legs, and some appeared on the sides and the back of his head.

Also shown in separate photos was a picture of the murder weapons; a six inch Swiss Army blade and a .38 caliber handgun. A picture of a bloody shirt was also displayed.

The next side depicted Samuel Ross in handcuffs.

"Samuel Ross pleaded guilty to first degree murder and received a sentence of sixty years in California State Prison." Looking back at the class, Jade was astonished to see everyone but Rachel studying the pictures. Rachel, rather, was doodling on her notebook.

She was aware the girl was paying attention, but this still struck her as peculiar. Beck also never told her the reason he wanted her to lecture to his class, though she just assumed it was the same as every other Criminology instructor that wanted a first-hand expert going over case study.

Rachel looked up from the notebook and paused her pen in the middle of the page. "Another question, Dr. West." Jade smiled back at her, eager to answer anything the girl had. "During Trina's pregnancy, did she do drugs? Did she drink?"

"No. The doctors kept her in check for the most part and she didn't want to do anything to hurt her unborn baby. She wouldn't risk it."

Rachel's head jumped back and her eyes enlarged. "She loved her unborn child more than she needed alcohol?"

"Think about it psychologically." Jade smiled and folded her hands on the center of the pedestal. "Never before in her life had she had something that she could control, that she could protect in some way. This was her baby, her body, and the doctors made it clear that if she ingested anything that could hurt the baby-that it would be fully her responsibility and no others. She would risk in no certain terms the life of that child growing inside her."

"Wow…" Rachel chuckled once. Ryan smiled at the girl and reached over to pat her wrist. Jade was surprised when the girl smiled back. Beck didn't appear to react to this uncommon gesture, so maybe it wasn't a big deal to him. "So. Did she ever tell her family about the baby?"

"It was difficult for her to." Jade leaned forward a bit and looked up to the left while trying to recall the memory. "Trina was afraid of being mocked by Tori's friends at the time for getting pregnant, and she was certainly afraid of her father going into a rage. She was unmarried, had no job, and was a high school dropout."

"I can see where she would have been more fearful than not of how her family might react."

"Right. She eventually told her mother, but it was not for a long time. Not until she felt she could trust her."

"When did she end up on probation then? It wasn't during her pregnancy, I suspect."

"You guess right. She actually entered probation when she was twenty, but I will get to that." Trials take a while to get to as well in the process of the court system. The offense Trina committed happened later in 2012, but her trial and actual probation did not start until she was almost 20-just a month before April of 2013.

"I will get to the actual offense relatively soon. It's complicated as well."

"Was it drug related? Alcohol related?"

"Neither of those." By the time Trina reached probation, the only drug she was ever associated with was marijuana. By some miracle, she didn't touch the stuff that Marcus had. Alcohol was her greatest vice, but even that didn't play a factor into the offense that she was arrested for. "There is a small chance that if things had gone differently, she might have found help and maybe never went down the path that she took, but circumstances beyond anyone's control put her on probation. With that said, the probation was perhaps the best thing that could have happened to her."

Rachel pursed her lips and Beck seemed to nod in agreement. Ryan raised his hand and Jade motioned at him to speak up. "I've heard it said that probation can help people turn their lives around." Jade smiled as Ryan leaned forward and squinted his eyes. "That's true?"

"It is very much true." Probation in of itself was rehabilitative. The terms were difficult to follow, and some probationers would rather go to prison than to abide by the terms laid out for them. "Probation Officers will at time assign certain things, such as rehabilitation clinics, and therapy groups, for their probationer. They go on field visits to the probationer's home and employment to ensure the probationer is doing what they are supposed to."

"There are fees as well?"

"Yes. Probationers must pay restitution, they must pay probation fees and court fees…they must also go in to see their officer each month."

"So then, when you say probation might have been the best thing for her, you mean that had a hand in helping her?"

"Possibly. If she followed her terms and did what she was supposed to do." Jade flashed a coy smirk, and her eyelids dropped halfway. "But you get ahead of me. Allow me to continue."

* * *

So there you have some information regarding the next nine months, along with some other details that may or may not be useful to know at this point. What are your thoughts and observations?


	15. Mother's Promise

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 15 (Mother's Promise)

Trina gazed up from the hospital bed she as in and smiled at the woman approaching her from the doorway. It was Abigail, the social worker who worked closely with her mother, and now with her. Behind Abigail was Nurse Bethany, holding a tiny baby wrapped in a pink blanket.

"Let me hold my baby." She extended her arms and her eyes lit up with joy as the infant was placed in them. Trina held the baby close to her chest and her smile grew as the child reached upwards. "She's so beautiful."

To her fortune Marcus wasn't here. She was afraid of what it was he might be doing instead, since he never bothered to tell her where he was, but for once it helped that she didn't know.

Trina gazed in awe of the child in her arms, admiring the brown fuzz atop the young girl's head and the large chestnut brown eyes. She was smaller than average, and only a few days premature, but Dr. Saenz stated overall she was a healthy child that could live a healthy life.

"Now," Abigail said with a calm and collected tone. Trina rocked her child gently in her arms and didn't take her eyes off the yawning infant. "Are you absolutely sure this is what you want to do…"

"I have to." Trina was giving the baby up for adoption, and she'd worked with Abigail for the last few months to ensure the woman would give the child to Jason. "I've had time to research him. I've seen how he interacts with people, and I know what he's like because he knew Marcus in the past. He's the only option I know that I trust to give my little girl to."

Jason worked in the hospital as well, now as a medical assistant, but he hadn't interacted with Trina yet. Still, he was known by the other nurses and doctors on staff, and it sounded like he made enough money that Abigail was satisfied.

Part of it was also in spite of Marcus. Marcus had become far worse than he'd ever been, and Trina despised him. She couldn't escape him, though, and was too afraid of what he'd do to her if she tried to leave. "Do whatever it takes to make sure he's the one that gets her. Even if it means putting him on the birth certificate as the father." Abigail jerked her head back and Trina narrowed her eyes. "Do whatever it takes to make sure there's no chance Marcus will ever put his hands on my daughter."

In her eyes, that Jason would take the baby was a bitter irony for Marcus, whether or not the man ever knew it. If Jason knew the child was Marcus's, there was a greater chance he might want to take care of the girl-to give her a chance that her father never had.

"Can I-" Trina raised her head and tried to see through the tears that blurred her eyes. "Can I have a few minutes?" Abigail nodded and stepped out of the room with the Doctor.

She took a deep breath and looked down at the child with a sorrowful gaze. "Rachel." The name fell from her lips with a soft exhale. "After your great grandmother. Innocent, pure, untainted. You deserve to have a happy life, a life that I can't give you. I love you…" She leaned down, closed her eyes and kissed the infant on the top of her head. "I'll always love you," she whispered, "No matter where we may be."

Trina arrived home with a story in tow, and to her good fortune, this was one of those times Marcus randomly vanished for several days. When he returned, she was curled up on the couch and tears were running down her face.

The tears were genuine, for she didn't want to give her newborn up, but she planned a different story for Marcus. "Trina? You're crying. Where's the baby?" Marcus rushed to her side and took her hand in his.

"She didn't make it." Trina pulled her hand away and leaned back, gasping for effect. "She was stillborn." It was almost too much for her to lie, but in this case, she felt there was no other choice. If she told Marcus she gave the baby up for adoption, he'd beat her until she was dead.

If it wasn't for her experiences observing her own sister, she wouldn't be able to come close to a believable lie.

Marcus went pale and he sank in the cushion next to her. His hand trembled over his chin and his eyes clenched tight. "I can't believe it." The emotion on his face seemed genuine of loss, so much it hurt to make him believe a lie, but she had to believe it was for the best. For the safety of her daughter. "I don't know what to say."

Marcus wound up retreating into his room and said nothing when she told him she was going to go out. It was amazing that he didn't fight her on it, but by that same token, she was nervous it was an indicator that he might get high and fly into a rage later.

She met with her mother in the parking lot of a small shopping square, it was a quiet place that was a bit away from the people in their lives. The lot as empty and dark, save for the parking lot lights that fell like spotlights onto her car.

When her mother pulled up alongside her, she had to catch her breath and she held onto it as Holly walked to her car and sat in the passenger side. "You said you wanted to talk to me about something?" A small ray of hope flickered in Holly's eyes as the woman folded her hands neatly in her lap. "How are things going? I feel like I haven't heard from you in so long."

"Same. I don't get a lot of opportunity. Marcus is so bent out on my family being crazy, so he takes 'cutting them off' to the extreme."

"I understand. I can't say I disagree, but I wouldn't say go to the extreme."

Trina looked forward and wrapped her fingers around the top of her steering wheel like vines of ivy. "Actually mom. There's something that I know you're going to be angry with me for, but it's a decision I had to make on my own." She closed her lips, pressing them hard against each other as though to try and feel the pressure.

Holly tilted her head but said nothing. The attentive expression on her face was all Trina needed to continue. "I-I was pregnant." Holly's jaw fell open and her eyes enlarged.

"What?"

Trina's muscles and shoulders became tight and she slowly shook her head from left to right. "Marcus and I had a baby. I didn't want to tell my family. I was afraid; afraid what dad might do. I was afraid everyone would call me a bunch of indecent names."

Holly's hand moved to her chest, then the woman leaned into her, hugging her close. "I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell us." She could feel the tremor and she heard the distinct flicker of anguish in Holly's voice.

She raised her head up, waiting calmly as Holly covered her mouth and took a long and deep inhale. "I don't know how your father or your sister would have reacted, but I can tell you I hope you see me as becoming more supportive…if possible."

"I guess so."

"If I'm honest, maybe you would have been right." She glanced at the gears of her car and shrugged gently in lieu of the statement. Holly's voice was beginning to break.

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, David would have tried to confront you and Marcus. Even your sister might have made it a frequent conversation with her friends." Holly cleared her throat and looked over her shoulder. "So, where is your baby?"

"I gave up for adoption." Trina wiped her tears and avoided eye contact with her mom. "I made sure she's going to a good place, so believe she is in good hands."

"What did Marcus say about that, dear?"

"He thinks she was stillborn." Holly raised her eyebrows and leaned away slowly. The woman smacked her lips and slowly shook her head. Sensing the woman's concern, Trina immediately tried to soothe her. "He won't find out. I wanted to make sure Rachel would be safe, and I knew I couldn't take care of her in the hole I'm living in."

Holly smiled and moved her hand on top of Trina's. "You named your baby after your grandma?" Trina's hand loosened up and a faint smile grew over her face. "She was a great woman. I hope you made the right choice giving your baby up, though it sounds like it would have been for the best…"

"I can't let Marcus hurt her, and I can't let her be exposed to the drugs and the alcohol like she would be." Even Abigail said the circumstances of her home life would have been cause for child protection to take Rachel away if someone ever reported her.

"Right." Holly took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "How have you been, Trina?"

"Not well." Her response was short and quick; for the best considering she still was wary of her mother. "Marcus is just as bad as Dad."

Holly leaned forward, replying with an urgent tone. "You can leave him."

"No I can't." Trina pulled her hand away and slid it through her hair. She looked out the driver side window and felt a rush of anger and fear sliding through her. "He'd just come after me. That's what he says. I can't leave because he'll find me and bring me back, because I will never find anybody better than him. He doesn't even want me to see my family because he's 'protecting me'."

"Well you just tell him to let you visit us." Trina felt Holly's hand on her shoulder and flinched on reflex. "Independence day is coming up and I want you home." Trina sighed and turned back to her mother.

"I don't want to go where my father is. He'd kill me just the same."

"You know he only gets like that when he's drunk. Besides, he'll be working all that day."

"Marcus-"

Holly's lips stretched into a line and she wagged her finger in the air. "You tell that boy if he doesn't let you come home, I'll send your father after him to give him something to be afraid of."

Trina jerked back and her mother smirked. They stayed silent for several seconds until both broke out in laughter. They ended with a sigh and Trina hung her arm over and out the car window.

She knew her mom was worried about something, but she didn't know what, or she was simply overthinking the obvious. "I'll be fine, mom. Besides, I'd be 'trespassing' if I step foot in dad's home." She rolled her eyes and Holly leaned to the right.

"Don't worry about your father. It'd be better that you were with us than with a monster like that man you're with now."

"What's the difference, really?"

"The difference?" Holly's hand moved to her chest and her lips dipped into a frown. "I'd know where you were and that you were okay." Her shoulders fell and she looked to the center of the steering wheel as her mother fell silent. "Trina?"

"How is Tori? Is she well?"

"Your sister is doing as good as she can do." Holly raised her hand, brushing her fingers along a strand of Trina's hair. "She misses you." Trina closed her eyes and leaned her head away for a second.

It wasn't so much what Holly was saying that bothered her, but that she still didn't know whether or not to believe it. Being around Tori was like walking on eggshells, just like with Marcus, and she didn't care for it. "If you say so." Even still, Tori was her sister and she was always going to worry about her no matter what.

"She had a crazy week at school recently, though." She raised an eyebrow and looked over. Holly dropped her hand to her knee and leaned her head back against the headrest. "Some girl was bugging her, stealing her things and making everyone think she was making stuff up."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Connie, Bonnie, Ponnie? Girl had a name like that. Strange name for a young girl."

"Sounds like it."

Her mother glanced out the window and a solemn look came over her. "Anyway, I'll let you get back to whatever it is you're doing." Holly exited and walked around to Trina's side. Trina looked up with a faint smile, to which Holly smiled back. "I promise Trina, things are going to be okay. One day."

"Yeah, sure, whenever that day is…"

Holly leaned in through the window and whispered. "I love you, Katrina." Trina crossed her arms and looked away. She curled her eyebrows together, pushing them up in the center. Her lower lip tucked out and her eyes slanted at the other window.

"Trina?" Holly exhaled and closed her eyes. "I promise, one day you'll understand. I may have appeared to be out of your life, but I never stopped watching out for you and your sister both. One day we'll be together again, I know it."

She rolled her head around and shrugged. "Yeah." She looked sideways to her mother, frowning at the disheartened expression. "You too, mom." It was somewhat half-hearted, but she didn't know what to do besides humor the woman. "I'm sorry mom. I just don't know what-"

"It's okay. I understand. It'll take time, I know, but moms don't give up."

An hour later Trina was hidden in the shade of a tree on the yard of Mr. Sikowitz's home. On the porch sat Sikowitz and his nephew, Jason. Trina peered at the baby in his arms with endearment; Rachel was wrapped in a pink blanket and grasping Jason's finger tight with her tiny hands.

"I'm surprised," Sikowitz said with a husky tone, "At twenty-one I wouldn't think you'd so readily accept an adoption."

Jason chuckled and gazed lovingly at the infant. "I wouldn't have normally. I don't know if I'm ready to be a dad, but I feel like I should be the one to give this child a chance."

"Do you even know who the mother is?"

"No." Jason pushed part of the blanket away from Rachel's face and looked up in Trina's direction. She ducked behind the tree, pressing her back against it and her hand up to her chest. "The social worker said her mother wished to remain anonymous. 'Rachel'. A fine name for my new daughter. The mother already chose that."

"I do hope you know what you are doing."

"I know you'll help, as will mom." He smirked and Sikowitz laughed and pat Jason on the shoulder.

"Of course we will. We wouldn't let you be thrown into fatherhood all by yourself."

Jason adjusted Rachel into cradle position and leaned his head against the wall of the house. "I hope I'm a better father than that man that raised me."

"You will be, Jason. You know how your father was like, and we raised you right. You will be a fine dad."

"Thank you."

Trina poked her head around the tree. The tears in her eyes overflowed and overtook her tender smile.

Sikowitz stood up and dusted off his pants. "I promised your mother I would help her shop for cribs. Come inside when you are able…Abigail has already given us a good deal of essentials for Rachel." Jason raised his head and nodded as his uncle departed with a wave.

The infant let out a tender laugh that pulled on Trina's heartstrings. She wanted to run up and take the girl into her arms and to hold her tight, but she knew it was best to keep her distance. Especially now, now that she'd relinquished custody.

"Ah Rachel." Jason's smile grew and the warmth in his eyes seemed to enchant the tiny infant. "I don't know the whole reason your mother gave you to me, and I hardly know how to be a dad. I never had a good model to fit my life after, but I'm going to do my best to give you a good life and to be the dad that you need…"

As Trina closed her eyes, she felt a lump growing in her throat and a tightness in her chest. A faint rustling noise caught her attention and she turned her head, opening her eyes partially to see Jason holding an unfolded sheet of paper in his hand.

"Abigail gave us this letter, from your mom." Rachel giggled and Jason's smile grew into a grin. "I'll read to you, keep it safe so you can see it for yourself when you're older."

Trina inhaled sharply and listened as Jason read the letter out loud that she wrote for Rachel. It was meant as instruction and a plea for Jason, and a reminder to her daughter. She initialed it with _K.V._ , which was enough anonymity that she needed.

Her fingers curled over the collar of her shirt and she could feel the nervous trembling of her heart.

 _Dearest Rachel, and to Jason. I know you don't know who I am, or why I would try so hard to make sure you adopted my little girl. I know you are a good man, and I know you will provide for her. I beg you. You know the girl's father, I will tell you who he is but please don't pursue him. I don't want anything to happen to either of you. He is a violent, angry man that used to be a friend of yours. Marcus._

 _Circumstances in my life prevent me from being able to raise Rachel, to keep her safe from harm and to protect her. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow, I hardly know what I'm going to do with each minute that passes. I never wanted to give you up, Rachel, but I had no choice. Your life will be in constant danger from the moment you are born, and I couldn't live with myself if something happened._

 _I am confident that Jason will give you a fantastic life, a life your father never had. You will be safe, you will be cherished and loved as you are. I don't know what will happen to me, so I don't want you to worry. I want you to grow up to be a happy and intelligent girl. I want you to have the life I've only ever dreamed of for myself. Make friends, stay away from drugs-alcohol-violence…and above all else, live each day for yourself. I love you._

 _K. V._

A gasp erupted from her lips, disguised by a sob. Trina covered her mouth and looked over her shoulder, tensing as she watched Jason stand and start to move into the house.

In her heart she felt the words her mother spoke echoing with each beat, and she slowly lowered her hand. "Rachel, though I may not be present in your life…" She wiped away a tear and moved with haste towards her car.

Trina started the vehicle up and looked out at the home. "Know that I will always love you," she whispered. Trina cleared her throat and slowly pulled the shift into drive. "I promise one day you'll understand why I had to do this, why I have to stay away…to let you grow…"

Her foot remained on the brake pedal, and the silence was filled by the monotonous rumbling of the car's engine. Trina started to sniffle and she moved her forehead onto the portion of the steering wheel between her hands as a sob trembled through her body.

Several seconds passed that felt like an eternity, and eventually the lights inside Sikowitz's home went off. When she was able to breathe again, she wiped away the streaks of tears and cast a final glance at the house.

"One day, I promise you, one day we'll be together again."

* * *

A few tender moments in here. What are you thinking through this chapter?


	16. Bad to Worse

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 16 (From Bad to Worse)

While Marcus was away, Trina remained at the house to talk to Samuel Ross as he was over visiting. In her hand was her fourth bottle of beer, and surprisingly, she wasn't the slightest bit buzzed yet-though she was beginning to feel the effects of alcohol in her system.

Ross remained on the couch as she stayed in the recliner. He was hunched forward and had his hands clasped together between his knees. "That really must have been hard on you," he said speaking of Rachel. Trina closed her eyes and brought the bottle towards her lips.

"It was all I could think to do. To keep her safe." She didn't want to talk about her daughter, only to get the girl out of her mind. "Recently I ran into Sinjin. You know him?" Ross nodded and Trina smiled faintly. "He's a good guy, a stoner yes, but a good guy. He's probably the only person at that damn school that treated me nicely and with respect."

"I can see that."

"You know…" She looked at the bottle and squinted. "First time I got drunk and high, they found me and drove me home." Her grasp on the bottle began to tighten and her eyebrows closed together. "They tried to take advantage, but Sinjin kept them from doing anything."

Ross smiled a bit and leaned upright. "You admire him then. That's good." He crossed his arms and looked towards the door. "A better man than Marcus. You know, there _are_ good people out there."

"Funny. Besides Sinjin, I haven't run into any." Trina leaned her head back, dousing her tongue with the drink. She then lowered the bottle and glanced at the door. "I don't know what's become of me, I'm doing things I never thought I'd do."

"What do you mean?"

"Marcus doesn't let me do a lot. I don't get to go out and spend time for myself, and what money I get, I take from him." Ross's eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open.

"You're stealing money from him? Trina, do I need to remind you that your boyfriend is a _drug dealer_?"

"I've lost my baby because of the type of person he is. I'm frightened of my own family and scared that even if I try to go to them, Marcus will hunt me down. I don't think there's much else he can take from me."

"Your life, maybe? You're scared of him enough as it is."

"He's not nearly as bad as my father." Trina scoffed and grit her teeth together. "And my father commands the police force." She placed the bottle on the end table beside her and furrowed her brow. A sudden onset of sobriety set in and she started to shake her head. "My dad's a raving alcoholic and what am I doing?"

"Drinking. It's understandable, you're dealing with a lot of crap."

She was curious if it was genetic, or perhaps just easier for her to drink as a result of her father's addiction.

Ross crossed his arms and shrugged. "Have you decided whether or not you're going to visit your family for the fourth of July? You said your mom seemed lonely or something."

"Yeah she did. I don't know. I'd like to, but I feel like I should stay here with Marcus." She was still far more petrified of her father after having been away for so long than she was Marcus. "It's strange, I don't think I was ever as scared of my Dad as I am now."

"Didn't your mother say he'd be working that day or something?"

"Yeah."

"I say go." Marcus waved his hand and Trina looked to him with a furrowed brow. "Don't worry about Marcus."

Before she had a chance to say much else, the doorbell chimed and a familiar voice followed. "Hey? Is anyone home?" Trina squinted her eyes and turned her head, peering sideways at the door. "I was told to come here to pick something up because Marcus didn't have it on hand?"

"That voice," she whispered, "Where have I heard him before?" She extended her hand, snapping her fingers at the door while raising her voice aloud. "It's open. Come in." The door started to slide forward, and to her horror, Andre Harris stepped inside slowly.

He was shaking like a leaf and looking around like he was lost; clearly this was not something he'd done before. When his eyes met hers, her blood went cold and she watched as the color receded from his skin.

"Trina?!"

"Andre. What the hell are you doing here?"

"I um-" He began to stutter. His eyes darted left and right, and his tremor grew worse. "I um, Marcus told me to come here and that his 'girlfriend' would give me-" He stopped in mid-sentence and stared wide-eyed at her.

Trina flared her nostrils and leaned forward. "You shouldn't be taking drugs, Andre. Why are you buying?" She didn't want to give anyone anything from Marcus's stash-it was just something she didn't feel like touching. The fact that Andre was here seemed more crucial than that, however.

"I-I was just experimenting." He started to tense, and slowly he shuffled backwards. "I never tried something like this before, I just was curious about it."

"Word of advice?" She leaned back and tapped her fingertips together before her stomach. Her glare sharpened on him and he began to flinch. "Don't start now. You've got friends who give a shit about you, and you're doing _perfectly_ in school, so don't go screwing that up."

Andre cleared his throat and shook his head. "I don't understand. What are _you_ doing here, Trina? This doesn't seem like something you'd be involved in." She raised an eyebrow as a blank expression swept over her face. Andre fell silent and the sound of the grasshoppers outside started to sing.

Seconds turned into minutes before she shifted herself against the right armrest and curled her wrist beneath her temple. "Says one of Hollywood Arts perfect, straight-A, special students who looks like he hasn't touched a single drug in his life."

"What makes you say that?"

"All of Marcus's friends are users, and people who buy tend not to look so nervous. Most just want to get their shit and go." Trina sat upright and swept her hair away from her shoulder. "You…should just go."

"I-"

"Go away." She snapped out at him and lurched herself forward while grasping the edges of the armrest. Andre jumped and bolted out the door as though lightning just struck where he was.

"Oh Marcus isn't going to like that," Ross muttered. Trina relaxed and grabbed her beer from the table.

She didn't care whether Marcus would be angry with her for turning one of his buyers away at the door. "I knew that guy once. He was an asshole to me, but he's one of my sister's friends, so I can't just let him destroy himself like this."

"Yeah, I get it." He shrugged and started to smile. "You're good to be concerned about that kind of stuff. It's personal to you, I understand that." His smile faded and he motioned at the door. "Marcus on the other hand…Dealers only care about one thing; money. Every person that buys from them is a customer that is going to come back and pay more money."

"Andre doesn't need to buy drugs if he is only 'experimenting' and doesn't actually have the slightest idea what they're going to do to his body."

"Try telling that to Marcus."

Ross was right, Marcus wouldn't understand, and he didn't. When he returned home an hour later and asked about Andre, Trina told him the truth. She regretted it in an instant when he flew into one of his typical rages.

This one had been among the most violent of his abuses. She'd been shoved against the wall and when she tried to defend herself, he struck her more, throwing her into counters and furniture.

Ross tried to stop him, but even he wound up getting beaten by the man. Marcus cut him off as a friend as well and as a customer for his interference, and then he'd gone back to kicking Trina as she lay on the floor, bleeding but from where she didn't know.

She lost consciousness at some point and didn't wake up until she was at the hospital. Her body felt as though it had fallen fifty stories into the ground, and any attempt to move was met by an intense and agonizing pain.

To her right, Ross was standing over her with a black eye and bloodied nose. "Ross?" Her voice was weak and breathing was still difficult. "What are you doing here?"

"Had to make sure you were alright after that. I drove you here, though you were out of it." Ross took a seat and hunched forward, sliding his hands through his hair. "God I'm sorry, Trina."

"Not your fault." She looked down at her bandaged hands and wrists; they were badly bruised. She had cuts all along her body from where glass hit her after Marcus threw her beer at the wall. "It's what I deal with. So what? I would still keep Andre, or any of Tori's friends, from touching that shit Marcus has…"

"You could have died."

"Not like I have anything left to lose. No one would miss me." Tears welled up in her eyes as flashes of the attack swept through her mind. Up to this point she'd been certain that her life would be more at risk at her father's hands, but now she questioned for sure which one would be more likely to ruin her life-or take it. "Marcus never went this far before."

"I told you. He's a dealer, he only cares about money-that's it." Ross bent his arms on his legs and closed his hands together while compressing the bridge of his nose with his thumbs. "Jesus, I can't stand him."

A small growl fell from Ross's mouth, and his body started to shake. Trina gave him a sad smile and closed her eyes. "It's alright."

"It's not. I'm the one that introduced you to him." His hands fell to his knees and hatred flickered like fire in his eyes. "I should have known he would do something like this. I didn't want to think-he's a dealer and I was naïve."

"No you weren't."

Try as she may, she wasn't seeing a way to calm him. He was right to be angry, so perhaps it was best to just let it fester.

Trina breathed in slow and winced at the shot of pain constricting around her chest. "I'll be alright." Her eyelids moved down halfway and the corners of her mouth slid back into her cheeks. "This is my life after all. No one really wants me around, no one likes me." Her heart sank and a stray tear ran down the side of her face. "Every time my father pointed his gun at me, every time Marcus hit me, I wish they would have killed me. I wish I died when my harness broke that one time, even."

"Don't talk like that."

"No. I am nothing." Her hands balled up and an angry scoff fell from her lips. "All I'll ever be is nothing. I'll die on the streets and _nobody_ will care."

"Your mother seems to care." She rolled her eyes and shot Ross a fierce look. He started to point and his shoulders rose up. "She was just in here a bit ago, all worried and everything."

Her eyes slid towards the door and her eyebrows curled together and pushed up a tiny wrinkle between them. "Oh." The air swept away from her lungs, and her hands slowly opened up. "Yeah I don't know what to make of her, if I'm honest. It seems pretty late for her to suddenly start caring again."

"Yeah well, I don't know what's going on there, but she says there's no way she's letting you stay away come the fourth of July."

"Marcus won't let me go."

"Who cares about him?" Ross stood and his voice grew dangerously deep. Trina tilted her head and studied him with growing concern. Seeing his muscles tense and the simmering fire in his eyes only increased her nervousness. "You go be with your family. Your mom wants you there, it sounds like maybe your sister does too."

"I don't know. I'm really just not sure."

"May as well."

"I…" Her voice lowered and she looked down at the bed sheet with a sigh of defeat. "I guess. If mom says dad's working, I might as well humor her." So long as her father wasn't around, the holiday certainly couldn't end up as badly as this day had been.

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What are you thinking and what are your observations?


	17. Things Change

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 17 (Things Change)

Holly moved behind Trina on the couch and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "How are you feeling?" Trina's eyebrow rose and she looked up at her mother with a look of exasperation.

"I'm good. For the tenth time, I'm fine." She waved her mother off and feigned a smile. Holly put her hands at her hips and glanced at her with skepticism. "What? I'm here, aren't I?" She spoke teasingly and smirked. "Your badgering finally paid off and you got me here for the holiday."

"Sweetie." Holly dropped her arms and let out a heavy sigh. "You were in the hospital for a few days. That boyfriend of yours hurt you. I just want you to know I'm here to talk about it if you want-"

"There's nothing to talk about." She stood up almost too fast and stumbled on her first step forward. Holly moved to help stabilize her but she held her hand up as a signal for Holly to stop. "Please. I don't need to be coddled."

Holly raised her hands and took a small step back. "Sorry." Trina flashed a smile of sorrow and shrugged. "Honey, I know it's difficult for you to believe, but I want you to know I care about you."

"Yeah." She was angry, but fighting or disagreeing wasn't going to help. She didn't mind what her mother was saying, and while she was certainly skeptical of how genuine she was, it was still nice to hear regardless. "Thanks mom. Just give me a little time, okay?"

"Of course, dear."

She sniffed the air and looked to the kitchen. "Do you need help with anything?" They were making snacks for the holiday; small cupcakes. "How are the cupcakes coming along?" Holly's eyes lit up and she hurried to the kitchen.

"They should be done, actually." Trina folded her arms over her chest and watched with a smile as her mother removed the tray of cupcakes from the oven. "I'd love if you'd put the frosting on them."

"Sure." She approached and opened the cabinet where the frosting was. There was chocolate, vanilla, cream cheese and strawberry. She glanced over and Holly turned towards her, leaning back against the counter. "Any preference?"

"Maybe a little of each?" There were twenty-four cupcakes in total, so six of each seemed to be just enough. Happily she grabbed the frosting cans and made her way to the counter. "Thank you for your help, dear."

Trina smiled back and opened the canisters; it was fun to help her mom bake, since it brought back fond childhood memories. "It's been a long time since we've baked together, mom." A faint smile stretched across Holly's face, and her hands folded over her abdomen. "I remember when we would make cinnamon rolls every morning."

"I still like to make some on occasion." Trina closed her eyes and breathed in the aroma coming from the baked goods. "Maybe someday I'll make some for my grandchildren-your children."

She paused. The left corner of her lip pulled back and her brow furrowed. "I'm sorry," Holly said quickly, "That was too soon, wasn't it?" Trina grabbed the utensils needed to spread the frosting and shrugged.

"It's fine, mom."

"No it isn't. I shouldn't have-"

"Mom." She spoke firmly and glanced sideways at Holly, causing the elder woman to fall silent. "It's fine. I did what I thought was best at the time, there's no changing it."

"I…" Holly's breath quivered from her lips and she shook her head slowly. "I understand. I just didn't want to say anything that might upset you."

She had to put up a tough front, at least she felt it was best to do so. "I'm not Tori or dad, mom." Holly's lips pursed and her eyes dropped towards the counter. "I'm not going to fly into a rage or something just because you happen to say something I don't like."

In truth, she wanted nothing more to watch her daughter grow-and even one day maybe share the kitchen with her, but that would never happen.

"I don't even know if I'd make a good mother anyway." Trina spread the chocolate icing on the first cake with slow and careful strokes so as to make it appear neat and artful, rather than sloppy and thin. "I'm not good at much of anything."

She remained focused on the application of the frosting, giving each cake layer after layer of full thickness. Holly watched, sliding her tongue across her lips and grinning from ear to ear.

"Why would you say that?"

"Everyone tells me I'm not worth anything, I'm terrible at everything, and no one likes me."

"Trina." Holly's hand brushed along Trina's shoulder. She tensed at the touch, but slowly relaxed and leaned into the touch on reflex. "You are more than what other people say. If you could only see that."

"When you've been told something so many times, you start to believe it. When you tell yourself the same thing over and over, you become it."

"But you don't have to be." Trina spread her hands out on the counter and looked down as her mother gingerly picked up the cupcake she just decorated. "Look at this, it looks like something right out of a bakery. Not many can pull off making a cupcake look so fancy."

She took the cupcake and set it back down and shrugged. "I'm sure it's not that hard." She grabbed the sprinkles and adorned the cake with them, then placed a small sparkler candle in the center. "Anyone can bake a cupcake and decorate it."

"You remember that cake you made for Tori's birthday a couple years ago?"

"How could I forget?" The cake was an Italian cream cake with lemon filling. She did some research and was able to put an edible image of her sister on the cake as part of the frosting, decorated the bottom with roses and tulips, and used the candles like a picture frame around the picture on the cake. "It was delicious."

"Exactly. You made it, and everyone loved it." Holly crossed her arms and smiled at her. "You've got things you're great at. Athletics, for instance, you're a very athletic minded person. You were into gymnastics and martial arts for the longest time."

She looked away and swept a strand of hair behind her ear. "I guess." Her confidence wavered with her voice, and uncertainty was like a knife in the heart. "I'm just not good at things anymore. I'd rather not delude myself into thinking I'm good at something I'm not."

"Who's filled your head with these lies?" Her mother's smile fell to a scowl and her eyebrow rose. "Your sister's friends? Teachers? Your father? Maybe even your boyfriend?" She shrugged and shut her eyes, groaning as tension swept over her body. "What about you? Who cares what anyone else thinks?"

"I don't know, Mom. If it wasn't true, then not everyone would be saying it."

"You shouldn't listen to people who don't know you." She remained silent, taking a few seconds to consider her mother's words. She squinted her eyes and smirked at her mom.

"And Dad? Tori?"

"Your father's a brute, and your sister doesn't realize she's pushing you away when she doesn't mean to."

"That's not really a comfort."

The front door opened as though blown by a heavy gust of wind. Tori ran inside, almost dancing upon entrance. "Mom, Trina, the fireworks are about to go off. Come on!" Trina crossed her arms and chuckled as Holly made her way to the door. Tori made eye contact and waved her over. "Hurry up. You don't want to miss them this year."

"I suppose not."

The meaning of the holiday was lost on her nowadays and fireworks didn't thrill her as they did when she was just a child, but that didn't mean she couldn't at least attempt to enjoy them.

Tori slipped an arm around her shoulders and walked with her towards the street. The girl's voice grew quiet and her eyes seemed to focus on the moon in the sky. "I've missed you sis. I hope you know that."

"I missed you too."

"Then why don't you ever come around?" Trina raised an eyebrow and frowned at her sister's inquisitive gaze. "It's like you don't even want to be with us."

"It's complicated, Tori. Very complicated." Tori set her head onto Trina's shoulder. She felt a sudden warmth sifting through her body and drawing a smile to her face. "How are your friends? How's…Andre?"

"Andre? He's fine. Why?"

"Just curious." Though it had been a couple weeks, she was fortunate to see that Andre was a 'lost client'. "The others?"

"They're okay, I guess. Everyone's getting ready for school to start back up and our final year bodes to be fun." She raised her head towards the skyline and clamped her lips tight. Her arm swept around Tori's lower back as her sister nestled closer to her. "A lot's going on with everybody. Everyone's changing. Hopefully we don't change too much."

"Might be a little late for that."

"Why?"

"People change. Everything changes. Who are we to say either one of us will ever remain the same?" She was a different person than she was a year or so ago, and she knew it. Part of her was beginning to wonder if now she was developing a criminal mindset with all her dealings with Marcus.

Several seconds passed and the only sound in the air was that of the birds singing nearby. "Trina?" She glanced sideways at her sister, smiling faintly. "Do you…do you want to leave us?"

"Want to? No."

"It's been a very long time since you've been home…"

"I know."

"So, you don't want to be here?"

"Some things I don't have control over, Tori." A distant roar sounded off, followed by a sudden flash of light that shot into the sky. Tori raised her head up and Trina listened to the explosion.

It was like a gun sounding off in the distance, but the sound was so similar that it sent chills down her spine. Tori hugged her once more, tightening her hold as much as she could before Trina started to struggle.

The remaining fireworks lasted for such a long time that she was almost ready to call it a night before they were halfway over. Fortunately when the show was over, they ended up relaxing around the couch with the cupcakes she'd prepped earlier.

It was to her dismay that the celebration had to end sooner than she'd hoped, but her father returned within a few hours. Trina was tense as he walked through the house, looking disheveled and exhausted, and she only relaxed when she saw Gary following him.

"Hey Officer Malone," Trina remarked with nonchalance. Gary looked at her with sad eyes and an intense frown. Her heart began to sink and she leaned forward, furrowing her brow as he approached her. "Is something wrong?"

Holly told her he'd be there, since he texted that he and David were on their way. She wound up tuning her mother out when she got to the part about Gary needing to tell Trina something.

"Trina, you know your father and I are still on the job." Gary's hand ran carefully over the back of his neck. His chest expanded and his eyes sealed over.

Her chest grew tight and a lump gradually formed in her throat as she began the guessing game. "Yeah?" Beneath her skin she felt her heart crashing into her ribcage in a frenzied attempt to escape, and each second that passed, the more intense her heartbeat became. "What is it?"

"Your boyfriend. Marcus?"

"Yes."

"How long have you been together for?"

"About two years?" Her hands gripped the edge of the cushions and her biceps tightened in an instant. "Did something happen with Marcus? Is he in jail?"

Gary exhaled and shook his head. "No." Of course they wouldn't inform her if he was in prison; her father and Gary were not run of the mill police officers, but homicide detectives.

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks and a cold sweat began to permeate from her paling skin. "No…" Her hand moved over her heart and she crashed back into the seat. "No you're not-"

She knew the procedure, her father talked about it enough when she was younger. This was a notification of death, if nothing else.

"A neighbor called it in. Marcus was found on his front lawn. He'd been stabbed.4" She threw her hands over her mouth, screaming into them as everything within her crashed to the ground. Holly and Tori sat on either side of her and Holly placed a careful hand to her knee. "I'm sorry Trina. He was dead at the scene…"

"It can't be. I-I have to see him."

She had mixed feelings towards the murder. On one hand she was relieved; relieved she would never have to suffer his abuse again. On the other hand she felt like her entire world had just shattered in a single instant.

Marcus was the breadwinner, though a drug dealer. Everything they had, he owned. Sure, she could potentially receive some of his things, but there wasn't a great chance for it. She would have to find her own way, but now wasn't the time for such thoughts.

"D-Do you have any leads?" She held the hands of her mother and sister, gripping with such strength that she might tear them off their arms if given the chance.

"Not at the moment." Gary took another deep breath and then cleared his throat. "I know this is hard for you, and I'll give you some time if you need to, but I'll have to ask you some questions regarding him. Did he have any enemies you know of? Anyone that might want him dead?"

She nodded and stood from the couch. "I'll try and help the best I can." Trina wiped her eyes and hugged her abdomen as she started to tremble. She had no inkling of who might want Marcus dead, especially considering his profession, but there were a few people that might have had something to do with it.

* * *

So what are your thoughts here? You think Holly's right to not give up, will Trina come around to accepting her mother back? What of the murder; this is a turning point after all. With only a few months to go before the incident that Trina gets put on Probation for. Remember, she's on at 20-which means by April at least she's on probation. However court system takes a while, so give about three months for a court date and a trial. I'd say about October, November for her the incident occurs. Those who expect Jade to have some sort of magical impact on her, bear in mind that sometimes even the smallest gesture can help someone. Jade will eventually be an intern at the probation department, but Interns are somewhat limited. However we know she must at least have had multiple conversations with Trina, and sometimes just talking about something helps. This isn't the case of a single person saving someone's life (as such nor is it the case of love being the answer). I've seen how probation can help turn someone's life around, but they have to want to put forth the effort. Trina may struggle believing she's worth it.


	18. AFV: Assault Family Violence

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: Going to go ahead and put this chapter up. As you can tell by the title, this is the chapter of the incident and Trina's lowest point. Her probation begins in the coming chapter.

* * *

Chapter 18 (AFV: Assault Family Violence)

How easy it was to turn to petty crime after Marcus passed away. Trina had no options as far as she could see, so she learned some talents she didn't think she could possess. Among which was pickpocketing. She needed money to shelter herself and money for food.

She wasn't shocked when it came to light that Ross had been the one who murdered Marcus. She didn't like that he'd done it, but part of her still thanked him.

Regardless, the murder left her with very little to live off of. Marcus still had some of his various types of drugs stashed away, so she did start selling for a brief period of time. It was nauseating enough for her to be around the drugs, since they brought back the memories and horrors of his abuse, so attempting to actually try the drugs was out of the question.

By mid-November Trina was more into alcohol than ever before. She kept to herself, not willing to admit or brag about the seedier side of life that she was starting to become involved in.

"Finding a job's hard enough," she muttered while staring down at a halfway done job application form. Through the months that passed she tried applying at various places for legitimate work, but was turned down everywhere because she didn't finish high school. "No one wants me and I'm not good enough. Yet again. Reinforcing the same drivel I've been fed all my goddamn life."

Trina chugged down a third of her beer and closed her eyes, moaning as a bit of the alcohol splashed out of her mouth and slid along the side of her jaw. Her eyes darted to a nearby picture frame and she let out a low growl as she studied Marcus.

"This is all your fault." She leaned forward, raising her voice ever so slightly as though he could hear. "You abused me, you broke me. Like everyone else, like my father, you were a fucking asshole. I'm glad you're dead. Glad!" Tears welled up in her eyes and she ground her teeth together. "I hate you."

It was the abuse she hated more than anything, and how it practically destroyed her to the point where she could no longer fight back.

"I'm going to be homeless. I'm going to be homeless, I can't go back to my parents' house, and I have _nobody_ that wants to associate with me." She threw the bottle at the picture, screaming aloud as glass exploded throughout the room.

Marcus's drugs were gone and she hadn't bothered looking for whoever or whatever had supplied him with it all in the first place. She was beginning to grow tired of petty theft, but had no clue how she was going to support herself.

She was at a loss. The pain of it all started to sink in, and her depression only intensified in her heart. There were times when she felt like she would be better off dead, that no one would mourn for her, but she never acted on those darker thoughts.

At this point in her life, she couldn't get any lower, or that was what she thought.

Her cell phone went off and she almost jumped from the couch to the front door in less than a second. Trina grabbed the phone and put it at her ear. "What?" She said with a growl.

Tori's frantic voice beckoned her. "Trina, please come home. Dad's gone off the deep end." Her heart stopped when she heard a loud crash in the background followed by her mother screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Can't you call the cops?"

"No, I don't think they'd come." Tori gasped out and let out a shriek just before another sudden crash broke the air. "You've been able to calm him down before. Can't you just do that again? Please?"

Flashes of both her father's and Marcus's abuse flashed before her, and a fire started deep within her heart. "I'll be right there, Tori. Get mom and make sure the two of you are safe." She hung up the phone and rolled her eyes. "Fucking dad. Guess I have to play damage control _again_."

Trina grabbed her purse and bolted out the door and into her car. It took a few turns of the key to start up, but her hands were shaking so much as it was, so she didn't concern herself with worrying about the reason her car wasn't starting.

It didn't take long to get to the house, though she didn't think she was going nearly as fast as the emotions that were fraying her nerves.

The lights inside the house were on, but the curtains in front of the windows obscured any chance she had of seeing how bad things were inside. The way it sounded over the phone, there was little chance talking to David and trying to reason with him was going to work.

"Guess I'll have to try the next best thing." All of her rage blinded her more than any amount of alcohol that she could possibly drink. The only thoughts on her mind was that of her mother and sister in danger, and how it was up to her to protect them once again from her own father.

Trina grabbed a bottle of beer stashed in the back of her car by the neck and marched towards the front door. The bottle was only a third of the way full, so it didn't weigh much, but it was the only thing she had to defend herself at the moment.

"Let me in." Trina pounded on the front door four times, then struck the doorbell. When no answer came, she put her ear to the door and narrowed her eyes as she heard her father shouting at Tori to quit her crying.

"This wouldn't happen if you wouldn't keep up with your lies about our family," David proclaimed. "You have no respect for your father, and that goes double for my two-timing wife." There was another loud crash, followed by Tori shouting in pain.

Trina's eyes grew and she pushed the front door open with all of her strength. The living room was in total disarray, and David was standing over Tori with his right foot crushing down on her left ankle. Holly lay on the floor with her hand over her stomach and shallow breaths escaping her lips while her daughter tried to hold onto her.

Somehow David hadn't realized Trina entered. Sensing a perfect opportunity in the moment, she ran forward and raised the bottle in the air. "Get away from them, asshole." He turned his head in time to see her bringing the bottle down.

The shatter echoed off the walls and David crashed to the floor. Tori's hands flew to her mouth and Holly's eyes grew large. "Trina, what did you do?" Tori asked with a shaky breath.

"I'm protecting you." Trina knelt down at her mom's side and scanned her body for wounds. "Mom, are you alright?"

Holly flashed a smile and started to nod. "I'm just a little frightened and shaken, but I'll be fine." Trina helped her mother to sit up and then glanced at Tori's ankle. Tori followed her eyes and shrugged.

"It'll heal." The girl threw her arms around Trina's neck and started to weep into her shoulder. "Oh god, I was so scared. Thank you." Trina hugged Tori back, but started to tense when she felt a strange feeling in her gut that something wasn't right.

A shadow started to stretch across the floor and soon she saw the horrified expressions on her family's face. She turned to look at what they were seeing and froze up.

David was back on his feet and panting heavily. His fists were clenched tight, his eyes were narrow and his nostrils were flaring violently. There was a gash on the upper right side of his head and blood that was beginning to ooze down the side of his face. "You little bitch." He took a step forward, his chest expanded slowly and his lips separated to reveal his tightly clamped teeth. "You will regret that."

"Dad." Trina pushed herself to her feet and mimicked her father's strong posture. "Stay away." She narrowed her eyes and stared into his eyes, hoping he'd get the idea that she wasn't going to budge from her position. "I won't let you hurt mom and Tori anymore. Even if that means I have to fight you, I'm getting them away from you."

His eyes shot open and his hands flexed. "The hell you will." A vein bulged from his neck as he charged her like a bull. The next thing Trina felt was a rush of pain engulfing her body. She heard Tori and Holly cry out, but could do nothing about it.

Trina opened her mouth to take in a breath of air, but nothing would go in as David had his hands locked around her throat. She was pressed back against the wall with her palms pounding against it. Her heartbeat flickered as David's breath fell on her.

He sniffed the air and then curled his mouth into a smirk. "Is that beer on your breath, Trina?" She turned her head away and closed her eyes. Her body started vibrating as David's grip on her throat tightened. "Perfect."

"What?" She strained herself to speak and glared sideways at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Simple. Drunk and depressed over the loss of your boyfriend, you go insane and not only trespass on my property but assault me in my own home." She snapped her head in his direction and her lips began to tremble.

"Tori called me. She and mom needed me."

"Who would believe you?" David threw her to the ground and she cried out as her shoulder struck the wooden floor. "You're just a drunken little bitch with nothing to offer the world." She hooked her hand over her right shoulder and looked up, screaming as David swung his foot into her side.

"Stop it!" Holly screamed. The woman managed to push herself up and was charging madly at the man. David grabbed the woman by the chest and threw her into the couch.

"Stay there." He snapped his fingers and pointed to Tori. "Call the police, Tori." Tori's hands flew over her mouth and wet cheeks. She shook her head while whimpering. David repeated himself with a demanding shout.

Tori flinched and started to reach for Trina, but David stopped her by carefully placing his shoe over her wrist. "Do as I say, Victoria. Unless you and your mother want to be put in an early grave."

"I hate you," Trina hissed, "I hate you for all this."

David threw his head back and started laughing. "You're making this all too easy for me, Katrina." David cleared his throat and glared down at Tori. "Call the police, tell them your sister broke into the house and attacked your father."

"T-They won't believe you," Tori replied.

"Just do it and quit complaining."

"I'm not calling the police on my sister."

David grabbed the gun from his holster and Tori jumped back with a frightful cry. "I'm not telling you again, Victoria."

Trina winced and tried in vain to move, but the pain throughout her body kept her paralyzed. Tori whispered an apology before grabbing the phone and calling the police.

The police arrived and pulled her off the ground with haste. They threw the cuffs on her wrists and she was in too much pain to try and run or resist. She kept her head bowed and listened to the tale her father spun.

"She attacked us all." David had a flair for the dramatic, and the female officer that had her in cuffs seemed to be hanging onto every word he said. He laid the charm on so thick that the police may as well have been dogs eating kibble from his hand.

They did a breathalyzer test on her to determine her blood-alcohol content, and determined that she was over the legal limit. Her only hope at this time was that she could get a court appointed attorney to prove self-defense.

Her father was right, however, it was her word against his. The word of a drunk, angry daughter against the word of a well-respected and high ranked police officer.

Trina spent her days waiting for the trial in jail, unable to post bond. Holly called her a few times, explaining how afraid she and Tori were to try and go against David. They wanted to testify in her defense, but he wasn't letting them.

When the day of the trial came around, she sat next to her attorney, begrudging his incompetence whenever the other attorney attempted to grill the witnesses. David, of course, put on the charm for the jury and was spinning his tale of how he had to fight back to defend himself against her violent and vicious attack.

In the final recess she was approached by her attorney with an offer. "Look, we're not going to be able to sell self-defense to that jury." Trina's heart started to sink and she buried her head into her hands.

"I guess I should have figured. I guess I'm a criminal too, of all things."

The attorney placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a sad smile. "You can accept a plea. It will help you." She waved him off and rolled her eyes.

"What's the point? My father has everyone believing I attacked my whole family in some drunk rage." She released a dry laugh and slapped her hand into the air. "The irony of that. I'm not even a violent drunk. I was protecting them! I've done some bad things, I'll admit it, but I wouldn't hurt my own family."

"That's not for me to decide, unfortunately."

"You don't believe me either?"

"I do. I am on your side." The attorney took a seat in front of her and looked her in the eyes. "There are a couple things. You can take a plea of guilt, or because this is your first offense the prosecutor is willing to put you on deferred probation."

"Deferred?"

"Yes. That means there will not be an adjudication of guilt yet." Trina sat upright and raised an eyebrow. "Deferred means to put off. You won't be found guilty yet and it will not go down on your record so long as you remain in compliance with your terms of probation. If you fail to comply with those terms, of course you can be tried for the full amount of your sentence and put in prison…"

"So either probation or the jury finds me guilty and I go to prison for god knows how long." She leaned her head into her hand and an exasperated sigh drifted from her lips. "Fine. I'll take it."

"Take what?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Probation." Maybe it would be easier than prison, but maybe not. She didn't know what probation was like, but no matter how bad she felt about herself, she didn't want to end up in prison. "I really don't like my father."

"Karma has a way of coming around. Just you wait, I'm sure he'll slip up somewhere."

* * *

Well, of all things, there you have it. She fell into criminal activity, yes, but perhaps to her fortune she wasn't caught for any of that. Still, could probation be the best thing to give her a chance to change and get away form all that? To get away from her father? We may see. David's still an ass, and probably more of one than Marcus. Deferred Probation is fun to learn about, not much different than straight and yet it is different by far. Deferred means just as the lawyer says, the defendant hasn't been found guilty yet, but they can be if they lose their probation and then have the full trial for the full sentence.


	19. Intake

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 19 (The Intake)

Trina walked down the long white hallway with slow and cautious steps, unnerved by the people she saw standing at the end of it. Each looked dirty and somewhat suspicious; some had downcast gazes while others were busy idling themselves near the water fountain and restrooms.

The building was familiar to her, though the hallway wasn't. The public defender's office was just upstairs, she knew that area well from where her court appointed attorney was. The hall she walked now was, to her understanding, towards the business office and first floor portion of the Los Angeles County Probation.

"Great," she said with a low exhale, "I have to wait out here with the other criminals." She pushed her hands into the pockets of her denim jeans and gave a faint smile to those waiting around. She made contact with a woman wearing a blue ball cap that was turned with its bill to the left. "Why is everyone waiting outside?"

The woman's left cheek was protruding and her arms were crossed just beneath her breast. "It's not eight yet." The girl blew a bubble of gum that popped in an instance. "They ain't open."

"Oh." She stepped beside the girl and pressed her back to the wall. "So. You're on probation too?"

"Yeah." The girl swept her hand through her long brown hair and rolled her eyes. "You new? You look new. You got that pretty thing look going for you, gettin' all dolled up to make a good first impression on your officer." She crossed her arms and decided it was best to keep quiet. The girl smirked and started to nod. "Yeah good idea. What did they get you for? I won't bite. Necessarily."

"I hit my father over the head with a bottle."

"Dang girl, your old man must have screwed you something bad." She jerked back, slightly offended by the girl's sarcastic tone. She let it roll off her shoulders and glanced at the door to the probation office.

"Yeah well, it was self-defense. My dad ended up giving this huge story about being attacked when he was the one attacking my mom and sister."

"Innocent? Yeah sure, everyone says that." The girl turned towards her and her hands moved to her hips. "You're a criminal like the rest of us, kid. Own up to it." Her heart started to sink and she turned her head down.

"Maybe."

Just another label, and this time it seemed to bear more salt than any. Her sentence was eight years on probation, and now she was going to have to be a 'good girl' or else she'd go to prison.

The door opened and a short woman with shoulder length auburn hair stepped out. She had a kind smile on her face and gentle brown eyes that held a strange amount of wisdom. "Alright, come on in."

Trina leaned into the girl she was with and asked with a whisper who the woman was. "That's Mrs. Rodgers, one of the assistant directors." She opened her mouth and raised her eyebrows slowly. A sudden slap on her shoulder caused her to flinch and turn to the girl. "Get in there new girl. I'm sure you don't want to be late for your intake."

"Intake?"

"Yeah. Easy as pie, daddy's girl." The girl pulled her hair over her shoulder with a huff and walked past her. "That's what every probationer goes through. They will be asking you a bunch of questions to assess your risk level."

"Risk level?"

The girl looked at her as though she were speaking a foreign language, then shook her head. "Chance of reoffending and your level of supervision."

Waiting was hectic, and so many were called before her. What was only a half hour wait seemed like the entire day was going by.

Of course she had to fill out a sheet of paper that was to be called a _Monthly Report Form_. She had to put much of her personal information down, such as her name and address-which was difficult considering how certain she was that Marcus's apartment wasn't going to be her home for long.

Though she wasn't sure. The landlord had allowed her to stay for this long and she'd been barely able to keep up with the rent. Her time in jail while waiting for the trial had been a time she thought she'd lose the place, but miraculously the landlord was nice enough to give her a reprieve.

Trina's probation officer was on the second floor; the same one as the public defender's office. The only difference was the door into the area was only an L-shaped hallway away.

The upstairs waiting area was large and empty, with a single row of chairs against a wall. There was a round table beside the bathrooms, so she wound up sitting there until called on.

"Feels like a doctor's office," she muttered while closing her hands into tight fists. Just then she heard a voice call out her name. She looked up and mustered a tiny smile at the woman standing in the doorway.

The woman was tall and slightly pale. She had long blonde hair that hugged a blue shirt which was tucked into a purple skirt running down past her knees. The woman looked incredibly young-perhaps in her late twenties-thirty at most.

Trina stood up and tried to respond, but only a shaky noise fell from her lips. "H-Hi."

"Come on in Katrina. Or would you prefer Trina?"

"Trina." She approached slow and careful, trying to gauge this woman. "You're my probation officer?"

"Yes. You can call me Lizzie." Lizzie Gordon was the name on the document Trina received, so she knew she had the right person. Lizzie stepped to the side and motioned inside. "It'll be just around the corner, first door to your left."

Lizzie had a friendly demeanor and an oddly comforting smile that seemed to melt the tension in her body away as she walked past. The officer's office was small and square shaped, with her desk in the center and facing the door. There was a computer on the corner of the desk that was against the wall.

The office walls were a warm, brown color that matched the rough brown carpeting. The chair Trina sat in had a metal frame and plush cushioning that was more comfortable than she expected upon sitting.

"I don't know what I'm doing here," Trina responded, "This is all very strange to me."

"Well." Lizzie smiled gently and folded her hands on the desk. "That's completely understandable. I'm here to help you, first off. I understand you've been placed on deferred probation?"

"Yeah. Just…it's a bit complicated." This woman wasn't going to believe her, she was certain of it. Tears started to well up in her eyes as the stress she felt started to rise up. "I know you probably won't believe me, but what I did was an act of self-defense." She put her hand to her chest and leaned forward. "I was protecting my mother, my sister, from my father."

Lizzie started to frown and she closed her eyes. "Unfortunately, whether or not I believe you, I can't do anything about what the courts have already decided."

"I know, I just…I want someone to listen to me for once in my life. To understand-" She stopped herself and choked back the tremble in her voice. She didn't know where she was going with that statement or what she meant by it. She was scared and confused, maybe even lost, and this was the worst she'd felt in a long time. "I'm scared."

"That's okay." Lizzie's warm smile returned and Trina breathed in slowly. "Probation is scary, but it doesn't have to be. For everyone, it's difficult, but if you are willing to work with me, I can work with you and help you. Consider probation your second chance."

"Okay?"

"You're going to have some restrictions, and of course you will have mandatory fees to pay." Her heart dropped to her stomach and her hands folded over her abdomen as she bowed her head. "But if you're diligent, there is a possibility for you to be granted early termination of your probation as well."

She raised her head sharply and gasped out. "What?"

"That is a privilege, however. Should you abide by all the terms and agreements." Lizzie rolled her chair back and glanced at the computer for a second, then glanced back. "I'd like to get to know you, and we will be getting to that, but first I will have to go over the terms of probation with you."

Trina turned her gaze to the framed diploma behind Lizzie and smiled as she took a mental note of the degree-bachelor's in criminal justice.

On the desk was a framed photograph of a happy family, one that she envied upon first glance. "Are those your parents?" Lizzie looked to the picture and nodded.

"Mom, dad and my little brother. Yes."

"You guys are happy. You were raised well?"

"Yes."

Her shoulders sank and she pulled her eyes from the photo. "Lucky." Lizzie's head rolled to the side and her mouth dipped into a frown. "I didn't grow up with that kind of life. My dad's a police officer, but he's also an alcoholic. Abusive." She slid her arms around her stomach and gripped her arms firmly with her hands. "I grew up always looking after my mom and my little sister, trying to keep them safe from Dad."

"That's a lot of responsibility."

"Yeah." She turned her head towards the right and stared down at the carpet. A slow sigh rolled away from her and her eyelids clenched shut. "I had my own stuff to deal with, but I've always had to put my own problems aside. Now I'm on probation because of that." Her eyes shot open and her vocal tone rose. "What was I supposed to do? Let him kill them? I didn't think the police were going to help, they almost never help when it comes to dad."

"I can't say whether or not you made the right choice. You did what you thought was best, and nobody can fault you for that." Trina jerked back and raised her eyebrows.

"I…" She folded her hands in her lap and let her shoulders drop. "What are the rules of probation that I have to follow?"

Lizzie opened a drawer and removed a few sheets of paper. "Okay." Trina took one sheet and glanced at it with baited breath; it was the terms and conditions, and already it looked tough. "First and foremost you will have a number of fees that you must pay. Probation fees must be paid each month, along with court fees and victim restitution."

"Victim restitution?" Her nose twitched and she looked up from the paper. "You mean I have to pay money to my father for damages done?"

"Yes."

"You're kidding." Her chest grew tight with pain, and a low growl vibrated within her throat. Lizzie smacked her lips and shook her head from side to side.

"Unfortunately not. I can _see_ about possibly waiving that fee, but I don't believe that is a possibility."

She had no idea how she was going to pay any of her fees, to begin with, but victim restitution seemed unfair. "Fine. I guess I have to deal with it." Lizzie started to hum. The woman brought her hand up to her chin and squinted her eyes.

"You said you were protecting your mother and sister? Now obviously I cannot take sides right now, but if you want to, you can look at it like this. You could look at victim restitution as paying them as well."

"I guess so."

"Also, you must remember that you are not allowed to leave LA county. If you want to go anywhere, you must come to me and request a travel permit."

"I understand." There wasn't a reason for her to leave the county anyway, though she didn't know what might happen in the next eight years. All of this was difficult to take in, and almost too much for one day. "I don't know how I'm going to pay fees when I don't even have a job."

"Well, we'll work on that. You are going to need a job."

Lizzie went more in depth with the terms and conditions, such as having to abstain from alcohol and stay away from drugs. She needed to stay away from any criminal behavior and could not associate with people that were involved in such things.

What came next was even more troubling, but she had to do it. It was a questionnaire that would determine her 'supervision level', with one being the highest and four being the lowest.

"The first section I'd like to discuss with you is the criminal history." Lizzie put a pen to the handout and Trina slouched in her chair. "How old were you the first time you were arrested?"

"Twenty." She thought back and hummed contemplatively. "Well nineteen really."

"Okay. Were you arrested for a misdemeanor as a juvenile?"

"No. I was never involved in criminal activity as a juvenile." She leaned forward, studying the paper as Lizzie wrote down on the lines. There was a streak of nervousness that she felt towards what this test was going to mean for her, and while she didn't want to be, she was going to be as honest as possible because she knew it was needed.

"Okay. So the first time you were ever arrested, I would like for you to tell me a little about that."

"That's what I'm here for." She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "I got a call from my sister, saying that dad was in one of his abusive rages and she wanted help. I thought about calling the police, but Tori convinced me they probably wouldn't help, so I went over to try and protect mom and Tori." Tears welled up beneath her eyelids and she started to choke over her words. "I ended up hitting him over the head with a beer bottle, but he got back up and attacked me. He pinned me against the wall and forced Tori to call the cops and say I attacked him."

"I see." Lizzie filled in multiple lines that seemed to indicate different questions. "So now I must ask, did drugs or alcohol play a part in this offense?"

"Yes. Alcohol. I'd been drinking…so was my father…"

"And before this, have you ever been arrested for fighting or assaultive type behavior?"

"No ma'am."

"Have you been sentenced to jail?"

"No."

"Prison?"

"No…"

They went through a few more questions for the criminal history section, and then moved onto education. Lizzie asked about whether or not she graduated, to which she replied that she did not. For this, Lizzie suggested that they would work on getting her a GED.

Questions came up regarding employment history and then she was asked about her finances, to which she admitted she was struggling greatly or felt that she would be soon.

The hardest section that came thus far was the family and social support. The first question asked was for her to describe her relationship with the family. "Chaotic best describes them," she said. "My dad's a cop and has always been an alcoholic. When he gets drunk, he's always abusive to us-has been for years. My sister has some sort of mental issue, I'm not sure what, but some days she's okay and others it's like walking on eggshells with her. Mom seems to be _trying_ to be supportive, but I don't really know where she stands…"

"I see. And your parents raised you?" Trina nodded and Lizzie wrote her answer down. "How do they feel about your getting in trouble with the law?"

"I don't know. I talked to mom a few times while waiting on my trial and she was upset, sorry about what happened. Tori hasn't said much, and as far as Dad goes? He's happy."

"Anyone have a criminal record?"

"Not that I know of."

The next question was relating to children, and how many she had. This brought her close to tears, and despite the sobs, she was able to talk about Rachel. Lizzie was understanding and quiet as she explained the situation.

She brought up Marcus when they approached marital status. While she was never married, she had a relationship with him and Lizzie needed to know it was an abusive one as well.

When she explained her living situation, she admitted that it was chaotic as well. The neighborhood was in a fairly average area with moderate crime as far as she knew, and she did not feel safe there.

The following section was substance abuse. She answered yes to a problem with alcohol, admitted that she first started drinking the liquor in her father's house two years ago.

There were five yes or no questions relating to alcohol abuse. She answered yes to feeling like she was drinking too much in the past year, no to trying to cut down and no to asking anyone to help her, and then yes to needing to drink more to get the same effect.

Drugs followed and she answered yes to having an issue with them, though the only drugs she dealt with were marijuana. She explained her situation with Marcus, and once more, Lizzie appeared understanding and genuine. This was still surprising overall, since it was the first time she felt like she wasn't being completely judged.

She explained that she stopped using because of Marcus, and didn't feel like she would use again.

"Okay. Now I'm going to ask you a few questions about your peer influences. This will examine how much contact you have with negative peers and positive influences, and how much influence these have on you."

Trina licked her lower lip and rubbed her hands together. "I'm ready." She had no friends to call on, so this section didn't feel as though it could be too terrible.

"How many close friends would you say you have?"

"None. My sister's friends are the only people I've really associated with and they've always put me down." She snapped her fingers and pointed at the paper. "Then again I was fairly friendly with this guy, Samuel Ross, but he's the one that murdered Marcus. I haven't really talked to him since he was sent to prison."

"And your sister's friends? Have they been associated with criminal behavior?"

She squinted and looked up and to the right while trying to think back. "In a way." Lizzie's brow furrowed and the girl started to lean towards her. "I know Jade was tampering with medical supplies a few years ago, and one of them ended up putting me in the hospital."

"Okay, but these aren't close friends? These are acquaintances maybe?"

"Maybe. A little more than that, but less than friends."

"Okay." Lizzie walked her through a few more questions before hitting the section over criminal attitudes and patterns of behavior. "How do you feel about the crimes you have committed?"

"I feel like I was done an injustice. I was trying to protect Mom and Tori like I've always done." Lizzie hummed softly and wrote down in her notes.

"And crime in general? What are your thoughts regarding that?"

"I don't know." She pushed her hand through her hair and leaned back in her chair. "I don't really like it. I don't think it's a good means to an end, but people make me feel like that's all I'm ever going to be good for…being a criminal."

"That doesn't have to be true." Her heart skipped as Lizzie smiled at her. "You can be whatever and whomever you want to be, but you have to work for it." She smiled back and closed her eyes.

"I'll try. Thank you."

"Now um. Your victim. How do you feel about the victims of your crime? It has to be asked, Trina…" She wiped her eyes and breathed in shakily.

"Honestly? I can't stand my father. After this, I don't want anything to do with him. I just…I don't."

"Okay." Lizzie's eyes moved across the next line and her body seemed to rise with a strong breath of air. "And this next one also has to be asked. How do you think your victims feel about what you did?"'

She flinched and swallowed the rush of bile and anger burning her throat. "I don't know. I'm sure he hates me because I intervened. He always hated when I tried to do damage control and that I would get in the way. I'm sure he feels bad that he didn't kill me instead."

"Do you feel like your life was at risk?"

"He was trying…to strangle me…"

"I'm sorry." Lizzie tapped the desk with her pen and Trina heard the woman clicking her tongue off her cheek. "As a general rule, do you worry about other people's problems?"

"Sometimes. I guess I've always put my mom and sister first, before me."

"Okay…now I want you to think about recent events in your life. In the last six months, have you sometimes felt you've lost control over events in your life?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation in her voice. She closed her eyes and let out a vain chuckle. "Oh god yes, though I don't know if I've ever felt like I had control over my life." She cupped her face with her hands and perched her elbows on her knees. "I mean growing up, living in an abusive home with parents who don't act like they care and a sister that one minute says she loves me and the next accuses me of wanting to leave her so she tells me she hates me…God, I don't even know. I feel like I've always been pulled in multiple directions."

"So you can say you don't have a solid sense of direction, huh?"

"Yeah…I guess…"

"We'll work on that as well." Lizzie's smile warmed her heart and she let herself relax again. The next few questions were in regards to how she felt about lying, to which she didn't like being dishonest but felt only on rare occasions a white lie might be acceptable.

She also answered that she didn't feel like a risk taker, nor felt like the crime she committed was something she felt proud of or that she was being a risk taker. She did admit that if it came down to protecting her mom and sister from David again, she would probably do whatever it took but she would have gone about the situation differently had she seen any other option.

To the next question asked, Lizzie wanted to know if she was the type of person who walked away from a fight, tries to avoid them but they find her, or if she was the first one in a fight. She answered that normally she would walk away from a fight and doesn't like to get involved in them, but the only fights she's ever been in were with her father.

Mental health came next, and she answered that no she'd never spoken with a psychiatrist or counselor about emotional problems. She answered that no one has ever prescribed her medication for depression, anxiety or other emotional issues, and that she'd never been put in the emergency room for _mental_ health issues.

"And we're done." Lizzie closed the handout and Trina rolled a sigh off her tongue.

"Finally." She laughed and stared down at the seventeen page document. "So, what score or level does that put me at?"

"I won't know yet. I have to number them on a separate sheet of paper, and then I will send it in to the people that deal with this assessment. They will come back to me. We rely solely on fact and not opinion or observation, so this has little bearing, but if I had to guess I'd say you might be a level two or three."

Her heart sank a little, but she brushed it off even still. "I don't know what I expect, but I guess I understand." She watched the woman write on the back of her business card, then sighed when she handed it over. "My next office visit?"

"Yes. I want you to work on trying to find employment." Lizzie raised her index finger and retained her warm smile. "That's the first step. Find employment, and I might suggest giving some thought on living arrangement as well."

"I'll try. And you said earlier one of the things I have is community service hours?"

"Yes."

"I guess I'll have to look for something there. I don't know where to start."

"I'd suggest goodwill, they're always taking people." Lizzie grabbed a few more sheets from her drawer and handed them over. "I'm going to suggest you attend AA meetings as well."

"Alcoholics Anonymous? Great." She could tell the woman was being nice by saying 'suggest'. It was clear that she would have to attend these classes. The department was based on 'change for the better'. "I don't know how I can improve or get better when I don't even believe it…"

"I know. It's hard at first, but you'll get there. You just have to keep pushing, don't give up."

"You won't give up, will you? I mean, it's your job, so…"

"Don't worry, it's my job because I enjoy working with people." Trina stood and smiled as Lizzie extended her hand. "You have my office number, so call me anytime. I will see you next month."

Trina shook her hand and nodded. "Right." This was going to be one hell of a ride, there was no doubt in her mind about that.

* * *

So it begins, a long journey on Probation. It is hectic, but let's see if Trina will improve at all.


	20. Terms and Ultimatums

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 20 (Terms and Ultimatums)

Parked in a supermarket lot, Trina sat in a relaxed state in her car with her left hand on the top of the steering wheel and her right hand gripping the phone against her ear. "So if I want to eat out, I can't go places that have alcohol?" She was double checking with Lizzie on all the terms of probation, and still trying to assess just how she was going to survive this. "What if I want to buy groceries? Stores like Walmart sell alcohol, am I supposed to avoid those?"

"The terms aren't that meticulous," Lizzie replied, "It's obvious that you have to eat. The Judge isn't going to care if you walk past the beer section while on your way to the bread aisle, but of course you can't buy the alcohol."

"Not that they would let me, since I'm not twenty-one yet." She rolled her eyes and glanced at the supermarket. "But I get it. Just avoid the temptation, right?" This was going to be hell, since all her sources of alcohol were cut off anyway. Without Marcus, she couldn't get anything, and she certainly couldn't go near her father. "I do have one other question."

"What is it?"

"I know I have to avoid my father, not that I want to be anywhere near him anyway, but does that apply to my mom and my sister?" She wanted a restraining order placed on her father, just in case. While he never came after her before, there was no telling how much trouble he'd try and get her into now just to spite her. "I'm kind of terrified of him, but that doesn't mean I want to avoid my mom or my sister."

"You don't have to stay away from them. There's no court order requiring you avoid either your mother or your sister."

"Okay." She caught a glimpse of something in the corner of her eyes and looked over to see a sight that stilled her breath for a moment. It was Jason, walking alongside an older woman who was pushing a stroller. Her heart broke when she saw the baby that was sleeping within. "Oh...Jason and his mom are shopping…"

"What?"

She blinked twice, realizing she'd forgotten for a moment that she was on the phone. The mist in her eyes splashed out and she quickly cleared her throat. "You remember I told you about Rachel? The baby I gave up…I'm sitting at the supermarket, and the guy that adopted her just walked past me with I think his mother."

Her left hand slid away from the steering wheel and dropped to her abdomen as her stomach began to fill with air. "Rachel looks so precious."

"You're not following them, are you?"

"No. I had no idea they'd be here." Her heart stopped and she raised an eyebrow. "Should I not be near them either?"

"No that's not it." Lizzie's voice was soft and quick. Trina waited for an explanation, in hopes of understanding where an issue could be if she were in the same vicinity of the man that was now raising her daughter. "You just need to be careful is all. If they thought the child's birth mother was following them, they might seek legal measures against you."

"It's not like I'm going to try and take Rachel back. I know I can't take care of her."

"I know, but do they know that?"

"Not exactly…but don't worry, I'm not going to be in contact with them." At least not right now. Maybe one day in the future she might. She wanted to be a part of her daughter's life when the time was right, and she wasn't going to obsess over it. "I'll be careful. They don't know me anyway, so even if we're in the same area, I doubt they'd think anything of it unless I said something."

"I understand, and I know it's difficult seeing them."

Her heart constricted and she ran her hand over her chest in a slow, circular motion. "More than you could ever realize." Trina closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Do you think she'll hate me? When she grows up, will she resent me for giving her up?"

"I think she'll want to know why you gave her up, like every child in her situation, but I don't think she'll hate you. Even when she might be old enough to understand your reason, I'm sure she would understand."

"I hope so." She took a sudden and deep breath, then held it while struggling to keep back the tears in her eyes as she watched Jason and his mother enter the supermarket.

"Trina, how goes your job search?"

"Terrible. Like everything else. I'm trying, though." She was looking everywhere, ranging from ads in the paper to signs in the doors. There weren't many places that were hiring, and some didn't seem to want someone on probation. Regardless, finding a job was the highest priority if she was to pay her probation fees. "I know if I don't pay those fees, I'll go to jail, and I don't want that."

"Right. And community service hours?"

"I've been down to the Goodwill on Baker Street. They're letting me start next week." It was the first real bit of good news she had, so she was eager to let Lizzie know about it. "I should be able to turn in some hours."

"Alright. I'll make a note of that. Now remember, you need to start attending those AA meetings." Trina raised her head up and leaned back into the chair. The thought of going to those meetings terrified her, especially since she was underage. The class that Lizzie signed her up for was on Friday mornings, so the hassle was going to be waking up and getting to them on time as well.

She knew what was expected of her, so she was going to try even though she didn't think it would help. "I'll do my best."

After the conversation, Trina headed back to her apartment. Every now and then she would second guess herself, questioning how she got herself into the situation she was in and how much she really wanted to try when all she felt like was a failure.

It was difficult to get rid of those thoughts, so she tried in vain to ignore them. They dissipated almost instantly, however, when she saw a strange Ford F-150 sitting in front of her apartment. It was cherry red and had four doors, and despite the strangeness, there was something vaguely familiar about it.

Her front door was open and gave her great cause for concern. Rather than try to contact anyone, she picked up a nearby rock and made her way towards her home, calling out with a shaky tone. "Hello? Who's there?"

Trina raised her hand up and watched a shadow moving near her kitchen, but before she could react, her mother walked out and into view. "Trina!" She dropped the rock to the ground and almost collapsed with it. Holly pursed her lips and tilted her head to the right. "I didn't mean to startle you."

She moved towards the woman, closing her hands and narrowing her eyes. "What are you doing here, mom?" Holly's hands clasped before her abdomen and her brow furrowed.

"You told me to come by earlier. I knocked, but you didn't respond." She remembered now that she had invited her mother over. She wanted to get some fresh air and drive around, so she had done that.

"I must have forgotten. Sorry." There was a rustling sound that drew her attention towards the kitchen. She made her approach and frowned when she saw Gary standing next to the sink. "Hello Officer Malone." Her expression was blank and her monotonous tone caused Gary to raise an eyebrow at her.

He had one of her beer bottles in his hand and was in the process of pouring it down the sink.

"Why are you doing that?"

"Your mother's orders," he replied with a subtle shrug. Trina's lips slid upwards and she closed her eyes.

"I see." She turned towards her mom, laced her fingers together to mimic her mother's posture, and opened her eyes partially. "Mother dearest?"

Holly moved her hands to her hips and begun to tap her left foot on the ground. "Alcohol has and is ruining this family." Trina heard the clink of a bottle being tossed into the trash bin and she flinched. "It's caused your father to go insane and now you're on probation."

"I am on probation because of dad. Not because of alcohol."

"Alcohol influenced the whole ordeal."

Gary crossed his arms and stepped alongside her. "Your mother is right." Trina shot him a glare and folded her arms. "Plus, as a police officer, I happen to be familiar with the terms of probation. Among which states you cannot have alcohol…not to mention you're underage."

Holly reached forward and grasped Trina's upper arms. She looked into her eyes and curled her eyebrows up in the center. "Trina I wish you would have told me when things were getting so bad. I mean, I knew about Marcus, but I didn't realize you'd been drinking or even that you might have been involved in…drugs…"

"Yeah well, I can't do either anymore, so…"

Holly pulled her forward and closed her arms around her, squeezing so tight that it was difficult to breathe. After a few seconds, she started to push and Holly leaned back. "There's still the chance of relapse, sweetheart." Holly's nose wiggled and the woman glanced around the house. "You're all by yourself here, the house is a dump and Gary says there's crime in this neighborhood."

"Well. Marcus _was_ murdered here, in case you've forgotten."

"Drug dealers hang around this neighborhood," Gary remarked in a husky tone, "There are gang shootouts that happen down the street rather constantly." Holly gasped out and Trina's eyebrows pushed up.

She didn't realize the crime rate was that bad, or she knew it was bad but she never took the time to pay much attention to the level. "So? I can't help it. I live here now."

"It isn't safe for you," Holly cried, "You're in constant danger here."

"Seriously mom, I've lived here for a couple years as is." She rolled her eyes and stepped away from her mother. "I'm in less danger than I was with my boyfriend, and certainly less than I was with dad." She couldn't figure out what it was they wanted, and part of her didn't want to concern herself with them, but she couldn't bring herself to turn her mom away.

At this point she had no one else and she acknowledged it, so the attention her mother was giving her was still nice.

"Trina." Holly clasped her trembling hands before her chest and leaned towards her. "I've spoken with your landlord." Her body tensed and her eyes drifted to the corners. "She told me what the situation with your rent is."

"Oh?"

"She's tried to be accommodating but she's on her last leg." This was true, the landlord was getting a bit antsy in regards to the lack of rent she was receiving. "I know you don't have a job, I know you can't make payments on rent right now, much less the fees you have to pay towards your probation…"

"No offense, but is this going somewhere?"

"Yes." Holly dropped her hands to her sides and her compassioned expression grew firm. "I don't want you living here, Katrina. It's not safe, you can't make payments on rent, and I don't feel comfortable knowing your life is at risk and you don't have anyone holding you accountable."

She turned partially and felt her body growing cold. "Well. What do you suggest, then?"

"I've spoken to Gary. He has an extra room." Her eyes grew wide and her jaw fell open. She was about to protest when her mother raised a hand and cut her off. "I'm not taking 'no' as an answer either."

"I don't need to live with this guy, mother, I can take care of myself."

"My decision is final." Holly frowned and a sigh rolled away from her lips. "Honey I just want you to be safe. I want to know you're okay, and this is just temporary. Until you can get your feet on solid ground."

"What about you? What about Tori? You two are the ones still with that asshole."

Gary moved to the wall and leaned his left shoulder against it. "I'm currently investigating him." She did a double take and studied Gary closely as though sizing him up. "I'm waiting. The next time he does anything that can be proven, I'll deal with him. I've tried telling your mother to take Tori and come with me, but she's not budging on that."

"Tori's mental state is fragile right now," Holly replied, "I don't want to just rip her from her father and risk causing a massive fight with her. She knows how he is, but she still clings to him for whatever reason. You don't have that problem."

"Obviously."

"So that's why I'm pushing for this."

There was no foreseeable way she was going to win this argument, so rather than prolong it, she decided it was best to give in. "Fine. I'll go with Gary." At least it was only temporary as her mother indicated, so she would be able to leave in the future if she ever did get back on her feet.

* * *

So what are your thoughts pertaining to everything that has happened in this chapter?


	21. First Steps

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 21 (First Step)

Gary's home looked fairly simple, and much less extravagant than she thought. It had one story and was built from brick and stone, and it looked small from the outside. "This is your place?" She crossed her arms and sulked in the passenger seat of his truck. "I kind of had the image of a rich snob for a while."

He turned off the ignition and looked at her with an arched eyebrow. "I know you're not thrilled with this situation, but your mother is trying to look out for you." He hung his right elbow over the chair and turned to her. "I know you don't have a high opinion of me either-"

"It's not what you think." Her eyes slid to the corners and slanted as she glared back at him. "I appreciate you helping, and I don't even mind that you're there for my mother." She uncrossed her arms and looked back at the window. "I know my father's an asshole, but you were once a friend of his. Close, even. You went behind your friend's back and started an affair with his wife. That's the part about this whole thing that I don't like."

Gary lowered his shoulders and spoke quietly. "I know, and while I am sorry for how that happened, I'm not apologetic for being there. I do care about your mother, and I care about you and your sister as well. You're right, it was wrong of me to go behind your father's back in that way."

"Yeah." Trina moved her hand to the door handle and shrugged. "I guess I shouldn't be angry though. You're probably better for my mother than that asshole, and if she trusts you…fine."

She pushed the door open and started to step out, but stopped for a second. There was a nagging feeling in her that kept drawing her back to the man. She didn't want to start off on the wrong foot with this guy since he was just helping her out, and she was grateful for it.

"I'm sure you're a great guy, Officer Malone, don't get me wrong. Just, right now, that's probably the best I can actually show you right now."

"I'll take that." He opened the door and left the car. "You ready to go inside?"

"Yeah…" She followed the man into the house and was once again astonished by the size of the home. The living room was small and connected to the kitchen, but it was incredibly clean. There was a doorway that led into a hall, which Gary guided her into.

Down the hall was a bathroom on the right, then two bedrooms at the end, with one on each side. The master bedroom was on the right and the guest bed was on the left.

"So this is where I'll be sleeping, huh?" The guest bedroom had a surprisingly cozy feel to it. The walls were painted a light sandy color and the peach carpeting had a neat and trimmed appearance. The bed itself had a large mattress covered by crème blanketing and double pillows. "It's nice. I hate to take up your guest room."

"Well I don't get many visitors, truth be told."

Trina put her hands to her hips and gave a light chuckle. "Mom probably sleeps in your bed with you." She turned around and saw Gary shaking his head. His arms were crossed and he had a strong posture. "What?"

"I'll be clear. While yes, your mother and I have been seeing each other, we have not slept together." A strain of guilt shot into her and she bit down on her lip as Gary walked out of the bedroom. "I'll have dinner ready in an hour, so feel free to get settled in."

"I didn't mean to offend you."

"Don't worry about it." She fell onto the bed with a sigh and let herself sink into the mattress. Laying back, it felt as though it was made of only air. Above her the ceiling fan spun at low speed. Her eyes followed the blades and she remained silent, taking in the small moment of peace that she had.

Time passed and she decided to explore the rest of the house. There were photographs in frames on the walls that caught her attention, mostly scenic pictures, but there were a few of Gary and very little of anybody else.

Throughout the living room, the hallway, and even the guest room, she saw no photographs of anybody besides Gary-and perhaps one of her mother. When she made her way into the master bedroom, however, that trend changed.

On the desk that stood against the wall adjacent to the wall to Gary's bed was an elaborate standing picture frame in gold. She lifted the frame with careful hands and the air in her lungs began to evaporate as she stared at the beady brown eyes of a young child looking back at her.

The child looked no more than the age of two and was sitting with her tiny legs bending at an inward angle. The child's hands were in the center of the oval formed by the legs, and her face was caught in the middle of a happy laugh. Soft brown hair flowed just past the girl's cheeks.

Trina's hands began to shake and a nervous sensation shot down her spine. "Excuse me." She gasped out and almost dropped the photo while spinning on her heels. Gary was in the doorway, leaning against the frame. His hands were pocketed and his calm gaze seemed focused on the picture. "What are you doing, Trina?"

"I was just looking around, that's all." She placed the frame back on the desk and swept her hair over her shoulder. "Wanted to get a feel for where I'll be living." He hummed and Trina walked past him.

He didn't tell her to stay out of the master bedroom, so she didn't think she was invading-or hoped that she wasn't. "That's my daughter." She stopped in the middle of the hallway and glanced back over her shoulder. "She would be your age right now."

Her lips separated and her hands started to close. _Would be?_ She didn't want to pry and ask about it, especially since those words implied the child wasn't alive; or at the very least, she wasn't in Gary's life anymore.

Gary walked by her, patting her shoulder as he passed her up. "Come on, dinner's ready."

Dinner consisted of homemade lasagna served with freshly steamed broccoli and a side of minestrone soup. She almost devoured it, all while noticing Gary watching her closely. After a while she slowed down and started to relax, so as not to make him think she was a slob.

"Sorry Officer Malone."

"You can call me Gary if you'd like." A playful smirk formed at his mouth and his eyelids sank halfway. "Hell, you can call me 'asshole' if you want. I know I'm overdue." She smirked back and shrugged.

"You're letting me stay with you for the time being. I'll at least attempt to be cordial. Just let me do me, let me try and take care of myself."

"Okay. That works." Gary spooned his soup and blew on it gently before pushing it between his lips. Trina peered down at her meal and started to think back to the picture of Gary's daughter. She couldn't help the curiosity she had and against her better judgement, she had to ask.

"I'm sorry if I'm prying, but…I never knew you had a daughter." His eyes lifted towards her and he managed to hold onto his composure. "I mean, where is she? Is she-did she pass?"

"I lost her, but no, she's still alive." He straightened himself and his shoulders sloped down. "Her mother has custody of course, so it's rare I ever see her."

"I'm sorry." She bowed her head and slid her hands into her lap. "I didn't mean to pry. I know that must be a personal subject for you."

"It is okay." He pointed his spoon at her meal. "How's the food?" She flashed a smile and picked up her fork.

"Delicious. Thank you." She took another bite of her food and stared across the table, watching Gary as he ate. "So…where are you from? Your last name sounds Italian." Gary wiped his mouth with a napkin and then folded it carefully.

"My stepfather is Italian. My parents were Spanish, although I was born in the states." She was impressed, especially since he never gave any indication that he was of Spanish heritage. There was so much she didn't know about this man, so much that she felt she needed to start getting to know him. "After my daughter was born, I went back to Spain for several years to take care of my grandparents for a while."

"Is that why she's not a part of your life anymore?"

"Something like that." Gary leaned back in his chair and set his palms gently on the table. "My career at the time kept me away. I wasn't a police officer first, only that I went through the police academy."

Trina closed her fingers around her silverware and curved up the right corner of her lip. "What were you, CIA or something?" He laughed.

"No. I was in the military, special task force unit. Kept me away from home a lot." He smirked back at her and raised his hands up to perch his chin on. "My kid's mother didn't like it, so is that what you wanted to know?" Her cheeks burned red and she glanced down at her food in haste.

"So you met Dad at the police academy."

"Yes. Obviously I left to take care of my grandparents when they needed me, so I wasn't a police officer for long. I came back after about ten or twelve years, your father was the one that managed to give me a job."

"And your daughter?"

His eyebrow rose and his mouth stretched into a thin line. "Why are you so interested in my daughter?"

"No reason." She didn't know why she was, at least nothing more than mere curiosity. "I guess I was just curious if she was in your life. Maybe I'd meet her or something, since mom has me living here with you." Gary closed his eyes and shook his head.

"She wants very little to do with me."

"I'm surprised. It's not like you're a bad person or anything." She crossed her arms and shrugged. "Maybe your moral compass is slightly pointed south because of your affair with mom, but hey, you're not a terrible person."

Gary belted out a rich laugh and flashed a quick smile. "I appreciate that. I think." He grabbed his empty plate and stood up. "I am sorry you've had to suffer your dad's abuse. If I had known how he was treating his family, I would have tried to do something sooner."

"Not your fault." He couldn't be blamed for not seeing the signs at first, or even his lack of desire for seeing the signs. After all, he was practically indebted to David for giving him his job when he returned to the states. "You could arrest him, you know."

"I'm working on it." Gary set his dishes in the sink and turned on the faucet. His forehead grew heavy and the skin around his face tensed and folded. "Domestic violence is hard to deal with, Trina. Evidence has to be almost immediate, otherwise we have very little to go on. Then there's the fact that your father _is_ a high ranked official, putting the charge of domestic violence on him is even harder than it would be with a normal citizen."

"Yeah, I guess it doesn't matter…but what are you doing about mom? If you care so much about her, why am I here and she's not?"

"You're here because I brought forward the idea and the two of us discussed it." She did a double take and felt a sudden wave of shock pulse through her body. "The fact that you were put on probation because of that man's abuse was not something anyone was happy about. Your mother isn't here because she doesn't want to leave Tori behind, and she's scared of what your father might do."

"I guess that makes sense." She picked up her dishes and made her way towards the sink. "I'll do the dishes, if that's alright. I need something to keep myself busy." Gary smiled and stepped aside.

"Go ahead. I've got some work I need to get done." As he left the room, Trina looked towards the refrigerator, wondering for a brief second if this man was the type to drink. She shook her head and grabbed a sponge from off the sink; it was unlikely that her mother would even let Trina stay with the guy if he had alcohol in house. Not to mention, she would have to admit usage to Lizzie, and that was another issue altogether.

Gary rolled a computer chair into view of the kitchen archway and Trina glanced up at him. "I thought I'd let you know, Trina, you've got a couple employment options." She furrowed her brow and wiped her wet hands off on her already dampened t-shirt.

"I do?"

"Your mother would like to try and get you a spot as a janitor or orderly at the hospital, and I have a good friend of mine that owns a bakery down the street. I can get them to give you a job if you'd like. Up to you."

"Huh." She shut off the faucet and walked around the kitchen counter. "Cleaning up blood and feces or cooking baked goods?"

"Could be worse than blood." Gary raised an eyebrow and a sly grin appeared in place of his smile. "You could be cleaning up intestines and organs." Trina felt a shudder and quickly shook her head.

"I'll take the bakery." It was one of the last places she thought she'd ever work, and while it wasn't a bad job at all, she wasn't too sure if she'd be capable of holding it down.

* * *

So what are you thinking right now? What observations have you made, and what has grabbed your attention? Will this be a good change of pace for her, do you think?


	22. Teaching the Teacher

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 21 (Teaching the Teacher)

In the present time, Jade took a few seconds to pause her lecture while taking note of the students. Scott and Johnny were writing notes diligently with half of the class, while some students were staring at the ceiling or the powerpoint with their eyes glazed over.

When she glanced over at Rachel, she got a different feeling from the girl. She could see Rachel's pen laying across her journal, and her right hand was trembling underneath her left. It was as though she were trying her best not to let something show. Rachel's eyelids were also lined with moisture and her eyes were focused on the slideshow.

Jade felt someone brush against her and turned as Beck walked past her. "Let's take a ten minute break," Beck said to the class. Those who were sleeping shot up in an instant while those still taking notes that appeared genuinely into the lecture looked on with disappointment.

She put her hands to her hips and smacked her lips together. "Do you normally give your class breaks?" Some of the students filed out of the classroom, leaving their items behind.

"It is a three hour class, Jade. Yes, I give them breaks on a regular basis." Beck grabbed his coffee cup from the desk and shrugged. "Even I have to take a break. My students know they will be marked absent if they take off and do not return."

"That makes sense. I could use a break as well." Even Rachel appeared to need a break. When she looked over, the girl had moved her desk against that of Ryan's and was leaning up against him with her head on his shoulder. "So your niece is dating a fellow student, I see?"

"They've been dating for about two years. He is a good kid." Beck sipped his drink and his eyelids fluttered shut. "I imagine her mother would certainly approve." Jade hummed gently; she didn't think much of his statement but it was curious since Rachel said an hour ago that she'd been adopted. "How much of Trina's life post-probation do you know about, by the way?"

"What do you mean?"

"Simple." Beck lowered his mug and peered at her with a slant in his gaze. "She's your case study, one you were so obsessively following in college when you started your internship, so surely you know how she fared after probation."

Jade turned to him and crossed her arms. Her muscles grew tight and her mouth flatlined. "I keep in contact with her on occasion. When I have to give a lecture, for instance. I'm telling her life story, she gives me the permission to do so."

"So she knows you're lecturing for my class?"

"Not entirely, she doesn't usually ask about the details. She only ever told me to let her know when I have to lecture for a class, so I do, and that's all she's concerned with. Just knowing that it's happening."

"I see." Beck placed the cup back on his desk and turned his head towards his niece. "Then I will have to pick up where your lecture leaves off."

"And you think you know where my lecture ends?"

"Yes, but I suspect it's not the end of the story." Beck had the familiar cryptic demeanor that Mr. Sikowitz often did when the man was attempting to teach them something. While it was annoying, Jade understood that it meant Beck might actually know something she didn't.

"What exactly are you saying? Is there something I don't know?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. You might have a PhD, but even you're capable of missing some crucial details." There was a coldness in his eyes and a fierce demeanor that she could still feel as he turned away and approached his chair. "Why did I break up with you in college, Jade?"

"Easy." Jade walked to the front of his desk and shot a glare at him. "Because I was still paranoid that you were cheating on me anytime you looked at a woman, and that upset you, so you dumped me." Beck reclined in the chair and flashed a toothy smirk.

"Is that what you think? You're a smart woman, but you're so very wrong." She started to scoff and rolled her head back slowly. "What was my primary concern in college? What was I always worrying about? What was I always complaining about?"

"Lack of attention?"

"That's one." He raised a finger and narrowed his eyes. "You were so damn focused on your case study that you never bothered to pay any attention to my needs or my concerns at the time. What was the big life change I was dealing with at that time, Jade? Think about it."

"I don't know."

Beck's expression fell flat and he dropped his hand to the desk. "My dad just told me he wasn't my father. You weren't there for me when I needed you during that crucial time. I went trying to find out who my father was, and when I could have used your support, you weren't there."

"So you're blaming me for what? Not being there?"

"Basically." Beck moved his hands behind his head and shut his eyes. "You were also constantly going on and on about Trina and how we'd been treating her in the past. I'd already felt guilty about our treatment of her back then, so that only made things worse."

"You could have said something."

"I did. Over and over again, but you were always quick to shut me down." He looked at the open classroom door and stared at the students standing just outside. "Of course, I found my father in college, you remember. Or well, my brother. Someone we knew very well helped me…"

"Okay?" She poked her thumb over her shoulder. "And your brother was Rachel's adoptive father. Does that add up to anything?"

"More than you appear to realize." He leaned forward, raising his hand up and positioned his index finger and thumb a centimeter apart. "It's also the realization of this crucial detail that was the final straw that enabled me to break it off with you. Something you came to realize in your case study that you told me, which led me into feeling a great deal of more guilt…and for the last time, you shut me down, and I had enough by then."

"So we're no longer together because I never paid attention to you?"

"You always put yourself as first in the relationship, Jade. You needed all the attention, you needed everything and I was to get nothing while giving everything. That was the way you were in high school and in college. So yes, that is one of the big reasons I called it off."

Jade moved her hands to her waist and retorted back with a struggle to continue the conversation with a quiet and calm demeanor. "And this big stunning realization? How does it come into play, exactly, Beck? Why are we even talking about this right now?"

"You've got a doctorate degree, and you still haven't put the pieces together? My niece is struggling not to cry her eyes out in the middle of my class, and I've called for a break five minutes longer than usual, and you still haven't gotten it."

"Walk me through it," she replied bitterly, "Rather than leaving things cryptic."

"If you'll continue your lecture."

"It would be unprofessional for me to end a lecture for any reason."

"Good, but do be a little bit careful." She tilted her head and spread her arms out sideways. Beck rolled his eyes and reached for his coffee mug, but only firmly gripped the handle. "You weren't completely ignorant in college. Who was it that I was _so excited_ about being related to-even though it was only through marriage to my biological father?"

"Our teacher?" She scratched the back of her neck and let out a sigh. That was easy enough, since she remembered clear as day that Beck was always talking about that discovery. There were some times she got onto him about talking about it when she was trying to focus on her studies, but she still thought it was nice that Beck had a tie to Mr. Sikowitz. "Of course I remember that."

"Very good, Jade. You remember that's one of the big reasons I decided I wanted to go into education."

"Right. By the time you got to be a senior, you needed a specialization."

"Yes, my master's program called for me to decide what field of study I wanted to go into." He extended his arm and spread it across the class. "I chose criminal justice because I thought it'd be nice to have something in common with my girlfriend. Among other things."

"Right." She smiled at him and felt a pleasant sense of joy within. "I remember that. I thought it was great at the time."

"Now tell me Jade, who was Mr. Sikowitz's nephew? My half-brother."

"Jason. Jason Tyler. I remember him-we didn't speak much but I remember seeing him when we were over at Sikowitz's place." Beck's smile grew, but it felt more like arrogance than anything else. "You know you're being a bit of an ass, right?"

His smile fell and he furrowed his brow. "You did ask me to walk you through it. I'll be blunt." He crossed his arms and glanced back at his niece. "Rachel is Jason's adoptive daughter. She was given to him through slightly mysterious circumstances by a woman that felt she had no other options left."

This time it wasn't a riddle he was speaking in. As it dawned on her, she could feel the wind being knocked out of her as if someone just delivered a punch to her chest. "No." She put her hand on her chest and looked back at Rachel. "How did I not see it?"

"No one can fault you for it. You've been so engrossed in your lecture that you haven't really paid that much attention to the signs." Her knees started to buckle and her trembling hand moved down to her stomach. "I do ask that you continue your lecture though, because it is a great lesson on criminology and my students can and are benefiting from it. Of course, I've also planned a test on it…"

He clasped his hands together and leaned towards her, sliding his closed hands forward to the center of the desk. "Of course I ask that you be a little more cautious on the details from here on out. You're not doing anything wrong, but as you can tell, Rachel is already quite aware that you're talking about her mother…and I know you've got some other delicate material coming up…"

"I suspected." She stammered for a bit and brought her hand to her head. "I just thought it would be too much of a coincidence. I wasn't being intentionally ignorant of anything."

"I know, and I apologize for making it seem that way." Beck leaned back, exhaling as he did. "I think it's just seeing my niece on the verge of tears that's getting to me." His voice deepened and his narrow eyes slid towards the projection. "Not to mention, I wasn't expecting to see the photograph of Marcus's body. My students are accustomed to seeing police images, but that-"

"I know." She winced and sat on the corner of his desk. "Her birth father. That's just a start too, there's a lot more information coming up. Should she be sent home?"

"No. That would do nothing. She's always wanted to know more about her mother, so I don't think she'd leave even if asked. Just be prepared if she asks anymore questions about her mother, or even other certain people coming up in the future of your lecture…"

"I will." She nodded and looked at the clock. It was almost time to get back to the lecture. "Thank you for informing me of this, Beck. Feel free to stop me at any time or take any other breaks if you feel it's needed."

She pushed herself from the desk and walked a few steps to the center of the room, stopping only when she felt a strain of guilt drifting into her heart. "Oh, and Beck?" Jade looked over her shoulder, curling her eyebrows together and frowning as he glanced up from the notes in front of him. "I'm sorry I didn't pay enough attention to you and your feelings back in college. Or even high school…"

The corners of his mouth indented in his cheeks and he raised his hand up, as if to wave her off. "It's alright, Jade. What's past is past, I suppose."

"Funny that it should be said like that. Right now." She started to turn back to the class, but paused for a second and lowered her voice to a hushed tone. "Do you know anything about Trina's life after her probation, Beck?"

If he knew anything, she wondered whether it would be important enough to note. "I do," he replied. She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly. "I know she got married, but her husband passed away due to some kind of disease."

"Oh…" Her blood ran cold and her hand lifted up to her forehead. She had a feeling of who that person might be, but couldn't be certain. Her case study on Trina's life came to an end when Trina finished up her probation, so Beck's prior statement regarding Trina's post-probation life might be necessary. "If you know anything at all, Beck, feel free to fill in the gaps."

"I will. If anything, Rachel deserves that much right now."

* * *

What are your thoughts? What further details do you anticipate there could be, and how would Beck know anything further? Still we known nothing of Trina's present day status. Looks like we've also discovered what happened between Beck and Jade, though that's not as important in the grand scheme of things.


	23. First Job

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 23 (First Job)

Getting the job at the Sweet Anne's bakery wasn't too difficult, since Gary's friend trusted the officer at his word and was willing to give her a chance. The owner wasn't entirely fond of the fact that she was on probation, or the priorities of probation that took away from her availability at work, but he was willing to forego many of his concerns.

The bakery was a medium sized business with a display case that separated the staff and kitchen from a dining area that consisted of about six round tables with white tablecloths. It was a privately owned shop that, according to Gary, had been opened and named as a gift for the owner's fiancé.

"The guy's giving me a chance." Trina tied the straps of her crème apron around her neck and lower back, then adjusted the collar of the red polo shirt that was neatly tucked into khaki colored pants. "I may as well try."

She didn't want to let this person down or disappoint Gary, since he was the one that put this opportunity forward. It was a sign that both Gary and the owner felt she might have some value after all, and she wanted to see if she really did have some worth.

Trina tied her hair in a ponytail and placed the red ball cap on her head. It was almost too convenient that Gary even had a friend that ran a bakery, but she figured the man had plenty of contacts he'd built over the years; not to mention how ironic it was he found the one thing her mother claimed she had a talent for.

Her eyes traveled to the cakes and donuts in the display cases and she started to smile as a warm sensation flooded her veins. "Well," she said with a quick breath, "At least I do enjoy baking."

"Trina?" A familiar and shrill voice rang in the air and turned her warm feeling into ice. Her heart began to pound as her eyes slid to the corners of their sockets where she spotted the bubbly redhead approaching her.

"Cat?" Her hands closed tight and her muscles tensed to the point of creating a rush of pain throughout her body. "What are you doing here?" Cat closed her hands together and belted out a joyous laugh.

"I work here part time!" Those words almost floored her, but she fought against the urge to run and turned to give her full attention to the girl. "I mean, my new roommate and I got this babysitting thing going on that we're doing, but that only gives us so much, so I thought I'd take up a job."

"So you're here." She pointed her index fingers to the ground and narrowed her eyes. "Of all places. You're here?" The last words fell from her mouth as a hiss. It wasn't as though she were angry, so much as she was baffled and confused. One of the last people she wanted to see right now was one of her sister's friends. "You can't be here."

Cat's lips pursed and she tilted her head to the right. "Why not?" Trina waved her hand in the air and moved away.

"You're one of Tori's friends, one of those…I don't know."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I'm not really on speaking terms with Tori anymore." She flinched and looked over as Cat moved towards the oven. "I think everyone's starting to grow apart, if that makes any sense." She put her hands to her hips and tapped her left foot on the ground as though trying to distract herself.

"No. It doesn't."

"Well, how do I put it?" Cat grabbed an oven mitt and then reached into the oven to remove one of the trays that was inside. "My roommate and I were talking about the way everyone is and she said they sound kind of like they're the type to put people down. I said she was right, but I hung out with them because I didn't really have anyone else to talk to."

"So you've stopped hanging out with them?"

"Yeah, I mean, Sam's great." Cat started inspecting the rolls she'd just removed and then she tore the mitt from her hand. "I guess I've spent more time with her and less with the others, so I've just gotten over them."

"I wouldn't think they're bad people. You guys always seemed good for Tori."

'Tori's…" Cat smacked her lips and closed her eyes. "The others haven't really noticed things because they're always talking and carrying on, but I've always noticed something odd about her. You're her sister, so…"

"I don't like to talk shit about her, Cat."

"I know, and that's one thing." Trina crossed her arms and squinted at the girl. Part of her wanted to change the subject, but the desire to hear more of what Cat was going to say about her sister was greater. "She has no trouble making you or her family look bad, and I never really felt comfortable about that. I never liked how the others just played along with her and treated you badly because of what she said, it wasn't like they knew you personally, right?"

"Yeah…"

"I mean look, none of them knew you might be a baker!" She let out a soft chuckle and uncrossed her arms. For the moment, she could let her guard down with this girl, but not by much. Cat spun around and her long ponytail slapped into the air like a horse's tail. "Anyway, I'm supposed to help train you."

Her right eyebrow arched high and the corners of her mouth dipped about an inch. "You are?" Cat was far too bubbly for her and it was difficult to take the girl seriously, much less allow herself to be trained or supervised by her. "Don't get me wrong, but-"

"Yep. Michael says a friend of his recommended you to him." She watched Cat push the rolls into the display window, carefully placing them in an even lines and rows. "I understand they say you're pretty good at baking and decorating."

A proud smirk grew on her face and she brought her hand up to her chest. "Well, I've been making stuff with my mom ever since I was a little girl. I take pride in that kind of stuff." She dropped her hand and walked towards the display case. "I also like to experiment and create stuff. Did Tori ever tell you about the birthday cake I made for her a while back?"

Cat squinted and looked up, humming for a few seconds before snapping her fingers excitedly. "The Italian cream with filling?" She flashed a toothy grin at the redhead and nodded. "Well." Cat looked at her with a challenge and folded her arms. "Do you think you could replicate that if I asked you to? We do custom cakes as well for people, so if you're as good about those creations as you say you are, that'll be a great help."

"You want me to replicate it, I can and I will."

Cat scratched her chin and looked towards the supplies on the counters nearby. "Let me run you through the basics with the tools we have here, then I'll give you some time to replicate that cake and show me what you've got."

Trina clapped and rubbed her hands together while making her way to the utensils. "Great. I'm eager to get started."

"If it's good enough that Michael likes it, we may put that as this coming week's special." Her mouth opened in a circle and looked at Cat with some confusion. After a few seconds, the girl clarified her point. "Every week the employees here make a creation of their own, we taste it and have one of our regular customers taste it, and if it's good enough, we put that out as a special throughout the week that people can order."

"Wow." Her eyes grew a bit and she looked to an empty cake stand on top of the display case. "So, you're saying if my cake is good enough, it can be put on display as a special order for a week?"

"Yeah. Not only does it give people a chance to see and taste your work but it also gives the employees here some friendly competition. Everyone puts forth their best effort to make the best dish. Of course, the 'winner' there doesn't get to participate the next week, but either way, it's one of Michael's ways to motivate staff."

It was an amazing method, and she was happy to have that opportunity. "I think that would mean a lot, but you make it sound almost certain that my cake might go up next week. Why?"

"Because you're the new employee." Cat folded her arms and shrugged. "New employees always get honors, but of course everyone actually has to like it first. Obviously if it's not up to par, and improvement suggestions can't help it, then it won't go up."

"Okay."

"When I first started, I got to make my grandma's cupcakes, and they were on display for about a week."

"What kind did you make?"

"Red Velvet. You know, I've always loved that flavor. Red velvet cupcakes with a creamy cherry filling, strawberry and cream cheese icing, and a single raspberry to top it off." Trina's stomach rumbled and her lips started to drool as she envisioned the cupcakes. Cat glanced at her and started to laugh. "I'll make some more sometime, so you can actually try them."

"That would be great."

"Yeah. So let's get started, and then you'll have plenty of time to actually prepare and make your cake. I look forward to it, and of course, I'll let Michael know."

"Thanks, Cat."

It didn't take long for her to get a solid understanding of the tools she'd be working with, or the way to prepare the food. Once Cat was done instructing her on how to do things, she supervised her on making a single and simple tray of sugar cookies, just to make sure she knew what she was working with.

After that was done, Trina was granted the use of the kitchen to make her Italian Cream cake with delicious lemon filling. She decided not to put the image of her sister on it, since she didn't have the image, but Cat provided her with a workable subject since she liked the idea of having an image on the cake to make it all the more personalized.

Since Trina knew her family came from Spain, she'd always had a fascination and a desire to go to the country. With that, Cat found a landscape image in Spain with rolling green hills and a distant and ancient castle, then printed it out for her to use.

Trina lined the bottom with rose and tulip frosting, then framed the photograph not with candles, but an extravagant spiral frosting design.

Once finished, Trina carried the cake to a table where Cat, Michael, a couple of her fellow co-workers, and Gary himself were waiting. "What are you doing here?" She asked to the officer. Gary flashed a smile and motioned to the cake.

"I'm here to try your cake."

Beside him, Michael had his hand to his chin and was sliding his fingers down his stubbly grey goatee. "He's one of our routine customers that comes by to taste our employee's work. I told him you were doing one this time and he came right over. A shame your mother didn't decide to come."

"Holly is busy at the hospital right now, Mike." Gary peered down at the cake with a glint of admiration. "Looks great, Trina." She felt a spark of pride and locked her hands together behind her back.

"I don't know how great it is, I certainly hope you guys like it."

Cat picked up a knife and began to cut the cake in small squares. "I'm sure we will." As she pulled the first slice over to a plate, the warm lemon feeling oozed out with it. "Oh that's a nice touch."

Michael pat Gary on the back as Cat handed the first place to him. "No bias allowed here, Malone." Gary raised an eyebrow and Trina rolled her eyes.

"What bias is there, Mike? If it's good, it's good." Cat placed the remaining plates in front of everyone and turned to Michael with a playful smirk.

"He's got a point."

"Yep." Gary pushed his fork through his slice and lifted it towards his mouth, pausing to look at Michael with a sideways glance. "I don't appreciate the joke, Mike." He chewed and swallowed the bite, then took his napkin to wipe his mouth. "It has a great taste. Italian cream has always been a favorite of mine as well."

Trina beamed with joy and watched the others dig into their slices. As they ate, Gary started to inspect the image on the cake. "Interesting castle image." Trina looked to the cake as Gary pointed his fork to it. "Arévalo, found in the Ávila, Castile and León province of Spain."

Intrigued by the knowledge, Trina sat beside Gary and looked at the cake in silence with the others. "What do you know about it, Gary?"

"You know the story of Queen Isabella?"

"A little." She knew that was the queen that granted Columbus his journey to discovering America. She was also instrumental in ending the Spanish Reconquista in the late 1400s.

"She grew up in that castle, it was her childhood home. She also married King Ferdinand there." He leaned back and glanced to Michael. "You might consider putting that little side tale on display with the cake."

Trina curled her wrist under her chin and leaned forward, perching her elbow on the table. "Are you suggesting that the cake is good enough to be put out?"

"I'd say it's a winner."

"It is good," Cat replied, "I love the lemon filling. The story behind that picture is pretty intriguing too." The other employees murmured in agreement. Trina's heart rose and she leaned back slowly, smiling wide as Michael nodded.

"It is good enough that I think our customers would certainly enjoy it. I say we put it out on display." With that said, Trina was happy to make more of these cakes for any customer that ordered one. It might be exhausting to replicate it, but if everyone enjoyed it, then surely it would be worth it.

* * *

Thoughts and observations?


	24. Crisis Averted

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: There's another "familiar" face in this chapter. A little "easter egg" for my readers

* * *

Chapter 24 (Crisis Averted)

The clock struck the final hour of her shift at the Goodwill shop, so Trina headed for the office of the supervisor who handled the paperwork to show the CSR hours that she was to work.

It had been a long day and she was exhausted, so she was eager to finish. Unfortunately the day was hardly over, since her next step was to get to the AA class. Trina was trying to do the math for all the things she was going to have to deal with on probation, and for her, she was more concerned with the fees and wanted to try and remain on top of those.

For Probation fees, there was the balance owed and the amount that she could be delinquent. Each month that she didn't pay, the higher the delinquent amount would grow. Both her balance and community service hours required were in the hundreds, so it would certainly take time to bring it all up. She'd be making monthly payments which were a minimum of fifty dollars.

"There you are." The supervisor was hidden behind the clutter on her desk. The woman raised her arm over a stack of papers and extended the signed document. "Five hours, complete." Trina thanked her and took the form. "Will we see you again this week or next?"

"Maybe." She folded the page and pushed it into her purse. "I have to make sure I can schedule it in." It was easy enough at first, but she'd been warned not to let everything she had to deal with overwhelm her. It could just as easily happen if she let one thing slip up.

Not to mention she could get in trouble with Lizzie if she missed something. The last thing she wanted was to get a violation report. There was no telling how many violation reports she could get before her officer would file a motion to revoke, and she had to ensure that wouldn't happen, no matter how tough probation would become.

Even still, nothing was easy, and so far things had been all too easy for her. She was waiting for something to go wrong.

The parking lot of the Goodwill was near empty at the end of the day, which was a relief since she didn't have to search for her car.

She made her way to her parking space and stopped when she saw a black car in place of her vehicle. Standing outside the car was a tall Asian woman with long black hair and a dark suit.

Her fingers tightened around the strap of her purse and her muscles tensed as she searched the area for her vehicle. "Excuse me," Trina said with a shaky breath. "Have you seen-"

"Your vehicle?" The woman removed the black shades and slowly folded the arms of the sunglasses. "It's not here." Her eyes grew wide and her body stiffened. The woman reached into her blazer and removed a small billfold.

Trina took a slow and deep breath while taking a step back. "Who are you?" The billfold fell open and a detective badge glinted in the orange sky.

"Detective Shelby Rosania." Her hold on the purse loosened and a nervous lump formed in her throat. "I work for Detective Malone. You can relax." Shelby flashed a warm smile and Trina started to relax, but remained hesitant.

"I thought I was in trouble. Where's my car?"

"Come with me. Detective Malone wants me to drive you home. I'll explain the situation with your car on the way." Shelby walked around to the driver's side and Trina entered the front passenger side.

"So…" She looked at the backseat where there were three boxes with her name. Inside the opened boxes were items she identified as having been in her car. "So you know Gary? I've always known him as Officer Malone, not Detective."

"People tend to mistake the titles, using them interchangeably." Shelby started up the car and pointed to the seatbelt. "Buckle up."

"Sorry."

"Gary is a homicide _detective_. He does not do the things that officers do. He can, and on occasion he might, but first and foremost he is a detective."

"How long have you worked for him? Or with him, you're a detective too, right?"

"Right. My husband and I moved to California about seven years ago. My former boss, Detective Delancy recommended me and Gary is the one that hired me." Trina bent her arm on the edge of the window and perched the side of her head onto her hand.

"That's nice. Where are you from?"

"Originally, China. I moved to Florida when I was a teenager. My grandfather and I moved up to Massachusetts when I was eighteen." Shelby turned out of the lot and started in the direction of Gary's place. "What about you, have you been in California all your life?"

"As far as I know." Her eyes drifted to the window and she watched with a sad smile as the trees blew past her. She never wanted to stay in California for long, but now she didn't have much of a choice. "I remember growing up, wanting to travel, never wanting to stay in one place for too long. I can't do that now, of course."

"Maybe someday."

"Maybe." Trina shrugged and glanced at the rearview mirror, checking her boxes once more. "So what's going on with my car? Also, I have a thing to go to tonight, I don't want to miss it."

"Well, you're probably not going to be able to make that meeting, unfortunately." Her heart sank and she pulled her hand from her head with a sigh. "It seems David reported your car as stolen."

"What?" She flinched and her voice snapped out with a rush of air. "What do you mean 'stolen'? Am I in trouble?"

"No. Detective Malone took care of that." Shelby's right hand tapped on the steering wheel and she glanced sideways with a reassuring look. "To my understanding, the car _was_ still in David's name and he was the one making insurance payments on it. Is that right?"

"Yeah, but I never thought…" Trina groaned and dropped her head against the headrest. Numbness overtook her and she felt her body heating up as if the chair were suddenly on fire. "I can't believe dad would-maybe I shouldn't be surprised."

If this was David's way of trying to screw up her probation, then it certainly would work. He'd let her keep the car when she moved out with Marcus, and never bothered to concern himself with it until now.

It had to be a way of getting back at her.

"Detective Malone and I took all your personal items out of the car and returned it to Mr. Vega. When we cleared up the issue with the Judge that signed the warrant for your arrest, the judge revoked it." Trina clutched her chest and started trembling.

"W-Warrant? There was a warrant out?"

"Yes. Mr. Vega was none too thrilled about the warrant being cleared." She closed her eyes and bowed her head, touching her chin to her chest. "When we returned the car, your mother and I had to keep Detective Malone from ripping his head off right there."

"What happened?" She raised her hands to her head and rubbed circles around her temples. "Why does my father hate me so much? Why is he always trying to ruin my life?"

"Maybe he's not even your father." Trina raised an eyebrow and pulled her fingers from her temples. Shelby's nonchalance made the statement sound less of a joke than it was. The detective shrugged and shifted her eyes over suddenly. "I mean, he certainly doesn't act like one."

"Of course not, he's been abusive for as long as I can remember. Does he try to destroy Tori's life like he has mine? Nope." She crossed her arms and glared out the window with an angry sneer. "Gets me put on probation for trying to protect my family. Tries to report my car as stolen so I can get arrested. I swear he has something against me."

"If I've learned anything about domestic violence, it's all about control. You act in a way that your father cannot control you, and that angers him."

"I don't even live there anymore, how does he think he's going to control me?"

"Well for one, you no longer have a car. I think Detective Malone will try and work something out for you, though."

"What? Drive his truck around or something?"

"It's one possibility, I'm sure."

"Hard to do with him always on call or working."

"Just talk to him. Right now, he's the best asset you've got."

"I know." She huffed and shook her head slowly. "What sucks is he's the guy that mom's having an affair with. You know how hard it is to swallow my pride and deal with that?" Shelby smiled a bit and reached over, patting Trina gently on the shoulder.

"It's alright, I know that's a hard pill to swallow." Trina shrugged and moved towards the door, nestling herself between the door and the chair. She watched Shelby's hand move back to the steering wheel and dipped her gaze towards the coffee cup positioned in the cup holder. "You know, if it makes you feel any better at all, Detective Malone has mentioned knowing your mother before she knew her husband."

Her eyes flew back to the woman and slanted as a strange sensation pulsed through her veins. "What? What do you mean he knew her before?"

"My guess is they dated before he went into the military. With your father's abuse, that history between your mother and Detective Malone makes sense to me." Shelby had a point, and if it was true, then she did understand how easily her mother could have started an affair with Gary.

She grasped her arms with her hands and looked away, parting her lips for a second and struggling to think of anything to say. Still she was too stunned for words and too confused to come up with anything that could possibly be appropriate.

There was more to Gary than what she first thought of him, that much was certain. "Is that just a guess?" She stuttered over her words and raised her hand over her lips.

"Not so much a guess as it is a certainty. There is a photo of the two of them at some college baseball game that he keeps on his desk in the office."

"No wonder he's as concerned about us like he says."

Shelby pulled into Gary's driveway and Trina raised her head up to look at the house. Gary was watching from the front door, his arms were crossed and his forehead was tense with small crease lines stretching across.

She left the car in a hurry and ran towards Gary. He unfolded his arms and met her gaze with his. "What happened?" She asked before reaching him. "What happened with Dad? Shelby told me everything."

"Not everything," Shelby said while walking up behind her. The woman looked from her towards Gary. "I didn't tell her about the fight that happened." Her knees started to buckle and she did a double take, flaring her nostrils. She clenched her fists and started to grind her teeth together.

"What fight?"

Gary frowned and pushed open the door. "Come on inside." He put a hand to her upper back and guided her into the house. "You as well, Detective Rosania."

Trina walked towards the living room recliner and sank into it. She crossed her left leg over her right and folded her arms across her stomach. Shelby took a seat on the couch and Gary stood a few feet from Trina.

"Detective Rosania and I went to return your car to your father after clearing up a warrant he put out for your arrest." Gary raised his finger and narrowed his eyes. "That was his first strike, filing a false report of a stolen vehicle."

"Okay. A fight broke out because of this?"

"Yes. He attacked us quite openly." Gary didn't appear injured at all, but she figured he knew how to defend himself against an assault from his days in the military. He crossed his arms and flashed a smirk. "Unfortunately for him, it was an opportunity I'd been looking for to arrest him."

Her heart skipped and her fingers grabbed at the arms of the chair. "What? He's been arrested?"

"Yes, for assaulting a police officer. Of course, he's also being put under investigation for domestic violence." Gary rolled his head to the right and his body sank as a breath of air fell from his lips. "Your mother had some bruising on her and reported that after he reported the car stolen, she started arguing with him and he struck her…"

"We also took a look at a bullet hole in the wall," Shelby replied, "It seems he fired a shot at someone during that argument. Mrs. Vega says he was only trying to 'scare' them, but we're still looking at it as a part of the assault charge."

Trina felt a sense of bliss that bought her to her feet. Delighted that her father was finally facing justice thanks to Gary, she threw her arms around him without thinking and tightened the hug.

She felt his body flinch and tighten for a split second before relaxing. He gently moved his arms around her and pat her on the back. "Finally," Trina said with a trembling voice. Moisture filled her eyes and she buried her face into the man's shoulder. "Finally that monster's getting what he deserves."

It didn't matter that she was still on probation, or she'd still have to do her time regardless. The important part to all of this was her father's abuse was no longer invisible.

"Internal affairs will also be opening an investigation on him," Shelby said with a whisper. "No matter what the courts decide, there is a very good possibility your father will be out of a job. The alcohol, the history of violence, and a blatant abuse of power-it's only a matter of time."

Trina raised her head and sniffled as the stream of tears framed her nose. "All because he reported my car as stolen? How do the police even determine that was a fraudulent report? Everything was in his name."

"Simple." Gary raised his hand up and slowly wiped her tears with his thumb. "Your mother informed us that they personally allowed you to keep and maintain that car when you moved out, and David flat out told her he was reporting it stolen to get you arrested."

Gary inhaled and stepped back from her. "Alright, let's get you some rest. Unless of course you would like for me to drive you to the AA meeting you have tonight. It's up to you, I will vouch for you if you don't want to go, so you won't get in trouble with your probation officer."

Trina wiped her eyes and looked to the door. "I think I'd still like to try and get there. I know I'll be late, but it's better than not attending, right?" He smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Gary."

* * *

So what are your thoughts on the events of this chapter? It seems David's finally slipped up, and Trina doesn't realize how dangerously close she came to being sent to jail. Still, probation won't be so easy as it is now, long processes are known to grow tedious. Also, interesting to note the history Gary and Holly may have, possibly explains why he is so close to them. So tell me your observations and thoughts, I'm happy to know


	25. The AA Meeting

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 25 (The AA Meeting)

Trina burst through the doors of the meeting, clutching her purse strap tight and trying not to trip on her feet. "Sorry I'm late." The members of the group looked up at her, saying very little as she hurried to the nearest empty seat.

To her dismay the seat was at the front table and nestled between the wall and someone else who looked to be a college student. "You're not too late," the man said with a chuckle in his voice. Trina swept her hair from her face and flashed a nervous smile before turning to the person standing in the front of the room.

The instructor was an older looking man dressed in a business suit. He had a grey goatee that was growing out under his chin, and a full head of silver hair with black specks peppered through it. "It is okay," the speaker replied, "We were just getting started." Trina sighed and bowed her head as he pat his chest. "My name is Jacob. Welcome to our class."

"Thanks." Jacob locked his wrists behind his back and paced to the right while explaining the purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous. It was fairly basic; nothing said in the room would leave the room, and they were all there to help each other recover from their addiction.

"Miss Vega, I presume?" Trina pulled her lips away, flashing a nervous grin filled with teeth. The man beside her chuckled and shook his head as she quickly straightened her posture. "Since you came in after everyone, why don't you start us off. Introduce yourself, let us know why you're here."

Her body started to heat up and she became consciously aware of all the eyes on her. "Um…me? Oh, you don't have to start off with me." Her fingers folded over the edge of the table and she began to shrink under the man's gaze. She felt someone nudge her arm and glanced to her neighbor.

"Don't worry too much about it," the man whispered, "He always asks that last person in to start off." Trina struggled to smile as her neighbor raised his hand up. "If I could, I'd like to start off. She's new, let's give her a chance to see how things work." Jacob leaned back, stretching his lower back and ending with a contemplative hum.

"A generous thought, Lucas." Jacob reached for his beard and slid his fingers through the hair. "As you wish, you can begin." Trina let herself relax as Lucas stood from his chair.

"Alright." Lucas closed his eyes and pushed his hand through his thick brown hair. Trina looked up to him and studied him for a bit. He greatly resembled Beck Oliver in the sense that he had the same style of hair, only that it was a very light brown color and Lucas had a lighter complexion.

Lucas also had bigger arms and broader shoulders, giving the impression that he was fairly active. _"What's a guy like that doing at an AA meeting?"_

"So I'm Luke Jones, and I'm currently attending UCLA. I'm here because my soccer coach asked me to be here." Her eyebrows shot up and she hummed with intrigue. "Coach Grayson wants his students to be aware of alcohol and the effects it has on the mind and body, so he has us research and learn. I decided to research through observing these meetings."

"This is a good way to learn, Mr. Jones." Jacob's brow furrowed and he whisked his hand away from his goatee. "Of course you understand you can't use anything you learn in here."

"Yes sir, this is strictly for my personal observations and nothing more."

"Very well then." Lucas took a seat and Jacob let some of the other members start with their story. With each person that went up, Trina became more comfortable with where she was at.

"Thanks for jumping in there," she told him. Lucas flashed a smile and raised his shoulders.

"Anytime someone new comes, we go through this. Seemed like you were a little uncomfortable with it." He slung his elbow over the top of the chair and looked away at Jacob. "You have to introduce yourself the first time, but you don't have to do it every time."

"Well again, I appreciate it." She heard her name and pushed herself up with a sigh. Trina ran her hand over her shoulder while taking in a deep breath. "Here goes. My name is Katrina Vega, you all can call me Trina if you like."

The others welcomed her and she flashed a sincere smile. "Right." Her hand dropped to her side and she cleared her throat. "So um, I do have a drinking problem. I guess. It's caused me some problems. I guess I started drinking to relieve stress and all that-my dad had a stash in his house and I would take from that."

"Well it takes a great deal of courage to come here," Jacob responded. "We are glad you decided to come."

The meeting went on for about an hour, and fortunately she didn't have to talk as much as she thought. Jacob did most of the talking by giving tips on how to abstain from alcohol and what to do when the urge to drink presents itself.

Trina waited on a bench just outside the building, staring at the parking lot solemnly while tapping her foot on the ground. It was getting a bit too dark and Gary hadn't come by yet. "Still here, Trina?" She jerked her head back and glanced up to see Lucas standing near her.

"Yeah, I'm waiting on my ride." Gary would be there fairly soon, so she didn't see a great need to worry. "I'm out a car."

"Mind if I keep you company while you wait?"

"Go for it." Her eyes lit up as Lucas sat beside her. "I was getting a bit bored sitting here on my own." She lifted her right ankle over her knee and swept a strand of hair over her ear. "The meeting wasn't as bad as I thought it might end up being."

"A lot of people seem to come in with preconceived ideas about it."

"Well. Again, thanks for cutting in, I didn't want to end up going first." She sat upright and wiped her palms on her knees, as they were beginning to feel clammy. "You mentioned playing soccer. Do you enjoy it?"

"Yeah, I've been involved in sports since I was a kid, and that one stands as my preference." He glanced at her and folded his arms while bringing his right ankle to rest over his leg. "What about you? You look like you could be athletic."

A slight redness warmed her cheeks and a nervous chuckle dropped from her lips. "Oh, well thank you. I am athletic, but I'm not involved in any sports. I was into gymnastics as a kid, and I was in karate and tae kwon do for a while. These days, I just go for a morning jog and workout at home, if I have the chance to."

Gary was trying to get her interested in learning Krav Maga, and a few techniques that he picked up from his military days. She was eager to learn them.

"Did you enjoy gymnastics and martial arts?"

"Sure." She tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled gently. "I would have kept up if my dad let me." When it came to her athleticism, David blamed that for whenever she stood up against him and defended the family. He thought it was going to her head, and he was afraid she may actually fight back.

Just then a pair of lights flashed in the corner of her eyes. She turned to look and saw Gary's truck driving in. "That's my ride." Trina stood up and peered at Lucas for a second. "Thanks for the company."

"Not a problem. I enjoyed the talk." Trina bit her lip and glanced at Gary's car as Lucas stood from the bench. "Maybe we can talk another time."

"I'd like that. Although, outside the Alcoholics Anonymous might not be the best place to chat." He started to laugh and nodded to agree. "I don't suppose you drink coffee or anything like that?"

"On occasion. I go down to the bookstore in town and have a cup of coffee while reading."

"Oh. Well, I'm free tomorrow if you're available."

"How does noon sound?"

"That works for me." With that, Trina exchanged contact information with him, and then hurried to Gary's truck. She was looking forward to meeting up with Lucas tomorrow, and wondered what might come of it.

Gary started up the car and turned around to see out the back as he reversed from the parking lot. "How was the class, Trina?" She dropped her purse into her lap and reached in for her phone.

"It was okay. I met this guy." Gary raised his head a bit and his right eyebrow pushed up the skin of his forehead. "I think I might have a date tomorrow." She added Lucas's information into her phone while it slowly dawned on her how her phrase must of sounded. "Though it might also just be meeting up. He's not someone that has an alcohol problem though."

"No? Then what's he doing at an AA meeting?"

"Observing for class. He's plays soccer at the university."

Gary smirked at her and his eyelids slid down halfway. "Well, as long as he's not a boxer." She crinkled the skin on her nose and pursed her lips as Marcus came to her mind. He pointed at the seatbelt and cleared his throat.

"Definitely." She returned the phone to her purse and then fastened her seatbelt. "Sorry about that. So, is it okay with you? I mean, I'm meeting him at Hastings around noontime over coffee."

"What's his name?"

"Lucas Jones. He's a year older than I am. The soccer coach has the students researching alcohol awareness, and he decided he was going to learn by attending AA meetings."

"Who is the coach?"

"Coach Grayson."

"Ah." The car rolled to a stop at a red light and Gary turned himself towards her, smiling warmly. "I know Coach Grayson. He was on the baseball team back in college, so I'm surprised he teaches soccer now. He's a good man. As for your new friend, you don't need my permission to see the guy."

"I thought it would be appropriate to ask, though."

"Certainly. As long as he's a good kid, making proactive decisions, I think you'll be fine." He placed his hands back on the wheel and Trina looked up at him, relaxing back into her chair. "I trust your judgment."

Her heart skipped a beat and she bowed her head, gazing blankly at her purse while folding her hands in front of it. "Thanks." She wasn't sure why it mattered to her that he trusted her to make the call here, but she was glad for it. While she was fairly certain Gary would run his own background check on the guy, she didn't care as long as he let her do her own thing. "If there is any issue, I'd let you know."

"Good." Gary turned left onto the next street. "Now, let's see about getting you some transportation of your own." Her eyes widened and her lips stretched into a wide grin. "Can't afford to buy a new car just yet, but I'm sure you can work your way up to affording one."

"Yeah. I'll need something in the meantime, but I don't know what I can do. Taxis are expensive."

"Well, I do have an old Harley." Her jaw fell open as Gary's gaze slid over to her and his smirk increased. "I can help you learn to ride on that thing. Motorcycles are dangerous, though, so I'm not sure…"

Trina laughed out and raised her hand to the air. "Katrina Vega." She slid her hand to the side and continued to snicker. "Biker chick." Gary hummed and she dropped her hand. "Has a nice ring to it." He shuddered and shook his head quickly.

"Now I'm really not sure. Maybe it's better you don't get on a motorcycle."

"I promise not to go on the highways." She smiled sweetly and bat her eyelashes at him. Gary ran a finger over his chin and studied her for several seconds.

"That's not going to work." Trina pouted her lip and pushed up her shoulders. Eventually, Gary let out a sigh of defeat and bowed his head. "Alright, I'll show you how to handle a bike as long as you use it for local transport. No freeways." She laughed in triumph and Gary raised his eyes to the sky. "Your mother is going to kill me."

* * *

So what are your thoughts coming out of this chapter? I will tell you right now that Lucas, while he is a minor character, he's still important in this sense: I wanted you to see reality, and that reality is that people-even people on probation-still have normal relationships. We'll see that Trina does go on dates, she will have normal and healthy relationships like everyone else. Plus, she would almost have to have healthy ones in order to trust and have the one she may have in the present day. Dates and relationships will come and they will go, I don't want you to forget that relationships also can end for mundane reasons.


	26. Somebody Normal

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 26 (Somebody Normal)

As Trina approached the bookstore, she couldn't help to feel a pit of uncertainty growing within her. She'd spoken with Lucas over the phone and asked if this was a date or not, and when he asked if she wanted to consider it one, she accepted. The only problem was she had no idea how it would go, or even if she wanted to go on any dates.

She didn't want to bring up Marcus and felt like bringing up the ex was a fundamentally bad idea, nor did she know whether or not to tell Lucas about her probation. It was important and he would have to know, but she didn't want to scare him away.

Trina pulled at the bottom of her shirt, straightening it out over her waistline, and clearing away the wrinkling that formed beneath her purse. "Here goes nothing." She placed her hand on the door handle and shut her eyes, and waited for a period of time as though contemplating whether or not to enter.

"A public place. Just a coffee date. What could go wrong?" Her eyes opened up and she pushed the door forward with a stroke of bravado. "What will we talk about?"

The café was to her right, and it was gated in by a black-iron gate rising up three feet. There were six tables, with two against the wall, two against the window, and two against the gate. Two couches sat back to back in the center, just behind a cylindrical snack stand, and just five feet away from the barista.

Lucas was seated at the back table in the corner of the wall and the counter, his back was facing the counter and he appeared to be engrossed in a textbook. Trina approached him and lifted her hand. "Hey Luke." Lucas glanced up with a smile and gently shut the book. "I hope I wasn't late."

"You're not." He stood slowly and ran a hand over his neck. "Um, I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression over the phone or back at the meeting. When you asked if this was going to be considered a date…initially I just anticipated it being a friendly cup of coffee, but if you would go out, I would like that."

"Yes." Her heart skipped and she cleared her throat. "I was just nervous when I asked over the phone, that's all. I really haven't gone on a date in a year or so, so I'm not used to the dating scene."

Lucas chuckled and walked with her to the counter. "If I'm honest, I haven't been on a date since I was a senior in high school, so we're in the same boat there." Trina let herself relax, comforted by his statement; it meant they could at least take it slowly.

"Well, let's just take it a step at a time, and if anyone asks where we met?"

"I would say college function."

"Not a bad idea." Telling people they met at an AA meeting would just open the path to too many questions and judgments that she didn't want to deal with. "The only problem with that is-" She stopped, hesitating to mention that she dropped out of high school. This was just a casual first date, and she didn't want to bring serious issues to the table just yet.

Lucas turned his head, looking at her with a concerned expression. "Yes?" Trina squinted at the coffee menu, hoping to find her favorite drink. When she spotted the caramel coffee, she practically jumped over with excitement. "Is everything alright?"

She turned away from the menu and looked at him with a furrowed brow. "Yeah, I was just thinking. I want to be honest about something, but this is our first date, and I don't want to scare you off…some things you should know about me that might be a deal breaker."

"Oh." He smiled politely and shrugged. "Well tell me when you feel comfortable, I'll try my best not to judge."

"I appreciate that." They ordered their drinks and made their way back to the table. Once seated, a strange silence overcame her while she contemplated telling him about the probation.

On one hand she felt it was far too soon and personal to divulge something like that to someone she just started dating, but on the other hand he might hear if and when she brought it up at the AA meeting. She would rather be able to explain on the spot about her father, and yet she didn't want to go into detail about the abuse she dealt with growing up because then she might come across as someone with a shit ton of baggage.

"Lucas." Trina grasped her Styrofoam cup firmly in her right hand. Her muscles began to tense and a wrinkle popped up in between her eyebrows. "There might be some things in my past that might make me seem like I have a lot of problems." He looked to be listening and had a calm expression on his face; it was surprising to see, but a relief as well.

"The past is fine, who you are now is more important." Her heart skipped a beat and her lips curled upwards. Maybe she could hope that he'd be patient with her, and maybe this could be a good thing.

"I see." Her muscles loosened up and she moved the coffee to her lips. The scent of the warm drink enticed her and her eyes fluttered shut as she tilted the cup to let the drink flow into her.

She lowered the coffee and stared blankly at it, growing more curious as she compared the taste to the alcohol she missed. "Do you think about things a lot?" She asked without raising her head.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean about life. Philosophy and stuff."

"Occasionally, sure." He shrugged and pulled his hand from his drink. "What's on your mind?"

"My…" The words stayed on her tongue for several seconds before she could raise her eyes to him. "My father's an alcoholic. I've got a problem with alcohol. Do you think we are who our parents are? Am I an alcoholic because of him?"

"If he caused you to start drinking, then sure he might be responsible in some way, but no…I don't think genetics controls us to the point of turning us into our parents."

"My dad's a certain way, would I be the same?"

"Can you give an example of how you mean?"

"Yeah. Hypothetically if my father's abusive, would I be abusive?"

"Oh." His eyes dipped and Trina felt a bit of pain stab her chest like a hot knife. Lucas shook his head slowly and glanced back at her. "Do you acknowledge that the abuse is wrong? Would you treat your kids the same way?"

Her eyes widened and the pitch in her voice sharpened in pitch. "No. I would never want to do the things that he would."

"If your father was abusive, and you realize how bad that is, you're in charge of your own life. You're in control of what you do and how you act. Just like not every killer's kid is going to be a killer, and not every celebrity has children that become famous."

Her heartbeat quickened and the smile on her face grew. "Thanks for that." He smiled back at her.

"Happy to talk about anything if you need someone to talk to." A warm smile spread across her face and she relaxed a bit further, feeling comfortable with him. It would be interesting to see where this might lead but she wanted just a bit more time before telling him about her probation.

There was a good chance he'd be understanding, but she was going to take this a step at a time. She did value the intellectual discussion as well, so maybe there was a chance for things to get better, but she didn't know for sure.

Once she returned to Gary's home, she found the man sitting at his computer and typing furiously at the keys. "Running a background check?" She teased. Gary raised his head up and smirked back playfully as she dropped her purse on a nearby chair. "Lucas seems nice."

He turned and folded his hands in his lap. "Will there be a second?" She responded with a happy nod. The rest of the time spent with Lucas, they talked about a number of matters, such as current events and politics. He was very intelligent and seemed to be a good listener.

"I like him, he's easy to talk to."

"What did you talk about?"

"Oh a number of things." She fell into the chair with a sigh and her eyes drifted towards the photo of Gary's young daughter looking back from the desk. "One thing we talked about was family connections and stuff."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, like whether or not blood and DNA might affect who you become." Gary raised an eyebrow and leaned towards the right. Trina watched his gaze fall to the same photograph and his shoulders started to rise. "Like whether or not a child is doomed to become their parent."

"Exactly why would you ask that?" He glanced back and raised his chin. "You're not worried about becoming like David, are you?"

"A little." She bowed her head and curled her fingers into her palms. Gary rolled his eyes and raised his right hand to his face, curling his fingers under his chin and tapping his cheek with his index finger. "I don't want to be abusive, I don't want to be an alcoholic like him or even a criminal, but I am…" Her eyes drifted to her and her body started to shake. "I'm all those things, aren't I?"

"No. No you're not." His chest expanded slowly and he dropped his hand. "If that was the only life you knew, it's possible, but you don't have to become anything like him. You just admitted not wanting to be any of those things, so what are you going to do to ensure you don't become those things."

She opened her lips to a smile and her hands began to loosen. "I-I don't know really, but that's what Lucas said. That blood and DNA doesn't make a difference, or that just because someone's a certain way, their kid isn't going to be necessarily the same way."

"Exactly. Blood doesn't always mean you're going to turn out the same. You make the decisions you want in life, you decide how your life goes, not who your father or mother is." He dropped his hand to his knee and furrowed his brow.

He looked eager to say something more, so she waited, but Gary only took a deep breath and turned his head away. "Is there something you wanted to say, Gary?" He raised his hand and cleared his throat.

"Yes, but it's not the appropriate time or place." She frowned and he cleared away his throat. "Now, tell me more about your date. Was it everything you thought it would be and more?" He flashed a grin. Trina's heart skipped and she let out a laugh.

"It was great. For the first time, I felt like I was having a date with a decent, normal guy." Lucas certainly beat out Marcus. "I was a little nervous I might never find someone decent or good, but I'm glad I gave him a chance."

"Glad you did too."

* * *

Her first good date. What are your thoughts on everything?


	27. Is It Progress?

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: I'm sorry for the wait on this one, I was stuck without any certainty of the next step, but I think I've gotten where I need to be. So here's the chapter, please enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 27 (Is It Progress)

"Okay Trina, truth time." Lizzie smiled from across the desk, her hands were neatly folded on the surface and her gentle eyes held Trina's nervousness at bay. "You had a warrant out for your arrest. What happened?" She swallowed heavily and looked to her lap while tapping her fingertips together.

The caseworker looked as though she already knew what happened, and Trina could see she wanted to hear it from the horse's mouth so to speak. "My father falsified a police report showing my car stolen, when it wasn't. He put a warrant out for my arrest." Lizzie shifted her hand over to the computer mouse and checked the screen.

Leaning forward, Trina felt a sickening feeling in her gut. "Officer Malone said the warrant was removed as quick as it came out, though." Lizzie smiled at her and started to nod.

"It was. I was still notified that a warrant was outstanding on you." She cringed. It was bad enough she was actually trying to do right by staying away from alcohol and drugs, and keeping from committing any crimes.

Her father was the criminal, not her. "I've been doing well though." Lizzie's eyebrows rose and the woman turned back to her. Lizzie picked up her pen and set it down on the notepad, letting Trina follow the notetaking with her eyes as she spoke. "As it says on my monthly report form, my address is different. Officer Malone has me living with him now."

"Good. I've been informed about your father's arrest. He's currently awaiting trial for assault." It was ironic, though she was sure it was more the assault on a police officer rather than domestic violence. "I hear he's been stripped of his rank as well. Maybe you can rest a bit easier knowing he's not on the street right now?"

"A lot easier." She closed her eyes and inhaled. For once it felt great to have someone that believed her, someone that understood what she had done wasn't out of malicious intent rather than trying to protect herself and her family.

"Anyway." She opened her eyes and smiled faint as Lizzie raised up a hand. "How are you liking it with Gary? I know he's a well-respected detective, so you're in good hands there."

"He's really great." She squinted her eyes and tilted her head. "He's kind of fatherly too." Trina brought her hand up, laughing into her wrist. "I'll notice, he's protective. He was in the military once, some kind of dangerous job…" She didn't know how much to give out, but everything said in this room was confidential.

Thinking about Gary's family, her heart sank a bit and her eyes dropped to the ground. "Gary used to have a wife and a little daughter, but he never sees his daughter anymore. When he was overseas, his wife left him for another man that she thought might be safer." Lizzie frowned and slowly shook her head.

"I'm sorry to hear about that. Do you know how old his child was when that happened?"

"Still an infant. I'm really not sure, because he hasn't talked much about her." She dropped her hand to her knee and shrugged. "I think it's too painful, and I don't want to ask too many questions."

"You said he's protective, I imagine that could have something to do with his daughter."

"He was never able to raise her." Trina met Lizzie's gaze and slowly reclined in her chair. "I think she's my age." She thought for a moment of what to say next, and snapped her fingers when she remembered her job. "Oh! Gary has a friend that owns a bakery, he talked his friend into hiring me, so I have a job!" She was excited to talk about that, because she wanted Lizzie to know things were improving.

Lizzie grinned and raised up a thumb. "Congrats, I'm happy for you." Gauging from the chipper tone, Trina was thrilled that the woman appeared proud. This was a turning point, or at least it felt like one to her. "Where at?"

"Sweet Anne's Bakery. I made a cake that everyone loved."

"Tell me about it."

"Oh it was fantastic." Her eyes glazed over and she licked her lips. "Lemon feeling, soft and moist…I could go on and on, but you might get hungry." Lizzie's eyes closed and she started laughing.

"Yes, I haven't been able to have lunch yet." Lizzie wrote something down on her notepad and glanced at the screen. "So I have to ask, how has your AA meeting been going? We do have to get down to the hard stuff, unfortunately."

"Not terrible." Trina scratched an itch on her forearm and shrugged. "I mean, I was nervous at first and still have some jitters when it comes to going into a room of a group of people I don't know." Lizzie nodded slowly and Trina breathed out. "I've been staying away from alcohol-it's hard because I keep wanting a drink, but I'm doing what I can."

"Good."

Thinking on the meeting, she knew she would have to bring up Lucas. She bit her lip and glanced to the side, unsure of how to approach. "I did meet someone, went on a date." Lizzie's eyebrows shot up and the corners of her mouth curved.

"Do tell."

"His name is Lucas." Trina pulled at her hair, running her hands along the end one at a time. Her face turned red and a goofy smile spread across her face. "He's nice." The caseworker raised her hand to her chin and gently tapped her cheek.

"Well you do seem smitten."

She cleared her throat and dropped her hands. "I think-" She shook her head and huffed. "I haven't dated since Marcus, so I'm going slow here. Luke is a soccer player at UCLA, and he's got a good head on his shoulders."

"How'd you meet him?"

Her heart stopped for a second and she held her breath. She knew Lucas wasn't an alcoholic, but there was a stigma associated with his being at the meetings. If she mentioned it, she didn't want to hear anything judgmental. "Um, we met at the meetings." Lizzie's head moved back and her eyes opened a bit wider..

"Oh. The AA meetings?"

"Yeah…" Trina lurched forward, shaking her hands in the air. "But he doesn't drink. He's there because of a research project at school." It was a tricky project too, because everything was confidential. His only purpose was to observe and do a study on those types of meetings. "He's not an alcoholic, not a drug addict, and we had a really good conversation."

"Well, I'm glad about that, at least." When it seemed that Lizzie believed her and wasn't going to be judgmental, Trina smiled and nearly thanked her for it. She was tired of people judging her and putting her down, and this time she found someone that wasn't a bad person. "I hope this becomes something good for you."

"Well, it was only one date, but there's going to be others. Like I said, I'm trying to take it slow because I don't want to rush into anything." The one thing she was terrified of was getting hurt again, or at the very least, finding another Marcus. "It is nice to see guys that are good, but I've never thought all men were bad. I'm not one of those girls. I don't get hurt by one or two men and suddenly declare every man to be a terrible person."

"Tell me about that feeling."

"What's to say?" She crossed her arms and chuckled. "I mean you have those girls that get cheated on by one guy, and suddenly 'every man is a liar'. What about the men that get abused by women, and yet you have women that don't believe women are capable of any wrongdoing."

"Mhm."

"You know, there was this time back in the day…" She unfolded her arms and wiped her hands down her legs. "The first time I ever took a drink of liquor. Did I tell you about Sinjin?" Lizzie scrunched her nose and looked up and to the right.

"I think you might have."

"Oh…well he took me home that night, he and his friends." She hugged her stomach and closed her eyes. "His friends wanted to take advantage of me in the state I was, but he kept them at bay. He was a stoner, but he wasn't a bad guy."

Though he might be someone she should stay away from just out of influence. The one thing she didn't need in her life were drugs, or at the very least, getting involved with drugs again.

"My point is this, I know not all men are bad. My father might be an abusive wreck, and I might have had a number of shit boyfriends…I'm not scared of bad men, I'm only scared of being hurt again." She lowered her eyes and sucked in on her lips. "I'm scared of trusting someone."

"I understand." Lizzie's soft smile was reassuring and calming for her. Her entire body felt like an earthquake were starting within her and tearing her apart, and her eyes were wet with fresh tears.

She took a few deep breaths, keeping her eyes closed and trying to settle herself. "You know I had a stalker once?" Lizzie responded with a soft tone that was like honey to her ears.

"I did not."

"His name was Mitchell." She let out a soft gasp and opened her eyes partially as she remembered back to her early junior high years. "First guy I ever dated. I must have been twelve or thirteen years old. He was a couple years older than I was."

"Really?"

"Yeah, like, just two." She knew the legal issues that could potentially have come up if he were any older than that. Two was the truth, despite the man looking older than it. "He wasn't too nice, but really pushy. He rushed into things real quick too, so fast that I broke up with him. He didn't want to let me go, and every so often I'd catch him standing outside our house."

"Knowing how your father is, how did he react?"

"He said it was 'nothing', at first." Trina sighed and dropped her shoulders. "Then Mitchell started leaving things on the front porch, started trying to break into the house. Dad had him arrested at some point…he's pretty good about doing that…" She released a vain chuckle and wiped away the tears on her cheeks. "Go figure. I haven't heard from or seen Mitchell since that happened though."

"How have you been since him?"

"I'm on probation, I'm a recovering alcoholic." She deadpanned and crossed her arms. "What do you think?" She wasn't trying to be snippy, but she couldn't help it in the moment. Lizzie chuckled softly and nodded.

"Right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, I meant how have you coped with what happened because of him?"

"Well, I suppose. I haven't thought much of him since, and I've been living my life. Trying to, anyway…It wasn't long after that when my sister met her stupid friends." She glanced at the clock and tapped her finger on her arm. "But…can that be a topic for another time? I kind of want to go home, if there's nothing else." Lizzie looked to her watch and pushed her chair back some.

"Yes, that's actually all we have time for. Make sure you get your payment in downstairs, and expect a field visit from me at some point." Trina grabbed her purse from the floor and stood slowly.

"Okay. Thank you." She enjoyed the visit, oddly enough, and was looking forward to the next. She thought she was making progress, but progress was slow as it was painful.

* * *

Tell me your thoughts my friend


	28. Answers, but More Questions

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 28 (Answers, but More Questions)

Jade took a sip of her water, flicking her eyes outward as she drank. Most of the students were doing fine, writing down notes and paying close attention to her slideshow; it was Rachel she was worried about.

Rachel wasn't taking notes, but she understood the girl likely didn't have to. She would remember everything that she needed to when it came to her mother. Rachel was still attentive, though her eyes were misty. Ryan was still in the desk beside her, checking on her every once in a while.

The other students didn't appear to take notice, or if they had, they weren't making any signs of it.

The girl raised her hand, so Jade set her water cup down and pointed. "Yes, Miss Tyler? You have a question?" Rachel nodded.

"I was wondering, and it might not have to do with your case study, but did she date Lucas long? Did she date anyone else?" Jade smiled and started to nod. It pertained to the study as far as she was concerned, because it helped understand Trina's journey.

"It has everything to do with the study. The people she dated helped her to heal and become a better and well-rounded person." Jade paced to the right, looking at Beck with caution in her eyes. She wanted to make sure she didn't say anything incriminating or anything that might upset Rachel to learn about her mother. Beck shrugged and nodded his acceptance of her.

"So, Lucas is just the first person she's dated? What happened? Did they break up badly?"

"No, not at all." Jade reclined her head and breathed in. "They dated for a good few months, he took her out to nice restaurants and treated her very well. Eventually she opened up to him about Marcus…" Rachel cringed and looked down at her notebook.

"How did that...how'd that go?"

"He was respectful about it." If she remembered correctly, Lucas did his best to comfort her and ensure that she knew he was going to be right there to help her. "He supported her and helped calm her if she had any flashes or anything else." She watched a faint smile spread across the girl's face and was happy to see it. "It ended about as naturally as many do, there was no large breakup issue."

"So what happened?"

"He had to move away and take care of family. Mutually they decided to call it off, because he acknowledged he couldn't physically be there for her and she needed someone that could be." Rachel frowned, but in her eyes she seemed to understand.

When the relationship ended, Trina still hadn't warmed up completely. She'd warmed up considerably to the idea of dating and was entertaining it more, but she hadn't been ready for a full on serious relationship just yet.

"She dated quite a few times, though there are a few important people that I'll get to…" A lump formed in her throat and she felt a nervous sweat forming under her brow. She glanced sideways at Beck, still maintaining her composure. Rachel's face tensed and her lips pursed.

Beck was leaning back in his chair now, his arms folded like a bow behind his back. His left hand grasped his right elbow and he raised his right arm up. "It's your lecture, Dr. West. Talk about anything you want." His gaze grew sharper and his voice lowered. "I will do what I can to help."

Rachel craned her neck, "Wait. Uncle Beckett, how much do you know about the subject material?" Beck flashed a toothy smile and his shoulders rose.

"I know enough. I know a few things that Dr. West here may or may not already know."

"How?"

"No time to explain that right now, but I will…" Jade wanted to know as well, but figured this was hardly the time to press him on it. She knew he was Jason's brother, but aside from that, she didn't figure how that meant he knew a thing about Trina's life after her probation.

"If you know something, I wonder if my dad does." Beck softened his features, drawing Jade's curiosity and attention. Rachel didn't catch it and returned to Jade. "Did she always do well? Were all of the boyfriends she had good people after Luke?"

"Most of them were." Jade gave her a reassuring smile, hoping this would comfort the girl to know her birth mother didn't have too many bad men in her life after Lucas. "She slipped up once and almost got together with a stoner late in 2016, but we've got a ways before I get to that." She saw Beck close his eyes and mutter something, but ignored him for the time. "She realized, fortunately, she didn't need a drug addict in her life."

"Wow…that sounds like a close call." Rachel shook her head slowly. Beck let out a quick chuckle, causing them to jerk their heads over to him. Jade furrowed her brow and pulled the corner of her mouth back into her cheek "Probation wasn't easy for her, I guess."

"No, but given the drama that came a little shortly after that started, it wasn't easy. She had a rough time getting back on her feet, and fees were just about the last thing she had to worry about."

"Oh? Did she get her diploma equivalent?"

"Yes." Jade smiled. "As a matter of fact, Lucas and Gary were the ones that helped her to study and obtain it." The thing she wanted the group to understand was how important Gary had been in building Trina back up, as well as her own mother. They were crucial players in her life at this point, the love they had for her led them to do almost anything to help her, just as parents would.

Jade folded her hands in front of her waist and closed her eyes. "As a matter of fact, when it came to the probation fees, victim restitution and court costs. Her own dad paid it off so she could save the money she was earning from the-" She froze mid-sentence, opening her eyes wide and holding her breath.

 _"Shit, I shouldn't have said that."_ She heard what sounded like someone slapping their skin, and turned to see Beck with his hand over his forehead and face. Every student in the room was confused and perplexed while Rachel's eyes had grown to the size of saucers.

"Wait…" Rachel looked to the pages in her notebook, biting down on her lip and shaking her head. "What? That makes no sense. Her _dad_ paid off her probation fees? The victim restitution was going straight to him, wasn't it? How in the hell was that happening with him in jail, anyway?"

"I spoke too suddenly, Miss Tyler. A big part of her life, a big part of her recovery comes with the understanding of what came next in her life…"

"Okay." Rachel leaned forward, eager and attentive. "I'm hanging onto every word, but that makes no sense, and I like psychology. Did my g-" Rachel stopped and shook herself. "Did Mr. Vega suddenly have a change of heart or something?"

"No." Jade locked her wrists behind her and moved forward. "As criminology students, you're likely aware of the criminal mind and inherent behaviors that exist within the criminal." They nodded, some of the students went back to writing in their notebooks. "David has always been about control, about power. He has always hated when someone else wasn't under his thumb, he didn't like that Trina would act out…but there was another true reason he didn't care much for Trina."

"Why? Why didn't he care about her?"

"I thought he must have before all the drama," Ryan acknowledged, "When you talked about how she brought up Mitchell to her probation officer. David had him arrested, right?"

"Right." Beck raised his hand back up. "You're right Ryan." Jade looked at Beck, waiting and watching as he leaned forward. "Except, he only arrested Mitchell when he started inconveniencing him. Mitchell stalked Trina enough, but wasn't stopped until he broke into David's house."

Ryan scoffed. "What an ass."

Jade also looked into some of the things David had done in the past, and one thing she noticed was after Mitchell had been arrested, David apparently found two large bags of cocaine in the boy's backpack. "Funny thing," she stated, "When Mitchell was arrested he left his backpack at the Vega house. That very backpack, David later found had two bags of cocaine. Enough to charge him with possession, and to lock him up for a number of years."

David had been terrible for framing people and arresting whomever he pleased, and had only ever been caught when he tried to report Trina's car as stolen. "He didn't care a lick about Trina, so you're absolutely correct Miss Tyler…there is no way that he would have ever paid a cent of Trina's probation fees. All he ever tried to do was destroy her probation and send _her_ to prison."

Rachel crossed her arms and turned her eyes downwards. "I don't understand," she mumbled, "Maybe it was just a twisted tongue or something. You definitely said her dad paid her fees."

"He did, but let me get somewhere here…Let me say now that part of what Trina had to face was the realization that David Vega was in fact _not_ her father." Rachel's eyes grew large and the girl began to stammer.

"Not her father? She didn't know that? Why?"

"That's the part I was getting to regarding his controlling nature." Jade had to emphasize this point, because it was the only way to truly understand how tightly David tried to hold his family in his clenched fist. "You know an abuser will do all they can to isolate their victim, to keep them from having friends or any opportunity or potential to leave."

"Right."

"The minute Trina sought to save her mom and sister, he turned on her and that's how she wound up on probation."

"Yeah, we've got that."

"His abuse starts long before any of this, of course. Tori _is_ his daughter, and he wasn't wanting to lose her, so he was going to do everything in his power to keep Holly and Trina under his roof. "To the point that when it came to Holly's ex, he even made it possible to keep _him_ close."

"Standard 'keep your friends close, but your enemies closer'," Beck remarked. Jade nodded.

"At first, Holly's ex did everything to cause as little trouble to her. She was under David's spell for a while, so it wasn't like he could just dive in and take her out-besides, she had a kid with David too. So he stayed close."

"Good," Rachel growled, "I'm glad. I think."

"Now, had Trina known about her father, or that David wasn't her biological dad, she probably would have likely-and very well could have as a teenager-decided to leave and live with her dad. David prevented this by threatening Holly and abusing her, forcing her to keep it under wraps that Trina wasn't David's child…and of course, Holly would have begged and pleaded with her ex that he go along with it because she didn't want anything bad to happen."

Holly had simply been afraid, and didn't know how to protect her two children from a menace that she thought would have been good for her.

"Why would she even leave her first husband for a douche like that anyway?" Ryan asked loudly. Rachel nodded and Jade started to sigh.

"You never see an abuser's true color until it's too late," she answered, "David hadn't been abusive until long after the marriage. Before the abuse, Holly saw a strong police officer that was charming, caring, and would be there for his family."

The first sign of abuse came from David when Tori had only been five years old. It was right in front of the young child that David and Holly had been fighting about money and his drinking, that he struck her across the face.

He apologized, as abusers often do, saying that he would never hit her again. This pattern became full swing when Tori turned six. At first, he only hit Holly. Trina and Tori would be victims of verbal abuse, but it was mostly Tori until Trina was old enough to step up and tell him to stop treating her mother and sister so bad.

"He got to beating all three of them fairly quickly after Tori's ninth birthday. By this time, Holly's ex was powerless to do anything, and didn't feel like it would have been right to threaten to take Trina away from Holly-though he would have been in his right to do so."

"Why did he think that?"

"He didn't feel like he would have been a good parent. After she left him because of what he did, he had a lot of self-esteem problems that led him to feeling worthless and unable to do the things a father might."

"What did he do that was so bad?"

"Nothing." Jade took a deep breath and looked at Beck, who once again, gave her a nod of approval. "He was a national hero. He was a former navy seal." With that, a hush fell across the classroom, and the students began exchanging various looks of surprise.

The next person to speak was Beck. "Before any of you ask the question on everyone's mind…" He sat upright and folded his hands on the desk, furrowing his brow. "The answer is 'yes, he is'."

* * *

So, we learn quite a bit here, including a major revelation. Also the stoner Jade mentions Trina getting with later in 2016 will be important too. There's a good deal of stuff coming up


	29. Daddy's Back

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 29 ("Daddy's Back")

Trina sat up in the living room, listening to Gary and Holly talk in the kitchen. They were being quiet at some points, but other times the conversation would escalate in volume, to the point she had no idea what they were discussing. "I see no point in it," Gary said, "You don't have to be afraid anymore."

She looked at her nails, smiling as she applied a red paint to them. She needed a distraction, since she figured they probably didn't want her listening in. Eavesdropping was simply an old habit of hers. It wasn't like they were fighting. Rather, they were having a simple conversation.

"I don't know that, Gary. Besides…"

"It needs to be said, he can't do anything about it now, and I'm done being yanked around on that rollercoaster ride." Trina furrowed her brow and pulled the fingernail paintbrush away from her hand. Her head rose partially and she turned to look in the direction of the kitchen. "She deserves to know."

"But David-"

"David can kiss my ass. The only reason I haven't kicked his ass all these years is out of respect for you. He isn't in control anymore." Trina wasn't so sure about that. Sure, the guy was in jail now, but how long would that last?

She was afraid of him, terrified that he'd be right around the corner. Especially now that she knew he was powerless and weak. David would blame her for his problem, as he often did, and she didn't know how to avoid it.

"David will hurt her," Holly replied with urgency in her voice. "Gary, please. Just a little while longer. At least until after the trial's over." Trina looked over to the photograph of Gary's young child and started to smile, imagining how that girl would have grown up with a dad like Gary.

She would have been so lucky if her mother let him have her. Trina couldn't help but to feel jealous. In such a short amount of time, she'd grown close to Gary as though he were the father she always wanted.

He approved of Lucas, and he even helped her study for her GED. She'd been thinking very seriously about possibly entering college, but didn't know if she had what it took.

"If you don't tell her, Holly, I will. David is not a threat to me. I've been careful all these years, and now that she's with me-"

"Now David's pissed off even more. Gary, don't you see he hates you? He thinks you're going to take all of us away or something, he always has."

She went back to focusing on her nails, trying to get them done as well as she could. This wasn't a conversation she was too interested in listening to, especially not when she had a long day ahead of her. Today was the day she was set to take the GED, and Holly was here for support. She didn't know how she and Gary got into the conversation they were having now, but it mattered little.

Beside her was her old high school backpack, and within it were the essentials she needed for testing. She had a calculator for use in her mathematics, science and social studies test sections.

According to the primary GED website, she knew a great majority of colleges and universities accepted GED credentials. So if she ever wanted to go to college, she could. She also learned that once the test was done, she could wind up knowing her scores on the same day.

There were four scoring criteria that she knew of: Below passing had 100 to 144 points, with 145 through 164 being passing. 'College ready' was a score of 165 through 174. The one that Trina was aiming for was the 'college ready plus credit', requiring scores of 175 to 200.

She set the fingernail paint on the table and walked into the kitchen where Gary and Holly were seated at the table. They looked up at her with tender smiles. "I'm ready to go," she said, "That test is supposed to take all day and I don't want to be late."

She didn't know what kind of future she had, and was terrified that all of this wouldn't be enough to make it anywhere. Part of her wanted to know the point of it, though Lizzie had already mentioned it would help her future.

Gary rose up quickest, grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair. "Alright, let's go." He had the look of a proud father, which was nice despite how odd she thought it was. Holly looked up from the table with a similar look and stretched her arms across the table.

"Good luck sweetheart." Holly's hands enclosed and her eyes squinted, creating smile lines that stretched from the corners of the sockets. "I have to go check on your sister, but I'll be there when you're done testing."

It was odd to see Holly so invested in her life now, and she was thrilled that she and Gary were getting along so well. Another oddity, but she approved of them being together more now than she had in the past. There was something natural there, something she couldn't quite put a finger on, but it felt more like family with them than with David.

On the way to the test location, Trina brought up her thoughts with Gary in hopes he may be able to shed some light on it. "So what's going on with you and my mom?" Gary drove past a yellow light and turned left onto a major road.

"There's history there," he replied, "But it's difficult for me to explain. At least, your mother would rather me not say anything yet." She furrowed her brow, even more curious than before.

"I heard Mom say it involved Dad."

"Yeah, she's afraid he'll try and kill me. Honestly, I'm not afraid of the nut." Yet he was being quiet about something, she knew that much. If it wasn't for fear of his own life, then it was out of concern for Holly. Trina dropped her eyes and folded her hands in her lap.

"You…must really love my mother."

"Never have I stopped loving her."

"But you must have wondered…when you knew she was married. Having an affair with a married woman-"

Gary's muscles tensed and Trina looked up to see a deep frown etched across his face. "Your mother didn't cheat on David with me. Not once have we had an affair since she married the asshole." Trina leaned her head back, blinking several times as she attempted to process what Gary might mean by this. "That goes back to what I said before about there being history."

"I understand. I guess…" It was confusing as hell, because he was being purposely vague. The anger in his eyes was telling; he wanted to say what it was that was holding him back. "We can talk more about it later. I'm really happy about you and mom, though. I think she really does trust you-and that's important."

They pulled into a parking space and Gary looked to her with an endearing smile. "I'm glad you think so." He reached over, placing a gentle yet strong hand on her shoulder. She glanced at it, relaxing for a moment and then looked into his eyes. "Good luck in there. I'll be right outside if you need me."

"The test is almost eight hours. That's a full day, are you sure?"

"I'm sure." Her heart rose in her chest and she leaned forward, hugging Gary tight. He seemed to light up and hugged her in a way that felt to her like a true father holding his child. "I'm a military guy, Trina, remember that. I'm trained not to leave my post."

She laughed once and leaned back. For the first time in her life, she didn't feel like being cynical or distrusting-she felt comfortable when she never had in the past. "Hey Gary, whatever it is you want to talk about…you can, okay?"

"I hope you'll not think less of me when that time comes. Your mother too."

"Why would I?"

Gary's brow furrowed and he took a deep breath. "It's complicated, and I know that sounds like being vague, but it truly is." He exhaled and closed his eyes. "There's something you should know, you deserve to know, but your mother is right to be afraid of the outcome. She doesn't want you to be angry at her when that truth comes out."

"I-I'll try to be understanding, but you got to know how this sounds." It was disconcerting and certainly not something she wanted to think about right now. Gary nodded and looked to the building in front of their car.

"You're right, and you don't need to be worrying about this stuff right now." He tapped the steering wheel and reached over to open the door. "Come on, you've got a test to ace."

She hesitated, watching as he stepped partially out his door. She chewed her lower lip and looked down into her lap. "Do you really think I can do it?" He paused and looked back, nodding with certainty.

"Of course you can. You've been studying. You know this stuff, of that I have no doubt." She smiled faintly and touched her trembling fingers to the door handle.

He believed in her, and for now that was all that mattered.

The test was one of the hardest things she'd ever done, and she was sweating throughout the entire time. There were short breaks in between sections, and she utilized those moments to go to the restroom and check the waiting area lobby.

To her serendipity, Gary had been true on his word to remain there waiting for him. In her last break, she had to laugh when she saw him sitting upright on one of the couches with his arms crossed and head bowed. The man had fallen asleep and was snoring loudly, causing everyone in the room to glare at him.

No one dared attempt to wake him, which was probably wise on their part.

Waiting for her results was even more stressful than the test, with each second the anticipation burned in her chest and caused a swirling of nausea within her gut. The other students in the room faded away as they were so little of importance to her in that moment.

She didn't have her phone to distract her, or much else since everyone was required to put their belongings in a storage locker. While she wasn't sure if they were allowed to get the phone since they finished, she was too on the edge of her seat to get up and find out.

Once she got the results, she walked slowly into the waiting area and was ecstatic to see Holly standing beside Gary, waiting for her. Both looked to be welded together, watching her with eager silence as she approached them.

"I…" She raised the sheet of paper in her hand, and a grin stretched from ear to ear. "Passed." Holly gasped out and her hands flew over her mouth. A gleam of pride shone in Gary's eyes and he took the paper gently in his hands, reading aloud.

"A 176? Holy shit, Trina that's fantastic!" Trina glistened as Gary hugged her, squeezing her tight. Holly took the sheet of paper, her eyes widening and her lips twisting into a triumphant grin.

"I am so proud of you," Holly declared. It was just enough to show Trina as college ready with credit, meaning she made the required score on the right sections. "We knew you could do it, baby."

She laughed, relief in her tone. "I can't wait to tell Lizzie, Lucas, and even Cat and Mike. 'College ready' it says?" She was too shocked to let the disbelief register, too relieved to be self-defeating. The test was over, and that was all she cared about for the moment. "I-I don't even know if I'm ready for college, or if I could handle it. I just…I don't-oh god I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," Gary replied, "We need to celebrate."

As the splendor died down a little, Trina was able to check her phone to see if she missed anything important. She hadn't, save for one text message within the last ten minutes.

It was from Tori, and it said two words: 'Daddy's back…'." Trina jerked her head back and looked at Gary and Holly in the front seat of the car. The bliss from passing her exam started to wear off as worry filled her veins.

She texted back immediately, wanting to know what was going on. Tori replied almost as quick. "He posted his own bail. He's on bail. He's home. Momma's phone is turned off. He's not home, but he's looking for you and mom."

"No." The tears welled up in her eyes as she felt a pang of anger and grief tear into her heart. "Not now. God not now." How could he make bail? Why today of all days? She bit her tongue, praying not to cry out or alarm Gary and Holly.

Gary looked into the rearview mirror, however, and Holly glanced back. "What's wrong?" Holly asked with concern lacing her voice. Trina shook her head and handed her phone over, not wanting to say aloud what was going on.

Her mother visibly paled. "No," Holly whispered, "Gary. It's Dave. He made bail." Thankfully, they were already parked at a stoplight, because Gary instantly tensed with anger and jerked back in rage.

"What? He's out on bail?"

"Tori says he paid his own bail." Holly lowered the phone and raised her head. Trina could see sweat forming on her mother's brow, and her own body was beginning to quake. "He's not at the house, Gary. He's looking for me, looking for Trina."

"Fuck that. You guys stay in the car when I get home, okay?" The sternness in his voice said everything, so Trina was going to exactly that. She didn't want a confrontation, she didn't want anything to do with David.

Normally she'd challenge David, she'd stand up to him and try and stop him, but this time she knew that would only cause further complications.

As a result, she asked for her phone and called Lizzie in a haste. The phone rang several times before Lizzie answered, and when she did, she spoke so quickly that Lizzie asked her to slow down and be clear.

"It's my father," Trina said after several deep breaths. "He made bail."

"Oh god," Lizzie replied, "Trina…I thought you were taking your GED? What's going on?"

"I did, I passed."

"That's great! So what's going on with your father? He made bail, so…" Trina closed her eyes and breathed in deep.

"Tori said he's not at home, he might be on his way to Gary's place. I'm scared. I don't want this to hurt my probation."

"It won't. Just relax. All you need to do is stay away from him. You've already indicated to me what's going on, if he tries anything, we know it's on his end. I'll alert the police, okay?" She nodded fervently, hoping that everything would be okay.

"Gary _is_ the police." She looked in the front and saw Gary glance in the rearview mirror. "But I think it would be better for you to report it." She wanted to ensure that not only would nothing happen, but if something did happen, she wouldn't get in trouble. "If he attacks me, am I in trouble?"

"Of course not, Trina. You'll be okay, just do what you can to stay away from him, okay?"

"I will…thanks…"

"And congrats on the GED, I hope to see your scores soon."

"…Thanks…"

Her only hope now was that the police would arrive soon and quash the problem before it became a serious issue. The last thing she wanted was for her father to kill her chances of working through her probation.

When they arrived at Gary's place, her fears were confirmed. David was standing with arms crossed in the front yard, his foot tapped the grass swiftly and a dangerous expression was etched across his face.

"Stay in the car," Gary repeated firmly while opening the door. Trina did as instructed, despite wanting to get out and challenge David. She knew the best thing to do was to remain in the car.

She rolled her windows down to try and hear what was going on. Gary walked around his car. "Dave, what the hell do you want?"

"To talk to my wife," David replied. "What else?"

"Try again." Trina watched from the window, her heart racing and her head pounding. David snarled and stepped forward. "I bet you didn't think I'd make bond, Gary. I bet you thought you could just take my wife and kid from me."

"Fuck you. She's not even yours, you asshole." Her heart stopped and her eyes enlarged as Gary approached David.

David started to laugh. "You want the bitch? You can have her." Gary clenched his fists as David started his approach to the car. Gary moved between him and the car, tensing up and growling as though to warn him. David hesitated for the moment and took a small step back. "Give me a break."

"Stay the hell away you piece of shit."

"Come on Gary." David folded his arms across his chest and started to laugh. "It's not even your right to stop me."

"The fuck it's not." Gary raised his voice and pointed to the car. "That's my kid in there, and I'll be damned if I let you anywhere near her!" She widened her eyes and her heart stopped abruptly as Gary's words struck her.

It took a bit to process what came out of Gary's rage-filled mouth, but she already had an idea of what it meant. "What?" She whispered her question softly and looked to her mother, but found she had no answer.

She thought of the picture of Gary's daughter and started to shake her head, still uncertain of the truth.

Still, it hit her full force and she didn't understand. She caught David's glare and felt a wave of nausea hit her as he shook his fist. "That's right, you're not even mine you little swine. If you were, you wouldn't be so fucking worthless!" Her eyes clenched shut and she turned her head away as Holly reached around for her shoulder.

"Don't listen to him," Holly whispered.

Before David could make any sudden moves, sirens filled the air. David's head jerked upright. "Son of a bitch." Trina looked back and felt a wave of relief wash over her as police cars surrounded the area.

Lizzie came through. She didn't think the officer would be able to, and was thrilled to see she was wrong. David couldn't harm her, or Holly or Gary, and that was perfect.

Still, David's words hung in her mind, leaving her with a great deal of concern. "Mom?" She looked to Holly, seeing the sweat on her mother's brow. "What did he mean by that?" Holly looked over her shoulder with a deep frown, slowly shaking her head.

If there was ever a time she needed to know what was going on, it was now. "Mom. Talk to me."

"Now isn't a good time."

"It's better than never…"

"Okay." Holly closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "David…isn't your actual father." She felt her heart stop on a dime, her jaw fell open and her widening eyes bore down on her mother. Holly shut her eyes and started to shake. "He…He's always threatened, if you knew the truth…"

The woman gasped out and raised her hand over her mouth. "Trina, I don't want you to hate me for keeping this from you. David's your stepdad."

She didn't know how to respond. She wanted to know who her father was, but now she wasn't sure she needed to ask. Looking outside, and remembering the photographs in Gary's home, she was almost certain she knew.

At the same time, she felt numb and didn't know how to react. Her trembling hands rose to her mouth and her eyelids slammed shut, splashing tears outward.

She was angry, but she was also confused, and still a number of unanswered questions came to her mind. With David just outside, she knew this wasn't the time to ask.

Holly was staring at her, her eyes full of fear and uncertainty. "Trina? Honey?" She raised a hand, still unable to answer. The shock was too much. "Please talk to me…"

She needed time.

As the police cars pulled in, she saw David trying to flee. The police grabbed onto him before he had a chance, though, much to her amazement. When she looked up at Gary, she felt a sudden pang in her heart.

At the same time, she thought about her own daughter-being raised by a man without knowing who her own mother or father was. What would happen when that child was old enough to ask questions?

The fear of her own child being angry at her kept her from being angry at Holly, or even Gary. She already felt close to Gary, so it wasn't so much anger as it was a desire to know the truth. She needed time, however.

At the same time, she didn't know how much of that she had left-if any at all.

* * *

So, what are your thoughts? I think that last part ended up well, despite having had a beer or two while writing it. Trina's made her GED, but it almost seems dwarfed by the other pressing issue in her life. What do you think will come of this? Do tell


	30. Weight of the World

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 30 (Weight of the World)

Trina cradled the brass picture frame, which felt light a paperweight in her fingers. Her trembling gaze fell onto the young girl in the photo; it had been her all along. She had many questions, but didn't know where to begin.

In the room with her were her mother, Tori, and Gary. All were watching her in silence. "So," she said finally, "He's Tori's dad?" The fact that David wasn't her father was earth-shattering news, but knowing Gary was her father wasn't any easier. "Not mine, though?"

She wanted to know why they kept this from her for so long. Seeing how her apparent step-father was, she partially felt like the answer was already there, staring her down like a bull flaring its nostrils.

Tori was in just as much shock from what Trina could see, hunched forward and holding her head in her hands. She wanted her sister to say something, or at least any of the group to say something.

This might be the only chance that Tori and Holly would have to talk to her for a while-since David was back behind bars. The terms of his bail, as ordered by the judge, was that he stay away from Trina and from Gary.

"Your father…" Holly pat her fingertips together and let out a breath of air. Trina raised her eyes towards her mother and bit down on the corner of her lip. "And by that I'm referring to Gary. He was overseas at the time, and I was scared of losing him, scared of you growing up without a father."

Red rivers were stained on her cheeks, and her eyes were already too puffy and sore for more tears. "You didn't even give him a chance?" Holly bowed her head and the regret flashed before her eyes.

"I was a young mom." Her heart sank and she thought back to her own daughter and the decision she made. Perhaps there was a connection, but she didn't know. "It didn't help that I'd already met someone I thought would be able to be there…" Gary rolled his eyes and Tori snapped her head upright.

"You cheated on _Gary_ with _Dad_?" Tori's eyes grew and her mouth hung open. It was quite the turn, but Trina had already figured this much when she learned Gary was her dad. There was such a short amount of time between herself and her sister, so David would have had to have been in her life at some point.

Tori rose sharp and pointed at her mother. "How could you? How could you? Did you even want me?" Holly rolled her eyes and dropped her forehead into her hand.

There was a tightening in her gut. Trina raised her hand, snapping her fingers to get Tori's attention. "Tori, please calm down. I know you're upset too, but let's try to understand them…" Far be it from her to suggest they take a more patient path. She looked at Gary with heavy eyes and took a deep breath. "What about you? You were always around, you told mom to have me move in with you because of my probation…"

"He's always wanted to be a part of your life," Holly answered. The woman leaned back and reached up to Tori, taking her hand into hers. "And I've never regretted you, Tori. I love both of you girls, and I have always loved you."

Tori sat back down, but with hesitation. Gary didn't say anything, as the moment seemed more appropriate for Holly to talk and answer their questions. Holly lowered her hand and closed her eyes. "It didn't start out as an affair. David was Gary's friend in college, and he was a cop."

"Unfortunate curse," Gary said with a slight growl, "He wasn't so much a 'friend' as someone that I had the displeasure of knowing in college. I wouldn't be the first military man whose wife left him for 'a friend', and I won't be the last." He crossed his arms and shook his head.

"I understand it's a lot of stress." Trina nodded and set the picture frame down in her lap. "Being married to someone in the military. I also think it takes a lot of strength, courage, and patience to _stay_ with them. To stand with them, to support them." She glanced at her Mom, watching the shame fall across her face. "I'm not angry at you Mom, I think you just made a bad decision. I get it, though…What was it about him-about Tori's dad?"

Holly shrugged. "He was just there for me. David wasn't bad at the time, and only had a minor drinking problem. He was nice, charming, friendly…I thought he could be there, to provide and be a father. So I divorced your father and moved in with him. We married quickly, and it was shortly after that when I got pregnant with your sister."

The lines were blurry then as to whether or not it was a full-fledged affair, but Trina didn't care about that. Tori may, all Trina wanted to know was the facts. "Why did I never know?" She clasped her hands between her knees. The skin around her eyes and lips grew tighter and her head started to ache. "How come I never knew my actual father? I was made to be angry and bitter towards my father, thinking you were having an affair with him when you weren't…"

"That assumption came from your sister, dear."

"It did not," Tori said defensively. "I never said anything about you having an affair."

"You told all your friends that I was cheating on your father, Tori."

"No." Tori crossed her arms and turned her head away. "You just kept flirting around with him while my friends were around. I had nothing to do with it." Trina rolled her eyes, biting down on her tongue to resist the urge to tell her sister to shut up.

She raised her hand, shaking it in the air while lifting her voice. "Please. I don't care who did what. I just want answers, okay? I just want to know the answers to my questions." She looked at Gary and smiled faintly. "I never knew, and if I knew, maybe things would have been different."

"They would have," Gary replied plainly. "I wanted nothing more than to take you from that house, to protect you."

"Then why? Why didn't you?" She pointed out to the left, her voice skipping with a sob. "I grew up being cussed at, shoved around, beaten and ridiculed by a man I thought was my dad. If I _knew_ I had a choice-if I knew I had an option-"

Tori scoffed and raised her hands. "You would have left us. Of course!" Trina pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a hefty sigh.

"No. I wouldn't. I don't know. God, Tori this isn't about you right now."

"Of course, it has to be about you doesn't it?"

 _"_ _Obviously, Gary's my dad not yours."_ She held back her thought, knowing it wouldn't be fair to say and that if she said it, a huge fight she didn't even want would begin. Instead, she ignored Tori's ire and looked back at her parents. "I don't know what I would have done. I just want to know why I never knew anything about this. Why the lie?"

"It wasn't a lie," Holly replied, "Or it wasn't meant to be." Holly reeled back, then leaned forward. "Itwas for your protection…" Flashes of David's abuse came to mind and she scoffed loudly.

"Protection, momma? From what, exactly? Protection from his abuse? Protection from asshole boyfriends? Alcohol?" She flung her hand out, laughing in anger. "Protection from her friends? Momma, I haven't felt safe even _once_ in my entire lifetime." Maybe she would have felt safe if she knew her connection to Gary, she didn't know.

She clapped her hands together, still chuckling at a situation that she didn't find the slightest bit humorous. Fresh tears filled her eyes once more and her breathing shuttered. "Momma, I would have liked the chance to feel safe. Maybe if I knew Gary was my father, I would have felt safe, I would have felt like someone gave a shit about me. I wouldn't have felt worthless, I wouldn't have felt like I mattered so little to anybody."

She pat her chest, trembling as her heart began bursting at the seams. "How do you justify it, Momma?" Holly's eyes filled with tears and her left hand crumpled a tissue it had been holding. "How do you justify keeping a little girl from ever knowing her father?"

"It wasn't me," Holly screamed out and pounded her chest. "It wasn't what I wanted. It was never what I wanted." Trina jerked back and her forehead crinkled. She watched as her mother wiped her eyes with the tissue and blew her nose. "That man, that stupid god awful man never wanted to let you go. He never wanted you to know, because if you knew, your dad could take you away and you would go."

Holly grabbed another tissue and proceeded to sweep at her tears. "I'm sorry Trina. It's all my fault. It's my fault." She started feeling bad about being angry, making her mother cry like this. She bowed her head, took a few deep breaths and forced herself to quiet down.

"It's not your fault mom, I shouldn't make you upset. I know you're hurting too."

"You have every right to be angry." Holly gasped for air and wiped her nose. "I kept you from knowing your father, let you live with a monster, and now look-"

"It's fine, I guess. I know him now…" She could have guessed David was responsible for her never knowing Gary. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't upset me. I just…I feel like I screwed up your life. I feel like it's my fault you're where you are now. I've ruined everything, haven't I?"

"You didn't. That was, you know…" She reached over, placing her hand over her mother's. As the woman's eyes drifted up into hers, she started to smile. "Who knows, maybe I'd still be the same way if things were different."

Holly sniffled and started to shake her head. Gary handed over another box of tissues and took a deep breath. "I wish things had been different as well." She turned her head to him and furrowed her brow. "I wanted to be in your life, to let you know, but your mother was afraid David would retaliate…whether against me, her, or you. She would beg me to leave things alone, which was the hardest thing for me to do."

Her mom leaned back in her seat, inhaled sharply and breathed out slow. "He would never do anything to risk you, and I wouldn't let him. I know it wasn't the best or the appropriate thing to do, but I was terrified…and I still am."

David wasn't going to go away, she could feel it deep in her soul. All that could happen was a prayer that he'd go away for a long time.

Yet this was California, a state full of softness and fear of offending people. She had no faith David would stay in prison very long, if at all. Even now, he'd only stay overnight in a jail cell most likely for his recent transgression.

Because surely, with only a smack on the hand, he would know he'd done wrong and wouldn't do it again.

"He'll never go away," Trina said with a mournful tune, "He'll always be out there. The best thing we can do is just try and survive…" It was the first time she ever felt like she couldn't fight, but there wasn't much choice. If she fought, she'd be the one in trouble.

She was also tired of trying to protect everyone else. She wanted freedom, she wanted to live her life and move on and try to be whole again. Yet deep down, she didn't feel like that would be possible.

The dream of having a family and being with people she cared about may never come into fruition, not with the world finally crushing down upon her. "So what are you guys going to do, Mom?"

"Going back to the house," Holly replied.

"If he gets out of jail, he'll go back there."

"I know…" Holly bowed her head and Trina heard her father grunt. "He'll expect us there, and he _is_ Tori's father regardless. If I'm not there, he'll come looking. If Tori's not there, you know he'll cry kidnap."

"She's eighteen, mom…"

"Doesn't matter to him. Nothing matters to him except what he wants."

"Yeah." She rolled her eyes. Maybe her mom was right, Trina didn't know. "He wants to ruin my life." Her body felt sore from all the grief and confusion, yet it also felt as though the stress finally got to her. "I can't protect you guys anymore, momma. I want to, I just…I don't know what to do."

Holly smiled and took Trina's right hand, placing it in her left while cupping her right overhand. "You don't have to protect us, baby. I'm your mom, I should have protected you…stay here, with your father. He'll take care of you, and until David's trial…" Trina nodded and looked down at her feet. "Until then, we'll stay with him. If nothing else, to satisfy his own vanity…but we'll be okay."

"If you say so, Mom. If you say so."

* * *

So much emotion in this chapter, it's easy to see how tired everyone is. What are your thoughts of this chapter? Do tell.


	31. Winds of Change

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 31 (Winds of Change)

"I'm sorry about all of that stuff," Lucas said. They were walking along a trail in the park, and Trina gave him the spiel of what was going on with her birth father and with David. "How are you taking it all?"

"I don't really know. I'm still confused by it all." She rubbed the back of her neck and sighed. "My dad isn't really my dad, all that abuse…it hurts so much…" Lucas rubbed her back, soothing her for a second. "Now I know the truth, and I don't even know what to make of it."

"Take some time to just let it all sink in. I guess that's the best advice I can give."

"You don't understand." She sucked in the air and sank into a bench nearby. Lucas turned to her, smiling gently. He was good to her, and she trusted him, yet still wanted to hold back. "I want to tell you." She swept her hand over her forehead and hunched forward.

Lucas took a seat beside her, rubbing circles into her back. "What are you scared of?" She didn't know if it was that obvious that she'd been holding back. They'd been dating a few months now and she still felt terrified of his judgment.

"You leaving me because of certain things."

"You're in alcoholics anonymous…" He chuckled and shook his head. "If I was going to be judgmental, I wouldn't have dated you from the get go." She felt her heart skip and bowed her head. "Also, I don't think I got to say…congrats on your GED."

"Thank you." She breathed in slowly and closed her eyes. "I'm still scared, because I know I haven't told you. I don't want to scare you off." She was going to say this like ripping off a band-aid. "I'm on probation." Lucas leaned back slowly and she started to brace herself for a possible disapproving remark.

"Okay." Her eyes shot open and her heart stopped. When she turned to look at him, she saw his calm expression. He shrugged. "So, a girl like you on probation. What happened?"

"My…" She swept her hair behind her ear and tensed up. "My step-dad, I guess. I went to protect my mom and sister from one of his rages and he ended up beating me to a pulp." Lucas frowned. A lump formed in her throat and she raised her eyes to the sky. "He called the police, said I attacked him and what he did was self-defense."

"That asshole…"

"Yeah. Police ate it up because they were loyal to him. I wound up going for deferred probation." She closed her hands on the bottom of her shirt and clenched her teeth.

Lucas put his arm around her shoulders. Her heart swelled and she leaned slowly into him, feeling a sense of warmth brewing within her. It was nice to be accepted. Her fear receded and fresh tears formed in her eyes.

"I'm not running with my tail between my legs." She nearly laughed, but stifled it and put her arms around his waist. "It doesn't even sound like you deserve probation, but those are the cards you got dealt. I guess all you can do is find a way to play your hand the best you can."

"Yeah…"

"But I'm not worried because you're on probation, okay?"

"T-Thanks." She snuggled close to him. It was becoming easier to trust again, oddly enough. She was truly happy for all that he helped her with, and felt more comfortable with him than she'd felt with anyone for a long time. "I'm sorry, Luke. I just don't trust easy."

"I understand. I know you've had a rough life, and it's hard to find people that you can trust. Just know that you can trust me, okay?"

"I know." It was amazing that she could trust anybody after the life she'd lived. Half the time, it seemed like everyone was out to get her or that someone was just going to hurt her in the end. "You're the first guy I feel like I can trust not to hurt me, after Marcus and everything…" She raised her head up slow and looked into his eyes. "You know, something else, my actual dad. He was a former Navy Seal. I've become pretty close to him."

"That's good."

"I didn't think I would. It amazes me I've been able to accept him like I have. He's been good to me, protective." She chuckled softly and set her head down onto his shoulder. "He thinks you're okay."

"Well I'm glad." Lucas chuckled and draped an arm around her shoulders. "That's good, right?"

"Definite. Especially since he's, you know, my actual dad." She didn't know if there was a future with this relationship or not, but whatever happened, she felt like it opened something within her. "I'm actually surprised I've been able to accept him so well."

"You know, I think that has to do with the connection the two of you have had before all of this came to light."

She hummed thoughtfully, thinking of how close she and Gary grew since she moved in with him. "Maybe. If anything, it probably helped." She needed this relationship with Gary, because now she had a father who wouldn't hurt her. "I can see he cares for me, and I guess after the whole probation thing, he finally put his foot down. Most of the time, he was doing what Mom wanted, fighting to keep from causing a scene with my step-dad."

"Makes sense. Especially if he's kept quiet to protect you, and then that whole thing happened, I can't imagine how angry he must have been."

Lucas was more right than he knew, because when David was arrested again, it looked like David was doing everything in his power _not_ to take the man out on the spot.

Trina dipped her eyes and crossed her arms over her abdomen. "Something else I'm thinking about." Lucas nodded once and said nothing as he seemed more interested in listening than anything else. "College…I'm scared. I made college ready on my GED, _plus_ college credit. I'm not sure if I really can do it, and if I do, what will happen?"

"You stand a chance of getting a degree. I say go for it."

"I don't even know what I'd want to do, or what I could do. I'm not even sure if college is the right decision."

"Do you want to go to college?"

She turned her head upright, furrowing her brow. "Kind of." She did, but it was difficult to know for sure whether that was the right choice or not. "I mean, I'd like to have the degree. Would it be worth it, though? If I have probation on me?"

Deferred probation meant her record would be clean, so long as she did what she was supposed to and stayed out of trouble. Even still, she was worried that her job choices were limited.

"I think you shouldn't worry about that. Do what you want. Find something you enjoy, and study that. Do you have any ideas what you enjoy?"

She pulled her legs up, pressing her knees into her chest. "Not really. I've never had the opportunity to explore." There were a few things she knew for a fact that she enjoyed: Sports, card games, and even billiards. "I like darts and shooting pool, but those are interests, not careers."

"Okay."

"I like sports. I like martial arts."

"Well, have you considered that?"

"Not really…" She could also type really well when it came to computers, so secretarial jobs were decent. "Maybe an office job. I could major in business or something. I don't know."

"Let me tell you. College doesn't ask that you enter your first year knowing what you want. Many people don't know, so it's only normal you eventually discover what it is you may want to do. Don't push yourself into trying to find something, give it time. Give yourself time to figure it all out."

It was sage advice as far as she was concerned. She didn't know how it would work with her being on probation, but at the very least, she would take the time that she needed. "If I just go to a community college, do I have to declare a major?"

"Not if you don't want to. You can get a general studies associate's degree that covers your basic core curriculum. Most universities even tell you that you have until your junior year to declare a major. Once you're a junior, you have to declare, but before then you're fine."

She was a fairly fast typist and wouldn't mind working as a clerk or a record keeper somewhere. "I love the bakery I'm working at, but I don't really think that's where I want to be in ten or twenty years."

"Have you ever given much thought to that?"

"Until recently? No." She grabbed the flaps of her jacket and hugged them around herself. "Even now, I have no idea where I'm going to be. If I can complete the deferred adjudication without any trouble, then maybe there's hope…"

Deferred adjudication is different from probation in the sense that while probation is a final conviction, deferred adjudication is not. It simply means you are not found guilty upon completion, the judge defers the finding of guilt to see if one can comply with the terms.

Should one complete it, then on the record the case is listed as a dismissal. Trina understood it as deferred adjudication being a second chance for offenders without any priors on their records, and is helpful to keep their record clean of any future convictions.

"I just have to keep my nose clean." She closed her eyes and smiled faintly. "Of course my d…step-dad, will do anything to make sure I don't comply with my terms."

"Do you know how the trial went? Will he be put away?"

"I don't know." Trina shrugged, looking up at the trees with a sigh. "I asked not to know. I just don't want to think about him, I don't want to worry about him and I don't want to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life…"

"I understand." Lucas stood up and extended his hand to her. "Come on, let's keep walking." She glanced up with a smile and gently set her hand in his.

Meanwhile, eighteen year old Jade West stood alongside her father in his probation department. She was looking around, half-heartedly while fidgeting with a phone in her hand.

She was bored and wanted to go home, but he needed to make a quick stop as one of his employees called him. This was supposed to be his day off, and now their day together was ruined.

His office was large, and half of it seemed taken up by his desk, shelves and papers. Photos of his family lined the shelves, but were turned in a way that hopefully probationers might not see the images.

There were two chairs against the wall facing the desk, and each chair had a potted tree beside it. An older male with a flush of white hair and blue eyes sat in the chair on the left. He had sagging jowls and a wrinkled brow.

"Sorry to call you in today, Henry. I know you were spending it with your daughter, but I want to know how you would advise me to proceed with my intake."

Henry was in his leather chair, leaning against his bent arm and closed hand. "You called Lizzie to the office already, Gerald?" Lizzie was one of the officers Jade liked. She was on the second floor of the building, while the main offices were down here on the first. She was eager to see the girl.

"Yes. I haven't interviewed my client yet. He just got charged ten years straight probation." She returned her focus to her phone, always with the knack of never paying attention. This was sensitive information, but she never repeated what she heard because she understood the confidentiality laws.

To even repeat confidential information, she would need permission from the client otherwise she could be sued.

"My client is connected to one of Lizzie's, that's the problem." Jade's head jerked up and her eyebrows started to rise. Now curious, since this was a situation she never heard of happening, she pushed her phone into her pocket.

The office door opened up and Lizzie walked in with a smile. "Hey Gerald. Hey Henry. What's going on?"

Gerald raised his wrinkled hand and pursed his lips. "We have two connected clients, Lizzie. You may want to inform your client, but I need advice on how to proceed. You may as well."

Lizzie's brow furrowed and she adjusted her blazer. "Really?" The woman took a seat and scrunched her face. "What's the problem? We have clients that are relatives or even friends, it happens all the time, how's this any different?"

"Because my client's name comes up as a victim of one of yours." Lizzie's head moved back slowly and Jade quickly brought her hand over her mouth. "Now there are some recent charges, and your chronos indicate that it's the other way. There's a history of domestic violence as well with my client, so…"

Jade looked to her father for an answer, watching as the man straightened up in his chair. He folded his hands on his desk, then motioned with his left. "It would be dangerous for these two to meet," he replied.

Gerald and Lizzie nodded and Henry's brow furrowed. "You two are going to have to coordinate with one another on this. Simple. Adjust your office visits and make sure you don't set up appointments with them on the same day or the same time." Henry moved his hand over to Lizzie. "You contact your client, let them know the situation." He laced his fingers. "Same with you Gerald. Remember that the safety of the client is also important, so take whatever necessary precautions and make sure neither are in any danger."

"We'll coordinate with you as well," Lizzie replied.

With the meeting over, Jade followed her father out of the building, scratching at her chin. "Does that happen often, Dad?" Henry looked at her and nodded.

"On occasion. They usually know how to handle it, but they still need to let me know since I'm the director."

"Who's the client?"

"Unfortunately I can't give any names. Gerald's client is on probation for fraud and assault, however. Lizzie's is on deferred adjudication."

"What's deferred?"

"Something given to younger offenders that may not have committed prior crimes. It's an opportunity to give them a clean slate if they can complete their terms well enough. Lizzie's client has been a good one so far, so we can only hope she remains that way."

"They're all criminals aren't they? So, I mean, you think they can do it?"

Henry opened the passenger side door of the car and motioned for Jade to get in. He smiled as she passed by. "Not all of them are hardened criminals, some have just made poor decisions and others are caught by having little opportunities to do otherwise."

"Oh."

"Some really do want to change their lives, some want to improve. Then there are those who don't care, don't want to change and are dead set on the path they're on." She understood, though it was a much different view than she'd thought in the path.

"So they're all human then."

"Yes." Her father entered the car and chuckled softly. "Don't get me wrong. You have the psychopaths that can't feel any emotion, or the sociopaths that care only for themselves. You get the hardened criminals that just can't stop doing what they're doing."

"Is Lizzie's client one of the good ones?"

"Lizzie's reports suggest it. It's also indicated and suggested in the reports that the assault she's in for was possibly done in self-defense. Should be interesting, since Gerald's client and Lizzie's client will both be paying victim restitution to the other person…"

She stifled a laugh and looked out at her father's office building. Hearing about this connection intrigued her, perhaps more than it should. "Can they really change?"

"Something to remember, dear. Anybody that wants to change the circumstances in their life, and are willing to put forth the effort, can and most likely will succeed in doing exactly that."

* * *

Some crucial things happening here, we see. A good chat with Trina and Lucas, and you've hopefully learned the difference between deferred adjudication and regular probation. Probably obvious who just got placed on probation with Gerald. We also see the moment Jade first becomes intrigued by criminal justice. So...thoughts?


	32. A Day Spent Fishing

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 32 (A Day Spent Fishing)

Carrying a bucket of bait and a fishing line, Trina followed Gary to a remote location in the beautiful Shell Creek Park. She'd never fished before, so she was excited to give it a try, especially since it meant bonding with him.

With them as well was her fellow coworker, Cat, and the girl's roommate. Cat had been trying to get her to talk to her or hang out, and Trina was finally opening up to the girl. "It was either this, or hunting." She smirked over her shoulder as Cat waddled a bit to step on dry land.

Her roommate on the other hand, walked in stride, not caring about the wet mud they had to trek through. "This is nothing," Sam remarked. She nudged Cat, who had both arms extended outwards, and laughed. "Come on, don't be a baby. Even Carly could deal with this." Cat rolled her eyes and Sam over to Trina. "You know, my friend Carly's father is a military man."

"Oh?" Trina spun around, moving carefully as she walked backwards. "What does he do?"

"He's a colonel in the air force. How about yours?"

Trina jerked a thumb over her shoulder, and beamed with pride. "Former Navy Seal." Cat raised her eyebrow and hopped onto a large bit of dry grass.

"I guess that does beat a cop," Cat stated. "Though having a cop dad is a nice bragging point…having a cop dad that's an asshole isn't." Cat looked apologetic and winced. "Sorry for bringing that up."

"It's fine." Trina turned back to face her father and smiled from ear to ear as she thought about the prospect of referring to him as such. On one hand it felt too soon to do so, but on the other, in such a short time she already felt as though he was in that position. "He's always been there, Cat. Sure I never realized it, but he's always been close."

"And clearly respecting the sanctity of his ex's marriage to an asshole." Cat folded her arms and pressed her lips together. "I wonder if your mom has any real feelings for him, or if she never stopped."

"Honestly, if they aren't together, I'd probably try and set up a parent trap thing." She chuckled at the thought. She wondered for a moment if meddling in things was a gene that got carried over, perhaps she ought to watch out just in case her children ever tried to set her up with someone. "I'm glad he's here for me."

She walked faster, until she caught up with Gary at the shore of the lake. Gary peered at her with a loving smile and gingerly took the bucket of bait with her. "This is my favorite spot to fish. Sometimes I'll rent a boat and go out on the lake itself, but for starting out, maybe you would rather stay on land."

Cat raised her hand. "Um, dry land preferably." The girl pat her stomach and groaned. "I get a little motion sickness from the water. I just tried boating with Robbie the other day, threw up all over the place." The girl's face turned a mixture of green and red, and she quickly bowed her head. "First damn date, and I throw up."

Hearing that Cat went out with Robbie shocked her into dropping the fishing rod on the ground. "You and Robbie? A date? When the hell…" Sam laughed and Cat quickly clasped her hands at her waist and squished her shoulders together while swaying in the breeze.

"Yeah, he's been asking me more often, so I finally said yes. I just said 'fuck it' with my shyness and went with it." Remembering how Cat talked about Tori and her friends in the past, she needed to know if the girl was hanging with them again or still 'done' with them.

Trina waited as Gary showed her how to set up the fishing line. She grabbed some of the bait, hooked it, then cast her line out into the lake. "So just Robbie? I thought you were done with that group." Sam was the next to try, and Cat stared at the bait with a disgusted expression. This left Sam to hook Cat's bait for her.

Holding the line, Cat sidled up to Trina's left. "I am, for the most part. I've only talked to Robbie. He's kind of separating from them as well, but he's still friends with Andre." The redhead shrugged and tilted her head. "He's different. Stopped with the puppet completely, though he still wants to be a ventriloquist, but he's matured."

"Well, that's good. Has he said how the group's been doing?" She wasn't truly interested in them, but she was curious what they were up to. "I know they've not been around Tori as much anymore, which I'm sorry for…"

"They're kind of afraid after almost ending up on the wrong end of one of Mr. Vega's rages…So, it's not really your fault. They're dealing with their own drama at the moment, anyway."

"Oh? Like what?"

"Getting ready for college, relationship drama and other stuff. Beck's been complaining about Jade's paranoia, which is getting worse." Cat rolled her eyes and shook her head. "That girl really needs a distraction, if you ask me. Something to focus on."

Trina laughed out and stared down her line, wondering when and if the fish were going to bite. "What about the others?"

"Andre's thinking of moving to Louisiana. There's this girl he met named Taylor, who seemed to know something about some deceased relatives. His aunt lives over there, and he's thinking of going that way to learn more about his family. I think he should."

"Sure."

"Then of course, I'm not sure what Jade's doing besides glaring at every girl that walks past Beck." Cat's eyebrows moved up and a hum drifted away from her lips. "I do know she's been thinking about what she wants to do in college. She's pretty much the one that isn't certain what she wants."

"Maybe she ought to follow her dad's footsteps." She chuckled softly and looked up to the clouds above them. "He's the director of the probation office, I think." Cat nodded and turned her eyes to the lake.

Trina had already told Cat about the forced probation, and to her surprise, Cat didn't bat an eye. She truly was a good friend to have, which was something Trina hadn't thought about.

As time passed, Trina moved closer to Gary, placing her head on his upper arm and closing her eyes. She knew what fishing was all about now; it wasn't for catching the fish but for spending time with the people she was with.

Nothing needed to be said, all she cared about was his presence.

She worried for her mom and sister, knowing they still had to stay with David. One of the first things Gary mentioned was that David's trial didn't end as he wanted. David was out and on probation. It was horrifying, but she kept her focus away from it for the moment.

Her phone rang out, breaking the stillness and calm in the air. She grabbed it off her belt as fast as she could and frowned when she saw a random number. She knew what the number was for, because probation officers that were out field visits used burner phones rather than their personal ones to call their clients.

She answered and stepped away from the group. "Hello?"

"Hey Trina, it's Lizzie."

"You're out on field visits?"

"I am." Her heart sank and she looked back at Gary and her new friends. "We just drove by Gary's house, you weren't there. Is everything okay? I have something pretty important I need to discuss with you…"

"I'm out at the park with him. Cat and her roommate are here too. We're at the remote fishing spot." She pulled her phone from her ear to glance at the time, it was almost noontime. "We'll probably be here the rest of the day."

"Which park?"

"Shell Creek."

"Ah! I know that one. Okay, hang tight and we're going to come see you, is that okay?" She felt her gut clench and looked to Cat and Sam with concern. She didn't really want their paths to cross with her probation officer, but at the same time, she knew it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Yeah, that's okay. We're on the north side of the lake."

"Great! Thanks!"

She let the others know Lizzie was on her way and returned to fishing. It wasn't long before Lizzie arrived with another probation officer in the car. The other officer stayed while Lizzie stepped out and hurried over, smiling bright as the sun in the sky. "So how's the fishing? Catching anything?"

"A little. We throw them back in." She walked a few feet away with Lizzie and locked her hands behind her back. "So, is there something wrong? You said there was something important…"

"Yeah, another officer recently got a client on probation." She shut her eyes and started to cringe, suspecting what was coming. "It's Mr. Vega." This was what she was afraid of, but she had no control over it. Her heart filled with fear, but she remained stoic.

"I knew he got probation, I just didn't know he was going to your department. What's going to happen? I mean…I don't want to run into him."

"That's just it, we're going to have to coordinate and monitor this situation closely." Lizzie raised her hands and pushed them out, exhaling deeply. "We're going to do everything we can to keep you safe and keep the two of you from crossing paths."

"He'll do anything to destroy me, Lizzie. I-I can't…"

"One of the terms Gerald has given him is that he absolutely must stay away from you. This is a condition that Gerald asked the Judge to add to the terms and conditions of the probation assignment." She was relieved to hear that bit of news, but still anxious and worried about what her father could do. "If David goes near you, if he tries anything at all, he's going to jail for Violation of Probation. You should try and stay away from him too."

"I'm not him." She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "I'm not going to try and ruin _his_ probation." Lizzie smiled and nodded her head.

"I'm glad you're taking this well."

"I've had time to process, but other things are going on right now that are more important."

"Oh? What other things have been happening?" Lizzie walked with her towards the nearby trail, stepping carefully and listening earnestly. "Is everything okay?"

"He's not my real dad." Lizzie stopped in her tracks and Trina turned to her. She pointed towards Gary, watching as her officer turned her head. "That's my real father." Lizzie's mouth turned to an oval and her hand rose to her forehead.

"Oh wow, when…are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah, I've really grown close to him. He's treated me like his daughter this entire time, so I'm okay. It came out when David showed up a while back at the house, and I learned Mom left him because he was in the military and she was just young and afraid. David's forced them into silence all these years…mom's terrified that David will do something bad because he's afraid Gary's going to take us away." She shrugged. "In his defense, that's exactly what's going to happen."

"What about your sister?"

"She's his daughter, my half-sister. She might rather stay with him, but that's her decision. I'm fine where I'm at."

They started walking back towards Gary, Cat and Sam. Something in the distance caught her eye and stopped her dead in her tracks. "Oh my god." Lizzie turned to see what she was looking at. It was a man walking down the paved trail with a small baby in a stroller.

Her knees started to buckle and tears welled up in her eyes as she watched them. Gary moved over and Lizzie started asking about the reaction Trina was having. "I-It's Rachel." She whimpered and reached out towards Jason and Rachel, wishing she could talk to them. "I want to go up to them."

"Probably not the best idea…"

"I know. But my baby. I want my baby."

Gary placed a strong but gentle hand on her shoulder, speaking softly. "I know it's hard Trina." Trina looked up to him, her heart breaking. "I know what you're feeling."

She put her arms around him, burying her face into his chest. "How did you ever cope?"

"I didn't. You grew up before my eyes, and I was never able to be there…It was torture, and I wish I could say it gets better."

Jason looked over as he passed and raised his hand, waving at the group. "Good afternoon!" Trina gasped and felt Gary's hug tighten around her, keeping her from running over to talk to Jason. "Beautiful day."

"It is," Gary answered. "Good afternoon to you as well, sir." Trina pushed her face further into his chest, muffling her whimpers. Gary rubbed her back gently and started to sigh. "One day you'll be able to meet your daughter, I'm sure of it. One day, when the time is right."

"Why not now?"

"Have you thought anything through? Have you thought of what might come of blurting it out in a random encounter?"

"No…" He was right. If she had gone up to Jason and mentioned being Rachel's mother, the man would freak out for certain. "He'd think I was stalking him or something, wouldn't he?"

"It's possible. It's also possible he might think you're about to fight for custody. Trust me when I say I have experience enough to know these things…"

"I know." She pulled her head away and watched the back of Jason depart. Lizzie pat her shoulder and shook her head. "I want to hold my baby girl so much. I-I wish I'd never given her up. I feel like shit."

* * *

Well, what thoughts and observations have you here?


	33. Childish Hijinks

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: This is a different perspective entirely, one that you should expect is in the present day since neither Beck nor Jade would be capable of narrating this.

* * *

Chapter 33 (Childish Hijinks)

Jason Tyler paced the floor, studying his watch and monitoring the second hand. His daughter still had a few hours left to go in class, and dinner reservations were set for eight. Tonight was set to be a night which nothing should go wrong, yet trouble was already afoot as far as he knew.

His soon-to-be fiancé was at work, and he'd been watching her children. The oldest girl was fifteen and the youngest was ten. Never had he had a problem with watching children, but for some odd reason, the teenager was nowhere to be found.

He needed to find the eldest soon, and was already stressed with the other matter that was in the works. His own daughter knew he was dating someone, but hadn't actually met this person yet. They'd been dating for a few months now and was ready to propose, but wanted to introduce the woman to Rachel first.

Rachel knew he was happy with this woman, and had often wanted to meet her but was either too busy or unable for a number of reasons. Tonight was the perfect night.

The youngest child stood in the living room, watching him with wide almond shaped eyes. She had short brown hair and was holding a teddy bear in her arms. "Where is your sister?" Jason looked at her with a pleading gaze and laced his fingers together. "Please, I need to know."

The girl bowed her head and sighed deeply. There was a look of guilt in her eyes, telling him something was up. "She made me promise not to tell." Jason chuckled for a second and crossed his arms.

"If your sister is doing something your mother would not like, I believe you know better." The child whined and hugged her teddy close. "What's going on? You know you can talk to me…" The children knew him, though they didn't quite know Rachel. She'd met them, only briefly.

His daughter was heavily focused on her studies and almost never at home, since she lived on campus. This led to her not being able to spend time with Jason's girlfriend or the woman's two children.

Rachel already knew he was thinking of proposing, and wanted to meet the woman first. That led to tonight, the moment of truth. "I need to find your sister. We have dinner reservations tonight, sweetheart…Rachel is finally going to meet your mother."

The child gasped and her eyes grew wider. "Oh no! Sis-sis and I didn't know that." He raised an eyebrow as the child hooked her lip with her finger and chewed on her nail. "Sis-sis is at the school."

"School?" He glanced to the calendar posted on the wall and squinted his eyes. "She's at school at this hour?"

"Not her school. Sis-sis made me promise not to tattle." The child tangled her fingers together and closed her eyes. "I want to see momma first. Can I see momma? I know momma's at work, but I wan to see momma." Jason smiled at the girl and nodded gently.

"Of course, she'd be thrilled."

The child was fidgety and looking around with her finger tapping her lip and her eyes darting everywhere but his eyes. This was a familiar childlike cue that Rachel possessed when she was young, it was indicative of having done something that wasn't right and feeling bad about it.

Jason raised an eyebrow and folded his arms, though retained a pleasant smile. "So, is there something you're wanting to tell me or your mother?" The girl bounced on her feet and hurried to the door. "Uh huh…Maybe we should find your sister before I take you to see your mom?"

"Sis-sis will be fine, I want to see momma." The child grabbed the doorknob and looked back over her shoulder. "Now peas?" He chuckled softly and walked over to her.

"Certainly, but I need to be able to tell your mother why your sister is not with us…" The girl looked down, muttering something. "What was that, sweetie?" The girl pulled the door open and bounced outside, giggling as she ran to the car. Jason grabbed his jacket from the rack beside the door, then his hat, and stepped outside. "Okay, you and my daughter are definitely going to get along…"

It always baffled him, he was an intelligent doctor that once was a strong and solid martial artist and yet this little girl could defeat him.

The child jumped up and down beside the car door. "Mama," she chanted, "I need to see mama." It was a curious change from the guilt the girl had in her to this jovial and excited child eager to talk to her mother.

The woman didn't like to be disturbed at work, but when it came to her children and family matters, work had to fall to the wayside.

He opened the door for the child, waiting as she climbed into the car and attached her seatbelt, then he walked around and got in on the driver's side. After starting the car, he noticed the girl hugging her teddy bear close and kicking her feet in the air. "So…" She turned her head to him and raised her eyebrows. "How did you and my momma meet again?"

"I thought you knew that?"

"No. Maybe I did."

"We work in the same block, and have for a couple years." The girl smiled brightly and looked back out the window. The child's mother worked as a Judicial secretary for an esteemed judge, while Jason worked in the hospital next door to the courthouse.

He often had to frequent the courthouse, give testimony in court cases and occasionally had to work at the prison hospital on patients. As such, the couple ran into each other quite frequently.

The child dropped her bear into her lap and pulled her hands behind her head, laughing with glee. "I like Judge Baker. He's very nice, and momma says she was very lucky that he took a chance on her."

Jason grinned. "Very lucky." He looked out at an ice cream shop they were passing and motioned at it. The girl's eyes grew wide and she planted herself on the window.

"Ice Cream! Can we stop for ice cream?"

"Ah. How about this, you tell me where your sister is, and then we'll go through that drive-thru and grab some ice cream for you to eat on the way to see your mom." The girl pouted her lip and crossed her arms.

"Fine, but sis-sis is going to be mad at me for being a tattler."

"You know what your mom believes, right? If you know someone's doing something wrong or something that will get them in trouble or hurt, the best thing to do is to tell about it."

"I know. Sis-Sis not going to get hurt, but maybe in trouble with mommy…" The girl raised her hand to cup her jaw and leaned her head sideways, tilting her straight dark hair in front of her eyes. "Bought with ice cream. I'm a weak girl."

Jason laughed as he pulled into the parking lot. "So long as you don't take candy from a stranger, I don't think you have anything to worry about." The girl nodded fervently and leaned forward to see the drive-thru board.

"I want rocky road!"

"That has nuts in it."

"Aw poop." She was allergic to peanuts, so they had to be careful what to let her have. "Mint Choco chip then, peas."

"Mint chocolate it is." He placed the order for her, and grabbed a chocolate milkshake for himself. Once she had the ice cream in her hand, she wasted little time telling him where her sister had gone and what they had done, much to his horror.

"I'm going to kill my brother," he muttered angrily. He rolled his eyes upwards and groaned.

Meanwhile, Jade was answering a few more questions in the classroom, taking note of Beck's attentive state. "Trina had quite a few downs during her probation, but they weren't as bad as you may expect. In probation, you're given warnings before they put a warrant for violation, so don't think the first time she screwed up was going to be the last."

"So she messed up?" Someone asked. "How badly?"

"When she and Lucas separated, she got drunk at some point. She reported it to Lizzie and was told she needed to be careful and stay away from alcohol." Jade crossed her arms and moved to the right. "After that, she did resolve to try harder."

"She dated others though, right?"

"Yes. She dated a rock climber next." Jade tapped her chin and curled her mouth into a quick smirk. "Now that was a wild ride if ever there was one. Anthony Grant, he got her to become active again."

"Cool!" Rachel proclaimed. "I was wondering if she ever got back into stuff like martial arts."

"I don't believe she did get back into that."

Beck raised a finger, clearing his throat. "Yes. She did. Later in life, I believe." Jade nodded, mildly annoyed but grateful as well for Beck's insight.

"So what did Anthony do?" Rachel leaned forward, raising her eyebrows. "You said he was a rock climber."

"Yes," Jade replied, "Also a hiker and a cyclist. He might have been a bit of an adrenaline junkie, but I think that's something that helped her a lot. She got into an active lifestyle and remained that way for some time."

In the corner of her eyes, she thought she caught a flash of curly blonde hair pass outside the door. Just as she turned her head towards it, the mass left her view. She turned back towards the class, but kept an eye on the door.

If there was someone outside, she may want to alert Beck. Then again, it could just be a passing student or teacher.

It wasn't a few seconds later that the mass returned and Jade could make out the young, round face of someone that looked like a teenager. She had blue eyes that formed dots behind wire-framed glasses, and very light brown hair, like the sands of the beach. Her cheekbones were freckled and her cheeks were narrow.

"Beck?" Beck hummed gently, turning his eyes up to her. "I think you have a student outside. Is the door locked?"

"No. All my students are here." He looked at the door. The girl's eyes opened wide and she quickly moved out of view. Beck started to pale and he rose from his chair. "Continue your lecture, Dr. West. I'll go see what this person wants…"

The students in the class turned their attention to the door. Rachel's eyebrows furrowed a bit as she studied the girl-who had moved back into view, then out again. "Okay. Thank you." Beck stepped outside of the classroom and closed the door behind him.

"Wonder who that was," Ryan said with a slight shrug. Rachel shrugged as well and looked back at Jade.

"I guess it doesn't much matter, but she did look familiar." She turned a page in her notebook and smiled. "My dad's been dating someone for a while now, I haven't been able to meet her yet. She makes him happy though, and I think he's thinking of proposing, so we're all having dinner together tonight."

"That's wonderful," Jade replied with a smile. "Tell your father congratulations, then."

"I will. I've only seen a few pictures, she has two daughters and works as a Judicial secretary for Judge Baker. That girl outside looks like her oldest daughter, but I don't see why a fifteen year old would be here."

"You must be excited at the concept of getting a couple step-sisters…Surprising you've not met them yet."

"Yeah. It's hard, she's always been busy with work and I'm pretty busy with college. Every opportunity there's been to meet up, one or both of us have been busy. There's just no time."

Beck came back inside and Rachel cleared her throat. "Anyway, back on with the lecture." Beck took a deep breath and returned to his desk, equally eager to get on with the class. He glanced at his phone with a deep frown, then looked up slowly at Jade and the students.

"Do continue."

* * *

So what seems to be happening here. Well, I'll leave that for you to decide. Your thoughts?


	34. The Climb

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 34 (The Climb)

Her twenty-first birthday didn't come out to be special in any way, considering she was still on probation and Lucas had to move away. Their relationship came to an end sooner than she would have liked.

Now she had to deal with Gary after feeling guilty over disappointing Lizzie. "I was depressed." She paced in front of Gary, muttering under her breath. Being legally twenty-one, she ended up walking into a bar and getting herself drunk for the first time since her trial. "I lost self-control."

Lizzie had to mark it down in her notes as well. She'd been upset that Trina had done it, but was glad she was honest. "I know Luke was a good man, and I'm sorry for the breakup, but you can't let that keep you from your goals." Gary's brow crinkled and his finger rose up. "Not to mention, you don't want to do anything to risk your probation. "You've been doing so well."

"How much trouble am I in?" Gary rubbed his chin and looked down for a second.

"Well, you broke the terms of your probation and lied to me when you said you were going shopping. How about you're grounded, and we'll call it even?" The corner of her lip twitched and smirk spread over her face.

"Grounded? At twenty-one? Can you do that?" She raised her eyebrows and started to chuckle. She was happy nonetheless, because Gary was being a parent. Gary folded his arms, nodding sternly.

"Discipline, Trina. Discipline and parental guidance." Her smirk turned into a grin spreading from ear to ear. "You're grounded. At twenty-one, and I'd ground you at forty if I had to."

Her heart began to swell and she bounced on her heels. His facial expression relaxed and his lips moved into a thin smile. "What are you doing? You're happy?"

It had been so long since she had any real discipline or guidance. While she felt terrible for lying and getting drunk, she was pleased to be grounded.

"Very." She leaned over, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tight. She could feel his body jerk in surprise, then smiled as he carefully hugged her back. "What are the rules?" She stepped back, throwing her arms behind her and overlapping her wrists.

"Um…how does it work?" Tears welled up in her eyes and she started to laugh. "What rules do you think there should be? I've never done this grounding stuff before."

"You're the dad, you're supposed to think of it." He hesitated, his eyes growing as his mouth hung open. He then shook his head and snapped his fingers. "Right! So. On days and you work, I want you to come straight home after work. Nights before then, bedtime is at ten o'clock…since you go to bed at eleven anyway."

"Okay."

"For the next three weeks, I want to know where you are at when you're not at home."

"Got it."

"No social media, no watching your favorite shows or playing any video games. Just help me out with some of my housework. I'll let you go to the park whenever you like, so long as I know you're there. You can talk to your friends on the phone, but you can't go out with them for the next two weeks."

"So harsh." She was ecstatic. Her grin grew further and she nodded swiftly. "Thank you." Gary blinked several times, scratching his head.

"I don't think I've ever heard anyone say 'thank you' to being grounded." Trina shrugged and spread her hands out.

"It's what parents do, right? Discipline?"

"Sure." Gary leaned forward and pat the cushion of the couch beside him. "Have a seat." Trina sat as quick as she could and folded her hands over her thighs. Gary breathed in deep and closed his hands between his knees. "I know it's easy to want to give in to depression when a relationship ends, but you can't let that hinder you."

Her smile faded and she dropped her eyes towards the ground. "It's just another thing I can't control. Another thing I can't move on from."

"Who says you can't?"

"You never moved on after mom, right?"

"That's…" He trailed off, pressing his lips together like a steel trap. "A little bit different. Not much, but a little." It was a lot different, she knew that, but she didn't want to interrupt. "I had you, and I wanted so badly to be able to take you in and take care of you. I did turn to drink, I drank myself into a stupor nearly every night."

"Really?" Her eyebrows rose and she sat erect. Gary chuckled and motioned to the fridge.

"Why do you think there's no beer in my house? I couldn't stand it. I hated alcohol after a while, and when I saw alcohol was what was causing a good deal of David's abuse towards you and your mother…I was disgusted. I cut it off completely."

"Was it hard?"

"At first." Gary crossed his arms and exhaled. "But I had more important matters to deal with. I knew it wasn't good for me, I knew it kept me from being able to watch over you and your mother, much less protecting you guys."

"I'm glad." She bit her lip and closed her eyes. "I just…I don't know what to do. Lucas made me happy. For the first time, I was dating someone that I could trust. Someone that wouldn't hurt me."

"Now it's over." She raised her hands to her jaw, using them as a perch. Her fingers curled on her cheeks and her eyelids opened partially. "But you know what?" He pat her on the knee and smiled into her eyes. "Focus on what you just said. You've experienced your first natural breakup of a normal and healthy relationship. It was kosher. Trust. Communication. Happiness. You found these things in someone, and you can find those again."

"You really think so?"

"Yes. You know what to look for in a person, and you know what traits to avoid." Trina chuckled and flicked her fingers out while counting off the negative traits.

"Avoid men with temper problems. Avoid men with drug habits. Avoid men that appear mentally or emotionally unstable."

"Exactly. More positives with Luke-he got you to open up. To learn how much of yourself you can reveal without revealing too much, to protect yourself but trust enough to believe he wouldn't hurt you or run away."

"Right. I can't believe it's been a couple months and I haven't even moved on yet…"

"That's fine. You take your time. The next person you date, who knows whether or not it'll work out, but at least you'll be able to know where your limits are. Know you also have support, people you can talk to when you need them."

"Thank you." She moved over to give him another hug. "This means so much to me."

"I'm glad we had this talk." She wiped her cheek and smiled at him. "Anytime you feel depressed, talk to me. Okay? If you feel like you have to go drink, talk to me. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to deal with things by yourself." Her heart shot into her throat and her eyes burned as his smile and loving gaze touched her. "Those days are over. You're not alone."

"I wish I knew about you a long time ago…"

"So do I." He shrugged. "But what can we do? Focus on the now, and what you want for the future. Don't give up on where you want to go and what you want to be, and know your mom and I will always be there for you. Every step of the way."

"That might be hard since she has to stay with David…"

"Yeah well, that won't be for forever. Trust me on that, she wants to get away from him, just doesn't know how. Hell, I don't even know how to do that without everything blowing up."

"Right."

"Patience, Trina. Patience. That's some of the best advice I can give you."

"I'll certainly try that." She walked to the right, looking up at the door. She needed to clear her mind and get some fresh air, and one of her favorite places was the park. "Can I go to Shell Creek? I really want to think…"

"Go ahead, give me a call when you get there."

"I will."

At the park, she followed the three-mile trail with a fast paced walk. She knew to stay on the trail, since the park had signs warning people of 'possible alligators' and 'snakes'. While never having seen either, she didn't want to take the risks.

Granted they wouldn't be the worst thing she'd come across in her lifetime, and she was hardly afraid of them, she knew it wasn't the best idea to turn herself into alligator bait.

At some point, she came across a large rocky mountain. It was a near vertical climb, and looked to go up about three stories high. "Whoa." If she were a little younger, back when she was still active in martial arts, she would make the climb. She loved hiking, loved rock climbing, and loved the view from the top.

To her right a jogger was running down the path towards her. He was tall, had a muscular build and a tanned body. His dark brown hair was short and spiked, and his eyes focused on the wall while he huffed each breath.

"Yo, 'sup lady," the man said with a grin. "Eyeballing my wall?" She jerked her head back and raised an eyebrow. "Thinking of climbing?" She looked back at the top, holding her hand over her eyes.

It wasn't an impossible feat for her, since she wasn't quite inactive. "It's been a while, but I could probably still attempt it."

"It's easy." He moved to the wall as though to jump and latch on. Her eyes grew large and he threw his head back, laughing loudly. "If you don't mind breaking a nail, you should give it a go."

"Excuse me?" She narrowed her eyes and dropped her hands to her hips. "Do I look like the kind of girl that gives a shit about breaking nails?"

"I don't know. I don't know you." He started climbing and looked down at her. "You ever climb?"

"When I was younger. All the time." She pointed to the top. "This very ledge."

"Really?"

She'd been able to scale the wall rather swiftly too, having gotten faster with each time. Scaling this wall wouldn't be difficult. "I was a martial artist. I'd scale this damn wall just to practice in the sunset."

"Damn. Come join me then, if you're feeling brave enough."

"Bravery isn't a question." She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head to the right. "Are you calling me out?" A chuckle fell from her lips and she carefully placed her palm on the wall, feeling of the rocky texture.

She still remembered every curve, and all the best places to grasp and pull herself up. "Bet I could beat you to the top, boy." Martial arts, yoga, and other activities had not been done in quite some time, but she still exercised. "I'm an active, adventurous girl, you might not want to call me out."

Six feet above her, the man leapt from the wall. Her heart stopped as he landed squarely on his feet and grunted. "Okay." He rose and flashed a smirk, waving her towards the wall. "Let's race to the top then, if you think you can do it." She smirked back and shrugged.

"Sure." She was confident enough. The ledge was her favorite spot in the entire park, so it hadn't been too long since she scaled the wall. "Maybe it's been a year or two…" She rolled her sleeves up and huffed. "But I can still climb this."

"I'll go slow for you."

"Oh please. Cut the macho act." She hopped onto the wall and started to pull herself up. The man gasped and Trina peered down at him. "What are you waiting for?" Her muscles tensed and her smirk grew. "Hurry it up if you think you can win."

"Damn!"

The climb didn't last long, or she didn't feel like it had. Adrenaline was coursing through her veins, and her muscles were scorching by the time she reached the ledge.

Trina threw her leg over to the top and pulled herself up, groaning as rolled onto her back. Her head turned towards the edge and she laughed when she saw the man's hand slap the top of the ledge. "A little too slow, pal."

"Oh god." He pulled himself up and crawled towards her, falling onto his back beside her. "You really are fast. I wasn't expecting that workout."

"I just remember most of the prime spots to grab and pull myself up." She looked to the neon sky with a smile. He did well enough, and didn't appear to be a total asshole. "You like working out, I guess?"

"Love it. I'm a hiker, a rock climber…an adventurist. Most of my days are spent outside."

"That explains the tan." She moved her hand over her mouth, stifling a laugh. "So rare to see a natural tan here in California. Most of them are spray tans!" The man closed his eyes and snickered.

"I hear you." They looked at each other, and the man extended his hand to her. "Anthony." Trina shook his hand, smiling from ear to ear.

"Trina. Good to meet you."

"You come here often?"

"Yeah, one of my favorite parks." She moved her hands behind her head and took a deep breath. "I really should get active again, like I was before."

"I could help with that. You said you like yoga and stuff, right?" He turned onto his side, raising his head up and bending his elbow to perch his hand on the palm of his hand. "I'm into that. If you're looking to get active again, or get back in shape, maybe we could run the course sometime."

"Course? What course?"

"Oh, I mean the Shell Creek Trail." He pointed off the ledge and cleared his throat. "I jog the three mile trail, stretch before and after, and climb the wall. Then I meditate and get back to it."

"Sounds great."

"Yeah, let me give you my digits and you can call me if you ever want to get together."

"Okay. You might have to wait a couple weeks though." She chuckled once and started to sigh. Anthony chuckled as well.

"Alright." He hopped up to his feet and extended his hand to her. Raising her eyebrows she placed her hand in his and let him pull her up. "You want to do some yoga or head down the wall?"

Thinking for a minute, she grabbed a hair scrunchie from her pocket and pulled her hair into a ponytail. "Yoga." Going down the wall was fun, but not as fun as climbing it.

It hit her for a moment, just how well tuned to rock climbing went with her life. Every struggle was a climb, and once she reached the top, the relief was almost euphoric. She loved it.

* * *

So, what thoughts and observations have you here?


	35. Parkour

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 35 (Parkour)

The gusts of wind rolled Trina's hair behind her as she pedaled her red bicycle as fast as she could, racing against Anthony to their destination. Her eyes were narrowed with determination, focusing only on that which was her destination.

Her purple tank and jogging shorts flapped like a flag, with the fabric rolling as swift as the adrenaline pumping through her. "Almost there." She laughed wildly while passing up her boyfriend.

They'd been dating now for about six months. During those short months, she'd become much more active, both of them pushing each other to improve their body. It was a great state to be in, and for those months she didn't worry much about everything around her.

David kept away, likely under strict watch, but he also managed to keep Holly and Tori from them. Now that he didn't work in the police department anymore, it was much harder to see Holly or Tori without running into him;.

Still, she'd been able relax, and felt more empowered through her exercise. It was more than just hiking and rock climbing, she was getting into intense workouts like parkour and running in triathlons. It brought her back to a time when she used to run track at school, and when she got into sports. She loved it then, and she loved it now.

Perhaps that was one thing she truly liked about Anthony, that he brought out the athlete she used to be before her life went in the shithole.

Today was a day of fun, however, one which she didn't have to think about anything beyond the race that was about to happen.

Trina pulled up to the destination first, where the beach met the warehouse district. She put her foot to the ground and smirked as Anthony pulled up behind her. "Damn," he said with a pant, "You're getting faster." She pushed her hand through her hair and shook her head.

"No, you're just getting slower." He laughed.

"I was distracted by the hotness in front of me." He hopped off his bike and began to stretch while Trina chained hers to a bike rail. "So, you ready for this?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Anthony had been a part of a local parkour running team that she joined recently, and today they would be racing against a member of another parkour group. The two teams were fierce rivals at the sport, but could easily be friends outside of the sport. "Just when does the other guy show up?"

She would be running against this person since she volunteered. Anthony was the veteran runner, so she was a bit nervous about doing this when it was more likely he should be racing. The man even suggested running in her place, but she told him to let her do it.

"Soon I guess." Anthony bent over, reaching his toes. "Sure you still want to do this? Your dad might not be happy if you get hurt out here."

"I've got this." Gary was routinely concerned about her practice, but he didn't try and keep her from doing what she enjoyed. She respected him for it, but likely would keep from performing if he told her not to. "Who are we racing?"

"Some guy from the Acers squad." He shrugged and quickly kissed her. "Good luck out there, babe." She smiled at him and nodded briskly. "I'll be right here, it's not too rough of a course so just be careful. I know you got this."

"Thanks." She kissed him back and her eyelids fell halfway. "I'll try not to damage myself." Her mouth twisted into a smirk. Anthony put his arm around her waist and leaned his head back, laughing out.

"Yes, do try. If you get hurt, your father may just kill me."

"Wrong father." She pat Anthony on the shoulder, smirking wider. "My dad's harmless, it's my step-dad you have to worry about actually trying to kill anyone." Anthony chuckled, his skepticism flashed in his eyes.

"Sure. The calm, patient ones are always deadlier than the violent aggressive ones. So no, I think I'd worry more about Mr. Malone."

"Suit yourself." She stretched her arms forward and arched her back. Her eyes scanned the area and her brow wrinkled. "Where is this guy?"

"Up here!" Someone called. She looked at a nearby construction crate and shielded her eyes from the sun, grimacing at the person standing high on a box. "I was scoping out the playground. Sorry I'm…"

The man's familiar voice trailed off and started registering in her mind. "Wait a minute." She blinked twice and stepped a few feet to the right until she could see his face. Just as her eyes connected with his, he let out a surprised shout.

"Trina? You're kidding right?"

She recognized his broody brown eyes and oddly lush black hair almost without looking. "What are you doing here Beck? _You?_ " Beck leapt from the crate and landed hard on his feet, crouching low in front of her.

Anthony turned his head, raising an eyebrow at her. "You know this fool?" She put her hand to her head, groaning as flashes of Tori's friends blew through her brain.

"Better question. Do you know him?"

Anthony shrugged. "Not well. He's just an Acer." Trina lowered her hand and took a deep breath. "How do you know the dude?" Beck said nothing, still hanging his mouth agape and eyes enlarged.

"You know those people I told you about before? My sister's friends?"

"The guys that picked on you?"

"Yeah. Constantly." She snapped her fingers and pointed to Beck. "He was one of them." Anthony crossed his arms and Beck's head started to bow. The man's shoulders dropped and his hands spread out.

"I can't say how sorry I am." Beck stepped forward and his eyebrows closed together. "I mean it. I know how bad everyone treated you, and I know I was one of those. I should have said something."

"I'm a long way from forgiving. You guys are part of the ruining of my life." Trina crouched low and cracked her neck from left to right. "I'm going to enjoy beating your ass in this race." She couldn't believe he was involved in parkour, much less actually here now. "Let's do this."

She could feel Beck's guilt radiating from him as his sullen eyes honed in on her. "Sure." He stepped next to her and looked at Anthony. Trina cast a glance as well and noticed the flames her boyfriend was shooting Beck.

"If it's any consolation, Tony, Beck didn't hurt me as much as some of the others did. Unless you count the puppet thing. My abusive asshat was real bad that night, thanks to Beck's scheme…"

Beck gasped out and clutched his chest. "Shit." Anthony called for the start of the race and Trina took off with fire at her heels.

She leapt for the crate, then grasped the edge of the large construction storage box. Her foot hugged the side as leverage propelling her up. She heard Beck grunt behind her, but didn't turn to look.

"Eat dust, Oliver!" She grinned from ear to ear and flipped frontal off the box, landing on the ground with one knee down and her palm on the floor. She flung her head upright and bolted for the next obstacle.

There was an above ground pipeline that was raised by three feet and horizontal. She planted her palms on the top, pulling her body up and kicked her legs out in a straight split. "Jesus you can run," Beck cried out.

"Make sure you're actually trying to keep up back there, asshole."

"Yeah," he said with a breathy tone, "I know I deserve that."

"You deserve a lot of shit, bastard."

"How can I make it right?" She grabbed a pole and shimmied to the top, then leapt the five foot gap to a construction beam poking out of a half-built building. "Damn!"

Trina jumped for a set of floorboards, nearly missing the edge and almost falling through the gap. She closed her eyes and screamed as her body's fall started to tear her fingers off. As she almost slipped, Beck grabbed her wrist with his hand and yanked her up onto the scaffolding. "Careful…"

She dusted herself off and sighed. "Thanks."

"If you're wanting to stop…"

"Nah, I'm good." She glanced to the next task, a declining beam moving to the ground. Beck looked as though he wanted to say something more, but she wasn't eager to talk. "Next task, no stopping now."

"Wait!" She took off, barreling down the beam at breakneck speed. She jumped off the bottom of the beam and ran to a fence, grasping and flipping over it.

She came to a low beam and slid beneath it, her right foot sliding first. She ripped out with triumphant laughter, feeling the adrenaline racing through her. Her heart was beating heavily and her muscles were beginning to burn.

The race continued with Beck in hot pursuit. At times, he was ahead, but overall, Trina was keeping at a foot or two ahead of him. "Since when are you involved in this kind of stuff, Oliver?"

He huffed out. "I could ask you the same. I need something to do that Jade won't be interested in."

"She doesn't accuse you of cheating rather than this stuff?"

He flinched. "I wish so much I could say she doesn't. Anytime we're not together that woman thinks I'm with another girl."

"Hey Beck." She turned her head over her shoulder and smirked. "At the moment…" He raised his eyebrows. "You are." Beck rolled his eyes and groaned.

"Why do you hate me?" He pressed his lips together and grunted. "Second thought. Don't answer that."

"Come on! How did I ruin your life?"

"You mean aside from the bullying? I'm fighting alcoholism and my abusive, deranged step-dad. Yes Beck, you heard correctly. Had me arrested and put on probation. I still can't trust people and feel like I'm a worthless sack of shit because of not only him, but the bullying done by your beloved girlfriend and her friends." Beck froze, his eyes growing with fear. Trina did not cease her movement, coming close to the finish and focusing her gaze on Anthony.

She hopped onto a metal fence railing that separated the pavement from the ocean, and ran along it while spreading her arms out to balance.

To her surprise, she didn't see Beck behind her as she closed the distance between her and Anthony. Anthony ran towards the next obstacle, the very crate Beck had jumped off.

Trina climbed the back of it, back-flipped onto the crate next to it, then jumped into Anthony's arms. He spun her around half-circle, laughing. "You won!" He set her down and she bent over, breathing heavily.

"Oh god what a rush." She turned her head up and looked around. "Where's the asshole? He was just behind me." Anthony turned his head, humming gently.

Eventually Beck made his approach, walking rather than running the course. "Maybe we should do a skate park next time," He muttered. He raised his hand and sighed. "Congrats Trina, you win."

"It was a good run, Beck. Maybe next time."

"Yeah…sure…" Beck ran his hand over the back of his neck and closed his eyes. "Damn Trina, is all of that real? What you said back there?"

"Just about."

"Look. I know things were fucked up in high school."

"I credit alcoholism with one thing, it kept me from killing myself." Beck sank and Trina turned her back to him. "Don't worry about it, Beck."

"I'm not sure I can do that. I've always known I should have said something, I just…I don't know why I never did."

"A manipulative, controlling, abrasive girlfriend like the one you've got?" Trina chuckled and a surprising coldness graced her voice, catching her off guard. "I can't say I'm surprised. If you spoke up, she might have thought you were coming onto me or something."

"Trina…"

"Until next time, Oliver." He was a decent and skilled runner, so she looked forward to meeting him in a race someday, though she wanted to limit the talking about her past. "See ya."

Anthony put his arm around her waist and the couple walked back to their bike. "Yeah." Beck heaved forth a heavy breath and clasped the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "See you." His chest and shoulders fell and he shook his head. "Shit."

* * *

So here we have Beck realizing what's been going on, and we see his guilt. Trina's getting more active, which is a good thing. What are your thoughts on everything?


	36. Side-Tracked

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 36 (Side-Tracked)

Jade's left cheek swelled and flattened with the smacking of her lips. Her fingertips tapped her folded arms and her eyes focused in on Beck. "Even now I'm still surprised." Beck looked up from his desk and tilted his head to the right. "I didn't know what to think when Trina told the tale, and I still don't."

"About what? My being involved in stuff like parkour? I've always had strong legs, Jade. You know that. Andre was a boxer, I was a runner."

"I guess I never paid any attention to stuff like that." Her heart sagged and she dropped her eyes. Beck flashed a toothy grin and rolled his eyes.

"Now you admit it."

Rachel started to raise her hand, but before Jade could call on her, another girl two seats behind the girl spoke up. "You guys should date again!" The girl chimed. Rachel's hand flew to her forehead and Beck raised his eyebrows. Jade fixated her gaze onto the girl and started to hum.

She had light, cherry-red hair and bright blue eyes. Her skin was a note above pale and she was fairly short. The girl's hair was up in a bun and held together by two long white crayons, similarly to Chinese chopsticks. "I'm sorry?"

Beck waved his hand through the air, muttering while Rachel lowered her hand. "Sorry about that," Rachel responded, "Meet my eccentric best friend of two years." Rachel extended her hand to the girl and blinked several times. "Who happens to have a hording problem, collecting white colored crayons since childhood." The girl shrugged.

"They're unique, Rachel."

"They're not unique, they're in like every single crayon box, Mae." Rachel leaned back slowly and closed her eyes.

"So?" Mae's eyes lit up and Jade could see the girl was shading a sheet of dark paper with a crayon. "My full name's Kitty Mae Sha…" Her last name was mumbled and her eyes refocused on the project before her. "Anyway, like I was saying-"

Rachel cleared her throat, rolling her eyes. "Don't think my aunt would be too happy about that." Mae's lips formed an oval and Jade looked over her shoulders at Beck. He raised his hands up and chuckled.

"You're married?" Jade felt a disheartened sensation in her chest and turned away dejected. She wasn't sure why it troubled her, but she should have figured he'd moved on with his life. "Wow. Does she know I'm lecturing in your class?"

"Yep." Beck crossed his arms and a snarky grin formed at his lips. "You would be amazed how much a woman can trust the man she loves, Jade. It doesn't bother her in the slightest, but then again…She lives in the now. I live in the now, even Trina's life is in the present. You're the one still lecturing about the past. It doesn't surprise me she doesn't ask you about every classroom and school you go to."

"Well, she doesn't want to relieve her entire teenage years, so no, she doesn't ask. When I got her permission, she said 'yes', but under the instruction that I not tell her every single time I lecture."

"You didn't tell her you were lecturing for my class today, then?"

"I did not. I phoned her, told her I was giving a lecture."

"What did she say?"

"That it was 'great', and not to disturb her at work or before dinner."

Rachel hummed lightly and the skin around her eyes started to tense. She hadn't said much more during the lecture, and Jade was starting to wonder just how much she and how much Beck knew about Trina now. If anything.

"Uncle Beck, did you and Trina ever make peace with each other?" Jade raised her eyebrows suddenly and Beck nodded his head.

"It took a long time, but yeah we've been on good terms."

"Good. I hope so, anyway."

"I don't recall this," Jade remarked. Beck looked up at her, shrugging nonchalantly.

"You wouldn't."

"What? Did the two of you ever date?"

Rachel shook her head and Beck huffed angrily. "Tch, a question like that coming from you? Why doesn't that faze me?" Hurt, she crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "No. Do you seriously think she would ever have possibly gone out with me after all that we put her through?"

Mae raised her hand, speaking above the others. The other students, including Scott and John rolled their eyes at what seemed to be a distraction from the lecture, if nothing else. "Why don't you ever forgive her, Professor Oliver?"

"I've forgiven her, but there's still some personal stuff in the back that really isn't a huge concern." He shrugged. "Hell, I even became a police officer, thinking it would make this woman happy."

"Really?" Jade did a double take, opening her mouth in an oval. "I knew you went to help out at a police department."

"I was a police officer. I was on the force for a little over ten years before becoming an adjunct professor. I work in the correctional facility downtown now. You were just too busy to notice."

"Kind of like my dad's girlfriend," Rachel replied with a quiet tone of voice. Jade and Beck glanced over, and the man shook his head. "She's not as bad about being a workaholic, and Dad says for her, family comes first no matter what, but she's always busy with work. I guess I am too, that's why neither of us have met before tonight."

Nodding in reply, Jade looked at her slideshow and started thinking about what Rachel had said before regarding her father's girlfriend. She'd only seen pictures of the woman.

Mae spoke up again, stealing the attention in the room. This time, John silenced her with a growling tone. "Would you shut up, Kitty? Some of us want to learn. Nobody cares about our teachers' personal lives." Beck chuckled and Mae hissed at the student.

"I care. I mean it's _obvious_ you can see the tension."

Ryan's hand went up and his eyes narrowed. "I'm with John on this one, Mae." The other students murmured their agreements. "If anything, we're more interested in learning more about Trina. I know Rachel is."

"I don't mind being just a little sidetracked," Rachel said with a laugh. "Relieves the stress just a bit. I'm not sure where I'd be without Mae." Mae puffed up and grinned in triumph.

"Thank you, Rachel."

"But seriously Mae, you are kind of distracting us at an annoying time…" With an instant, the girl sulked and crossed her arms.

"Hmph."

Jade stifled a chuckle and turned to Beck. "It is interesting to hear how angry Trina was at you. She moved on though? Forgave you?"

"Eventually." Beck smiled partially and started to laugh. "As angry as she was, you'd think I did something to her in another life or something. I deserved a good deal of her ire back then."

"You became friends with her, then? When? I don't recall even her talking about that."

"After she was done with probation. After David's death." Jade pursed her lips and nodded, recalling the news story over the man's demise. She didn't recall a good deal of what happened, and had been far too focused on her work. Perhaps it was true, she'd become a workaholic too obsessed with work.

She had no children and considered work her marriage. She knew about Trina's focus on work, and how it helped her, but she also knew there were other circumstances that kept the woman from being too overly work-obsessed.

"Maybe I have become a workaholic, then. I never really considered it." She crossed her arms and sighed. "I know that created a gap in our relationship as well back in college. I'm sorry, Beck…"

Beck shrugged. "It's fine. The world keeps turning no matter what, all we can do is move forward with it."

Mae applauded, startling everyone in the room. "That's all I was saying needed to happen." Beck's forehead wrinkled and Jade moved her hands to her hips.

The crayon collector was right, and so was Beck. It was time to move on. As a criminologist, her job was much more than lecturing on the past-and her case study had grown old for some time. "Maybe this will be the last I lecture on Trina."

Beck leaned to the side, perching his head on his fingertips. "Even if you didn't decide on that, she might actually make it so after today." Jade raised an eyebrow and jerked her head back.

"Why?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head, chuckling softly. "No reason, Jade." He leaned upright, folding his hands on the center of his desk and looking up at the slideshow. "You know. I was one of the first people that knew Trina had a child and gave it up. I even knew who adopted that baby."

Rachel's eyes lit up with surprise and she spoke up in a hurry. "Really? You knew?" Jade was just as shocked. If Beck had known, then did this mean Jason himself knew about Trina?

"I was the one that helped her land a successful job with a good friend of mine. A lot of strings that got pulled, I pulled." Beck tightened his lips together and breathed out slow. "I did a lot to make up for some of the hell and nightmare we put her through." His gaze drifted to his niece and his voice lowered. "Even trying to reunite her with certain people…"

Jade was bewildered and pleased to see how much Beck had done. Perhaps if she were younger, all of this would have troubled her on a deeper level, but being older and wiser she respected him for it.

Scott raised his hand and Beck called on him. "I'm sorry, but did I hear someone say David was dead?" Beck nodded.

"Yes. David Vega was murdered some years down the line. We'll get to that, and I'll lecture a bit over that, since it's a continuation of the case study…some information that Jade here may not have available."

She folded her arms once more. "And what else might I not have?" Beck ran his hand over the back of his neck and heaved forth a heavy sigh.

"There's a good deal you don't realize or know. Your case study is great, but it ends when Trina's probation ends. That is not the final end, there's so much more that needs to be said."

"I…see." She liked having control of things; it was something that she'd always considered a value of hers in life, since she was a teenager. Being in control, being the dominant force in power. Nowadays she'd learned the value of being a team with someone, she learned how important it was to not be the sole person in control. "Then when I can't say any more about her, I'll turn my lecture over to you, Beck."

"Thank you."

"I'd be honored and eager to learn what else you have to add."

* * *

So we have a potential closure in the present day of the Beck-Jade drama. There's a bit more where they may be concerned, but remember that present time only consists of a few hours where any kind of friendship building and reconnecting between the two would take a lot of time. What are your thoughts of everything in this chapter?


	37. The Intern

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 37 (Intern)

Trina walked to Lizzie's office and a heaviness settled into her heart over what was soon to come, which she was sure wouldn't be easy.

She was delinquent by a great deal of money as far as she knew, which meant she had been unable to afford to make a few payments. In the last three months, she had extremely small paychecks. The bakery had become overstaffed, and as a result, she hadn't been getting a lot of hours. Certainly, not enough to be able to keep up with payments.

Entering her supervisor's office, she was met by an unfamiliar expression of confusion and disappointment. She raised her hand, waving slightly. "Hey Lizzie." Her voice was so weak that it seemed the knot in her throat was crushing her voice box. "Want to talk about money?"

Lizzie said little and looked at her monitor. "I know you're having issues right now." The woman glanced back and Trina frowned heavily.

"Are you angry I haven't made payments?" She pulled the small chair back and took a seat. Inwardly she prayed the woman wasn't too mad at her. It pained her to sit in front of her, knowing how much of a disappointment she was had been. "I know I've messed up."

The blond took a deep breath, then released it with incredibly slowness. "No." Trina held her own breath, waiting with widening eyes as the corners of Lizzie's mouth dimpled her cheeks. "I know you're usually good about it, but I am warning you that your fees are going to continue to pile on each month."

She understood this matter and while she felt like she was, she didn't want to become one of the bad ones. It was embarrassing and humiliating, almost as humiliating as what David had done to her. "Am I in trouble?" She folded her hands over her the outer flap of her purse, clutching it tightly with her fingers.

"No, you're just in danger of having so much that you can't pay it all." It amazed her how Lizzie could be so calm and rational, but then, the woman probably saw this all the time. She felt as though she had to prove she wasn't making excuses not to pay. Lizzie's eyes drifted to the monitor and her hand cupped her chin. "There's the risk that if you still owe money by the time your probation is set to end, you will not be able to complete and your term may very well be extended."

The words shocked her beating heart to a halt, and a quick gasp shot from her lips. "No, I can't." Lizzie's comforting smile and soft eyes returned, allowing her some degree of relaxation.

"Just stop and take a deep breath, okay." She clamped her mouth shut and nodded as the frightful tears welled up in her eyes. "If you need to, we can work out a payment plan."

She breathed in through her nose and wiped under her eyes. "I owe so much already." Lizzie hummed and shook her head while moving her hand over to the mouse.

"Not entirely. In the last three months, you've made payments of twenty, so in probation fees alone, you only owe ninety dollars."

It didn't sound like much, but it felt like a lot. "Just that?" She put her hand to her hcest and sucked in some air. "How much do I owe in court fees and victim restitution?" I mean, I know the totals are for the entire duration of the probation term, but…"

"Yes. You have a couple thousand there, but…" Her heart sank to the pit of her stomach and she felt her muscles beginning to tense. "So long as you make regular payments on those, you will be fine."

She was already far too stressed to think about the fees she owed, much less regular payments for such a high amount. "I-I was thinking about college." Lizzie smiled, but Trina had to look awayh. "How on earth can I afford tuition if I have so much to pay here?"

"Well there are plenty of scholarships and loans."

"Like what?" She rolled her eye. "I can't do any of the 'single moms' ones because I gave up my baby."

"I will help you if you like."

"Thanks…" She gasped out once more and wiped away the remaining tears on her cheeks. "I just can't believe I'm one of the bad ones. I can't stand it."

"You're not one of the bad ones, believe me sweetie. I know you're feeling the stress, so just take a moment to calm down and-"

Just then the phone blared out so loudly that both women nearly jumped from their skins.

Normally, the only time Lizzie would answer the phone when a client was there, was if it was someone within the department.

The woman checked the caller ID and apologized before picking up. "What can I do for you, Henry?" Trina sank back in her chair, breathing easy in an attempt to relax her muscles and waited, closing her eyes so she could calm down by focusing on the rhythmic tapping of Lizzie's fingernails on the desk. "Now, sir?" Lizzie suddenly averted her gaze and turned away, much to Trina's confusion.

There was a long and silent pause where the only sound to be heard was the chatter from her boss. "I understand, and I understand your reasoning. I'm not questioning, but the lesson you want her to realize or learn might not be a good idea right at this minute."

There was another pause. Lizzie closed her eyes and let out a last sigh of defeat.

"Send her on up, I'll notify my client." Trina raised an eyebrow, steeling herself as Lizzie set the receiver down. The woman shook her head slowly and rubbed her forehead with her fingers. "Okay. So I told you on the last field visit that I would be receiving a student intern to shadow me…"

Trina nodded, recalling the conversation. She remembered as well that at the time, Lizzie hadn't known who the intern would be. Lizzie laced her fingers together on the center of her desk and arched her back, groaning softly.

"She's here." Trina nodded again, remaining silent while the nerves inside of her began to grow. "It's her first day with me. It's not the best timing, but it's unavoidable."

"First day with you?"

"Yeah, she had to visit with some other people in the department first, to go through paperwork regarding confidentiality, among other things. Yesterday, she was to watch a video talking about what probation was all about. Now, she's going to be observing me during office visits." Lizzie put her hand to her chest. "I'm the one that typically takes interns, no one else does."

"You said you didn't know just yet last time, so I'm guessing you were told who it was since then…"

"Correct. I only just found out when she started." Lizzie's face gave away the woman's own nervousness, which hit Trina with a great deal of shock. This was unprecedented, so it had to be rough. "I wanted a little more time to prepare, since I knew the situation. Unfortunately, I can't tell her not to shadow me when she is supposed to be observing my office visits."

It wasn't good that Lizzie was being cryptic, or at least, Trina felt the woman was doing just that. "Why would it be a problem?" She bit her lip and steadied her breathing. "I don't mind an intern." So long as it was confidential, she was fine. She didn't like someone else knowing all about her situation in this manner, but she had no choice.

"It could potentially be if there's history there."

Trina paused, leaning back slowly and squinting in thought. She was curious now, for this seemed to suggest Trina might know the person. It seemed unlikely, since no one she knew would be into this line of work as far as she was concerned. "Who is it? Its' starting to sound like someone I know."

"It is." Lizzie let her shoulders fall and let out a heavy sigh. "She's eager to learn how the system works. The only reason I'm nervous is because I was hoping she could see a few clients first before meeting you."

There was a sharp pain in her side, and she looked carefully at the closed door. "That's a problem, why?" What reason could Lizzie possibly have for not wanting Trina to be the first probationer her intern interacted with? Maybe there was a lesson she wanted to teach first, but Trina couldn't pinpoint it.

"I wanted to groom her a little first. Let her learn about the different situations people get into without judging them. I don't want her judging you, and I know what you've said about her." Trina tensed her brow and started to worry.

Before she could ask, a knock on the door silenced the pair. She twisted around, startled by the interruption. The door slid open, and Trina's blood turned to ice as she laid eyes on a familiar dark-haired girl walking in with her father. "J-Jade?"

Her breathing quaked and her chest began to churn as if a storm were tearing it apart. This wasn't right; it couldn't be this girl. "N-No." She could deal with anyone else being here, learning about her life, but not her. This was the one person that _might_ judge the hell out of her and laugh at her circumstances.

Jade's own eyes lit up with surprise, and the girl's hands flew over her mouth. "That can't be right," Jade muttered, "Trina? You're on probation? How are you on probation?" Jade looked at her father and pointed at Trina. "I know this girl, she's no criminal. If anything, her dad-"

"Step dad," Trina corrected with silence. Jade froze and Trina looked down at the carpet under her feet. "Davis my step-dad."

Henry crossed his arms and breathed in slow. "The reason I do this now, Jade, is for you to see and learn that just about anyone can end up making mistakes and bad choices in their life."

Trina's eyes closed tight and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "I was trying to protect mom and Tori. He was going on another one of his rages, and I went to protect them. Of course, I'd been drinking, so he used that to say the beating he gave me was done in self-defense. The police looked the other way, and I got put on deferred probation as a result for assault."

She felt weak, and wanted to scream. Her lungs were on fire and her entire body felt as though stones were being thrown into her.

It would be hard to talk about things if Jade was going to be here, but she could try. It would involve a lot of swallowing of her pride and her concerns, but it wasn't impossible.

"I'm here to learn," Jade replied, "I'm not here to judge."

"That'd be a first."

"I know…I'm only here to observe, okay? I'm not going to say anything, I'm just going to listen. I have to be impartial, and that's what I'm going to do." Lizzie nodded and motioned at Jade.

"I personally would rather you do that, not say much of anything to her and just observe how office visits and field visits go. There's history between the two of you, but unfortunately it only counts as a conflict of interest for the actual officers, not the interns. If it becomes too uncomfortable, I can have you go shred papers…"

"I'll try," Trina replied softly, "I'll try and be okay with this."

* * *

As per the beginning conversation, it's some point after this which Gary pays off the probation fees. Trina's been wanting to be independent and able to take care of things herself, but there's a time asking for help becomes pivotal. Now Jade's finally here as the intern.


	38. Hope for Change

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 38 (Hope for Change)

Trina paced the living room, running her hand vigorously through her hair as she complained to her father about everything going on. She was in a panicked state, and couldn't seem to calm herself. "The past is past, sweetheart, there is nothing we can do to change what happens to us. We can always move forward though, we can always grow and improve our future."

"How? Everything's going haywire." Trina stopped in the center of the round rug on the floor and swept her hand across her brow before letting it fall to her hip. "I can't keep up with my payments at the probation, courts and stupid victim restitution. Then the worst person ever ends up interning there!"

"Worst?" Gary raised his eyebrows and smiled faintly. "Are you sure about that, now?" She dropped her gaze with a sigh and brought her fingers to the tip of her forehead.

"No, I'm overreacting. She was the worst of the bullies though. I have to deal with that while dealing with the flashbacks." She sat beside Gary and leaned sideways into him. Her eyes stared blankly in front of her and her mouth dipped into a deep frown.

"All I ever wanted was to be liked by someone, to be accepted and have friends. She made me feel hated, she made me feel ugly and pathetic…" Tears welled up in her eyes as Gary put an arm around her. "As if that man mom married wasn't already doing that, I didn't need other people confirming his abuse."

"I know."

"Then Tori had that stupid thing." She wiped beneath her eyes and shook her head slowly. Her every breath felt like an intake of fire shooting into her lungs. "Made me feel like I had to walk on eggshells, that I had to be extra careful what I'd say or she'd fly off the handle."

"It feels like an impossible situation. I know. Things will get better, Trina, trust me. It doesn't seem like it now, but I promise you things will get better." A sniffle left her and she wiped the moisture from beneath her eyes.

"Does it seem melodramatic to say my life is over?" Gary chuckled once and rubbed her back. "I mean, I love my job at the bakery, but it isn't what I want to do with my life. It isn't what I _wanted_ either, and what I wanted, I might not be able to do because of my probation."

"What did you want to do? What area?"

"I don't know." She grabbed a tissue from the end table and blew her nose. When she pulled it away and looked to her reflection in the coffee table glass, she shuddered in horror at the puffy eyes and swollen cheeks. "I wanted to be a detective, maybe go into forensics or criminal justice. Those careers are shut tight now, I bet."

"Of course not. There are a number of people working in courts, corrections, or even law enforcement that might have been on probation. Sure, some jobs are harder to get and some you can't get, but you still have options. Don't ever forget that."

She smiled, her heart lifting up briefly. "I'll try not to." She looked around at some of the military décor, feeling inspired. "Maybe I could go into the military. Be like a lady navy seal or something." Gary raised his eyebrows and laughed.

"I don't think your mother would be too happy about that." She laughed in response, then fell silent. Her sobering gaze drifted to the end table and her head tilted to the right.

It didn't matter if her mom would like it or not, though it still hurt to think about her mother's stance on the military. Or at least, her mother's decision to leave Gary for David all those years ago. "What about you? If I did go into the military…not saying I want to, just, you know…"

Gary's mouth appeared to tighten and his chest expanded slowly. Trina looked up at him with curious eyes, waiting for a reply. "I wouldn't like it much myself, but I know both I _and_ your mother would be supportive." Her smile returned, though she wasn't sure why he wouldn't want her going in. "It's a dangerous time and a dangerous job, even more if you were to try and be a Seal. There's the pride of having a child in the military, but there's the agonizing fear of them never coming home."

"I get it. Do you think I'd even be eligible for the military?"

"I'm not certain." Gary scratched his chin and looked up in thought. "Possibly once your probation is through. During? Likely not, or at the very least, it would be hard to get in."

That came as no surprise, but as nice as the thought of joining the military was, Trina didn't feel truly compelled to take that route. It was nothing more than a passing thought.

Aside from the fleeting distraction, she felt that nagging depression returning to her. It was difficult for her to feel confident or in control anymore. Where she once thought she was capable of going forward, everything was collapsing again.

"What will I do about college? What will I do about the fines I owe? What will I do about Lizzie's intern being the girl that constantly attacked me in school? I've got so many things going wrong right now, I can't even see a light at the end of the tunnel."

Gary put his arms around her, hugging her tight. It comforted her, easing some of the pain and fear, but still the doubt remained. "You will make it. It will be okay."

"I wish I had the faith to see that. I wish I could be strong enough to deal with it."

"You are. You've been strong for so long, you know." She closed her eyes and breathed out. It was great to not be alone in this anymore, to feel like she didn't need to shoulder the weight of the world all by herself. It was still hard, and she still felt like an emotional wreck, but it was easier. "And to answer your earlier question. No, it's not melodramatic, and as hard as it is to believe, your life isn't over or ruined."

Gary's eyes drifted to a checkbook that had been placed on the end table. He started to reach for it and Trina leaned over, curious what he was doing. "I know you've been wanting to do this all yourself. To be independent, but I want to help you. So, I've been considering this…"

"What?" He opened the book to reveal a check made out to the probation office. Her eyes grew and she started shaking her head. "Y-You don't have to pay my fees," she stammered. "I'm not asking you to do that." Gary smiled gently and chuckled softly.

"I know, but you're my daughter and I want to." He closed the book. Tears welled up in her eyes and she reached over, placing her trembling fingers on the checkbook. "Hell, David even convinced the judge not to let me pay child support upon divorce. Let me do this for you. Your probation total, court fees, and even victim restitution. So you won't have to worry about being behind."

Her heart beat heavily within her, and she fought to find the words to say. She didn't want anyone to think she was asking him to do this, but she understood why he wanted to. "Are you sure?" She looked up at him, holding her breath as she studied his fatherly gaze.

"Yeah. I also want to help you when and if you decide to go to college." He held up the checkbook, waving it in the air before bringing it down to the coffee table. "This way you can relax and make it through your probation without worrying about having to make payments."

"You're paying the total? Seriously?"

"Yes. I don't want you to worry about payments to something you don't deserve to be on. I want you to live your life, save up some of the money you're earning from the bakery, and move forward."

Her heart swelled and her trembling fingers whisked away the joyous tears escaping her eyes. "What does mom think?"

"Your mother seems okay with it." He leaned to the right and folded his arms. "She wanted to put some forward for you as well, but I asked her not to. I don't want her running the risk of David getting pissed off that their family income gets spent…"

"Oh." She bowed her head and pressed her lips together. "Yeah, that's fair." Her fingers curled into her palms and her breathing grew steady. "I don't want you to pay all of my college. I want to try and be responsible for some of that."

"Fair enough." His eyes lit up with pride, and his smile increased. "Are you saying you for sure want to go?" She paused, looking off to the side for the moment. It was hard to say. She didn't want to say she got her GED for nothing. On one hand, the aspect of college was terrifying; but on the other, Trina felt ready to take it on.

"Do you think I can do it?"

"I think you can do anything you set your mind to, Trina. Your mom and I believe in you, so now you have to believe in yourself." With a sniffle, she nodded and bowed her head.

Her arms stretched out and her hands grasped her knees firmly while he arched her back to tighten the muscles back there. The thoughts that ran rampant through her mind were the concerns that kept her from being entirely sure; the demons which she may face.

The last time she'd been in school, Tori had her group of friends and practically the entire school picking on her. It wasn't all on them, so much as it was her own behavior at times, but they still were responsible for their actions just as much as she was responsible for hers.

At the same time, college could be a fresh start. Her slate could be wiped clean if she stayed in good shape on probation, and college would certainly show the judge that she was dedicated to betterment.

There was also the nagging fear that she might run into her prior bullies, but that fear was moot now that the queen of them was her supervising officer's intern.

Trina dropped her shoulders down and nodded once more. "I want to." She looked up, meeting her father's proud eyes. "I really do. I'm scared to though, because I don't know what it's going to be like."

"I'm glad to hear that. What are you afraid of?"

"I don't know. A lot. Maybe I'm afraid they won't let me in, maybe I'm afraid nobody's going to like me there. I'll be a loner, an outcast…all over again. I don't want that."

"Something tells me you'll make plenty of friends." He pat her back, soothing her a bit. "Just be yourself, and don't try too hard. Remember, it's not important that everyone likes you." She raised her eyebrows and blinked several times. "One true who knows your heart matters more than one hundred people that know little more than your name."

He was right, and his words inspired a thought. She didn't know whether or not to start out at a four year university, but maybe she didn't have to. "You know, Cat says she's started out at a community college…Maybe I could go there?"

"Oh?"

Trina shrugged. "I might have classes with her. She could show me around campus." She couldn't help but to like the girl. After all, they were slowly on the way to becoming friends now. "Cat seems genuine. We've been getting along and she's always wanting to hang out."

"She's been the one pursuing a friendship?"

"Yeah."

"Then I would say to go ahead and be a friend. You're thinking of going to her college?"

"I am." She did some research on it, but not a great deal. Her looking into colleges had been little more than curiosities in the midst of boredom. Spurs of the moment. "I wouldn't mind going to a big university like UCLA, but that's a lot of cost and really kind of intimidating."

Gary ran his finger over his chin and started humming. "I agree. A smaller, junior college might be better to start out for. You'd get more of a taste of college." He whisked his hand from his chin. "I'm proud of you. You're making decisions for your life, you know."

Her heart skipped and she leaned over, hugging her father. She didn't know where she'd be without him now. Finally, things were starting to look like they might improve; or at least she could see a glimmer of a future somewhere.

She didn't know what that future would be or where she'd end up, but she knew she had a future somewhere and it would be a better one than she thought she'd have years ago.

* * *

What are your thoughts and observations here? Do tell


	39. The Tour

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 39 (The Tour)

"Welcome to the best junior college ever!" Cat jumped, spreading her arms up and out while moving backwards along the sidewalk. Trina chuckled, her eyebrow arched and her lips twisted in a cockeyed smile. She swept her hair over her ear and shook her head. "Are you ready for the grand tour? You've got the best tour guide ever." The redhead poked her chest with her thumb. "Me."

"Cat." Trina raised her hand, stifling another laugh. "Dial it down on the pep a bit. Just a bit." A timid smile formed on the girl's face and her brow wrinkled and lifted.

"Sorry. I'm just happy you're giving this school a chance." She was happier about more than that, from what Trina could tell. Every time she made an effort to reach out to the redhead, there was a chipper air in her voice and a light in her eyes. The girl wanted so much to have this fi friendship, and Trina was beginning to trust her enough to give her a chance. Surely, that chance meant the world to Cat.

"Have you ever given thought to being a cheerleader?"

"Actually yeah." Cat shrugged. Trina jerked back in surprise and opened her mouth slow. "I am a cheerleader. Extracurricular activity and whatnot, but it's not my degree."

"What's your degree?"

"Business." Another shock. She couldn't picture Cat in a business suit, sitting at a table with a bunch of corporate bigwigs and executives. "I want to be an event planner for a city."

"Really? You?"

Cat threw her hand to her chest and laughed boldly. "Don't be so surprised, Trina. You ought to know how often interests change. Not everyone is into the same things they were in high school." The girl scrunched her face and squinted her eyes at the sky as though to challenge the sun. "Maybe two in six don't."

Trina crossed her arms and smirked, recognizing that as the number of people in Tori's group of friends. "And where do you get this statistic?"

"Where every statistic comes from." Cat shrugged again and turned around. "Thin air." Trina chuckled. "I haven't seen Beck into acting anymore, and I don't think Jade wants to go the entertainment route either." Trina's smile faded and she let out a grunt in reply. "Andre, however, _is_ majoring in music. Piano, to be specific."

"Finally, something that isn't a surprise. He still want to be famous?"

"No." Cat's voice trailed off as she began walking down the sidewalk. "I'm pretty sure that's still just your sister." Trina dropped her arms and followed after the girl "Andre may actually go into giving piano lessons and stuff."

"Why's he given up on being a big time celebrity?"

"High school dreams aren't always college dreams, Trina." Cat stretched her arms out and sighed. "Anyone can want to be big-time and famous, but then people grow and mature. Some still want fame and recognition, while some discover they want to have a living with the basics in life-finding that they don't need much else to be happy."

"And what are these basics, Cat?"

"A career, family, a home and a community. Like you. Are you still wanting to be a star?"

"No." She frowned, closing her eyes and rolling her shoulders back. "Things have changed. I'm not so much a diva anymore. I'll be lucky to even come close to having a normal life at this point…"

"You can still achieve it. Besides. What is normal?" She hesitated and Cat looked over her shoulder with a chipper smile that seemed to jar her nerves for a split second. "Legit question. You'll find that 'normal' is different for everyone, and what someone describes as normal tends to be what that person really wants in their life. Core values."

"I just want to be happy. I want a family that is whole. I don't care if I have an extravagant life, I just want to have a marriage to someone that loves me…" Her heart trembled in her chest and moisture formed under her eyelids. "I want a good career, a simple house that provides warmth and shelter. Love. Children that run around with their dog in the back yard." She huffed in an attempt to hold back a slight sob. "I mean. A simple life, a whole family."

"A home filled with love. No one says you can't have that." Cat circled her hand in the air. "You might have to work a little harder to get there, but you can get there."

"Yeah. Maybe." She didn't want to think too much about it now, she just wanted to look at the campus. "There's a lot I would have done differently, you know. I wouldn't have given up my little girl if I knew I would have had help." Cat shook her head.

"You can't focus on that. Hard as it is, you got to think of the future." Trina's lips pressed tightly shut. A storm grew in her heart, and she felt like rain was falling from the clear blue sky. "Learn from that past though. Your decisions and everything."

"I will. I mean, I know if I ever have another child, I'm not giving this one up." She took a deep breath, wincing at the burning taste in the back of her throat. Cat turned around and placed her hands onto her shoulders, looking her in the eyes.

"Things are different now, Trina." Her brow crinkled like paper and her eyebrows pushed together. "Whether you see it or not. You were with…that one guy, right?" Cat smacked her lips. "The asshole. Trapped in a world of drugs and alcohol. No light at the end of the tunnel, no family you trusted enough to help you and few friends."

"Y-Yeah that's right."

"What you did. Nobody, and I mean _nobody_ can ever fault you for." Trina mustered a weak smile. She hoped her daughter might never fault her for doing what she did. "You had to do it. To protect that little girl. Now you have something that you didn't have back then. Your dad-your real dad-is there to help you. You are away from that horror of a past. Things are different now. You know you would have help…"

"I guess…"

"Hell." Cat dropped her hands and cocked a smile. "You even have a willing babysitter if you ever need one." She raised her eyebrows and started to relax. "Sam and I did babysit for a while."

Trina noticed in their conversation, they'd walked all the way across the campus. "Um Cat? We passed a bunch of places and you haven't said a word about the campus yet."

"Oh I know." Cat pointed to a two story building in front of them and grinned from ear to ear. "This was the first place I wanted to show you. I thought you might like it." She crossed her arms and shrugged. "It's the athletics building." Her interest was suddenly peaked and she bounced once on her feet, studying the tall brick building in front of her.

"Athletics center, you say?"

"Yep. You've got full size gyms with weight equipment and treadmills. Plus all your athletics classes are here. You seem like someone that would spend a lot of time here."

Hell, she wanted to go in and see it now if she could. "You're right." Cat shut her eyes and giggled. "I want to go in now."

"You can, but there's not much point other than to look. I mean, you have to have a student ID use the equipment." She didn't care so much about using the equipment, she just wanted to see what there was. "But let's go ahead and head inside to see what you want."

"Great!"

Her excitement had only grown after touring the innards of the building. She loved the weightlifting rooms and the vast space in the rooms for treadmills and cycles. What got her the most was the huge gymnasium, where a class had been doing yoga.

When they left the building, she was jittery and full of excitement. "God what else does this campus have!" Cat laughed, almost expectantly, and guided her to a building that appeared to be in the center of the campus.

It was up a small flight of stone steps and seated with a faculty building in front, a classroom building on the corner to the right, another large building in the back right corner, and pathway to the left. "This." Cat hooked a finger over her lower lip, biting her nail for a minute before sweeping her hand out. "Is the library."

"Awesome."

"In here you'll find an array of books and newspaper articles dating back a hundred or so years. We have a computer lab on the second floor, which you have to have a student ID for. Also in here, and I use this a lot, is a coffee and cappuccino machine. _Excellent_ for long study hours."

Trina nodded fervently and continued following the girl. Cat motioned to the three story building in front of the library and cleared her throat. "Faculty building that houses a lot of the arts, language, history and government professors."

"Cool." She flattened her gaze and crossed her arms, smirking at the redhead. "You know. Tour guide. You'd think the first place you'd show is the student center." Cat snapped her fingers and gasped out.

"Oh yes. Of course, normally I would, but I had a different path in mind for you. Follow me!" They moved past the building across to the right, north corner of the library-directly to the right of the faculty building. "By the way, you have the academic learning center in here. They do hire a lot of work studies if you're into that."

"Work study?"

"Yeah. For school. You have to be enrolled to do it though."

"What would I do in the learning lab?"

"I don't know. Depends on your interests. Some students tutor, others work there as like an office assistant almost." She hummed, once more feeling a spark of curiosity. "Anyway, you know Robbie? He comes here too and is a tutor there."

"He's a tutor?" She rolled her head to the side and arched an eyebrow. "Really?"

"He's a lot smarter than he seems. A bit of a nerd, actually." Cat laughed out. "You should see him work with computers." The girl snapped her fingers again. "Speaking of which…" They walked past the building north of the area with the learning center. "To your right is the computer science building. This also houses English classes, foreign language, and mathematics. Robbie's majoring in mathematics."

"Cool."

They stopped at the parking lot and Cat pointed to the large speck of grass at the opposite end. "Don't go there." Trina hummed for a moment, studying the area closely. She didn't see anything besides trees and bushes. It was quaint and peaceful looking. "You should go to the quad if you want to relax in nature or anything, not that spot."

"Why?" She crossed her arms and frowned as Cat hung her head and shook it.

"We call it stoned point for a reason." She looked again, noting the lack of stones or boulders anywhere in the area. She hated being told not to do something, because it made her want to do exactly that. "People also get really into recreational drugs in college. That's no myth. So, that being said, stoners usually hang out over there. It's out of the way of sight, and the teachers have given up trying to stop anyone from smoking over there." Cat paused, rolling her eyes. "Nowadays anyone can claim 'it's medicinal!', so what the fuck is the point?"

She laughed, remembering an old conversation she had with someone. While some legitimately wanted to use marijuana for medicinal purposes, she fully believed the only reason anyone wanted to legalize pot was to get high and nothing more. "Sure puts drug dealers out of business."

"Yeah…moving on. Just stay away from that area."

"Sure." She shrugged and followed Cat back towards the campus. Thinking of 'stoned point', she couldn't help but to remember Sinjin. He was the only one back in high school that looked out for her, going so far as to protect her from his stoner friends that wanted to take advantage of her when she got drunk. "What ever happened to Sinjin, by the way? Do you know?" Cat didn't look back and continued walking.

"Far as I know, he's still smoking pot." The girl seemed distant and harsh in her tone. It was expected, and Trina didn't expect Cat to know how much Sinjin helped her in the past. "I've made an effort to stay away from him. He's bad news, Trina."

"Why? Just because he smokes?"

"If he smokes, what else does he do?"

"Maybe not that much. I can't judge. He was good to me, Cat. One of the few people back then that were." Finally the redhead looked back, smiling briefly.

"You're right. I'm sorry." The girl let out a sigh and turned back. "I don't know if the two of you were friends or not, but I do know he respected you." Cat ran her hand behind her neck, sliding it down towards her back. "I remember he called us all out for being vain that one time when we were all concerned about getting more followers on social media…all because you had a lot…"

It took a moment for Trina to think of what the girl was talking about, but when she did, she started laughing. "Oh god. I did that to feel better about myself." She wrapped her arms around her stomach and bowled over as Cat let out a sheepish laugh. "I felt like crap when I saw how popular everyone else was, so I had Sinjin hack the…yeah, I shouldn't have done that, but you know…"

"Not surprised, with your low self-esteem back then." Cat smirked, and pride flashed in her eyes. "We were more surprised that you kept it going."

"Yeah, when Sinjin and I saw how you were all reacting to _my_ social media followers, all huffy because I-of all people-had so many, we couldn't help but to see how it played out."

Cat straightened herself, blinking several times and lowering her voice. "That's actually kind of clever…" Trina's right eyebrow arched high and she folded her arms across her chest, waiting as the girl shook her head. "I mean, it proves a point that none of us saw back then."

"What's that?"

"How self-important we saw ourselves." Cat winced. "Or how the others saw themselves."

"Tori has borderline personality disorder, she has to be the center of attention. You guys, however, have no excuse."

"Yeah, I know. It was important though. A groundbreaking moment that made a lot of us realize how vain we were being. It helped some of us kind of see how stupid we'd been, and work towards something different."

Trina's eyes popped a bit and she leaned back, gasping softly. "Really?" She moved her hand to her chest, raising the pitch in her voice. "I caused that?"

"More than you know." Cat shrugged. "I mean, it was just a start. Mr. Vega's actioins that one time caused another one of those eye-opening moments."

"The others are still avoiding Tori?"

"As far as I know, they've started moving on." She winced for a moment, feeling a tad jilted hearing the news. Cat looked back with an expression of pity. "I mean, you know, they tried separating from her for a while. Then life just got in the way for everyone, so it's not intentional…they've just had their own issues going on and haven't been able to get back to Tori."

"She could use some friends, you know. Like me. She's trapped with that monster, she _needs_ the support."

"I know." Cat smacked her lips and clenched her eyes shut. "Believe me, I know. I can't do much since I've made an effort to separate from some of them, like Jade. The others? It's up to them. Life's gotten in the way, but they might reconnect. You just have to be patient."

"I hope they do." She didn't know what else to say. She wasn't her sister's keeper anymore. "I've started looking out for myself." Her voice shook with guilt and agitation, and her heart started to break. "I can't look after Tori anymore. I can't protect Mom either. David will kill me if I try anything-my probation would be shot if I went anywhere near them right now."

"I'll talk to Robbie. Maybe he can do something, since he still talks to Beck and Andre." That was good news. She wanted Tori to have her friends, but at the same time, she didn't want to force it. They only had to go back if they felt like going back.

She couldn't protect them from David's rages either, not anymore. Cat knew this, so it would be a big leap of faith for Cat to even suggest they reconnect with Tori now. "As far as I know, my sister hasn't started college anywhere and hasn't had any luck making new friends…"

Cat nodded, understanding the dilemma. The girl's hands moved to her hips and her eyes closed over. "Look. Trina. I know you don't like talking shit about your sister, and I'm not about to gossip; but you need to know, some of them think Tori's insane."

Her heart dropped and she started to become defensive, but withheld her thoughts for the girl's sake. Hell, she knew the others were well within their rights for thinking this, especially given the number of tales Tori had spun about her own family.

Cat opened her eyes partially and started to sigh. "Some of them are also scared by Mr. Vega. Jade might go just for pure curiosity, but come on…after that night, you don't know what went on with everyone."

"What? What went on?" She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. Cat chuckled in vain and shook her head.

"I've never seen _Jade_ fear anything, but that night, she saw a monster for the first time. She saw someone that she couldn't control or rise above, someone that scared the living shit out of her. Everyone saw for the first time, _you_ taking a stand to protect them and to protect your family. Everyone learned the things Tori was saying wasn't much other than cries for attention in an abusive household."

"Cat. Please. I know they're afraid, but right now my sister needs friends to help her." Cat flattened her eyebrows and twisted the left corner of her mouth.

"And maybe she'll get some friends that will be good for her, but those friends have to be good for her." Trina frowned and bowed in defeat, knowing that Cat was right. There was a time and a place for friends, certain friends would prove to be better and present at the right time in someone's life more than others. For her, Cat's friendship now was more impactful and right for her than in the past. The same would be true for Tori.

"You're right. I wouldn't force any of them to be friends with Tori if they didn't want to. I just…don't want my stepdad to scare them away from Tori. You were all friends with her once."

"Once. Yes. In a time we didn't really know anything about her or about her family." Cat folded her arms and raised her shoulders. "We all believed willy-nilly her every word. Thinking her dad was nothing more than just negligent, and her mother was in the throes of an affair-or that you were just simply insane and desiring to be the center of attention in everything. We never considered that all these things were painted images falsified to garner sympathy for her victimized imagery. We didn't realize Mr. Vega was an abusive shithole, we didn't know your mother wasn't actually in an affair, rather the officer we thought she was in an affair with was your dad."

"I didn't know that either, so we're kind of in the same boat…" It was hard to hear any of this, especially from Cat. She understood where the girl was coming from and why she was so concerned; or why Tori's friends might be staying away. "But yeah…Tori hid a lot, but probably for good reason."

"Maybe. It changed everyone's view of your family, though. They were angry for a while, you know…" Cat dropped her hands and swung them out, raising her shoulders and sighing. "They couldn't understand why Tori spun those stories. They couldn't understand why she didn't tell them anything that a true friend would help with. They felt like they couldn't be real friends for her…she needs a friend that can be a true friend for her. I don't know if any of the others can be that, or if they even want to at this point."

Cat hesitated, her eyes peering beyond Trina. "Speaking of…" Trina looked over her shoulder and was stunned to see Beck walking up. The man waved and opened his mouth, speaking quickly and with surprise.

"Hey guys, I didn't think I'd see you here. What's up?"

Cat swayed to the right and narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing here, Beck? You're not enrolled here."

"Yeah but I was checking up on a friend." Beck looked from Cat to Trina, smiling slightly. "Hey Trina. What are you doing here?"

Trina smiled faintly, not wanting to appear distant or unwilling to talk. She wanted to at least appear cordial, and if nothing else, maybe talk to Beck about the possibility of his befriending Tori again. "I'm okay." She motioned to Cat. "Cat's giving me a tour of the campus. I might be enrolling here."

"Oh cool, you should if you want to. It's not a bad place, as far as my friends say."

"Yeah. You go somewhere else, right?"

"UCLA."

"Yeah. I thought about that, but it was just too costly at the moment. Junior college is probably a better starting point."

"Probably right."

"So um…" Trina ran her hand over the back of her neck and looked at Cat for a second as she walked forward. "Have you um…have you thought about talking to Tori at all again?" Beck frowned, his demeanor changing to a sudden quietness.

"I can't say that I've made any plans to go back there right now, Trina. If I'm honest. Things have been kind of stressful lately, so I'm just not sure if I'm ready to deal with her um…her drama."

"It's not all her fault, you know."

"Maybe. You know, you don't have to protect her or put her first or anything. I'm just saying…I'm sure you have more important things to worry about than being your sister's keeper."

She didn't know whether to be shocked or offended by Beck's words. It was amazing how much things had changed in the last few years. Beck had gone from being the first person to ever defend Tori-to his own girlfriend-to now not even being certain if Tori ought to be defended.

Her eyes narrowed and her teeth clenched as her fingers gripped tightly her waist. "How can I not be my sister's keeper if she doesn't even have any friends that want to look out for her? She's not that bad!"

Or perhaps she was. BPD was a terrifying thing, more for those that lived with them than those that were mere friends, but it didn't mean the person was meant to be avoided.

"She needs the right friend in her life." Beck stopped his hand at the bottom of his neck and tilted his head to the right. "I'm not that person…Jade sure as hell isn't that person. You know how crazy she is."

"Really? You're going to talk about your girlfriend being crazy?"

"Things are…" His hand fell to the side and he let out a small breath of air. "Complicated…" He bowed his head and shook it. "She's in her own world. I don't know. I…I don't know."

"Yeah, okay, I'm staying away from that one." She wanted nothing to do with a conversation regarding his relationship status. She didn't need the drama, especially now that Jade was going to be so close to her in some ways. "I don't want to hear anything more."

"Yeah no, I know." He cleared his throat and mustered a faint smile. "Anyway, if you decide to enroll here, I hope you like it." He motioned to Cat. "You've got a great tour guide."

Cat puffed herself up, beaming with pride. "Thank you!" The girl chimed. Trina couldn't help but to smile. She was enjoying the tour, and looked forward to possibly coming here.

It didn't take much to enroll, and while she didn't know a whole lot of what she wanted to do, it didn't matter. She just needed to pace herself and she'd find the right path.

Happiness could be achieved. Goals, such as what Cat was talking about earlier, could happen. She just had to set her mind to them, and strive to make it. No matter how much she doubted, she was certain she could achieve something. It was just a matter of pushing herself.

* * *

Alot being discussed here. What are your thoughts and what are your observations? Do tell.


	40. Burnout

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: This is part one of a combined pair...

* * *

Chapter 40 (Burnout)

Trina walked along the campus of her new college, her hands were locked behind her back and her eyes were downcast to watch her feet along the sidewalk. She'd been eager in exploration when she first got there, now she knew where everything was

She had no major yet, but she had an academic advisor within one of the faculty buildings that guided her through a degree plan. Right now, it was only the core classes such as algebra, history, and electives.

One of her electives was a weightlifting class, and she was proudly one of the few girls in that class that didn't just use up a weight machine while staring at her cell phone.

Her relationship with Anthony was over, and she was still muddling over it. Things had been great, but in recent months they'd simply grown apart and the feeling she initially had was gone. So it was a mutual breakup, but harder than her breakup with Lucas had been-mostly since they'd been together much longer.

Trina looked up to the sky and let out a dejected sigh. "Why? What are you trying to prepare me for? I don't get it." She scoffed and pulled her gaze back. "What am I doing?" She walked on towards the building with the learning center and entered with a feigned smile.

The learning center was a large area shaped almost like a right angle. Depending on the side you entered, the first thing you saw was different. At the point of this right angle were a series of tables where the student tutors would sit when they were working, and where students would study.

These tables faced the L-shaped desk that the office workers were stationed at. This was where print jobs were released for print by the students. It faced rows of computers that started on the right of the tables and swept around towards the back of the area.

To the left of the tables was a window shaped area with a receptionist that signed people into what was called the 'language lab'. This was a conjoined computer lab where people went to take foreign language exams.

The receptionist that was usually there was an older woman by the name of Kitty. She had a friendly demeanor and gentle eyes framed by long grey hair. She had a wrinkled chin and was often ranting about current events. Cat talked to her a great deal, considering her one of her favorite people on the campus.

Trina didn't know what it was that drew the redhead to her, but she never questioned it. Cat once told her this woman was an inspiration to her in some way, and had helped her in a major way recently.

She took a seat at the tables of one of the math tutors, looking at his curly dark hair and dark glasses with a defeated glance. "Hey Robbie." Robbie leaned back in his chair and spread his hands out on the table.

"Trina." He smiled and gave her a nod of recognition. Far be it from her to accept help from him, but she needed help in her math course and he was the only tutor present. "What's up?"

"I'm having some problems understanding some of the calculations here." She removed a sheet of paper from her backpack and set it down in front of him. Her voice was low and calm, so as not to betray the anger inside of her that was forming as a result of seeing him again and remembering the years of torment he was a part of. "I'd ask how you've been, but you know, I just want to keep this professional."

"Understandable." He gripped the edges of the paper and leaned his head back, peering under the frame of his glasses and down his nose. "What are you having difficulty with, here? It's very basic stuff."

"I know. I understood it before, but lately I can't wrap my head around it." She'd thrown herself into her studies after the breakup with Anthony, hoping it would help keep her from being too depressed, and now she simply couldn't think. "I can't think about anything now. Just…I don't know."

He glanced up, lowering the paper. "I got it." He smirked as though her case were something so common that he'd seen it every other day. "How much have you been studying?"

"Lately? Just nonstop."

"Can you focus on anything?"

"No."

"Sounds like burnout. You need to rest yourself after studying, otherwise you'll burnout and be unable to work efficiently."

"I don't want to do that." She looked down and away, casting a deep frown as she studied the curly blue carpeting. "I need a distraction."

"You need to clear your mind, really."

"No I don't." She looked up and shook her head. "I don't. If I do that, I'll think about things. I'll think about Anthony, and it'll hurt." Robbie furrowed his brow and squinted at her.

"Anthony?"

"We broke up…my boyfriend and I." Robbie's mouth opened and closed like a fish. He scratched his chin and hummed at her.

"I see. You broke up with your boyfriend, so you're throwing yourself into your studies." Robbie pushed her paper forward. "That's not healthy. You'll do yourself more harm than good."

She threw her hands up, scoffing aloud. "What am I supposed to do, then?" Robbie smiled at her and faced his palm up on the table.

"I can help with that. One of the parts of my job as a tutor is to aid in study techniques." He raised three fingers. "Say you set three hours to study. Give yourself a ten to fifteen minute break in between hours. This will allow your brain to relax without overclocking it."

"Or you could do what I do," someone said from behind. Robbie's face sank and his expression turned to one of disgust. Trina jerked back and looked over her shoulder, gasping when she saw Sinjin standing behind her with a wide grin.

Sinjin's hands were at his hips and he was standing as though striking a superhero pose. His once short and curly hair was now longer and swept around his neck. She noticed a slight redness in his eyes and had to wonder if he was still truly smoking like Cat was saying.

"Sinji, it's been so long!" Trina rose up from the table and hurried over to Sinjin, hugging her old friend tight. Sinjin hugged her waist, laughing out as she pulled her hair from the front of her face. "What are you doing here?"

"Good question," Robbie muttered, "He's not technically a student here. His friends are." Sinjin rolled his eyes and motioned Trina over. Her heart skipped a beat, and every muscle in her body was twitching from excitement.

"Come on, let's get away from the square. He can't help you out, let me help you. You're having trouble clearin' your mind, right?" She nodded and pulled her backpack from the floor. Robbie's voice rose and he started to stand up.

"Bad idea Trina, you shouldn't go off with him. Trust me."

"Why? He's a friend of mine." What was it that Robbie didn't understand? Same with Cat, and even Beck; Sinjin helped her in a way none of them had ever done. She wasn't about to decide between Sinjin and Robbie, because if she had to, Sinjin would most certainly win.

"You're one to talk of decisions Robbie," Sinjin remarked with a matter-of-fact tone. "You make bad decisions too, hope you can make better decisions and maybe one day you'll be father of the year." Robbie froze as Sinjin's words moved past Trina and hit him like a tidal wave.

She did a double take and looked at Robbie curiously. "Huh?" Robbie's jaw grew tight and his fingers curled into his palm. Sinjin leaned over, whispering to Trina.

"He's got a kid, Trina. That's why he's working through college." Her eyes grew and her mind flashed over to Cat. Cat had been dating Robbie for some time, but she never asked questions about it. She never knew specific details, her friendship with Cat was only just starting.

Still; did this mean Cat had a child? She could understand why Cat might not mention it so early into the friendship, but it was a shock. If true, she was inspired to see the couple actually trying to make an effort. "Wow, is that true?" She smiled at Robbie and raised her eyebrows. "You…and Cat?" Robbie sighed and started to smile back.

"Yeah." He ran his hand over his neck and looked at the language lab. "She's a little older than a year now. That woman in the language lab really helped us out since our parents, you know, weren't too thrilled. You should hear it from her though, I think she wanted to tell you." Robbie flicked his eyes at Sinjin and narrowed them. "Rather than have you find out from this asshole."

It was surprising she never noticed, but nearly two years ago she wasn't as close to Cat as she was now.

She separated from Sinjin and walked over to Robbie, frowning slightly as she looked him in the eyes. "Robbie listen, I know how you and Cat feel about Sinjin and his friends, but please…Sinjin is someone that is important to me, a friend."

"He's not the same that he once was."

"He's not a bad guy though. He was the _only_ person in high school that was a friend to me. The only one that was good to me." Robbie closed his eyes and bowed his head. "I want to reconnect. I want to remember the time I had with him."

"I hope it's a brief distraction, but maybe it'll help with your burnout." Robbie walked back around the table and took a seat. "Cat will want to talk to you later, I'm sure."

"Great! I look forward to hearing about your daughter."

Robbie chuckled a few times and nodded. "Believe me when I say she will have a scrapbook full of pictures waiting and read for you."

Sinjin took her to the piece of land where Cat warned her not to go before and offered her a smoke, but she turned it down. "Sorry Sinji, I don't smoke that stuff anymore." She sat on a small clear space beside him and looked up at the sky as he put the joint to his lips.

"Got it." He raised a lighter to the joint and hesitated before sliding his eyes over to him. "Do you mind if I light up? I won't if you don't want me to." She felt bad for telling him no, and didn't want to keep turning him down, but she was worried about herself and if it got in her system.

"I don't really want it in my system, Sinji. I could get in trouble for it."

"Okay." He set it aside and nodded, still respecting her decision. He reached over, patting her wrist. She flinched and looked to him with caution. "You look like you've been through hell, Trina. What's wrong?"

"Depressed. Again."

"What happened?"

"I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago, and it hurts."

Sinjin nodded fervently and smacked his lips. "Ah, I get it. Yeah, breakups can be hard. You've got a couple good friends though."

"Well, Cat is. I haven't seen Robbie since, you know." She craned her neck and perched her body with her elbows bent on the ground. "Why were you mean back there? To Robbie."

"It wasn't intentional." He scratched his hair and sighed. "He's not a bad guy at all. Robbie and Cat, you know, they're working on raising a kid while working through college. You got to respect them for that, especially after what happened with their parents."

"What happened with their parents?"

Sinjin raised his hands to the sky and moved them outward. "They had this huge fight. Cat was always on rough ground with them, so it didn't take much for her folks to be done with her. Robbie's blamed him for being an embarrassment."

"Wow." She took a sudden breath and her eyes popped from her head. "Sounds like a lot of drama."

"It was. They didn't want to say anything to the others, if I recall. They kept the whole pregnancy to themselves, didn't make a deal of it." Sinjin jerked his thumb over his shoulder and his eyelids moved down halfway. "The lady at the language lab? She was a friend of Cat's grandmother, and was always close to Cat. So when the pregnancy came about, and the fight with her parents happened, that woman took her in and provided some shelter and help for a while."

Sinjin leaned forward, patting his knees and turning his head. "Anyway, what do you say to getting out of here? Enough of this depressing talk, let me show you a good time and get you to think about anything other than that breakup."

"Sure." She was eager more than ever to think of something else. Cat and Robbie might be right to be uncomfortable about Sinjin, but right now, he was what she needed.

He represented a time when she could forget easily, whether legitimate or not, a time where she had someone there for her. He made her feel happy, unique, and she wanted to feel that again.

That feeling only amplified as she followed him throughout the day. They visited various hotspots around the campus, and eventually moved beyond the college to check out the town.

He lacked a lot of maturity and was making obscene jokes throughout, but she didn't mind it so much. Perhaps he was not the best person to spend time with, certainly her new friends and her own parents might be a little uneasy about it, but she knew what she was doing. She could handle herself.

Sinjin wasn't right for her and she knew that. He was a drug addict and a boy at heart. He didn't believe in working and wasn't actually going to college; Robbie had been right on that point in declaring Sinjin's friends were the ones at college. He'd gone from the leader to a follower.

By the end of the night, Trina didn't care. She hadn't taken anything, nor had she drank anything, but his presence was intoxicating. This bad influence held her in the palm of his hand for the day and through the night, and she would give herself up to him just this once so she could forget.

To forget everything and be at peace for a few short hours.

* * *

What are your thoughts?


	41. Scorned

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 41 (Scorned)

Trina woke up to the sound of her phone beeping beside her on a wood end table with a wall lamp lit just above her. She reached over, humming as she took the phone off and silenced it. "Oh god, I can't believe I didn't go home last night." The realization hit her and she sat up, letting the hotel blanket fall from her bare chest. "Dad must be worried sick!"

She looked around, calling for Sinjin, but was shocked to discover she was alone. Her chest tightened with pain and anger as her heart began to sink. "You're kidding me…" She looked to the bare spot of the bed beside her and started to whine.

The panic started to take hold and she questioned if she'd just been ditched. Sinjin didn't seem the type to fuck and run, but that was the Sinjin she knew years before. "He did not just do that. Sinji wouldn't…" Had she just made a grave mistake placing her trust in the past?"

She threw the covers off and jumped from the bed, wincing as her foot struck the leg of the table. She glanced down and saw a sheet of paper where her phone had been. She picked it up and her eyebrows curled together, pushing a wrinkle up as she read the words aloud.

"Trina, last night was great, but I've got to run. I really wouldn't do this normally but one of my friends had an emergency that I had to rush to take care of." Her breathing hitched as her heart was sucked dry. Her hand began to tremble and she covered her mouth with her second hand. "I couldn't wake you up, you looked so cute sleeping there…"

She raised her head, her heart breaking more as her anger grew. "Asshole. Robbie was fucking right about you."

She looked at her phone, grimacing when she noticed the missed calls and texts from Cat and from her dad. She didn't have a ride home if Sinjin was gone, and Gary was likely at work right now.

Trina pushed her hand over her forehead, guiding her hair over and behind her head. It was a confusing scenario for her, leaving her to wonder just how she'd gotten to this point. Part of her wanted to kill Sinjin for leaving her alone in a hotel room, while part of her wanted nothing to do with him.

Before doing anything else, she sent Gary a text message to let him know she got caught up hanging with an old friend. "I'll explain more when I get home," she typed at the end. She had no clue what to tell her father and was too upset to think.

"Okay. Deep breath." Her eyes were burning now and she was grinding her teeth while peering around the cheap motel room. It wasn't unclean, but she could see stains and blemishes on the walls and floor that left her wondering why they came here rather than his own house.

The first person she called was Cat, since she knew her father wasn't going to be able to come pick her up.

"Where are you!" Cat shrieked in her answer. "You took off and disappeared last night. Your dad was asking if you were with me, and I had to say no."

She whispered as though speaking the truth could cause a massive explosion. Which it very well could have. "I was with Sinjin, Cat." Cat fell silent and Trina closed her eyes. "We um…" A knot grew in her throat and a tear ran along her cheek. "God Cat, why am I so stupid?" She dropped down to the bed, staring at herself in the mirror on the wall.

"Are you okay? What happened?" There was an urgency in Cat's voice, startling but calming. "Where are you? What did Sinjin do?"

"He…" Her voice cracked and her hand flew to her mouth. "He left me. We had sex and he left me." She could hear Robbie in the background, murmuring about busting someone's head. "It was consensual, but-but I didn't think he would do that." She cried out and dropped her head to her knees. "God I'm so fucking pathetic."

"No. No you're not. You just made a bad judgement call."

"Every time I'm depressed, I make bad decisions. I can't figure out why I'm so stupid."

"You're not." There was a clicking noise that followed what sounded like a door slamming. "Stay where you are, we're coming to get you."

Her eyes widened and she jolted up, whimpering as she covered herself up with the blankets. "Please don't. I don't want you seeing me like this."

"You need a friend right now, we're coming."

"You need to go to work, don't you?"

"That can wait, Trina."

"No it can't. You're opening the bakery up." She knew if Cat didn't get to the bakery and open the store, she could lose her job. It wasn't worth the risk. "I'll get myself home, okay? I…I don't want you to lose your job."

"Trina."

"I'm serious. Do not risk your job for me. You have a child, right?" Cat fell silent once more, then eventually sighed in defeat. "You need to be earning money to take care of your baby. Don't worry about me, go open the store…"

"Fine." Cat groaned. "But we're talking about this later, okay? I'm not going to judge you or anything." She smiled gently and fell back on the bed.

"I know."

After talking to Cat, Trina struggled to find someone to call for help. Her car was still at the school and she didn't have anyone else to turn to.

After taking a shower and fixing herself up, she decided to call on the only other person she could think of that was trying to make things right. Beck. He was the last person on earth she wanted to talk to right now, next to Sinjin, but she didn't have much choice. She decided not to tell the man what transpired at the hotel, but that she was stranded without a ride and wasn't letting Cat risk her job for her.

While waiting for an answer, she was left remembering the night before. It felt so good to be with someone in the way she had been with Sinjin, so much that she smiled despite her anger at him.

Eventually the answer came in the form of Jade standing at her hotel door. She was shocked and appalled to see the woman sizing her up with her eyes. Jade's left cheek was bulging. "So um. You're texting my boyfriend from a hotel room?" Seething with rage both old and new, she growled and pushed past the girl.

"Fuck you Jade, it isn't like that." The girl clearly intercepted the text message and decided to come for her rather than let Beck help. "You don't know a damn thing, so shut up."

"Well in your message you said you needed a ride." Jade shrugged and pulled her purse strap over her shoulder. "I thought I'd come get you. I think it's important we talk, you know…"

"Why?" Trina crossed her arms and turned forcefully. "Why is it important? Why do you have to involve yourself in my life? What the _hell_ have I ever done to deserve you?"

Jade's eyebrows moved together and her grip on her purse strap loosened up. "You're hurting. Something happened last night, didn't it? What happened?" Trina rolled her eyes and marched down the hotel hallway, with Jade following close behind.

She had no choice but to go with the girl, much as she didn't like it. "I was hanging out with an old friend. We had sex. The end." Jade looked over her shoulder and started to say something, but Trina beat her to the thought. "He's gone. A fuck-and-run thing."

"Oh Trina…I'm so sorry."

"Whatever." They made it to Jade's car and she entered the front passenger side, slamming the door hard. Jade got into the driver's side and started up the car. "Just take me to the college. My car's there."

"You're going to school now?" Jade grinned and raised her eyebrows up. "That's great news."

"Sure." Trina crossed her arms and glared out the window. "How much about me do you know now? I'm curious. Lizzie's intern, I know she's having you read up on chronos and shit."

"She is." Jade clamped her lips shut and tapped her nails on the steering wheel. "I've read your file. I had to do it carefully, remove any and all bias regarding it. It wasn't easy."

"Boo-hoo for you."

Jade scoffed and shook her head. They drove in silence for some time before coming up to a red light and stopping. "Trina, I am truly sorry for how I treated you in high school. I really am. I know saying it doesn't mean much, but I _am_ sorry. Give it time. I won't ask you to forgive me, but we have to let go of the past sometime."

"Easier said than done. Easier done on your end than mine."

"I know." Jade closed her eyes and dropped her shoulders. "I caused you a lot of pain. I understand that. Lizzie also wanted me to know that just as much as my father did, I never thought about how my actions affected people. How they affected you. I'm sorry."

"Fine." She rolled her eyes and pressed her shoulder into the door. "Leave it at that. Please."

"Okay." Jade took a deep breath and turned left onto the adjacent street. "So um, who was this friend of yours last night?" Trina opened her eyes and turned them towards the glossy window, staring at Jade's transparent reflection.

"Sinjin." Jade's eyes widened, then relaxed as the girl nodded. Trina pushed her hand up between her head and the window, tangling her fingers in her hair. "I don't know what I was thinking. I think I just wanted to be with someone that made me feel good."

"He treated you well and with respect back in high school."

"Yeah. He changed."

"A lot." Jade looked over and frowned. "So what happened? Did he really ditch you without saying something?"

"He left a note."

"That's just as bad."

"Said he had to help a friend with an emergency."

"Oh really?" A cold smirk formed on Jade's face and all of a sudden the car jerked to the right. Trina jumped up in her seat and looked over, feeling a rush of panic as Jade diverted from the path they were on. "You should be made aware of this 'emergency' he's having. Let's go rain on his parade."

"Um, what?"

Jade grabbed her phone from the cup holder between the chairs and handed it over to Trina. "Mass text from him." Trina raised an eyebrow and stared at a text message sent by Sinjin earlier in the day.

 _Come to my friend's smoke in on the steps of city hall, we're going to protest legalization of pot so my friend can make more money selling it!_

Trina blinked several times, letting the message sink in. When it hit her, she was reviled and filled with disgust and nausea. "Sinjin's a drug dealer?!"

"Well, more specifically…" Jade grabbed her phone and dropped it back in the cup holder. "His friend is. He's just a stupid stoner stuck in a high school mentality while living in a filthy shack for a house."

She tried to shake the words, not wanting to believe them, but deep in her gut she could feel the honesty in Jade's reply. Jade tilted her head and shrugged. "Everyone knows how he's turned out, but no one wants to say it." Trina dropped her head back on the chair and a loud groan escaped her lips.

Jade rolled her head from left to right, clicking her tongue off her lips. "Oh and I really should mention this-and I am so sorry for it." Trina held her breath, feeling her heart grow heavy. "Sinjin's got a girlfriend…"

The air flew from her lungs and she started screaming inwardly despite her pained stare. "God, I am so fucking stupid." She clenched her fists and brought the bottom of her palms up into her eyes. "I can't believe this is happening!"

"No. No you're not. You just wanted to be okay for a little while." Jade smiled briefly and pulled up at the parking lot outside town hall. "Now come on, let's lay into him, okay?"

Feeling sick to her stomach from the storm of emotions, she shook her head and wiped away the tears that streaked her face. "I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him. I can't…"

"You deserve this, Trina. You're angry, you don't deserve to be treated the way he did. You shouldn't allow people to use you, to trick you, to manipulate or hurt you." She furrowed her brow and stammered, unable to find a response to Jade's surprising demeanor. "You don't have to get physical, you don't have to get out of control or violent. Let him know you're angry and you deserve to be treated better."

"Coming from you…I'm not sure how I feel about what I'm hearing."

"We're not so different, you and I. We just come from different houses." Jade dropped her gaze and started to sigh. "Maybe if things were different, we could have been friends in the past. I had issues, still have some, but I'm working through them. Just like you. Now, I don't let people treat me harshly and neither should you. Be strong, like you are."

"I'm not strong."

"You can be. When you want to be. It's there, you just have to pull it out."

Trina looked out the windshield and saw Sinjin amid a crowd of people, pumping his fist in the air in mid chant. She felt a rush of rage fueling her, and a desire to see Sinjin's curly head torn from his shoulders. "Why are you doing this, Jade?" She pulled her gaze away and looked at the girl. "What's this about?"

Jade straightened her arms out and her fingers tightened over the steering wheel. "Being passive is okay, being aggressive is also okay. Too much of either one is bad, because you can end up being hurt or hurting someone else. Find middle ground, be assertive without being passive or aggressive. Be kind, but don't let people misuse you, abuse you or treat you unfairly. Be gentle but be strong. You can, and right now is the best time for you to see that, I think."

"Jade-"

"Come on." Jade pushed her door open and Trina reluctantly followed suit. As they approached city hall, Jade startled her once more by shouting Sinjin's name above the crowd.

All of a sudden the chanting stopped and all sound and movement ceased. Trina froze as Sinjin turned his head and peered out in shock. When he saw her, his face grew pale. "Oh shit."

Suddenly the anger came back and Trina felt the scorn in her. "'Oh shit'? So you know what you did." Trina marched forward, leaving Jade smirking with pride. She stepped in front of Sinjin, glaring into his eyes. "You used me. You left me in a dirty motel while 'helping a friend'? Instead, you're out here planning some sort of protest? This is the emergency?"

Sinjin raised his hands. "In my defense, I am helping a friend out." He furrowed his brow. Trina snarled, feeling used and dejected.

"What was last night then? Meaningless?"

Sinjin stammered. He moved his hand to his chest and leaned forward. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Trina. Honest." He chuckled and looked around him at the people that surrounded them. "You just looked so cute there, I couldn't bring myself to wake you up."

"Save it. You're not sweet talking me." The people in the vicinity started looking around, murmuring to themselves. Trina wasn't comfortable airing dirty laundry like this, but Sinjin had to know he hurt her. "I won't go into detail, not in front of all these people. I'm not like that. But you? You need to know you are an _asshole_ for what you did, and you know exactly what you did."

"I didn't-"

"You lied to me." She raised her hand, curling her fingers as her voice rose. "Oh. When were you going to tell me about your girlfriend?" Sinjin's eyes bulged and he stammered again.

"We uh, I mean we're on an open relationship."

Trina squinted realizing how much he had changed. She shook her head in disbelief and took a step back, spreading her hands out. "I don't like liars Sinjin. I don't like users, I don't like manipulators." Her anger was still there, but she was starting to calm down. There was no point in making a scene.

She wrinkled her brow and her nose crinkled up. "I always thought you wouldn't be one of those people. I always thought you respected me, that you liked me. Turns out, maybe I was wrong…so wrong to trust you…"

Sinjin dropped his hands and sighed. "Trina come on, it isn't like that."

"Whatever." She turned around and waved her hand through the air. "Have fun at your little pot party." She walked to Jade, not stopping.

"Feel better?" Jade asked with a smile. She didn't feel much better, but she was grateful for the chance to get this out of her system and off her chest. "You'll feel better later, trust me."

"Let's just go." She entered the car and looked one last time at Sinjin, who was watching her with a guilty expression on his face. "I don't want to be here anymore, but thanks."

* * *

A lot to take in here. Probably a lot of shock too


	42. Sister to Sister

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 41 (Sister to Sister)

"It was a cruel twist in her life, if nothing else." Jade looked at the image of Sinjin in her slideshow and felt a sharp pain in her side. It had been one of the first few times in her life she'd seen Trina so defeated-or at least the first she'd noticed it. "That night, she had a lot of ice cream and treats. You'd be amazed to know that we were the ones to comfort her in that time."

"More Cat and Robbie," Beck interjected, "They were there to take care of her too." He leaned forward, hanging his forearms over his knees. His eyes turned out to the class and his lips pressed firmly together. "I went over to check on her that day too, after you'd stolen my phone because of the text."

"She did that?" Ryan asked. Jade put her hand to her forehead and groaned as Beck nodded his head. "Man, there's no trust in your relationship is there. Rachel and I trust each other."

"And that's a good thing. No, there was no trust in ours." Beck leaned back, sliding his hands along his legs. "That's beside the point. We're not here to discuss your professors' past relationship, we're here to discuss the case study here…"

Jade dropped her hands to her hips and looked at Rachel, curious the girl's reaction to Sinjin. It wasn't long after this that Trina had gotten pregnant, so Jade had to be careful how to approach Trina's second child. This was the first one Trina kept, after all.

To her amazement, Rachel wasn't paying attention to the class, her uncle or her boyfriend. She was staring at the classroom door. It was slightly ajar, once again, and there was a shadow on the floor. Before she had a chance to let Beck know, Rachel turned her head and raised her hand. Beck motioned to her. "Yes, Rachel?"

"Can I go to the restroom?"

"Sure." Beck looked at Jade, then the class. "As a matter of fact, everyone take a short break if you need to." Rachel sighed and pushed open the classroom door.

She looked down to her right, staring at the bespeckled teenager sitting against the wall. Her knees were pulled to her chest and her arms were wrapped around them. The girl's face was blank, and her eyes were staring at her red tennis shoes. "You're listening in?" Rachel slid down alongside the girl, forming a similar posture and smiling faintly. "Why?"

The teenager spoke, her voice cracking and trembling. "I wanted to hear the lecture. I already know so much of it, but I never learned it like this." Rachel winced and closed her eyes. "I haven't seen my dad in ages anyway. Momma never wanted him around, but she didn't keep him away. He stayed away."

"I see. He ever pay child support, Megan?"

"Nope." Megan scoffed and rubbed her cheek with the side of her hand. "Deadbeat stoner. I met him once when momma let me go over to his house to stay the weekend, and he hardly even noticed I was there." Megan shrugged. "I sat there playing a handheld game, complaining about how hungry I was while he ate all the snacks in the cupboard and handed me a slice of bread."

"Wow…"

"Mom never let me go back after that. I never wanted to." Rachel put an arm around Megan's shoulders and shut her eyes as she felt a rush of pain and anger course through her. "Momma told me all about him, all about my birth. I didn't know the specific details though."

Keeping her voice low, she opened her eyes partially and raised her head. "Hard hearing about it through a classroom lecture, isn't it?" Megan nodded and leaned her head against Rachel's shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted you to understand. To know."

"Yeah." She was upset, but not as much as she could have been. On one hand, she hated learning about her birth mother this way; but on the other hand, she would likely have accepted her birth mom less without Jade's lecture. "If it's any consolation, I understand why she gave me up. I don't blame her for it."

"She couldn't have thought she was going to make it out of that mess alive, Rachel."

"No. No she couldn't…" Megan wasn't so different from her. She couldn't help but think they could have made great sisters growing up. The connection was there, and strangely, Rachel felt like that connection had always been there. "You know, we've met before." Megan's brow furrowed and her lips formed a circle.

"Really?"

"One of my earliest memories." Rachel dropped her legs down, laying them straight out in front of them. She dropped her hand and laughed as the memory of going out to the store played in her head. "Dad and I were shopping. This woman with a baby in her cart comes around the aisle and nearly runs into us…"

Megan smiled gently and the mist on her cheeks started to dry beneath the glow of the ceiling lights. "What makes you think that was us?"

"Because while Dad and the woman were exchanging apologies for running into each other, I was playing with the laughing baby in the cart. Then the woman said my name, and rushed off after Dad started asking about it." Years later she talked to him about the memory and he speculated it might have been her birth mom, and that it was just another random encounter.

Megan laughed openly and shook her head. "Wow. You know, I swear my mom wasn't stalking you guys."

"'Our' mom." Megan's eyes opened wide and Rachel smiled briskly. "I still have a lot of questions. Things I don't think Doctor West or my uncle can answer. I don't think they even realize I've already come to the realization I have…"

"Hard not to. You've seen our pictures, and that woman in there has pictures of momma in her slideshow." Rachel paused for a minute, looking over her shoulder at the door. She pushed herself up to her feet, then extended her hand towards Megan.

"Come on." Megan put her hand into Rachel's, willing the girl to pull her up. She put her hand to Megan's back and started walking with her. Her gaze focused on the floor and her mouth was dipped into a small frown. "You know. I knew Dad loved her, I never questioned that. I know he wants to propose."

"He does?"

"Yeah. That's part of what the dinner tonight's about. Part of it…" Megan threw a hand over her mouth and slammed her eyes shut. Rachel cast a sideways glance at her and chuckled. "You didn't know about the dinner plans?"

"No, I knew. I just…I wanted to get the ball rolling."

"Yeah well, the timing is my fault. I finally agreed because I wanted to meet her and wanted to let my Dad know I was okay with the proposal. I want him to be happy, I wanted him to have someone in his life for once." Megan's brow furrowed and she shook her head suddenly.

"Hold on. You knew? You knew about mom? I thought maybe Mr. Oliver pulled you aside at the start of class because you didn't know."

"He pulled me aside to tell me it was going to be about her. He didn't know for sure that I knew. Dad told me who she was, and that he was the one that asked her for coffee. She informed him who she was, and he still wanted to go out with her, so…yeah…their dating had very little to do with me."

"I don't understand." Megan moved forward a couple of steps and turned around, looking with concern into Rachel's gaze. "If you knew, then why did you never meet mom? You've always been busy with schoolwork."

"I was to a point." Rachel locked her wrists behind her back and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "For the longest time, I think I was just upset. Didn't want to accept her, didn't want to trust her…didn't want to meet her. So the times I wasn't busy with something, I would say I was just to avoid seeing her. I didn't want to cause trouble, didn't want to cause drama."

Rachel looked over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes at the door. "So maybe you had something to do with this lecture? If I'm gauging your reactions right. Maybe it's helped me to understand better, to rationalize. Maybe it's answered a few questions. Maybe it's also created more questions…"

Megan bowed her head and moved her right hand to her left arm, holding it firmly. "Both of us were the result of assholes. She kept me. Do you hate me?"

"Why would I?" If anything, she understood Megan more. "I sympathize." Rachel laughed. "I think we would have gotten along pretty well." Megan raised her hand, sweeping her curly bangs from her face with trembling fingertips.

"Really? I've always been the toughest person, and I thought I could be tough listening to that lecture, but I can't…"

"Me too." Rachel crossed her arms. "I know my uncle thinks he's protecting me. I know he's told Doctor West to be soft around some areas. I'm not delicate, I can take it. I might have a hard time, but I can take it. I've had to be strong most of my life, I guess just like you."

"I've been strong for mom. I felt like I had to be." Megan looked up at the classroom door in the distance and chuckled. "You know it was Mr. Oliver that got Mom her job, right?" Rachel smirked, tilting her head to the left.

"Conveniently placing her in my dad's everyday path."

Megan folded her arms, mimicking Rachel's smirk. "He's more of a meddler than I am. He's never stopped trying to make things right for her. I think he's always felt guilty about bullying her when she was in high school, but she doesn't care anymore."

"Good that she's moved on."

"Mom's tired of Jade's lectures too. She says it's at the point where she simply tells Jade to just let her know if she's giving one, then leave it at that. No details, no specifics, nothing." Rachel brushed a finger along her nose, stifling another laugh as the realization dawned on her.

"I guess that means she has no idea Jade's lecturing for my class."

The girls stood in the same posture, both staring with the same expression at the classroom and speaking softly to remain as calm and quiet as they could. "You know what would happen if Mom knew _any_ of this was going on?"

"Storm the fort?"

"Oh yeah. We would be in so much trouble."

"Something tells me Dr. West may be just about done giving these lectures, then." She didn't want to mention the text she received earlier from Jason, letting her know he was heading to his fiancé's workplace and that he was going to chew Beck out later.

Rachel's shoulders dropped and she exhaled from her nostrils. "I'm glad, you know, that she kept you." Megan turned her head up and started to smile. "I was angry for so long, knowing my mom gave me up and didn't even leave information to be found. I couldn't figure out why she didn't want me…hearing about my birth father, and about my step-granddad…She had no choice. She had no real options that she could see. If she kept me, she couldn't protect me, and God only knows what the lunatics might have done to a small baby."

"Mom often said she was afraid David would kill any child she had. There was no way she trusted Marcus enough to not abuse either her or her baby." Rachel's heart sank, and tears started to well up beneath her eyelids. She sucked in a breath of air and blinked multiple times.

"Yeah." Wiping her eyelids, she turned her head away and sighed. "It sounds like by the time she got pregnant with you, she had options. She had her real dad in her life, her stepdad seems to be out of the picture for a little bit. She's got friends too. You were conceived in a time where circumstances were much better. I would be more upset if she gave _you_ up knowing she had the options."

Rachel dusted off her shirt sleeve and looked at Megan's growing smile with a sense of pride and love. "You know Meg, my best friend in there? The one with the Crayola obsession?" Megan laughed, seemingly forgetting about her birth father in the midst of this conversation. A desired effect. "She's pretty damn smart, made her parents proud."

"Oh?"

"She may seem childish and immature, but you'd never guess she skipped two grades. Skipped over the third grade and skipped over the ninth. When Dad started dating our mother, I told Mae who the woman was and she wasn't too surprised. She told me her mom's still friends with her."

"Yeah. They don't see each other often, but they still talk."

"Mae told me her mom was stunned to hear about our friendship getting a start a couple years ago, that she didn't know why at first but she put two and two together when her mother said her friend had given up a baby around the time my dad adopted me."

"I can't help but notice when looking in that classroom. Mae, and that boy in there, seem protective of you."

"My boyfriend? Yeah. Mae and Ryan are well aware who Trina is and they're aware I know Dr. West is lecturing about my mom. They're constantly making sure I'm okay. I might say I'm fine, might say I don't need them babying me, but I'm glad they're there…because I need them to be."

"Yeah, I don't think the lecture's over anytime soon."

"That's why I need them. That's why I'm happy my uncle's here." It was almost too hard to hear about her birth mother, so their presence made it easier. "You don't have to hear it, if it's difficult. You're my sister, so let me take care of you…"

"No. I'll be fine, and I mean it." Megan smiled. "I know the rest of the story. I've lived it, remember."

"I guess you have." Rachel chuckled softly and leaned her head back. "So, one last thing."

"Yeah?"

"Does she ever get happier? Does she ever get better? I know her last name's different…not sure Dr. West is aware of that."

"She does. She gets stronger, and I don't know anyone stronger than my momma."

"She's gone through a lot."

"And she'll go through a lot more." Megan sighed. "I don't consider Sinjin my dad. I consider someone else my dad. So when I say this, I don't talk about Sinjin. My dad passed away a long time ago, collapsing in the back yard while mowing the grass." Rachel cupped her hand over her mouth and a sharp pang struck her heart. "He had an aneurysm in his heart he didn't know about."

"That's in Dr. West's lecture?"

"No. Mr. Oliver might mention it though, since it sounded like he plans to follow up on things later."

"God." Rachel hugged Megan close, patting her back. "I'm so sorry."

"You…don't have to sit through the rest if you don't want to."

"No, I want to. I want to know about my birth mother, there's no skipping out the rest now."

"She can tell you everything."

"I know, but I want to talk to her and understand more."

"Okay…"

"Thanks for your concern though."

"Thanks for coming out and talking to me."

Rachel grinned and looked into the girl's dipped gaze. "You feel better?" Megan sniffed and nodded.

"Much."

"Good. I'll see you later, alright?" Megan raised her eyes and waved goodbye as Rachel turned to run to the classroom. She stopped short of the door, realizing one last question she wanted to ask. "How's her sister, by the way? Do you see your aunt at all?" Megan's smile faded and she shook her head.

"Maybe on holidays, but Mom and Aunt Tori tend to get into an argument about her not caring enough to see her more often. She's doing better mentally than she was when she was younger, but not completely. She lives up in New York, so it's hard to see her more than a couple times a year."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's alright. Aunt Tori kind of makes me nervous when I'm around her. I never cared for the fights."

"Maybe things will improve. For everyone."

"Maybe." Megan smiled again. "Hopefully."

* * *

So, we've made a few discoveries about the present day. What are your thoughts here? Observations of the conversation?


	43. Shock and Awe

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 43 (Shock and Awe)

"This can't be happening." Trina tried to scream but was hyperventilating too much. Her trembling hands bore a utensil that poisoned her eyes and filled her with a fear too great to bear alone. "This cannot happen. This can't. I can't."

Gary managed to get Holly to come over despite David's recent iron-fisted rule of the house. Trina didn't want David knowing what was going on, but she needed her mother above all else. Tori, unfortunately, wasn't allowed to come because David didn't consider Gary her parent and didn't want the girl anywhere near him or Trina.

Cat and Robbie were also there, as it had been hours ago since she made the discovery and she still hadn't thrown the device away. Cat was beside her, her gentle hand rested upon Trina's left shoulder and her right hand was cradling Trina's hands. "Having a baby's nothing to fear, Trina." Tears filled her eyes and flowed down her cheeks like streaks of fire.

"Why? Why can't I have a baby normally for once?" She dropped the pregnancy tester and Cat swooped it up before it hit the ground. "A baby made from love, made from something real and true? Why am I attracted to assholes?" Cat shut her eyes and Robbie chuckled once.

"You're not attracted to assholes," He replied, "You're attracted to nice guys. Lucas, Anthony, and you were attracted to the nice guy Sinjin once was. You're attracted to athletes too. You just happen to have sex with the wrong guys." Cat's eyes shot open and she exclaimed.

"Not helping, Robbie!"

Trina gasped out and hunched forward as her best friend rubbed her back. "He's right. I had sex with Marcus and with Sinjin. I never did with Luke or Tony."

Robbie scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Assholes know how to get into someone's pants faster than nice guys." Cat shouted at him again, but Trina quieted her. Robbie was right, at least that's what she felt. She needed to hear words like this, harsh as they were, rather than to hear honey. Sometimes vinegar was better than honey.

"People like Lucas and Anthony are men more willing to wait," Gary replied, "Guys like that tend to be more respectful and won't push you into something you're not ready for."

She took a deep breath and clenched her eyes, letting her tears splash out. She wanted men like Lucas and Anthony. Men that were respectful and loving, but didn't push for things that she wasn't ready for. "Look at it this way, honey." Holly sat on the other side of her and placed a hand onto Trina's thigh. Trina looked into her mother's eyes with a nervous smile and moved her hands to her stomach. "This will only make you stronger. These men are preparing you for the true man you will eventually fall in love with and marry."

"Funny." She wiped her eyelid and started to chuckle. "I feel like I've only met boys. The only man I seem to know that's able to be mature and take responsibility is the one that adopted Rachel, and I don't even know the guy…"

"I'm sorry you're hurting baby. I wish I could take this pain from you." Holly hugged her close, and Trina hugged her back. She was happy her mom was here. The woman had to be suffering from everything else, so for her to come out and be there for her was remarkable and something of an inspiration to her. "You've got your dad and best friends, and you've got me. Don't think you're alone…"

"Whatever you decide to do, we're here for you." Gary's voice was quiet, but it seemed to rise above everyone else and shattered in Trina's ears like a booming drum. "That child inside you needs a home." Trina furrowed her brow and looked down to her abdomen with a stuttering whimper.

"No." She couldn't give this one up. Not after she gave up Rachel. "I can't go through that pain again. I just can't." Maybe before, she had no options that she could see. "I thought it was best to give my baby up, I thought neither of us would survive if I kept her. I won't give this one up." Gary smiled and reached over, cupping her hand and squeezing it.

"I'm proud of you." There was a glimmer in his eyes that comforted her and helped her to relax. "You will be able to do this. You have help, so don't think you don't." She sniffled and looked back at Holly.

"I don't want David to know I'm pregnant. I don't want him knowing I have a child." She was terrified he might try to do something. "He's tried so many times to ruin my life, I can only imagine what he'd do to my baby." Holly's lips tightened and the woman stared at her for half a minute before nodding.

"I understand. He won't know so long as I can keep him from knowing."

"Thanks mom." She leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "Thank you so much."

Several days passed before she was able to get up and leave the house. Things were chaotic now with the job she had, the pregnancy, and trying to focus on college. As she walked along the streets, she saw a large martial arts studio. Intrigued, she approached it and put her hands to the glossy windows, making it easier to peer inside.

Trina smiled when she saw him: Jason was wrapped in a full black _Gi_ with a black-belt. His expression was serious and his gaze sharp, and sweat glistened on his face and portion of his chest where the _Gi_ was open.

As he practiced, there beside him was a young child with straight chin-length brown hair. Trina's heart skipped a beat and she pressed her right hand flat on the window while dropping her left hand to her stomach. Rachel had chestnut brown eyes and a V shaped face framed by her hair. She was mimicking her dad's movements, and Trina could see in the child's eyes a look of excitement.

"That's your sister," Trina whispered while looking to her belly. Her tears returned and her voice cracked. "In there with that beautiful man raising her." She couldn't help but wonder what his degree was in, or if he was done with college, what his career was. He seemed to be able to afford martial arts classes for himself and his daughter.

That he did this only attracted her more, but she knew she couldn't approach him.

Suddenly, a sight caught her off guard: Beck was in the room. He wasn't practicing, but in denim jeans and a leather jacket. He was watching Jason and Rachel with a smile, and his lips were moving.

Intrigued and curious as to what Beck was doing there, Trina walked into the dojo and kept herself out of sight should anyone approach her. _"He better not be telling Jason anything about me."_ She narrowed her eyes and kept her back turned, posturing with a group of students.

The students didn't seem to mind her. Her current outfit wasn't too different, though not a martial arts _Gi._ She had a purple sports bra and track pants, a common jogging outfit that some people just starting martial arts might wear. Fortunately she remembered enough from her teen years to stretch and perform a few basic moves.

Her back was turned and she was within earshot. "What makes you think I want anything to do with a kid my dad had from an affair?" Jason asked. Trina raised an eyebrow and turned her head slightly. "That sounds wrong, I know, but you've kind of dropped in unexpectedly."

"I know man." Beck ran his hand over the back of his neck and sighed. "I just want to know who you are." Beck glanced at the child now hugging Jason's leg and smiled. "That's your daughter?" Jason glanced down and a look of pride glistened in his eyes. "She looks so familiar…"

"Yeah. I adopted her. Someone brought her to me. She's a blessing. Everything I do, I do for this little girl." Rachel looked up to her father and giggled. Trina's heart jumped and she gasped out. One of the students near her looked over and she quickly moved a hand to her stomach.

"Sorry," she whispered, "Pregnant." It was too soon for any contractions, but the student nodded as though believing this to be the reason for her sudden cry.

"I won't turn you away." Jason rubbed his neck with a towel and crossed his arms. He wasn't much taller than Beck, yet he appeared to tower over the guy like a skyscraper. "But now's not the best time to reconnect with a brother I never knew I had."

"I know man. I know it's sudden, I never really knew much about you either until my dad told me a while ago."

"Oh? Whatever happened to your mom?"

"She um…left…a long time ago." Beck rolled his eyes and bowed clenched his fists at his waist. "She was actually a prostitute." He and Jason looked to Rachel, but the girl was crouching and focused on tying her shoe. "I tried to talk to my girlfriend about all this but, you know, she doesn't understand."

"Won't listen?"

"No." Beck's eyes shot up. "Long story."

Trina moved her hand to her chest and looked up with shock. She couldn't fathom what she was hearing, and wanted to know more. "So your 'dad' raised you? Who was he, if your mom was you know?" Beck ran his hand across his neck and chuckled uneasily.

"That's, um, hard to say." Beck dropped his hand and crossed his arms. "Jade says it 'explains everything' with me, but she's joking when she says it…I think…" Jason's eyebrow rose and Beck shrugged. "The man that raised me was formerly a pi-" Beck stopped and Jason raised his hand, silencing him.

Trina's hand constricted around her shirt and her eyes bulged from the sockets. _"Pimp? Beck's adoptive father used to be a fucking pimp?"_ If Jade honestly joked about that affecting Beck, or was remotely serious in any way, then the girl had a huge problem.

"Your girl joked about that, dude? Really?"

"I don't know if she even heard me when I talked about it." Beck leaned against a wall and picked up a water bottle. "She's real paranoid. Constantly accuses me of cheating on her, but I've never actually given cheating a thought. I'm a one woman man."

Just then a woman walked by, looking sideways at Beck. She had long sandy blonde hair in a ponytail that swung as she walked and a plain, yet attractive look. She was well toned and had a red belt tied around her _Gi._ "Sounds like a toxic relationship," the woman remarked while passing the man. Beck raised an eyebrow and looked at her, watching as she walked.

Trina couldn't help but watch as well. The girl was a little taller than she was, had a soft face and warm blue eyes with dimples in her cheeks. She was attractive, and by the looks of it, Beck's curiosity was piqued.

"Sorry," Beck said with an awkwardness, "I really shouldn't be talking about all this in public."

"You shouldn't." The woman turned her lips into a smirk and extended her hand. "Melanie. You want some advice?" Beck shook her hand, then scoffed.

"On what?"

"Don't waste your time on a woman that doesn't respect you as a man or treat you like one." Beck raised his eyebrows and started to huff.

"Honestly? I care about her but that relationship-"

"Sounds like she doesn't give you the time of day. Even my sister, for as rough as she may be, has managed to start treating her lover with respect and like a man. You should tell your girl to treat you right and pay attention to you, or you're done. See where her loyalty is."

"Yeah, but…"

"If it were me, I wouldn't question every single time you talked to another woman. It's just not right, and it speaks of trust problems on her end."

"Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate," Jason said as he pat Beck on the shoulder. "Come on, I'll buy you a drink sometime."

"Sure." Beck smiled warily and watched as Jason walked out the door. Melanie walked off in another direction and Beck started to sigh.

Just then, the students Trina had been hiding amongst separated. She tried to follow, but froze on the spot as Beck's gaze fell upon her. "The hell?" He walked towards her, raising an eyebrow. "Trina? What are you doing here?"

"Nothing." She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms, trying to deflect the conversation. "What are you doing here?"

"That's a bit personal. Wait…" He squinted and looked at the door. "That girl. Looks just like you…" His voice caught in his throat and his eyes grew large. "Oh god. Did he adopt your child?"

She dropped her arms and sighed. There was no point in hiding it if he suspected, she now needed to ensure he said nothing. "Yes, but he doesn't know who I am and neither does she." Beck shut his eyes and pulled his hand to his forehead. "So don't go talking about it, okay? Please? I really don't want to cause any trouble for him…"

"I won't say anything, don't worry." Beck groaned. "I can't believe. God."

"Tell me about it." She rolled her eyes and turned away from him. It was a lot to swallow that he was Jason's brother, but she was going to have to accept this. "So…I guess you and Jade are on the rocks right now?"

"Yeah, but I think we both can see the end coming. At least, if she doesn't see it, she's about to." He crossed his arms and shook his head. "Look, I don't want to talk about her. I have to focus on other things right now."

"I get it. Take it easy, Beck."

"You too, Trina. I promise I won't say anything to Jason about your child."

"Thanks…"

Later, she stood in the parking lot of the probation department, biding her time before going in. She had much to tell Lizzie and felt more like running away than going in. She looked at the doors and smiled as a man left the building.

He wore a leather jacket over a blue t-shirt that was halfway tucked into a pair of long denim jeans. His chin was covered with stubble and his dark brown eyes flashed out across the lot. He had dark brown hair that splashed out in waves past his chin.

Tucked under his left arm was a red motorcycle helmet with a black visor. When she turned her head, she saw a dark red Harley with chrome strips. Her heart jumped a moment and she walked towards the motorcycle as the man walked up. "'Sup?" The man asked, raising a bushy eyebrow.

"This is a nice bike. My dad has one similar." There was a round trunk attached to the back of the bike, and on it were stickers from marathons. Intrigued, she swept her hand over her ear and hummed. "You're a marathon runner?"

"Yep." He chuckled softly and tossed a leg over the bike. "Kind of a strain, but I enjoy it. You should see the mountain bike I've got."

"Wow. Athletic, huh?"

"Yeah." The man pat his chest twice. "Big time. Swim league and basketball back in high school. Weightlifting too."

"Sweet." She extended a hand. "Name's Trina, what's yours? How come you're on probation?"

The man turned the handlebar on his bike and sighed. "Got arrested for beating a guy stalking my girlfriend." He pulled a pair of black shades from inside his helmet and put them on over his eyes. "I'm in for assault. What's a woman like you doing on probation?" Trina chuckled softly.

"Same thing. Protecting my mom and sister from a drunk father."

"Damn." He shook her hand and looked up at her. "Anyway. Name's Jesse. Good to meet you. Maybe I'll see you around, you might like meeting Sasha."

"That's your girl?"

"Yep. You seem like a nice woman like her. She could use a new friend. She's shy. New to this town, she could use a few friends to get her out and about."

"Yeah. Sure." She crossed her arms and smiled as Jesse put on his helmet, revved his bike and waved her goodbye before taking off. She raised her hand to her chin and bit the corner of her lips. Her heart was beating heavily in her and she couldn't keep from watching as this mysterious man faded in the distance. She hoped she'd see him around more, though wasn't sure what the pull to him was.

"Damn…"

* * *

Something tells me we may be seeing that mystery man and his girl again, but is he trouble or a good soul? Who knows? We've made a huge discovery about Beck here, and what of that girl? Will she be around too? So much going on in this chapter, what are your thoughts on it all?


	44. The Art of Letting Go

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 44 (Art of Letting Go)

The time that passed made her a little stronger through her pregnancy. Scared as she was, she was confident she would be okay. She'd made new friends, and wound up dating another good man for a short period of time. "Jack was a decent man," Trina informed Lizzie and Jade, "But I think once my baby girl was born, he realized he wasn't ready for that."

Lizzie and Jade were gazing in wonder at the baby Trina was holding onto. She was a small child with golden peach fuzz at the top of her head and bright blue eyes. Trina had her wrapped up in a pink blanket which the baby's tiny fingers gripped the edges of. "Some people just aren't ready for that responsibility," Lizzie said, "But at least it wasn't a bad breakup, right?"

"Right." She gazed at her daughter full of love. "I'd do anything for Megan. Jack did want to help out somehow. He wanted to try to be there for her, but he just wasn't ready for a baby." She swayed Megan gently in her arms, grinning as the child cooed. "Two months old and so precious."

"How has she affected you?" Jade asked. Lizzie turned her head, glancing at Jade with a soft smile. Over time the officer was used to Jade opening up and asking questions during the observations. Of course, there were times that Lizzie would have Jade actually oversee office visits, but that was for the easier clients.

Trina was one of those now. A level four. Level four meant she needed fewer, if none, field visits and didn't have to come in to the office every single month. "I want to work harder than ever to get my life on track, so I can give her a good life." She leaned over, kissing the infant's soft forehead gently. "I love this little girl…" She moved upright, laughing gently. "But you should see my dad. His eyes light up like the Fourth of July anytime he holds his granddaughter."

"What about your mom?"

"Mom?" Trina frowned and started to sigh. "She tries her best to come over and see Megan. She loves her grandbaby to bits, but David's cracked down harder in recent months. I'm getting really scared for them, but I know there's nothing I can do but sit and wait. Hope."

"You haven't tried to go get them out?"

"She can't," Lizzie remarked. The older woman straightened her arms across the table, lacing her fingertips together and stretching them. "Both have restraining orders against the other, though hers is stronger against him because he's been shown to be the greater threat." Trina dropped her gaze and shook her head.

"Besides, I have to think about myself and my little girl. I don't want David doing anything to her, and I won't do anything to risk her safety." Jade nodded slowly and pursed her lips.

"Sinjin. Have you seen him around lately?" Her forehead tensed and the corners of her mouth indented her cheeks.

"No." She was quick and curt. No part of her wanted anything to do with him anymore. "He's made no attempt to come around, no attempt to react to child support. There's nothing. We have no idea where he is."

"So then, how is income? Are you able to get by?"

"Trying to." She flipped her head, flinging her hair over her shoulder, and leaned to the right. "I'm working part time at the bakery now and have a full work-study job in the academic learning center. Robbie put a good word in for me to Jared." Jared was the supervisor there, and he was happy to have her help. "I'm a great typist, and I'm always eager to work."

"How many hours do you get at each?"

"Not much at the bakery. Just weekends now. Two to nine on weekdays at the learning center. Classes are going extremely well, and I'm able to study at the job with Jared." It was what work-study was created for, to give students income and allow them the space to study when they needed to. "I don't even have to take Megan to daycare, because Dad loves watching her."

"That's great news."

She beamed with pride and rocked Megan again in her arms as the girl began cooing again. "I'm also eligible for Medicaid, and I can get some scholarships now. I think everything's going to be okay financially at least." Jade and Lizzie flashed a smile and Trina breathed a happy sigh. "It's still hard emotionally, but better."

"What's difficult?"

"Sometimes I have nightmares, but they're a world less frequent now. They only come when I've been really stressed with work and school. I'm still afraid of David coming around, I'm afraid of messing up."

She was a new mom as well, so it terrified her that she wouldn't be able to do right by Megan. All she could do was try and be the best mom she could be, but there were still times she didn't know if she was doing enough.

"There are times I wish I could have my mom around to help. Sometimes I look up and I wonder what I'm doing." She chuckled softly and smiled when she saw Megan's beautiful blue eyes watching her closely. "I can't stand Sinjin for what he did to me, but I don't care anymore. I don't let it stick with me. I can't. I don't regret Megan for a single second. She's my everything now, and I have to be the best person I can be for her. For myself. If I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of her."

Lizzie chuckled and shook her head. "Sometimes I wonder why you're still on probation." Trina closed her eyes and raised her shoulders as Lizzie turned to her computer. "Then I remember how harshly you were sentenced."

"Yeah." She took a deep breath and moved Megan to the carriage beside her. "I made some new friends too. Jesse and Sasha." Lizzie's eyebrows rose and she started to smile. "I mean, I know Jesse's on probation, but he doesn't seem so bad."

"He's a good guy. Also one of my clients. Like you, one of my better ones. I can't discuss his situation, obviously, nor is it within my ability to tell you who you can or can't be friends with. Only advise you. If you're friends with him and with his girlfriend, then I think that's as good a friendship as any."

"Great." The news was bliss to hear, because she'd been afraid to be told not to talk to others on probation. Jesse wasn't a criminal like most. From what they talked about, he had made some mistakes in the past, mostly under the controlling hand of his own father, but those days were gone. "We're kind of similar in some ways, so I'm happy about the friendship."

"Similar how?"

"Like, we both have a father that's terrible. Step-dad for me, bio dad for him." Lizzies shut her eyes and nodded briefly. "Sasha's terrified of his dad. She didn't have a lot of friends to talk to either, so she was dealing with that too."

"She's shy, isn't she?"

"Really shy, but I like to think I'm helping her out of her shell a little."

"Good." Lizzie set her pen down onto her notebook and Jade's eyes lit up with joy and eagerness. "You're doing extremely well, Trina. Staying away from negative people and influences. Staying away from alcohol and drugs. How are you dealing with your past?"

"Okay, I guess." She glanced at Jade. "I've started to really forgive. I mean, I've seen how holding onto the pain has been really keeping me from moving forward, being the stable person I want to be." Jade closed her eyes and bowed her head, breathing softly. "Cat and Robbie are my best friends now. Beck comes around once in a while, he seems to always feel guilty even when I tell him I'm moving past that. He seems to want to make things right, tries to help where I don't need his help."

Jade raised her head up and opened her eyes partially. "Why has he been doing that?"

"Guilt, Jade, guilt." Trina exhaled and leaned forward, clasping her hands together. "You need to get out of your head that Beck is going to cheat on you. It's not helping you, and it's sure as hell not doing favors for him. There's no trust. You know he's never cheated on you, so why in the hell have you always been so paranoid?"

Lizzie smirked and turned her chair towards Jade. She perched her elbow on the table and raised her hand, bending her thumb under her cheek and tapping her temple with her forefinger. "That is a good question." Jade's eyebrows moved up and her eyes moved from Trina to Lizzie, then back.

"I-" Her breath caught in her throat and she quickly cleared it away. "I don't know. It's just my personality."

"Whatever it is, it led to your maltreatment of Trina and others in your highschool. This paranoia that you have. I don't think Trina's ever understood it, and from the sound of it, your boyfriend's gotten sick of it."

"He complains more that I work too much and don't give him attention. I have to focus. I've always had a lingering depression. Some days I'm up, some I'm down. Manic." Jade took another deep breath and growled. "I'm bipolar. I'm trying to get better, trying to get help."

Jade straightened her back, arching it and rolling her shoulders inwards. "I've accused Beck of cheating because I never thought he really wanted to be with me, I always thought he would leave me for the first thing to walk across the floor. I attacked anyone and anything I saw a threat."

Trina moved her eyebrows together and parted her lips, feeling a sting of sorrow as she watched the tears glisten in Jade's eyes. "When I was a child, my parents put me on behavior altering drugs like Ritalin, which only made me act up more. I got put in behavioral classes with students that I called freaks." Jade moved her hand to her chest and scoffed. "I know it's wrong now, but back then, all I knew how to make myself feel better and not feel like one of them was to put them down. It was a defensive mechanism, and it was wrong."

Lizzie pulled her hand away and rolled her head to the side, frowning deeply. "And are you getting help for it now, Jade?"

"Yes. My dad's set me up with a therapist, and I've been taking some medication for bipolar depression. Lately, I put everything into work. That's the only way I know to make sure I'm in control of myself."

Trina stood slowly and walked over, placing a hand onto Jade's shoulder. The girl raised her head and she smiled sadly. "Slow down, Jade. Pace yourself. I've learned to do it. You're going to have hard times, but you know what you shouldn't do."

"Yeah, now." Jade clenched her eyes and sharpened the tone of her voice. "You think Beck feels guilty? Try being where I sit, seeing someone you bullied so much where you are. Knowing it's your fault."

Trina breathed in deep and cleared her throat. "Not your fault." Jade's eyes rolled open and she gasped out, dropping her head down. "You caused me a lot of grief, made me think about ending it once or twice, but you were only a small part of what the problem was. My stepdad was the problem. He caused the pain and suffering, he caused the anguish. You only amplified it."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

"I know. Sometimes you need to hear vinegar instead of honey, though." Trina lifted her head, chuckling to herself as moisture rolled away from her eyes. "You need to know and understand what you put people like me through, and you do know. You need to remember, so you learn from it and grow. So you don't do it again. Then, you need to forgive yourself and move on, because if you don't, it'll eat away at you until you do."

"But you don't hate me?"

Her eyebrows twitched and she stared down as if contemplating. She could see the anguish in Jade's eyes, the dilemma and pain that tore the girl apart, and she knew holding onto the past had done little favors for her as it had done for herself. "No point in hating you anymore." Jade started to pout and cast a look of confusion and disbelief on her. "I wish I could say I hate David, but I know I need to move on."

She removed her hand from Jade's shoulder and looked at her child in the carriage. Megan was asleep, her tiny nostrils swept in and out with a near unnoticeable motion. "I've got more important things I need to worry about. I need to be stronger for her. I'm learning to be a mother. I don't have time for pain or hate."

Trina looked back at the girl. Her heart was bursting and every ounce of her body was screaming, as though the world were crushing down upon her. She was ready to let it go. "I'm releasing it, Jade. I'm releasing you." In that moment, the weight seemed to fall like shackles, and a rush of release and calmness washed over her like the wave of an ocean.

Jade let out a single sobbing breath and leaned forward, uttering under her breath. "Thank you." Lizzie smiled as Jade wiped away the tears in her eyes.

"You're growing into a fine woman," Lizzie said, "I think you will be a wonderful mother."

"I hope do. I'm terrified of doing something wrong."

"Take it a day at a time. That's the best advice I can give you. That, and love your child."

"Thanks." Trina looked to the clock, eager to leave. She had things she wanted to get done. "Is my session about over? Sasha and I are going shopping together." It was more browsing, since Trina didn't plan on buying anything, but she knew Sasha probably wanted to get something.

"Yeah." Lizzie exhaled. "We're done here. I've got you down for your next appointment, so we'll be seeing you then. I hope everything stays well for you, Trina." Trina picked up Megan's carriage and thanked the woman, then waved goodbye to Jade.

She meant every word she spoke, and only hoped Jade understood and heard. The woman needed to grow like she was doing, because life wasn't ever easy, and hard times almost always came along with the good.

For Trina, she already knew Beck was as good as done. He'd gone into police academy, training to be an officer of the law. The last Trina saw of him, since he was still friends with Robbie, he was complaining about how Jade didn't even care that he wanted to go into the same basic field as she was.

It wouldn't be long at all before he broke up with her, and it was going to hit her hard. Trina didn't want to be there to see that meltdown.

* * *

So we've learned something here, and a major breakthrough has been made. Trina herself seems to be growing into a woman, letting go of that girl she once was. We're seeing the beginnings of the woman she will become, perhaps the woman she is in the present day. Hell, next chapter, we'll see her present day style coming in, haha. Sounds also like she's become friends with Jesse and Sasha. Tell me...who here has read _"Autumn Leaves"_? Some things about characterization and perhaps some events may be a tad similar, but that's all I'm going to say.


	45. New and Improved: Trina Duex

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: This is also a kind of connected chapter to the last, so I feel I should put this up now.

* * *

Chapter 45 (New and Improved)

A young, vivacious woman spun around while holding up a long red dress to her chest. Her long red hair flowed over her shoulders and in front of her hazel eyes. "It's so beautiful!" Trina sat in front of her and next to Jesse, who was applauding the dress with his girlfriend.

The girls had pulled him along for another one of their shopping days because Sasha wanted to try on some outfits, and Trina knew the girl wanted her boyfriend there to make her feel beautiful in every single one.

"It looks perfect on you," he commented, "They all do. Still not buying every single one, but they all look great." Trina snickered at him, watching him roll his eyes. She knew of the toll it had on him, since he was a man. Most men didn't want to be waiting while their significant other tried on fifty pairs of shoes and fifty articles of clothing.

Sasha held it up closer to her neck and pouted her lip. "You'd buy it because you love me?" Jesse's smile grew, breaking through the tough guy exterior. He rose up and put his hands to her waist, kissing the top of her forehead.

"Yeah sure, of course I would. Depending on the price." Trina admired him greatly, since he seemed to be a great man. She also liked having the couple around Megan, both of them lit up when they got a chance to hold the baby. Now he did have his flaws, like being cheap when it came to money. He held onto his money tighter than a steel trap.

Sasha put dress back on its hanger and then the rack. She was glowing with radiant energy, and Trina thrilled at seeing the joy Sasha was having. Jesse got it too. It wasn't about the dresses or the shoes, or buying everything in the store, it was about spending time with the people who care about you.

"Oh Trina! You know what would look great on you?" Trina raised an eyebrow as Sasha grabbed her hand and yanked her from the bench. "Come with me." As she walked swiftly, she couldn't help but marvel at how little Sasha's shyness was affecting her anymore. She had her moments, mostly around larger crowds, but among friends it was hard to tell it existed.

"What do you have in mind?" They left the department store and hurried to another shop down the mall. Trina noticed the sign and hesitated in her step. "Is that a suit shop? Really?"

She liked looking at suits, and enjoyed seeing a sharp-dressed person the same as anyone, but she never really bothered with suits before. "I saw the perfect thing in here the other day."

Trina looked back for Jesse and pulled when she didn't see him. Sasha followed her gaze and shrugged. "He'll catch up."

She nodded slowly and followed the woman to the back of the store, where a large, dark purple suit hung on the wall. "Whoa." She reached up, touching the sleeve between her finger and thumb. The velvet fabric was soft and warm, and the shoulders looked strong with the padding underneath.

The light from above framed the suit, giving it an almost angelic white glow. The dress shirt underneath was navy blue silk, with a pointed collar and long sleeves with buttoned cuffs.

The slacks felt like silk as well, pleasing to her fingertips, giving a shuddering sensation as she ran them down the slacks.

"You like it?"

Trina's eyes lit up with bliss and desire. "Oh baby. Mama like." Sasha removed it from the rack and laughed jovially.

"Come on, try it on. I work at the mall, so if you want it, I get a discount on everything." Her mouth started to water as she watched Sasha carry the suit towards the fitting room. "I just thought, purple seems like your color. It's not so much purple as it is Sangria. You know, different shades of purple."

"Uh huh." She smacked her lips and reached out to touch the suit. "Keep talkin'. You're about to become my best friend of all time." Sasha laughed again and handed the suit over.

She never would have guessed Sasha to be so big on fashion, what with her knowing the various shades of colors that Trina never gave much thought to. "Okay here," Sasha continued to laugh and pushed her towards the fitting room. "I know the perfect accessory to go with that suit too. Trina, I'm about to give you a makeover, I hope you're prepared for this."

"Oh good god."

It didn't take her long to change into the blazer, but when she got it on, she felt a rush of confidence like she'd never felt before. She pulled her arms back and swept them forward, breaking herself into the suit with a proud smirk.

When she turned to face the mirror, she ran her hands along the outfit, feeling every smooth curve and detail framed within. "Oh yeah." She chuckled softly and wagged her eyebrows. "Fine as wine." She didn't feel herself, but it was a good feeling. She felt empowered, confident, and happy.

The door flew open and she let out a shriek as a golden chain necklace wrapped around her neck. At the bottom was a small oval shaped pendant with a diamond glistening under the light. "Diamond?" She looked back and Sasha grinned.

"Lucky. I went for your birthstone. You were born in April, and Diamond is the April birthstone." Trina cupped her hand over it and felt a redness come over her face. "Anyway, I could tell you were in love with the outfit, so I went ahead and purchased it."

"What?" Her eyes grew large as saucers and her jaw fell open. "Oh my god. Sasha, you didn't. How much!" She didn't want her friends spending too much on her, especially not like this. "I appreciate the thought, but you didn't have to."

"I wanted to." Sasha shrugged. "Besides, it's not much. I told you, I work for the mall. My mom is one of the top managers here, so we make enough to afford things. Not to mention the discount we get on items."

"God." She dropped her hand to her chest and sighed. "You're going to give me a heart attack one of these days, Sasha."

"Yeah, well." Sasha tugged on the shoulder pads and adjusted the shirt collar, making it a bit straighter. "You're a good friend to have, so it's the least I can do to say thanks for being my friend here." Trina smiled back at her and lowered her hand.

"Aw."

"Mom transferred here a while back, and besides meeting Jesse in college, I just haven't been able to make friends. Too scared, so thanks."

"You will never have to buy my friendship, okay?" Trina hugged her. "Thank you for the suit, so long as you know your friendship is important to me too." Sasha closed her eyes and hummed.

After several seconds, the girl piped up and started to reach for her hair. "Right, we need to fluff out your hair a bit. Do you like it to be in a ponytail, a bun, or just long and flowing?"

"Um…." Trina looked at herself once more in the mirror, tapping her chin as she visualized each. She liked to put her hair up in a ponytail, but that was more for relaxing days or when she went to work out. "I like ponytails, but let's try the adult lawyer look."

"Okay, so fluffed and framing your shoulders?"

"Sure."

"Come with me." Once more she was tugged and pulled by Sasha, moving almost involuntarily along with the girl's speed. Sasha sat her down on a bench in front of a mirror and pulled a hairbrush from her purse. "You don't need the tags anymore on the suit, since I just bought it, so we can take these off." Trina flinched as Sasha yanked the tags away from her.

Then she watched in the mirror as Sasha brushed her hair. She dropped her eyes to the pendant necklace and cupped her hand over it, grinning as she ran her thumb along the gem. "I've never had a friend like you either, Sasha. Cat's my best friend, and she's sweet, but you're definitely different than anyone I've met. Still, the two of you would get along great."

"I wouldn't mind meeting her one day." Sasha looked up at the mirror and her mouth formed a circle. "I mean, I'm nervous around people I don't know, but if it's someone you or Jesse know then fine."

It didn't take long before her hair was given a touch of poof and it curved over her cheek and along her neck. It hugged the tops of her shoulders and curled at the bottom.

"Beautiful." Trina worried if she grinned any further, her face would freeze. But then, freezing with a wide grin wasn't so terrible. "Sasha, thank you."

"Not done yet." Trina raised her eyebrows and the girl started applying some blush to her cheeks. "A hint of blush, since I know you're not big on makeup. A little eyeshadow and eyeliner never killed anyone either."

"Yeah uh, I try to keep it as natural as possible these days."

When she was younger, makeup was a huge thing for her. She absolutely had to have as much of it on her at all times, but nowadays she'd grown to love the simpler things and felt like putting on too much makeup was a stroke of immaturity.

"Don't worry, it's not much at all." She leaned back and closed her eyes, letting Sasha do her work. It took a bit, but when the girl was done, Trina was eager to see how it turned out.

She opened her eyes and let out a startled gasp when she saw her face in the mirror. "You like it?" She couldn't believe how toned down the makeup application was. Her face looked soft and supple, with a very light peach blush. She had tanned eye shadow matching her face, and some eyeliner and eyelash work that made her chestnut brown eyes pop.

"You've done excellent work."

"You'd be surprised how much you learn to do when you're the only child of a single working, wealthy mom that never comes around." Sasha frowned and Trina felt her heart began to sink. The girl cleared her throat and shook her head. "Never mind that, though."

"Remind me not to be like that with my daughter…"

"Yeah."

They made their way out of the department store where Jesse was waiting for them, since Sasha texted him to not bother them until they were done. He was holding the red dress that Sasha was fawning over before.

Sasha's eyes lit up when she saw it, and she ran over to throw her arms around his neck. Trina was impressed by the gesture, since many men wouldn't do this. She couldn't help but to feel a pull towards him, but she knew better than to let a brief attraction become anything more when it was a man already with someone.

Jesse glanced at her and he looked like he was staring down the headlights of a bus coming at him. "Whoa." His eyebrows pushed up and he looked up and down her suit. "Damn, you look stunning. I see Sasha got to work on you."

"Yeah." She spread her arms out, chuckling softly as Sasha beamed with pride. "I can't help but to love the outfit. I mean hell, I feel great."

Sasha nodded again and hurried over to her, holding up her new dress. "We should all go to an elegant diner somewhere and dine with our new outfits." Trina's eyebrows lifted and her eyes closed.

"A little much, Sasha, but sure. I mean who wouldn't enjoy eating out somewhere nice?"

"I know this really elegant matinee cinema." Sasha raised her hand and waved it. "Formal wear only, the food might be a little on the pricey side but it's totally worth it."

"Well." Jesse crossed his arms and smirked. "It could be fun." Sasha jerked her head back and looked at her boyfriend with bewilderment.

"Really? You never want to spend money needlessly. You'd be the first to shoot that idea down. What's changed?"

"I just like seeing you happy."

"Thanks." Sasha tucked a fingernail over her lip and furrowed her brow. "Except the theater is reservation only, so it takes a while. I mean like, maybe a month or two…but it's worth it. I could make a reservation if you guys were up to it."

Trina swept her arms out and looked at Jesse with a tiny smile. "What could possibly go wrong?" Jesse put his hand to his stomach and cringed, laughing to himself.

"Oh don't say that. Anytime someone says that, something goes wrong."

"Well." She flashed a toothy grin. "We could run into my stepdad there."

"Or my dad. God knows how quickly he could end a great night."

Sasha was watching them, listening in with annoyance in her eyes. "That settles it." She stepped between them and cleared her throat. "We are going to that matinee, and we are going to have a good time. No thinking about either of those assholes or anything negative." Sasha snapped her fingers and pointed to Jesse. "Now, we just have to find a nice tux for you…"

"What?" His shoulders fell and he started to frown. "I have suits."

"Yeah but they're cheap and old. You need something new, something clean and fresh. Something hot." Sasha blinked twice and pointed at Trina. "And _you_ need a date."

Her heart stopped and she started to cough. "What? Me? No, I think I'm fine."

"I don't want you feeling like a third wheel. Maybe we should introduce you to Jesse's friend, Tyler?"

"I'm okay, thanks."

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

* * *

Looks like the physical transformation, growing from the young girl to the adult woman that she will soon become


	46. Collision

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 46 (Shopping Collision)

Given her new friend's fashion taste, Trina started wearing more comfortable clothing that fit the style of an adult woman. Currently in the grocery store, she was proudly wearing a comfortable dark blue cashmere sweater with her sleeves bunched at the elbows, and long form fitting jeans. She also had a similar fabric jacket, same color, hanging loose and open over her shirt. She had on black pointed shoes with a slightly raised heel, and a shiny bracelet just below a gold brass watch-both items were gifts from Sasha.

She looked down at the baby in the small baby chair, looking up at her with a wide-eyed smile. "I so look like a mother, don't I?" She chuckled softly and closed her eyes. "I know, I know, I'm your momma." She was the proudest now than she'd ever been in her life, and her clothes helped her to feel just as confident and great.

Her posture was erect, shoulders broadened and her gait was wide. Her long, fluffy hair bounced on her back with each step, giving it a wavy brown waterfall appearance. "Alright Megan sweetie, let's check our grocery list."

She grabbed the notepad next to the baby seat and hummed as she read over it. "Eggs. Got that. Milk, got it. Cereal, check. Baby food, okay. We need some chicken breast, canned veggies, broccoli, cheese, bread…"

This was a big thing for her. She was finally renting her own place. Of course, she was paying rent to her dad, but it still bore the same effect. She was learning responsibility and craving every bit of it.

Looking up, she saw Beck standing at the meats section. Surprised, she set down her notepad and began moving towards him. "Beck. Hey, fancy meeting you here." He raised his head and flashed a smile.

"Hey Trina, how's it going?"

"Pretty good. I'm getting some shopping done. You wouldn't believe all the things I need to grab."

"Yeah, I don't have much." As she thought about Jade, she snapped her fingers and started to ask how that situation was going. Beck frowned at her and shook his head. "It's over. It's been over for a while now. We broke up about five months ago." She reeled her head back and raised her eyebrows; it had been so long yet she'd not heard anything about it from Jade.

"Strange. She doesn't seem to say anything about it."

"Or course not." He rolled his eyes and turned back to the meats. "At most, she said 'okay' and muttered something about me finding someone better than her." He ran his hand over the back of his neck and looked back at Trina. "I think it hit her that I was breaking up a few days later, because I got a text from her telling me I was an asshole."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing, and yet, she knew it had been a long time coming. There wasn't much she could say in the way of comfort, especially as everyone knew it was going to happen. "I'm sorry, Beck. I hope you do find someone deserving." She squinted, curious if this already happened, given how popular he'd been in the past. "Have you?"

Beck lifted up a small package of smoked ham, inspecting it for a minute. "Not really." He tossed the ham into his cart and pressed his lips together. "Single for five months, recuperating." She nodded her head and looked down at Megan tirelessly. "My brother and I have been getting along well, and he's trying to set me up with someone. So, I guess I will have a date next week…"

"Who is it? Are you ready to date again?"

"No." Beck shrugged and let his shoulders fall. "But if I don't try to get back in, I probably never will. It's been so long, I don't even know how to date or be happy again." Beck gripped the handlebar of his shopping cart and looked into Trina's eyes. "You remember that girl at the martial arts studio Jason was practicing at a long time ago?"

Squinting, Trina could make out a face, but not much else. It had been so long that she'd forgotten who was there. "Not entirely, no." Beck hummed and looked down the side of the aisles.

"Yeah. Melanie. Jason's setting me on a date with her. Not sure if I want to go out with anyone right now, and he said she's willing to take it slow." Beck glanced at her with a wry smile and a gleam of light flashed in his eyes. "If it works out, who knows, maybe I'll make it up to him one day and set him up with someone." Trina raised an eyebrow and Beck laughed. "God knows he can't possibly stay a bachelor and raise a daughter without a mom, right?"

"I'm sure he could do that just fine…"

"Sure." Beck scratched his chin and furrowed his brow. "What do you think of Jason anyway?" She craned her neck, suspicious of the question.

"Excuse me?"

He waved his hand in the air. "I mean, he's adopted your daughter. You must have some thoughts about him."

"I don't." It was a lie, which her eyes surely gave away because Beck didn't appear convinced. "He seems to make a good father, and if he treats Rachel well, then that's all that matters."

"Uh huh." Beck moved his hands behind his back and leaned forward. "Do you think he's attractive? He's athletic, smart, and studying medicine." Her heart skipped and a rush of excitement poured through her veins. She closed her eyes and gripped the handle of her cart firmly, so as not to give anything away.

"I think this conversation's just about over, Beck…He's the man that adopted my daughter, it doesn't matter how I feel about him. I won't take advantage of the fact."

"If you like him, you like him. You don't have to worry about the fact that he's adopting your child."

"He might think my intentions aren't proper." She was afraid if she ever met Jason personally, he might think she was trying to take Rachel from him. "I can never approach him, Beck. Do you understand that?" Beck frowned and she leaned forward, shaking her head. "Never."

"Why? Why not just go to him? You watch him, don't you?"

"No! I mean, we've run into each other, but no I don't watch him. Once in a while I might be curious…but I'm not a stalker."

"Right. What's the harm in going up to him and just talking to him? Let him know you're just wanting to see how he's handling things with Rachel?"

"No." She rolled her eyes and groaned. "No, no, and a million times, no." She tapped her fingertips on the handlebar and cleared her throat. Beck frowned and her eyes opened partially. "Yes, he's incredibly hot. He's more of a man than almost anyone I've met, give or take a couple, because he's able to take on such tremendous responsibility…and I think that's definitely attractive, but I am never going to approach him because I do not need him thinking that I am going to interfere or get between him and Rachel."

"Got it, Trina. Got it."

Trina smiled gently and reached over to pat his shoulder. "I know you've been trying to make things right, and I appreciate it. You know I'm moving on…but there are some things you don't have to worry about, okay?"

He pushed her hand away. "Okay…"

"Thank you, and I hope you have the best of luck with your upcoming date." Beck scrunched his nose and let out a mournful sigh.

"Yeah. Thanks."

Moving on down the aisles, Trina searched for the canned veggies and fruits. Megan was looking around wildly, laughing as everything passed her. Trina was overjoyed and excited about the future to come. Nervous as she was, she finally was able to see a future.

As she rounded an aisle, she heard someone calling for their child not to go far. Before she could register the familiar voice, her cart struck someone else's, and caused a number of cans to fall to the ground. "Ah! Sorr-" She looked up and froze when her eyes met with none other than Jason himself.

Her breathing became shallow as he held eye contact with her. His neat eyebrows wiggled and came together, and his deep eyes almost beckoned her forward. "Sorry about that, ma'am, I wasn't paying attention." Jason looked over his shoulder waving at the six-year old girl down at the other end of the aisle. "Stay close, please."

Rachel picked up a small stuffed dog and hurried over, her short brown hair skipped up with each forward lunge the child made. "Sorry daddy." Trina's heartbeat skipped like a broken record and her trembling gaze moved from Jason to Rachel, where she struggled to catch her breath.

"It was my fault," she said finally in a low, breathy tone. "I wasn't looking." Her muscles stiffened and her eyes drifted to the side, and for a moment she wondered if Beck knew whether or not Jason was shopping here. This was her worst fear, but she had to remain calm to the best of her ability. "Um..." She bent over, picking up one of the cans that fell from his basket. "I think this is yours."

"Thank you." He took the can, folding his hand over hers. His eyes bore a squint and the bridge of his nose wrinkled as he studied her. "You know, there's something oddly familiar about you." She held her breath and looked as Rachel walked up to Megan and started making faces at the infant.

Megan laughed jovially, causing Rachel to erupt in a fit of childish giggles. Trina stepped back, nearly stumbling as she reached for the edge of her cart. "Familiar?" A nervous chuckle escaped her lips and she quickly shook her head. "I don't know, I have a common enough face."

"No. No, I'm good with faces and names. I've definitely seen you before."

"Maybe in the park? I know I've been there a few times."

Jason snapped his fingers and scratched his stubbly chin. "Yeah, that's probably it." He looked down at his daughter and started humming. "Strange." Rachel looked up at Trina and pulled her lips back into a bright grin.

"This is your daughter?" Trina held back her tears to the best of her ability and spoke softly to keep her voice from shattering. "She's lovely." Jason glanced down with a look of fatherly pride and nodded.

"Yep, she's my angel. Someone gave her to me many years ago, and I've done the best I could to raise her up." She loved hearing it, never quite got enough of knowing how good of a father Jason was being for her precious child. "Don't know who her mother is, but I hope she knows how happy I am to have this girl in my life. Hope she knows I'm doing everything I can to give her the life she deserves."

The tears finally escaped her eyes, so she swept them away with a swift finger. "Yeah." She sniffed and cleared away the grogginess in her throat. "I'm sure she's very happy you're taking care of Rachel…" Jason paused and Trina's eyes darted up as she instantly realized what had been said.

"I'm sorry?" Jason rubbed his ear and pointed at her. "How did you know her name?"

"Um." Her eyes grew large and she looked down at her watch. "Shoot, I have to go!" She grabbed her cart and turned around, hurrying off as fast as she could. "Hey, wait! Come back!"

"Sorry!" She felt like something out of Cinderella with this man calling for her, but every defense mechanism in her was telling her to run and to keep running. Eventually she escaped to the other side of the store and stopped in the middle of the candy aisle, where she dropped to the floor and leaned her back against the shelves.

"Oh god." Her hands covered her face and slid across to the sides, pushing her hair back as her heart pounded like the drums of war. "Oh god that was too close." She had only half of her grocery list done, but knowing Jason was still in the store, she thought only of getting out and going elsewhere or finishing her shopping another time.

Looking up, she saw her left shoe had fallen off and was resting a few feet from her. "Really?" She narrowed her eyes and grabbed the shoe away. "We're not doing that."

Somehow she couldn't get the image of Beck with a Cheshire grin on his face out of her head. Surely he was aware of Jason's presence in the store, and likely knew there was a chance of her running into him.

"I'm going to throttle his ass." She narrowed her eyes and pushed herself to her feet. "If I see him again, I am going to throttle him. Plain and simple. Throttled."

* * *

So there's the shopping excursion. Nice conversation with Beck, and then right into Jason. Thoughts and observations?"


	47. Tragedy at the Cinema

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 47 (Tragedy at the Cinema)

"Jesse doesn't talk much about his family," Sasha said while walking through the park with Trina on a cold winter night. She had on a minx coat with a fur scarf wrapped around her neck. Her hair was tucked underneath the outfit, giving a very straight appearance. "Especially not his dad."

Trina wasn't dressed in the same manner, though she had on a double breasted overcoat with two buttons at the bottom. She had black pants running over her winter boots. "I've always wondered why. I've thought to ask, but he doesn't say much." Sasha tugged at the pink glove covering her left hand and shrugged.

"That's just it. He's a hard man to get close to. I love him, but he seems very distant sometimes, which makes me wonder how much of my affection reaches him."

"I'm sure it reaches him." She pushed her hands into her pockets and leaned forward, sighing at the bitter chill hitting her face. "It's unusually cold, isn't it?" Sasha grabbed the end of her scarf, wrapping it around her neck once more. Her face tightened and her head moved in a swift nod.

"Ominous." At least it wasn't snowing, but with the weather they'd been having lately, nothing would surprise her. "Anyway, I know you've been dating someone new. How's that going?" Trina raised her eyebrows and started to smile as she thought of her most recent beau.

"Alex? He's nice." He was a businessman, more mature than some of the guys she'd been with since he'd been around the block a few times. "He's older. Not much, though. Closer to thirty, has a business degree and is into management. He's also fairly active, goes to play volleyball at the beach every weekend and heads over to the gym most days."

"You seem to have a thing for athletes." Sasha smirked playfully and her eyelids fell halfway. "I'd almost think you and Jesse would be great for each other if I wasn't with him." Her face turned red and she coughed out her reply.

"I wouldn't do that to you. Jesse's a great guy, but he's your man."

Sasha laughed. "I'm not saying to go after him. I'm just saying you two would be a good match." She couldn't deny having thought about it, but those were only thoughts she knew she'd never act on. "You're attracted to him aren't you? He fits everything you'd be into."

"You're going to ask your best friend if she's attracted to your boyfriend?" Trina rolled her head to the right and turned around, facing Sasha. "While she's currently dating another guy?" Sasha rolled her eyes and retained her smile.

"I'm not afraid. I may not look like much, but I'm confident." Trina moved her hands from her waist and let out a sigh. Her friend made sense, Sasha had no reason to be afraid of her swooping in and taking Jesse from her. "But…" The girl raised a finger and looked her into the eyes. "If we ever separate, I give you full permission to go after him with everything you've got."

She raised her eyes to the sky and shook her head. "Great, Sasha. Just great." Chuckling softly, Trina turned around and tugged on her coat. "Sure, Jesse's attractive."

"He's a carpenter, works great with his hands. I can attest to the marvels he does with those fingers." Trina lurched forward as a sexual image popped up in her head. She put her hand to her stomach and turned to her friend, staring at the expression on the girl's face. "Just saying."

"Sasha. Please. I love you, but stop. I'm not going to think of him that way."

"Okay, fair enough." The girl was cleverer than she gave credit for. For all she knew, this could have just been a test to see if she would react a certain way. "Anyway, Alex doesn't seem like he's right for you. A businessman? Like what? Banker? Lawyer?"

"Accountant…"

Sasha leaned her head back slowly, her lips curled apart and a laughing smile spread across her face. Trina dropped her shoulders and sighed. "I've got a daughter. If I ever get married, that man has to be enough of a man to take care of and help provide for her."

"Why do you have to defend? If you like Alex, you like him. If your heart's in it, there's no reason to defend going out with him….but seriously? An accountant?" It was boring, and while Alex had some athleticism genes and maturity, he didn't excite her as much. She wasn't sure if she was too old to get excited anymore.

"So? I'm maturing. Excitement isn't one of those preresiquites."

"You can be mature and still excite someone. Jesse excites me, makes me happy. If you're in a relationship that bores you, it's not good." She didn't want to acknowledge being bored, but Sasha was right.

At most, the dates with Alex were nice. They went to steakhouses, the same one but she never complained. They would do their own things when visiting the other person, where she would take care of Megan and he would work on business or watch television.

Trina crossed her arms and her lips fell flat as Sasha studied her. "So there's no thrill in your relationship, is there? I still suggest Jesse's friend, Tyler." She didn't want to be set up. "Even if you don't, that's fine. Does Alex make you happy? Does he make you feel safe?"

"He's just there." A distraction was perhaps the best definition. "He's a good man."

"Not questioning it." Sasha's finger bounced in the air as the woman turned around. "Jesse's a man of mystery, maturity, love. Every night with him is more exciting than the last. He makes me happy, makes me feel safe and secure. You need a man to do that for you. A man that can do that for your little girl too."

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Or, is it something else?" Trina watched with an arched brow as her friend tucked a finger under her lip and squinted her eyes. "That man that's raising the little girl you gave up." Her heart skipped a beat and she looked away as Sasha let out a victorious gasp. "I know you mentioned an attraction. Are there feelings there?"

"It doesn't matter. That's something that will never happen."

"Because you're afraid he'll think you're either taking advantage or wanting to take your daughter back?" She looked down, raising her shoulders as her friend studied her close. "Maybe the two of you just need help coming together, or the timing isn't right now but one day."

"I don't know," she whispered, "I'd like not to think about it…" It was one thing to feel something for someone that she knew personally, or to harbor feelings for someone she once cared for, but not this. "I don't know what it is, to be honest with you."

"He's a man, there's the physical attraction, but he impresses you." She raised her head and held her breath. "Going into the medical field, right? That's what his brother said?"

"Yeah."

"That's a lot of hard work to do, Trina. Especially those classes while raising a child." She could feel her heart rising the more she thought about it, but she kept her head and voice low while gazing at the ground. Her fingers curled into her hands and her eyebrows quivered. "He adopted a baby all by himself, no woman at his side. Devotes himself to being a father, a med student, and takes martial arts classes. He's a package, any woman would love to have him."

"Your point, Sasha?"

Sasha put her hands to her hips and spoke with a matter-of-fact tone. "You want to be that woman." Trina's eyes widened and she began to protest, but Sasha cut her off. "There's no shame in falling for someone you don't know personally. There's no shame in wanting someone you can't have."

"But you have to be realistic about it, Sasha."

"Of course. Maybe now it can't happen. Won't happen. That's not to say the opportunity can't present itself in the future. You don't have to hold onto the hope that what may never occur will, but you know at least what you like. You don't have to punish yourself by being with people that aren't of great interest to you simply because you don't want to be alone and can't have someone you do want…"

Sage advice, but it didn't help much. She saw so many people she would like to be with, but a lot of clear things kept them away from being possible. Jason was one, and she still wanted to deny her attraction to Jesse. She would never move on him because she respected her friend far too much.

"What kind of person was Jesse before he met you, Sasha?" She hoped to divert the subject by talking about Jesse. Sasha hummed and followed her down the path. Sasha returned her hands to the fur hand warmer she had and looked up to the sky.

"Tough. Still is, but not as much." Trina looked over, moving her gaze down slowly as she listened to Sasha's soft voice. "I guess I mean he was hardened, really needed some softening. His dad was, is, a part of a really mean gang." She moved her head back quickly and opened her mouth.

"Jesse's not, is he?"

"No." She cupped her hand over her heart and took a deep breath. If he was, then she would have a serious issue. She never got any dangerous vibes from him, so she didn't care much about his past. "He wanted nothing to do with that life. Nothing to do with his father. His father can't find anyone to replace him, since the gang's falling apart, and the man blames Jesse for it."

"He does?"

"It's partially my fault. When we got together, I convinced Jesse to help turn some people in…Ralph doesn't know that." Trina surmised 'Ralph' was Jesse's father. She could see how turning people in might be a problem, and hoped the man never knew Sasha was the reason for it. "Ralph can't stand that Jesse won't step up and lead the gang, even now when it's dying. There's no chance it will ever happen."

Sasha paused, staring at a lit lamppost on the side of the path. Her breath fell from her parted lips and her eyes closed over. "Jesse's dad is getting desperate, so I'm a little afraid of what the man might do."

"Nothing will happen, Sasha." She smiled gently and reached over, placing her hand onto Sasha's forearm. "Didn't Jesse say before that the man's on trial? Everything will be fine." Sasha looked back at her, staring into her eyes for several seconds.

The lamp lit up the woman's face, revealing an intense frown and somber eyes. "Yeah." Sasha smiled. "Sure." The woman turned her head and wiggled her nose. "You know, what I said earlier about Jason?"

"What about him?"

"If something ever happens. I want you to take care of him for me." She removed her hand and let out one soft chuckle.

"Nothing is going to happen."

"I'm serious. I've seen how the two of you look at each other from time to time. It's fine." Sasha furrowed her brow and started to speak up. "I wouldn't trust anyone else."

"Sasha, nothing is going to happen to you. Where is this coming from?"

The girl hesitated before bowing her head. "I don't know. Worry, I guess. Jesse's always concerned about his dad, and I just think, if I'm not around to pick him up if he falls…who will be? Then there's you, my best friend…I guess I'm just being dramatic, but as long as I know you'd take care of him."

"Sasha, this is crazy talk."

It didn't help that Sasha had gone from the once happy-go-lucky, free spirit to serious and downtrodden at breakneck speed.

The woman's smile returned and she raised her shoulders, chuckling twice. "You're right. Let's talk about something else." Trina didn't want to think about something happening to her, so just about anything else would be preferred. "Like how we're going to go to that matinee again!"

"Yeah. That'll be great." She laughed with her, remembering how great the first experienced had been. They saw a romantic comedy that was Sasha's idea, so Jesse was now requesting they watch an action flick.

The food was beyond excellent, and the service was outstanding. There was no question in her mind that she was looking forward to going back.

Now, the night at the matinee was two weeks later and on another bitter cold and bleary day. The worst California had ever seen. It didn't matter to the guests within the Rodgers Matinee, because the heater was on and the guests decided to snuggle under blankets or their preferred item of warmth.

Sasha and Jesse were bundled up together beneath a velvet blue blanket, and Trina sat beside them with her focus on the movie screen. She didn't have a date, since Sasha had been proven correct, and she broke up with Alex after having gone out with him for a couple short months.

"Here's your steak tartare," the server said as she laid the plate down in front of Trina. Trina licked her lips and rubbed her hands together, eyeing the meal with a great hunger. "And of course, your three layer chocolate cake."

"Thank you!" She grabbed her silverware and cackled as she dug into the food. Jesse shook his head at her and smirked. Sasha sat beside him, laying her head on his shoulder and dozing off. Trina motioned to the girl and cleared her throat. "She's falling asleep over there…"

"Yeah." He chuckled and moved his arm around his girlfriend. "Long night. She hasn't been feeling well at all."

"I hope she's not coming down with something."

"Yeah, she's not, just tired." He looked at Trina's plate and mustered up a small smile. "How's the steak?"

"Delicious."

"Good, glad to hear it. As Sasha says, 'only the best for friends'." Trina laughed and smiled at the sweetness her friend had. Sasha knew she didn't care about all the fancy things or having the best of everything, but the fact that she kept trying to make everything perfect spoke a great deal about how much she cared.

"I'm glad to have you guys here."

Jesse smiled back, his hand was gently stroking Sasha's hair. "We're glad to have you too." He tilted his head right. "How's your probation going? I know you said they moved you to one visit every few months now."

"Yeah. Level four." She perked up and felt a streak of pride. "As a matter of fact, I'm working on early termination now."

"Awesome! Maybe both our probation times will end around the same time."

"Hopefully." Trina swept her hand through her hair and sighed. "It's a long time coming." Early termination meant exactly what it was, the early end of probation. In order to be eligible, the client had to be in good shape. They had to be caught up with their payments, and be in good standing similar to a prisoner's good behavior.

"If you manage to get it, we'll have to celebrate." Jesse held his smile, looking at her for a moment before turning to see the previews as they started up. Trina looked back at him, observing how Sasha nudged herself up on his shoulder and how he tightened his tender embrace on her.

Her attention fell onto the cinema screen and she lowered her utensils to the plate, now distracted by the movie.

Sasha awoke halfway through, though Trina wasn't sure the woman truthfully slept at all. "You missed a lot," Jesse said with a laugh as they walked through the doors of the theater. Sasha hummed thoughtfully and raised her eyebrows.

"I'm not sure how much I feel like I missed. Action movies aren't my thing like you and Trina. You guys like them more than I do."

"Did I fall asleep when we watched that romantic comedy?"

Trina answered this time, scoffing and laughing while pointing a finger in the air. "You did. Don't deny it." She took a step down and turned towards her defiant friend. "About two thirds of the way, everyone on our row was listening to your snoring."

Jesse rolled his eyes and shrugged. "I don't know how they could have heard my snoring over all the incessant crying, sobbing, and other hysterics." He raised a hand, mocking the theatre. "Oh Paul, don't go!" Trina grinned as Jesse curved his wrist and deepened his voice. "But Amanda I must. If I don't, we will _never_ have the life you've always dreamed of."

She joined in the mocking. "But I need you." She spread her arms out, laughing aloud. "Without you, my soul is empty and I'm all alone."

"I won't be gone long. It's only… _five months!"_

They hugged their stomachs, laughing uncontrollably. Sasha grinned from ear to ear, walking in front of them and shaking her head. "Whatever, laugh all you guys want." They turned to her and she raised her hands to her hips. "At least there's a story to them. Most action movies rely on explosions."

"That's not true," Trina replied. "There are guns too." Jesse snickered and nodded his hand.

"Not always cliché either, unlike those romantic comedies and romance dramas. "Always some girl that's overly dependent on a guy, or if she's not that, she's so into her work that she doesn't realize how much she 'needs' that other guy or something. No plot."

"No reality either." Trina moved alongside Sasha, and Jesse stepped in front of them. "Some woman in a high powered career, so intense, and then suddenly the man of her dreams appears and shakes up her entire world. When has that ever happened?"

"I'm sure it's happened." Sasha turned up her nose and huffed. "Watch what you say too, because it could happen to you."

"Not in a million years."

"You guys would rather one of those action movie cliché's happen to you? Hm?"

Jesse rubbed his chin slowly and let out a content sigh. "Yeah. I could so see myself carrying someone from a burning building."

"Or in a gunfight overseas, working in the military." Trina snapped her fingers. "The great action versus romance debate. I think you're losing this one, Sasha."

"Right. I'll have to prepare for the next round, then."

Trina faced her friend, one foot on the third step from the ground and her left on the fourth. Sasha had both feet on the third step and was facing Jesse's left shoulder. He was on the second step, towering over her and walking towards the car.

She was about to say something when a peculiar movement in the corner of her eyes caught her attention. When she turned her eyes, she saw him; a tall man in a black overcoat. His grey hair was covered by a dark fedora, allowing only a long and messy ponytail to shoot out over his broad shoulders. He had a smooth and small face with a long and jagged scar over his left eye.

Jesse was checking a text on his phone, grunting and muttering something about his father making bond.

When Trina heard him, her heart sank and she filled with horror. Time seemed to move slow when it happened, but the instance was all over in less than a second.

"Jesse, look out!"

Ralph removed a small pistol from his coat and turned it on Jesse, firing off a couple rounds before being tackled to the ground by a nearby bouncer. She heard Jesse cry out and felt a rush of fear as she reached out for her friend.

To her amazement, he was still standing, but holding his left arm. She could see a trickle of blood over his fingers, but it didn't appear the wound was anything more than a graze.

Turning her head, her knees went weak and she started extending her arms when she saw a large circle of blood staining Sasha's chest. "Sasha!" Her shriek echoed into the air as the girl collapsed into her arms and pulled her to her knees.

Jesse turned, paralyzed with horror. "God, no." He fell beside them, scooping the woman up. Tears flooded Trina's eyes and she started calling for the girl, caressing her face and praying that she'd be okay. Jesse did the same until he could do no more beyond scream.

There was a shimmer of life left in Sasha's eyes. When Trina felt a squeeze on her hand, she looked to her best friend with a grievous gasp. "Sasha, hang in there." Sasha opened her mouth, straining her voice.

"I-I can't." Streaks of tears slid down the sides of Sasha's trembling cheeks. "Tri…thank…" Trina furrowed her brow and leaned forward, caressing her best friend's head in a frenzied attempt to comfort her.

"Don't talk, save your energy."

"Take care of him. Promise me." She held her breath and looked over to Jesse, now beside himself with anguish and fury as people held him back from lunging for his father, who was pinned on the ground. "Please."

"Sasha, I-"

"Promise." Her heart was shattering like glass, and her lungs were on fire just as her entire body felt like ice. "Always. Best friends, Trina…" Sasha's body twitched and she let out a pained gasp. "Promise me."

Trembling with a sense of defeat, she started to nod. "I will, Sasha. I will." The only response was a soft gasp, then the life drained from Sasha's eyes. Trina's lungs burst and her wail echoed into the air as she dropped her head to her best friend's chest.

Despite the droning of the sirens and the chatter of the bystanders, everything seemed quiet as Sasha lay there with the wind blowing her once vibrant hair across her face. If not for the pooling blood, Trina would have thought her friend was only asleep.

She wasn't aware of the time that had passed, but became acutely aware of the familiar voices that eventually began filling her ears. "I'd like everyone to take a step back please," spoke her father. When she looked up, she saw Gary and Beck with several other uniformed officers. When he saw her, she could see the fear and sorrow grow in his eyes. "Oh god."

Beck was the first one over, throwing a blanket around her shoulders. "Come on Trina, let's get you away from the…body…" He almost had to pry her from Sasha. Eventually she complied, never once taking her eyes from her friend.

Beck moved her over to one of the paramedic cars, trying to console her as a friend while asking her to stay there and let one of the detectives come talk to her. Gary had Jesse at another car.

It would take a while, but she'd help in any way possible. They had Ralph, so it wasn't like they were going to have to find him. "We were alerted by Ralph himself," Beck said while sitting beside her, "That he was going to shoot his son. Trina, I'm so sorry you were a part of this."

"He hit my best friend," she muttered, "Sasha's…Sasha's gone…"

All she could think about were the words her friend asked her; they were playing over and over again in her mind. She clenched her eyes and grit her teeth as a great pain erupted across her chest.

 _"I will, Sasha. I will look after him."_ She wasn't abandoning Jesse in this. They would need each other.

* * *

Well that happened. A great tragedy indeed. I should remind you that the narrative might change tone slightly, when that happens, we've gone from Jade to Beck. Beck likely narrates his own appearances. Jade narrates more what Trina might have said. It's mentioned she's almost done with probation, what that means is that we're about to see where Jade can't go much farther, and Beck will have to continue. What are your thoughts on this chapter? It's inspired by the ending of Godfather III.


	48. Passing the Torch

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 48 (Passing the Torch)

"Wait, hold up." Jade froze as John interrupted her lecture. She curled the left corner of her lip and looked to her student with raised eyebrows. "Professor Oliver's brother is Jason?" The boy looked at Rachel with wideninbirtg eyes.

The other students rolled their eyes, annoyed with yet another reaction, while Rachel remained calm and opted to ignore the question. "It's fairly obvious at this point," Scott remarked, "Let's not interrupt the lecture." Jade was shocked by the reply. She hoped to make it less obvious, especially after Beck told her about Rachel's connection. Granted, it was difficult to do so since Trina talked about Beck before, but she didn't want to put unnecessary attention onto the girl.

Rachel folded her hands on her desk and bowed her head, sighing as Ryan and Mae rubbed her back. "Yes," she admitted, "My dad's the same person she's lecturing about." The girl took a deep breath. Jade's heart came to a stop and she started to worry if this was going to be an issue. If so, she wanted to end the lecture. "This is my birth mother." Rachel lifted her head and looked to Scott. "What do you mean it's obvious?"

Scott pulled his hands behind his head and shrugged. "Simple. Jason's last name is the same as yours, Mr. Oliver and Dr. West have ties to Trina, and talk about your dad. At the same time, you look like it affects you."

"Okay…" Rachel looked around, furrowing her brow. "I was trying not to let anyone think anything. Did anyone else come to this conclusion?" The rest of the class nodded their heads, causing her to fall back in her seat and groan loudly.

"It doesn't help that both your best friend and boyfriend have been paying a great deal of attention to you for the last hour or two. So has your uncle." Rachel spread her hands out and spoke louder to talk above him.

"Okay so that's out in the open. This isn't about me. This is a guest lecture about a case study, ignore me. Ignore me as well as you can, and learn." Scott chuckled and John shrugged.

"We're already invested." Scott leaned forward, smirking wide. "We actually might be curious to know if you happen to meet up with your mom someday." Rachel poked a finger into the air, growling lowly.

"That would be private. My life isn't meant to be put on display."

Sensing she needed to put an end to this soon, Jade spoke up and clapped her hands so loud that the class automatically turned to her. "Speaking of that, that is one of the first things Trina said when I asked to do a case study on her and lecture."

Mae leaned towards Rachel, whispering to her while turning her eyes outwards. "You know, technically your life is being put on display." Jade crossed her arms and furrowed her brow. The girl sat upright, raising her hand up. "I've got a question for you, Dr. West."

"Yes?"

"Did you ever marry?" She raised an eyebrow and squinted at the girl. This was a clear attempt to deflect some of the attention in the room from Rachel. It made sense, given how the girl was not only Rachel's friend, but Cat's daughter. "I mean, I know your name is the same, but you're wearing a ring on your hand."

She hesitated, glancing down at her hand, frowning at the gold ring on her ring finger. "I was married for a little bit." She never had kids of her own, but married a man with his own children.

Beck leaned back slow, pushing his hands behind his head. "For the sake of curiosity." He set crossed his legs and rested the ball of his foot on his desk. "What happened?" Jade shrugged.

"I was too focused on my work. My husband divorced me because I wasn't being a wife or mother."

"Ah."

"Hold on!" This time it was John speaking out. "You're not lesbian?" Jade coughed and Beck turned his head, widening his eyes. "I mean, you seem so tough." Rachel raised an eyebrow, answering before Jade could.

"What? A tomboy or a girl that's tough means she absolutely must be gay? Is that what you're saying?" Rachel cackled and poked a thumb at Mae and Ryan. "By that logic, I should be dating Kitten here instead of Ryan." Ryan's face went sour and Mae shook her head slowly.

"I don't get that logic," Ryan remarked, "But all of you people do realize none of this is important right?"

"How is it not?" Scott inquired. The man leaned to the right, pushing his wrist against his right cheek. "You're all the main people, you know." Jade curled her hand over her mouth, hiding a smirk while giving Beck a knowing glance. Beck rolled his eyes, clearly remembering the words Sinjin spoke many years ago. "You, Ryan, Mae and other friends you are. You don't realize how pop-" Scott froze, noticing the looks Jade and Beck were shooting each other. "Um, sorry I'm deviating from the study."

"That's alright." Jade locked her hands behind her back and cleared her throat. "Just thinking. You're saying the same exact things Sinjin said to us back in high school." Scott rolled his eyes and shifted them away in an instant.

"Yeah whatever. At least they're not vain."

"Yeah…how old are you?"

"Like nineteen," Rachel answered, "Right? Younger than I am by a bit. Possibly older than Mae."

Scott flashed a toothy grin. "Can we get back to the lecture? Please?" Rachel nodded her agreement and looked back with eager and hungry eyes.

"I want to know what happened after the matinee." Rachel's eyebrows came together and Jade bowed her head a bit. "I can't imagine the pain…"

"You know what, though?" Jade approached Rachel's desk. She moved her hand and fingertips down, caressing the surface of the desk while looking gently into Rachel's eyes. "Everything you go through in life makes you who you are. It depends on how you respond to it. Even the bad things that happen, can strengthen you."

"I guess."

"She became stronger because she needed to." Jade turned around, sliding her fingers away while peering at Beck. She knew her lecture was nearing a close, since Trina's probation ended soon after Sasha's death. "I know only a little about Jesse. To my knowledge they remained friends for a few years."

Beck leaned forward, dropping his feet and closing his hands atop the desk. "Is that all?" He chuckled and shook his head. "You didn't keep up with her? Did you keep up with _anybody?"_

"Not really." Jade crossed her arms and scowled, perturbed by Beck's questioning. By now, he should have realized she'd gotten so deep into her work to keep up with people. "I'm getting away from that overworking thing, but it's not been easy." Beck chuckled again and sat upright.

"Sounds like you just need to get back to roots. Have some fun again and get away from it all." His eyebrows rose and he closed his eyes. "I know just the guy to help with that, actually." Jade dropped her hands to her waist. "Remember Andre?"

"Yeah. Kind of dropped off the face of the earth."

"No…" Beck released a slow breath of air and cleared his throat. "Andre moved to New Orleans for a while, picked up a career as a pianist for a little, then gave private piano lessons upstate in New York."

"He's in New York too?"

"Was. Got married to a girl in New Orleans. Taylor." Jade's mouth twisted and she leaned to the side. "Unfortunately that didn't last long-or it did. They had two kids together but divorced after almost ten years. He's in California now, I'm sure he'd love to see you."

"Maybe." She started to smile, remembering fondly her old friend. She'd love to see him again, but hoped time hadn't created too great a gap. "Has he changed much?"

"Grown, if that's what you mean. He's matured, but he still likes to have fun. I'll give you his number, you can call him." She had to wonder if this was Beck's way of trying to set her up. If it was, she didn't mind so much. "But anyway, do continue on with your lecture. The students are probably well attuned to the grief cycle and understand the pain of loss that Trina went through with Sasha's death."

"Probably…"

Beck stood from his chair and approached her side, then faced the classroom. "Let me pick up from here." He crossed his arms and rolled his neck to the left, then the right. Jade pursed her lips and took a small step back, relinquishing her control. "This is sort of the part where Trina and I started to become friends, rather than just cordially passing."

"You were the first responder on the scene for Sasha's murder?" Rachel asked. Beck's chest pushed out and his lips separated an inch.

"Yes. I went back to check on Trina a lot, making sure she was okay. She grieved, but she also found healthy ways to cope because she needed to take care of Megan. Jesse was a good friend to her in that time as well, both of them helped the other to grieve and cope, and then Megan herself gave them both something to focus on."

"Sounds like she might have started dating Jesse."

Jade raised her eyebrows in surprise and rubbed her finger along her chin as Beck moved his head to the side and looked up to the ceiling. "Yes, well…" He squinted and flattened his lips. "Not right away. No. Trina couldn't bring herself to do that so close to Sasha's murder, and Jesse was still grieving. She dated others for at least another year or two, but remained close friends with Jesse."

Realizing that she knew nothing about Trina's interactions with Jesse, Jade walked towards Beck's desk. Trina's probation ended with early termination in April of 2020, her slate wiped clean and her record unblemished.

"Did you help her cope in any way, Beck?" She sat easily in his chair and took an attentive pose. Beck turned partially and smiled gently.

"Yeah. My brother got me into martial arts, as did my now-wife."

"Melanie?"

"Yes." Jade met the woman's sister, Samantha, but never Melanie herself. She didn't want to ask about her or know anything, though couldn't help to be a little curious. "In fact, Melanie and her sister opened up a martial arts studio named 'Yin and Yang Taekwondo."

Jade laughed and Beck's smile grew. "Obvious reference to them being twins, right?"

"Yep. I convinced Trina to take classes there. Eventually, Jesse started to take classes. My brother was never there, and if he was visiting, I'd let Trina know out of respect just in case she didn't want to run into him for her reasons."

"Makes sense. I bet she loved being able to get back into martial arts."

"She did." Beck crossed his arms and raised his head. A sigh rolled away from him and his entire body seemed to shift. "You don't mind me taking over from here, Jade?" Jade smiled back and unfolded her hand on the desk, pushing it towards him.

"You're the teacher from this point on and I'm the student now. My case study ends on her last day of probation. Which, by the way, is when I asked her permission to study her life and give lectures about how she managed to complete probation successfully and turn her life around."

"Right. You had a fairly extensive interview."

"I did."

"How was it? I know it couldn't have been easy on you." Jade turned her gaze down to the desk and raised her shoulders up. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't as difficult because her internship already made her aware and accustomed to the things that had bothered Trina so long ago.

"Hearing how much turmoil her life had been growing up, then how the bullying worsened it, no it wasn't easy. By then I'd already heard it, I'd already coped and understood."

"Good. Glad it wasn't too emotionally damaging for you." She could see a look of sympathy and her heart started to rise. It was nice seeing that he did still care, even if it was a small amount. "I am glad you've been doing well for yourself, Jade. Bear that in mind, I'm glad you're in a good place right now."

"Stable. My life is stable."

"That's what matters." He turned more towards her and raised a hand up partially. "So is mine. So is Jason's, Rachel's, and well…Trina herself. Your case study, however, is incomplete. Your lectures are incomplete."

"You know what they say." Jade smirked at him, knowing full well what he was saying. Her lecture may have ended with Trina's probation, but Trina's life wasn't fully turned around then. She was better, but there was so much more that she couldn't answer. "Two heads are better than one." She clasped her hands on the desk and leaned forward, stretching her back. "We were always better when we worked together, Beck."

"Yeah. Do you feel incomplete?"

"No." She smiled. "I feel strong, I feel whole, and I'm happy."

"Good. I'm glad."

She snapped her fingers and pointed in the air. "Still want to see Andre, though, so don't forget about it." His grin stretched across like the Cheshire Cat.

"Believe me, I won't forget."

A soft laugh escaped her lips and she closed her eyes, shaking her head from side to side. "Wow. So Trina wasn't kidding about you playing matchmaker."

"Not a bit." He started to turn, his eyes resting upon Rachel. "You know she's going to kill us, right Jade?" Jade perked her head and let out a confused hum. "Lecturing her life story to her birth daughter before she even gets a chance."

"Oh." Jade folded her arms on the desk and placed her chin onto her wrists. "Oh yeah we're toast."

"Maybe she won't find out."

Jade hummed to herself and glanced at Rachel, who was now holding her phone out at seat level and looking down at it. "Yeah," Rachel mumbled, "Too late for that…Um continue please." Rachel pocketed her phone and started to smile. "So Megan grew up knowing Jesse even before Trina dated him?"

"That is correct," Beck replied. "Megan might have considered Jesse her dad." Rachel's eyebrows rose, then a sullen expression came over her. "Now, let me pick up…unless you would like to talk about the last day of probation, Jade?"

"No I'm good." Jade didn't need to include it, because the events of that day were a given. All that happened was a long and drawn out conversation of the events and details covering Trina's life, then the agreement for Jade to use her case study for a thesis in the future. "The only thing that really happened is us talking about everything you've already heard. No sense in repeating it."

"Okay, because I'd like to start with the events that happened on August 19th, 2020. Only, this involves Tori, not Trina. However, I had to be the one to notify and comfort Trina."

Jade pursed her lips and pushed herself up. "What happened?" She recognized the date, but for some reason her mind was drawing a blank. "I know that date from somewhere, but I can't remember."

"That day…" Beck closed his eyes and took a sharp and deep intake of air. "Is a day I will never forget." His eyes opened partially and his trembling hands slid behind his waist and closed together. "I was the first responder to a call about a code 187."

"What's that?" A student inquired.

"Murder." Jade blinked twice, then upon remembering, moved her hand over her mouth to catch a gasp. "At the Vega residence. Former Detective David Vega had been brutally stabbed to death. What followed, or what I witnessed that day, was a case of irony and possible corruption."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that David's death was a clear homicide with intent. First degree murder. The very police that protected him and aided in putting his oldest daughter on probation when she was defending her family, turned their heads and denied him. I had to convince them to at least try for something."

Beck adjusted something on his computer, changing the presentation to something he'd already prepared. Much to Jade's amazement. One of the first things to pop up was an image of David's body, near unrecognizable and covered in blood. A clear attack of hatred.

"Borderline Personality Disorder is not one of the allowed or considered conditions to helping someone get off on insanity because that person knows what they are doing. They are mentally competent and aware." Jade's eyes grew incredibly large and her body started to shake as Beck looked up to the slideshow image. "David Vega suffered nearly sixty stab wounds to his chest, neck, head and torso…but it's considered that he was dead from the first few cuts to his body…"

* * *

So quite a bit happened here, thoughts during this chapter? Also we're seeing what's going on with David's demise, wihch will be the next chapter. Beck's lecturing from here on out


	49. Irony and Corruption

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

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Chapter 49 (Irony and Corruption)

Tori sat in her bedroom, hovering over a large kitchen knife that she held in her hands. It was kept in the drawer of the end table beside her bed, often used as a threat to cut herself. "They always leave me, but it's their own fault." She wiped away the tears on her cheeks and let out a loud scoff. "Dad won't let me go with them."

She stood up, pacing to the left and then the right. Many times she thought about how easy it would be, but she never knew when the right time was. She considered hiring someone, certainly she could afford it; but who would carry out the task?

Long ago she might have talked her friends into it, they would have believed her. She was the victim here, and that's all they needed to know. She could spin a sob story well enough that they would feel sorry for her and take her father's life and then take her away like a prince rescuing a trapped princess.

"Mom's gone now, probably doesn't want me." She hated her mother for leaving her, and hated Trina for leaving her. Didn't they know she needed them? She loved them and would do anything for her, but they left her just like everyone leaves her.

Sure, David threatened Holly before letting her leave. He said she could go, but Tori had to stay because he didn't consider her to be Gary's child. David, of course, never let her go anywhere these days. Oddly enough, she was twenty-five. She deserved to be alone, she knew it was what she deserved.

"Daddy won't let me go." Her eyes traveled to a crumpled sheet of paper on the end table and her eyes filled with moisture. It was an acceptance letter from a prestigious performing arts college in New York. She received it several weeks ago and was getting ready to go when her father shut down all of her plans.

He stormed into her room, saying she wasn't allowed to go to New York and he wouldn't hear of any plans to move. He told her how she was his only daughter now and how he couldn't bear to lose her, but she needed to go.

More than anything she wanted to leave. She wasn't scared of her dad because he never once laid a hand on her. He would abuse and control Trina, could manipulate Holly until recently, but he dearly loved Tori. There was no chance he could ever hurt her. He trusted her too much.

He never perceived her as a threat either. She never threatened to take anyone or anything from him. She never threatened his freedom or integrity. In all eyes, she was perfect and the model daughter.

"I am perfect." She grabbed her diary up from the bed beside her, and started writing in it. There were pages upon pages where she talked about wanting to leave for New York and attend the college of her dreams. In those pages she talked about how much she loved her dad, but how much she hated him for keeping her from her dream.

Multiple times over the last month she would write about how she would kill him and what she would do to escape for New York. On one page, she outlined hiring a hitman. On another page she talked about possibly manipulating Andre Harris into doing the deed for her, or sweet-talking Beck because she was almost certain he still had a thing for her. If not, it wouldn't take much to win a man over with her feminine wiles and sweet, innocent, damsel in distress.

She wrote about how she could spin a sob story, crying about how her father-a man that never once directly abused her-went to attack her and she killed him out of defense for her own life.

The proof of his lack of abuse to her was also written several times in her diary throughout the ages. She knew this, and oftentimes would look back to read about how her dad beat her mother or got mad at her sister again, but did nothing to her.

"I'm going to try one more time," Tori wrote in large drawn out letters. "I'm going to convince my dad how important my dream is. I'm his princess, I _deserve_ this. So I'm going to ask about Juilliard one more time. One more time, but if he says no again, I am going to kill him. He is doing this on purpose, I know it. I'm going to kill him so I can leave. I'll tell the police it was self-defense."

She paused and smiled, remembering Beck was a police officer now. She tapped her chin with the tip of her pen, growing her smile more before writing again. "God I hope Beck comes. Because I can spin him, I can make him sympathetic to me. He'll at least know me enough to let me go. He'll help me."

Tori set the book down on the end table and carefully swept her hands through her hair. Her heart was filled with anger for a moment, but emotions were rollercoasters for her.

With silence heavy in the air, Tori rose from the bed and picked up her knife. She walked carefully from her bedroom and down the hall, feeling a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.

 _"Am I really going to go through with this?"_ Her heartbeat fluttered and then filled with a sense of dread. _"Maybe I can blame it on multiple personality."_ Her eyebrows trembled and her teeth bit down on her lower lip. _"I have to do this. There's no backing out. He'll leave me anyway, so I'll kill him before he does. I'll never understand why he doesn't let me go to New York because I know he wants to leave me like everybody else."_

She had to have her way. She was used to getting her way with things, and by god she was going to get her way now.

Approaching the top of the stairs, she peered down and held her breath as she studied her father. He was standing in the kitchen, bent over a bowl of salad and a large watermelon. He was gripping the edge of the watermelon and holding a knife steady above it.

Her heart skipped when she saw the knife. She could use this to her advantage, cut herself somewhere and say he took a swing at her.

"Daddy?" She took a few steps down and David looked up at her with a loving smile. "I know you're stressed out with your probation and mom leaving us. I'm sorry about that." David let out a small breath of air and glanced back to his watermelon.

"It's okay sweetheart. I still have you."

"Yeah…" She approached him, keeping close watch on him to ensure he didn't glance up or get suspicious. "Dad, about Juilliard." David frowned and slid his knife carefully through the melon.

"You know how I feel about that. I don't like the idea of you in New York all by yourself." He looked up at her with a deep frown and raised the knife above the melon. "It's too big a city and unsafe."

"Unsafe? Dad, we're in Los Angeles."

"New York City is much bigger, sweetie. You're not alone here. You'd be alone up there. I'm just not comfortable."

It was funny how he could be so fatherly to her, but not once did he display this fatherly demeanor to Trina. It was as if he couldn't possibly care about his oldest child, but she didn't think he had to since she was just a stepchild.

Tori snapped into anger, raising her voice and leaning forward. "How come you won't let me follow my dreams?" David rolled his eyes and Tori started to scream. "You never listen to me. Do you hate me? You hate me. You want to leave like everyone else, but you won't let me go to New York?"

"Tori stop, I don't want you going to New York because I'm afraid of what could happen to you."

"Oh." She scoffed, her rage increasing into an irrational state of mind. "And all of a sudden you care about me?" She moved towards him, screaming again. "If you loved me, you'd let me go. You'd let me follow my dreams."

"No is no, Tori." He pointed his knife, using it only as a pointer. "I won't hear of it again." Tori gasped and yelled at him once more.

"Are you threatening me now?" David scrunched his face and jerked his head back.

"What? No, of course not."

"You hate me." She hissed and whisked her knife out from behind her back. David froze, his eyes growing large and filling with a new sense of panic. "I'll kill myself. Is that what you want, Dad? If you don't let me go, I'll fucking kill myself." She moved the knife over her wrist, grasping it firmly and glaring at him.

"Tori stop." He took a deep breath and set his knife down on the counter. He walked around, moving towards her and reaching his hand out. "Stop. You don't need to do this."

"You want it to happen! I know you do! You'd leave me like everyone else at the slightest chance you get, but you won't let me leave."

David spoke calmly and plainly, his reach extending closer to her arm. "Listen to me. Calm down, you're not thinking rationally." The minute his hand touched the wrist holding her knife, her lip twisted to a smirk and her eyes flashed with hatred.

"You'll pay for not letting me go." David pursed his lips and had little time to react before she twisted her wrist and plunged the knife into his chest. She felt something pop and thought she heard a wheezing sound for a split second.

David let out a grunt, staggering back and looking down as the scent of blood filled the air. "W-What have you done?" His words were strained and his voice heavy as he began to sway.

The job wasn't complete. She had to make him pay, she had to make him understand why he was wrong and she was right.

Tori pushed him forward with an angry scream, knocking him into the counter. "I hate you!" He fell onto his back and she straddled his waist with her knees. Grabbing her knife with both hands, she yanked it out of his body and raised it high into the air. "You want to leave me, so leave me and let me go."

There was little time for him to react before she plunged the knife into him a second time. Caught off guard, too shocked that the one person he never worried about hurting him could do this, he couldn't fight and only raised his arms before his face.

Tori knew where to strike. In Sherwood, she excelled in anatomy. She knew how someone her size could take out a man of her father's strength and stature. Her strikes were aimed at his lungs and his heart, but somewhere around the fifth strike he'd been fatally wounded.

She continued to strike him, unleashing her anger and hatred until it was all gone. David's body had gone limp long before she finished, and blood had been splashed all across the kitchen.

When she was done, it was only then that she realized the gravity of what she had done. She knew what murder was, and knew full well what she had done was wrong, so she had to stage the scene well enough to be believable.

At first, she took the knife he'd been using and carefully pushed it into her left thigh so she could make it look like she got stabbed trying to run away. Then she left her own knife at his side so the self-defense angle could be worked. She knew enough to know if she attempted to hide it, police could say she planned to murder the man.

"I'm going to Juilliard, Dad. Whether you like it or not. I'm going."

She called the police, crying crocodile tears and saying her father tried to kill her. She admitted to lashing back in defense, and that he was dead.

Tori continued to weep, rocking back and forth to appear genuine once the police arrived. Much to her pleasure, the first responder on the scene was the fresh and new officer, Beck Oliver.

"Holy…shit…" Beck's voice was low as his widening eyes scanned the perimeter. Another officer was present as backup, and was calling for homicide. Tori whimpered and cried out once Beck's eyes met her. "Oh god, Tori. No."

"H-He tried to kill me." She crawled over to him, praying that he'd scoop her up in his arms and protect her. There was something odd in his eyes, however. It was like he knew what she had done. "Beck. Comfort me. Please. My daddy…my daddy…"

Beck walked past her, his breathing shallow and eyes full of disbelief and grief. He scratched the back of his head, studying David's body and the knives. "Tori. You…did you really?"

"I had to. He stabbed me, Beck." She pointed to her thigh and Beck looked over, pausing as she cried out. "He tried to kill me. I'm scared Beck, I'm so terrified. Please. I need you now."

The bridge of his nose wrinkled and a bulge appeared between his eyebrows and squinted eyes. "This isn't self-defense," He muttered. "I'm not stupid." Beck motioned to the officer and pointed upstairs. "Watch her, Jenny. I'm going upstairs to check the area."

Hurt and offended that he didn't believe her, she reached out and cried harder, begging for him to come back.

When he did return, to her horror, his gloved hand was placing her diary into a plastic bag. "You don't get the right to read my diary, Beck." She raised her voice and Beck looked at her with an arched eyebrow. "Those are my personal thoughts. You don't have a right to read them."

"Yeah…let's talk about rights, Tori…" Her eyes widened as she watched him hand the evidence to his partner and removed his handcuffs. "Jenny, you need to handcuff her."

"You're placing her under arrest?" Jenny inquired.

"Yes." He grabbed her arm and pulled her up. She cried out that he was hurting her, but there wasn't any real pain. "Tori, I don't want to do this. I wish I didn't have to do this to you…wish it wasn't you…" He pulled her wrists behind her back and she rolled her eyes, scoffing at him.

"Whatever. You don't give a shit. You never gave a shit about me."

"You have a right to remain silent." She felt him slap on the first handcuff and flinched at the sound of it closing around her wrist. "Please use it. The more you talk, the harder this is for both of us." He took a deep breath and exhaled softly. "Anything you say, anything you do, may be used against you in the court of law. Keep that in mind, they'll inform you of your rights again in questioning."

"Oh my god. Really? You're going to do this to me? He tried to kill me, Beck!"

"According to your journal back there, you've made efforts and plans for his death."

"So?"

"You have a right to an attorney, and will be provided one should you be unable to afford one."

He walked her to the couch and set her down, standing guard until other officers and homicide detectives came in. She was relieved Gary wasn't there, she didn't Gary would buy the defense angle or the damsel angle much.

"He was going to keep me trapped, Beck. He was going to hurt me. I was scared for my life"

"Yeah…" Beck pointed at the bagged journal and furrowed his brow. "Something tells me that's not the case, Tori. I'm sorry. It's not going to work…"

"You're a real asshole, you know that?" She leaned forward, screaming at him. "If I wasn't in cuffs right now, I'd put you down. You're such an asshole. It's no wonder Jade left your ass! You're a good for nothing, slimy bastard." Beck rolled his head to the side and turned away from her.

"What have you found?" He determined ignoring Tori was best for the moment. His heart was heavy with grief, shock, and a number of other emotions. Never had he suspected her of being capable of such a grievous crime, but then, David clearly didn't think so either. "It looks a little staged to me."

"No," the senior homicide detective said, "I don't think so." Stunned by their words, Beck reeled his head back and dropped his mouth open.

"What?" He pointed at the knife in David's hand. "Besides the blood on the tip, that knife is only covered in fruit bits and juice. He's got at least a dozen stab wounds in him, and his arms are covered in defensive wounds! There's no way this isn't everything it looks."

"I'm telling you." The officer looked him square in the eyes, frowning and lowering his voice. "You're right, but this one is a suicide. Okay? It's going to be suicide." Dumbfounded, Beck grabbed his head and raised his voice.

"What? No! There's no way this is suicide. Hell, even the staging doesn't suggest suicide! He was murdered in cold blood."

"So?" The officer grabbed his belt and pulled up on his pants. "Nobody cares about a wife beater. He's beat his wife, he's beat his kids, nobody's going to miss him."

"I'm sorry." Beck swung his arm out, pointing at nothing in particular. "Didn't you defend his sorry ass a few years back when he claimed self-defense and got his daughter put on trial?"

"Yeah…yeah we did…" The officer bowed his head and chuckled several times. "He told us 'you'd better get on that stand and say it was self-defense'." The officer looked up slow and took a deep breath. "Now, as your senior officer, I'm telling you-"

"No. This is murder, not a suicide."

"Then we'll use the self-defense angle. Maybe the defense will use that angle. This girl got out of a bad situation, rookie, she doesn't need to have her entire life ruined for a dirtbag like him."

"That dirtbag ruined his oldest daughter's life for _nothing_. This time he was murdered, and there's clear malicious intent here. You cannot tell me you honestly believe in covering up what happened here?"

"I don't." The officer looked down at David's body and shrugged. "I don't believe in wasting taxpayer money on a waste of space."

Beck let out a scoff and raised his hand to his forehead. "I can't believe it. I didn't think I'd work with a corrupt division." He lowered his hand and growled. "Well _I'm_ not corrupt. If you want me to quit, then I will, because I'm not going to go under oath and lie about this."

He gasped out, clenching his fingers. "Hell! She just tried to get me to pity her in order to cover for her. This isn't the way the law works."

"I understand that, son, but you have to understand something. This man here was the highest form of corruption. The prosecution probably won't even try anything. We'll charge her with murder, the lawyer will probably work the self-defense angle, and if it makes you feel any better…we'll just let it play out and see what happens."

It was a satisfactory enough answer, so Beck went along with it while remaining true to moral code and integrity. To his shock and dismay, however, there would not be a trial.

For a reason he did not understand, the coroner marked David's death as a suicide. The judge declined to hold any trial for the man, and the district attorney did in fact say they were not going to waste any time on the case should it ever go to court.

Beck would watch Tori board a plane for the airport, looking happy and victorious as she always did.

The case would serve inspiration for him, however. He wanted to go into teaching while continuing to work the beat someday, to teach students about the ethics and the dangers of corruption. He intended to focus his work on eradicating corruption in the ranks of the police division-corruption that David had a hand in creating so long ago.

His efforts led him to befriend a newer judge, Judge Baker, who also wanted to zero in on corruption within the ranks of the law. They managed to unseat the corrupt judge, exposed the district attorney, and would continue to work on exposing and destroying corruption.

Tori would always be the one that got away, though. Each time he or a friend tried to bring up the case to try her, no one wanted to touch it. In an ironic twist of fate, the corruption within the police ranks would always protect her much like they had protected David many years ago.

It was something Beck pondered, that perhaps they were correct and she deserved to get off while David did not deserve justice. At the same time, Beck always believed everyone deserved justice, no matter how bad they might have been.

"I suppose movies and crime documentaries are wrong," Beck surmised, "The victim of crime isn't always 'loved by everyone and has no enemies', 'does good for everyone. Volunteers at shelters. Goes to work on time every day and never says a bad word about anyone. Perfect in every way!' Sometimes they are the world's greatest asshole, but does that mean they don't deserve justice?"

He wasn't going to give up. He may have hated David for everything the man caused and had done, and he may have sympathized with Tori and her family many times, but the man had been murdered in cold blood by a person he didn't perceive a threat.

* * *

And the final irony is that Beck who once was a stout defender of Tori, now and for a good duration of his career, will hunt her like a criminal. This chapter is very bittersweet. On one hand, David is gone. He can't hurt anyone else ever again, but on the other hand he was murdered in cold blood by his youngest daughter, who knew exactly what she was doing. It's a hard pill to swallow. What are your thoughts on everything?


	50. Somebody to Love

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 50 (Somebody to Love)

Trina stood before her father's grave, feeling a rush of mixed emotions. She had her daughter with her and Jesse standing nearby. Beck was standing a few feet away, dressed in police uniform. "I still don't want to believe she could do something like this…" Trina looked up slowly, closing her hands firmly. "Killing that man like that. I don't want to believe Beck…"

"There's been a lot of tragedy these last few years." Jesse folded his arms across his chest and squinted at the grave marker. His jowls sank and his head shook from side to side. "David was an asshole, from what I've heard. It sounds almost like Beck's the only one fighting to get justice for him."

She understood why, and felt like justice should be done regardless of how terrible of a man David was in life. "Yeah…Far be it for me to want justice for the guy."

Beck walked towards them, listening in on the conversation. "It's not so much justice I want as it is exposure to the corruption." Trina looked at him with a nod of understanding. "It doesn't seem fair, and is almost contradictory. The judge's ruling, the coroner's falsified report and the DA's lack of concern. If they are like this with a man that doesn't deserve justice, then they can be like this for anyone." His eyes narrowed further and his jaw locked. "That has to be exposed."

"You're right, I guess." A lot happened since she got put on probation, but she didn't think it was all over yet. David may be gone, her probation may be over, and Jade would be studying her life story for god only knows how long. This couldn't be the end, but it felt like an end.

A bittersweet one, at that. "Jesse?" He looked over as she turned to him, placing a hand on his upper left arm. "Thanks for being here for me." Jesse smiled back at her, nodding once. "I'm really grateful to have you here."

"Same for you." He took a deep breath and gazed across the cemetery. "It's been hard since Sasha's death. I'm not sure where I'd be right now if not for you." To say they needed each other was an understatement. They built the other up.

Seeing they were in the midst of conversation, Beck waved and started walking away. He let them know to head by the studio later. The Yin and Yang martial arts was great, it helped both of them focus for the longest time.

Trina grasped the handles of Megan's stroller and began walking down the gravel path with Jesse at her side. There was a bond that had grown between the two, forming a deep respect that held them together like glue. Both of them felt it, but were unsure how to proceed with their own feelings.

"You think-" Jesse sighed and looked up to the sky. "You think Sasha would be okay with me seeing someone else?" Trina raised an eyebrow and started to smile. It wasn't a question she thought she could answer, but certainly she had an idea of how Sasha might react to such a thing.

"I think nobody wants to be alone, and I feel like Sasha would want you to be happy."

"Yeah." Jesse chuckled softly and closed his eyes. "I wanted to marry her and start a family. Start a career somewhere, watch my children grow up and go off to school." His eyes glazed over and Trina felt a shifting within her heart. "Come home from work at the end of the day, be greeted with a kiss from my wife and my children. Sit down at the dinner table, talking about how everyone's day went…"

She bowed her head, looking to her daughter with a trembling gaze. In her heart, she knew she wanted the same thing. Most people might want the same thing. "You can still have it, Jesse. With the right person, you can still have that."

Jesse moved his hands behind his back, holding them together as he moved his eyes along the path before them. "I'm ready to move on. To take a chance with someone new, but it would have to be someone I know she would approve."

"I understand." A lot of people were like that. It wasn't so much holding onto a person rather than respecting the memory of someone who once loved you. She would want to know that Sasha would approve of whomever dated Jesse. Hell, she wanted to approve herself. "You know, if you're ready to take that step, then don't let anything stop you."

Jesse ran his hand over the back of his neck and let out a heavy sigh. "It's just been so long."

"You don't have to rush. Pace yourself. Be with someone that understands and respects you enough not to force you into something you might not be ready for." Jesse looked at her with a serene smile and started to nod. "I know if it were me, I'd never pressure you. It's been two years almost, but that doesn't mean the pain's completely gone. It just means things are getting better, and you need to move forward in your life."

"Sure."

"I think Sasha would agree to that. I think she'd want you to do that."

He closed his eyes and nodded once more. "She would. No question about it." It was a long shot, but she considered asking if he thought she'd make a good choice, but was too nervous to consider. She respected him, but respected him enough not to push or ask anything that he may not think about.

There was a long pause where he looked back at the grave they were leaving. She followed his gaze and shook her head at her father's grave. "Probably here isn't the best place to talk like this," he said softly. "How are you handling everything? Your dad's death, your sister's responsible."

"I don't know, Jesse." Beck didn't tell her how bad the crime was, because he couldn't. He could only tell her that Tori was a suspect, and a fugitive from justice. It was heavy on her heart, but she didn't let it destroy her. "She's wanted, yet Beck can't arrest her. I'm not sure exactly why that is, but I don't want to say it's because of his tie to her in the past."

"He seems adamant more about arresting her than protecting her."

"Yeah, that's the thing…" He did say something about corruption being the reason Tori was free. In which case, she saw it as another killer escaping the grip of justice. "My dad escaped justice a long time ago. It's funny, you wouldn't think the same thing that happened to me would happen to him. I survived."

"Violent men die violent deaths." Jesse took a deep breath and walked slowly out of the cemetery gates. Trina smiled sadly and followed him out. "You must be happy he can't hurt you or your family anymore."

"I am. I'm glad my mom can come around now and be a family with Gary and with my daughter. I wish Tori could, but I don't think Beck's ever going to stop going after her."

"Do you think he should?" She raised her head and her grip on the stroller handles tightened. Jesse slid his hand through his hair and peered down at the sidewalk. "Stop going after her?"

"I personally don't know." She was torn, if nothing else. The love for her sister was and would always be there, and part of her felt like David had it coming. On the other hand, she wouldn't wish violent murder on her worst enemy, and thought that all murderers and criminals should have a chance to face justice. "I don't want her to go to prison because she's my sister and I love her; but if she killed somebody, then she needs to be held responsible. She needs to know she can't make problems go away by killing them."

"You're very wise."

"Oh." She chuckled disbelievingly and a sigh rolled from her lips. "I don't know about that. I'm a realist."

"No, you're a wise woman when you want to be."

"Thank you." Walking to the car, she opened the backseat and looked over with a smile as Jesse lifted Megan from the stroller.

"Here we go," he said as Megan laughed, "Out of the roll chair and into the toddler seat." He set her in the toddler seat and strapped her in. Trina popped her trunk, folded the stroller up and laid it inside.

She closed the trunk and turned sideways, resting her left elbow on the center of it. Megan was laughing as Jesse made faces and joked with the child. It was fun to watch him interact and always excited her.

He was always good to Megan, and that was extremely important. "You know." Jesse took a step back, closing the door carefully and looking out at Trina. "A little child like that, I don't know what her dad's thinking not coming around."

"I wouldn't be the first girl that man left knocked up, I'm sure." She frowned, remembering something that somebody told her about Sinjin having one night stands at what he called 'stone parties'. "I heard he fathered a son with someone a couple years before Megan, but that's all speculation." She rubbed her neck and turned her head to peer down her side. "No proof beyond that."

"A young child needs a father figure in her life." Jesse walked around the car, stepping in front of her. "A good one though. No one like that."

"Yeah. I'll always want to give her one. I know how it feels to not have one, or a good one at least." She rolled her shoulders back and lifted her head, looking swiftly into his eyes. "But that person needs to be good for her, good for me. I can't accept negative."

"Could you accept someone like me?" Her heart stopped and her mouth fell open. Jesse slid his right palm along the edge of the trunk and took a deep breath. "I'm not sure how I mean that." She bit the corner of her lip and let her eyes drift to the back windshield. Megan's head was turned towards the window and her wide eyes were watching closely.

"I could accept you, if you could accept me." Leaning forward, she smiled and held his gaze. "You're sure you want me to be the first person you give a chance to in dating again?" Her heart fluttered as he nodded back to her.

"I can't think of anyone else I'd rather, to be honest." This was what she'd been waiting for, or what she'd wanted for a while. The attraction had always been there, but out of respect she said nothing.

"Well…" Her fingertips glossed the surface of her car as she moved in front of him. Jesse turned, leaning the back of his waist on the truck. Her hand stopped over his and her fingers curled around the side of his hand and pressed into his palm. "You are extremely good to my daughter, you're good to me. Respectful." She could see in his eyes, he wanted this too. For how long? Even when Sasha was alive, she would indicate both were attracted to one another, but nobody was going to acknowledge or admit to it.

"You deserve respect. You deserve someone that will treat you like a woman." His thumb caressed the top of her hand. His gaze pulled her in, and the deepness of his voice was like a melody for her heart. "Your daughter also deserves someone that's going to care for her and treat her in every way a father should. I'm not saying we should rush into something, but, I think I can be that someone for you."

"How long have you felt like this?"

"Too long. Longer than I should, I suppose, I just never felt like I should say it."

"You've never been one to talk."

"I'm a private person."

"So am I." She smiled as happy tears welled up in her eyes. There was something to be said for having someone like him in her life. He was like her, his past was a bit chaotic but his present was like a diamond that evolved from rubble. "Jesse, I don't know how to say this."

She squeezed her hand around his. Her lips pressed together and her head bowed. He furrowed his eyebrows and raised his free hand towards her cheek. "So just say it." She closed her eyes and leaned into the caress of his hand, sighing as he pushed her hair back and slid it behind her ear.

"I never thought I could care for someone the way I do you." She opened her eyes and felt her heart rise into her throat. "I was attracted to you from the moment I met you, but I could never and would never act on that. Even after Sasha…I respected her too much. I respected you too much."

She held her breath, trying to gauge his reaction to what she was saying. He was quiet, listening intensely as he often did. There was a softness to his gaze, and a calmness in his expression.

Since he wasn't pulling away, she felt it was only right to continue. "Jesse, I'm not trying to replace her in any way, and I could never. It's just, watching how you are with Megan, how you are with me and with my family. I think what I'm trying to say is…" She closed her eyes and let her shoulders and body relax. "I've fallen in love."

He gave her hand a squeeze, then she felt the energy around her shift as his body moved forward. His lips met hers with a gentle push, setting off a spark that broke apart and traveled through her. Her body lifted up and she groaned as he pulled away from her.

Trina opened her eyes partially, gazing back at him and speaking with a whisper. "Why'd you stop?" He smirked and bounced his head to the car.

"Your daughter's watching." She tucked her lower lip underneath her teeth and blushed as he kissed her forehead. "I thought you had to date someone to fall in love with them, but no. I feel the same way about you. I have for a long time." His hand slid out from under hers and moved for her waist. "How do we do this?"

"Naturally." It was the best answer she could come up with. Their relationship was already evolving naturally, so she figured it should continue to grow at a natural pace. Trina breathed in deep and moved her hands to his shoulders. "I won't ask you rush into anything. I won't tell you that you must absolutely, at all costs, accept my daughter like she's yours. I won't do anything to make you feel uncomfortable."

"I know. That's something I like about you."

She leaned up on her toes, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips. It felt right, it felt pure; and somewhere, she was certain Sasha was looking down on them with a proud smile.

A lot had changed in her life since her days in high school, and since the days she was with Marcus. Back then, she never could have fathomed a man like Jesse in her life. Now, no longer the girl she was but a woman, she was ecstatic to have found a man like him.

* * *

It's not over yet, but we are definitely getting there. In future chapters, I'm debating, I might try doing a chapter or two in first person. I do this, and that means it's Trina's narrative. What that means is Trina may be telling somebody a portion of her own story. What are your thoughts about this chapter? How Trina and Jesse come together here. We see her reaction to David's murder as well. Understandably she is torn on how to feel about it all, but we see she's grown a great deal to be able to think about it rationally as opposed to reacting in anger. She is angry, but she's rational.


	51. Brand New Life

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 51 (Brand New Life)

She didn't date Jesse long before they decided it was time to settle down and marry. He proposed to her in the park one day, in a way that was not expected at all. They were out riding their bikes and underneath the sunset to take a break, and that was the moment he asked her to be his wife.

They married in the summer of 2021, on the anniversary of the day they met. Gary walked her down the aisle, Cat was her matron of honor; and perhaps the greatest sight she'd seen on that day besides her beloved husband or the four year old flower girl had been the overjoyed tears shed by her mother.

More surprising, only because Beck had been invited to the wedding, was the presence of Beck's niece. It made her cry to see Rachel there, but not sorrowful ones. Rather, she was thrilled by the girl's presence. Even now, Beck was trying to find ways to give her memorable moments.

Once things settled down, Trina found herself without a job while Jesse worked as a carpenter. He made enough to support the family, so she decided it would be okay to take a break and care for Megan. It wasn't long before she began feeling ill, however, and once again she found herself at the hospital.

This time, the occasion was far more anticipated and welcome, though no more special than the prior.

She strode in through the doors of her home, finding her family scattered around the living room. Gary and Holly were cuddled together on the couch, grinning from ear to ear as Megan tried to squeeze in between them.

Tori was present in the form of a skype video conference, and also appeared eager to hear the news. Jesse, still donning a carpenter's work uniform and leather gloves, was standing in the center of the room with a nervous gaze. "Sorry I couldn't be at your appointment," he said, "What's the news? Is everything okay?"

"Yes." She put her hand to her stomach and looked down with a smile. "Everything is more than okay. I'm still healthy as ever, according to the doctor."

"So what's been going on?"

Suddenly Megan's eyes shot open and she looked up with a joyful laugh. "Momma's home from the doctor!" Trina grinned as Megan bounced off the couch and ran over to her. She raised her arms up and jumped twice. "Pick me up, momma!" Laughing, Trina picked up her daughter and gazed into the happy child's eyes as the girl threw her arms around her neck. "What the man at spit all say, Momma?"

"Hospital," she clarified. Megan scrunched her face and attempted to pronounce the word properly. Trina took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "You're going to be a big sister, Megan." Megan froze, her eyes growing large and her mouth opening into a wide gasp.

"Wha-at?"

Jesse stumbled forward, practically collapsing from the shock while both her parents cheered. Even Tori was excited, exclaiming how she wished she could be there to celebrate.

Months later, August 5, 2022, she would be born. A sweet baby girl, born from love. In her hospital bed, Trina held the baby close to her in a warm pink towel, swaying her gently back and forth. Jesse stood at her bedside, looking down in awe and love as a proud new father.

Megan stood at the foot of the bed with her grandparents, bouncing up and down while trying to get a good look of her new sister. "Can I hold her?" Megan asked. "Please? I won't drop her like Grandma's vase, I promise." Picturing the porcelain blue vase shattered across the floor, Trina hugged her tiny baby closer to her chest.

"In a little while, honey…"

There was a complication; the doctor wanted to observe for a few days because the newborn had an irregular heart murmur and she was smaller than average. The doctor said the baby could have a weakened heart and slow development in growth, but otherwise thought she was healthy. Still, it was something that needed to be monitored, and it terrified Trina that something could be wrong.

None of it mattered so much in this moment, because right now the only thing that mattered was holding her new daughter in her arms. The child had emerald colored eyes and surprisingly red fuzz on top of her head. "She's going to have near reddish hair," Trina whispered while leaning her head onto Jesse's arm. "Like Sasha. I'm not sure where the red comes from…"

Holly raised her hand. "My side of the family is Irish, dear." Trina raised her eyebrows and chuckled, remembering her genealogy. "It was only a matter of time before a baby in our family was born with red hair. It always changes when they get older though." Holly extended a portion of her hair and shrugged. "I used to have red hair. I don't dye it brown."

"Oh. That explains it." She didn't care, this was considered a sign in her book. With a growing smile, she gazed lovingly into her daughter's almond shaped, emerald eyes and whispered. "Sasha." Her heart rose as the baby's mouth turned up into a wide smile, as though approving of the name. "After one of my best friends. My newest little angel, named after an angel peering down from heaven."

Gary put his right arm around Holly's shoulders while Holly's arms hugged Megan's neck. "So Trina, I guess it doesn't have to be asked…" He smirked playfully as she raised her head up. "You're definitely keeping this one."

"That's not even a thought," Jesse laughed. Trina hummed and tugged the corner of Sasha's towel up closer to her chin. Jesse rubbed Trina's back and leaned. down, kissing her forehead and then Sasha's. "I love you," he whispered to them.

In the coming year, Sasha needed a lot of medical care and a lot of surgeries. She had been born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, a syndrome with an unknown cause that occurred in about 960 babies each year. It was often said to be genetic, though no one in Trina's family had these genes, but Jesse's mother had this issue.

What the disorder entailed was an atrial septal defect. A birth defect where a hole exists in the wall dividing the upper chambers of the heart, varying in size. It can close on its own, but sometimes may need surgery.

This defect can cause damage to the blood vessels in the lungs, leading to problems in adulthood like high blood pressure in the lungs or heart failure. In Sasha, there was an abnormal heartbeat.

Having heard the news and doing everything she could to learn about the defect, Trina was horrified and filled with fear. She started to baby Sasha, making sure she didn't get too worked up. Even Megan was afraid something might happen to her little sister, and had started becoming protective of her.

In the year that passed Sasha's birth, Trina had gotten licensed to do work as a paralegal, and started working for a law firm. She did this to help bring income in and better afford medical treatments for Sasha.

She even tried one more time to gain child support from Sinjin, even letting Megan stay with him for a weekend in hopes he would be charmed by his daughter. Unfortunately, he practically starved the child while snacking uncontrollably himself. Trina was so pissed, she took Megan back swearing never to let Sinjin watch the girl again.

When she tried to serve him to make him pay child support, he disappeared once again and couldn't be found. Between what she made and what her husband made, it ultimately didn't matter and she opted out of making him pay anything.

"How is everything?" Beck asked as he approached her one day. She on the front porch, holding Sasha in her arms while watching Megan play in the front yard. Beck was in full uniform and had left his patrol car, a good indicator he was currently on the job. "Is Jesse still worried about getting laid off?"

"A little, but he's doing fine." She furrowed her brow and reclined in her chair. She'd gotten used to these visits, though questioned why he was always coming by to check on them. Perhaps he still felt guilty about the past, or maybe he was still trying to find answers about Tori. "I thought you moved up in the force, Beck? You're not a patrol cop anymore."

"That's right, but I still like to drive around and keep tabs on things." Beck crossed his arms and started to frown. "I know you don't like getting updated about your step-dad's case…"

"I don't really mind, anymore." She preferred it as opposed to the work Jade was starting to do. Shaded from the sun by Beck, Trina removed her sunglasses and set them on the end table beside her. "Jade's coming around now, too." Beck rolled his eyes and unfolded his arms.

"Is she causing trouble?"

"No. She wants to use her case study-" She crossed her legs and sat upright. "-My life…as a lecture. Talking about how about how probation can help turn someone's life around."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I'm honestly not sure." She shrugged. "It's for classroom lectures. I suppose it's okay, but I don't like thinking about those days much anymore. I've got too much to worry about now."

"So it doesn't bother you?"

"No."

"I'm glad." He took a seat in the porch chair beside her and pushed his hands along his knees. "Judge Baker and I managed to expose the district attorney and Judge Brail on their corruption. He's charging them now." Trina pursed her lips and raised her head up.

"What do you hope to gain from taking these people out?"

"I hope to cleanse the police force." He leaned forward, clasping his hands between his knees. Trina raised her eyebrows and turned her head to him. "Whatever amount that I can…I know corruption is an affliction, and it can never be truly eradicated."

"That's fair to say. You're doing good work, then."

"Yeah."

"You haven't made any attempts to arrest my sister." Trina looked out at the street with a sigh and closed her eyes. "She's no longer in New York. Says she's travelling the world and will settle back down there again in a few years."

"She knows I'm coming for her." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Not right now, but she knows what's coming. It's only a matter of time, that's why she's out of the country right now."

"You're waiting until when? Until you've gotten rid of everyone that protected her because David is a douchebag?" Beck had never been able to partner with Gary because Gary was retiring, but had he done so, this matter might have been resolved by now.

"Judge Brail didn't want to try the case because she hated David. She knew how bad he was. The chief prosecutor didn't want to touch it because they didn't feel there was enough social concern for justice. The District Attorney paid the damn coroner to put false information." He gasped and threw his hand up into the air. "If I didn't know better, I'd almost think your stepfather's death was caused by a conspiracy around him."

"Yet you say my sister acted alone."

"She did. Even her journal says she was never abused."

"She was." Trina shrugged. "She just didn't recognize it as abuse because she was also the one he showered with love. She was perfect, so when he would shout at her or even raise a hand to her, she considered it discipline and that maybe she'd done something wrong and needed to do better. She was just as abused as the rest of us, Beck, but her warped mind saw things a bit different."

"I see."

Exhausted and no longer desiring to discuss her sister's act of murder, Trina turned to Beck and looked him square in the eyes. "Look. I love my sister. I always will, always have. She might not love me, but you know what, I don't want to talk about putting her way." Beck lowered his hands, nodding slowly. "You do what you must. If she's guilty, then arrest her and charge her for murder, but don't talk to me about her. Just do your job and leave me out of it."

"I can respect that."

"Thank you…" She didn't know when or if Beck would ever be able to make that arrest. There was no statute of limitations for murder, and Tori had not been tried for the murder yet, so she could still be charged and tried.

A loud exhale rolled from her lips and she closed her eyes. "So how long are you planning to wait?"

"I could charge her right now if I wanted, but first I would have to get an extradition team. I'd have to get a case ready and find a prosecutor willing to take it." It could take years to extradite Tori, and even longer to get her to face justice, but it could be done. "I may need to exhume David's body, get a new coroner to look at it."

"But you need permission from the family for that." She rolled her eyes and brought her hand before her face, sighing into it. Beck's lips closed together and he crinkled his brow. "Fine. I'll sign off on that."

"Thank you."

Trina looked down at her sleeping infant, then out to Megan picking flowers from the yard. She still thought about Rachel every day, wishing desperately that her daughters could meet their oldest sister. "It still breaks my heart not to have Rachel in my life." Beck shut his eyes and leaned back slowly.

"I know it does."

"How is she?"

"Well. She looks more like you every day." He removed his hat and stood up, holding the cap at waist level. "You still afraid of meeting her or Jason?"

"I'm a married woman with two girls. He's got his own life too. I doubt either of them need me interrupting their life." Beck studied her for a full minute, before sighing in defeat and turning away.

"There's no law that says you can't visit, Trina. He's not even married either, so it isn't like there's a woman that will see you as a threat or something to her way of life. You need to let go of your pride, or maybe fear. Whatever it is that's holding you back…"

Saying nothing, she pulled her sunglasses from the table and placed them over her eyes, concealing the tears that were beginning to form.

"I still haven't said anything about you to him, after all these years, but I can promise you he'd love to meet his daughter's birth mom. So would Rachel." Beck rolled his head to the side and looked out at the front yard. "I think a part of him suspects I know something about his mother, but he never says anything."

"Maybe one day, Beck. Maybe when my intentions can't be perceived as anything other than true. Think about it." She had a family now, she had money now. That was the point. "Jesse and I are doing okay for ourselves. The girls have shelter, they have a home. Jason's a single dad raising a child without a mom. In this society, women get everything and dads get stepped on because they're men." She turned her head up and Beck groaned. "If I show up at his door one day, he may be afraid that I'll be able to take Rachel from him."

"That old fear is still holding you back. Let go of it." It was more than that. She needed to be strong. She knew if she went there, she'd break down and cry. Or so she was afraid of it. She was afraid of being turned away and afraid of the rejection. "Maybe one day you will…I'll be happy when that day comes."

"Yeah." She frowned. "So will I."

* * *

So, quite a bit in this chapter. There's not much left in the past that needs whole details, we can see things are going fairly well. Save for some ups and downs, but they're far and few it appears, and her life is becoming that much more stable. Perhaps she has a new label to add to her name: mother, wife. Stick around, we're getting closer. Do tell your thoughts and observations here


	52. Breakroom Gossip

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 52 (Breakroom Gossip)

The carpeted hallway of the courthouse was lit by amber lights and small windows spaced about three feet apart. Peering out the windows, someone could look down on the cars zipping by and enjoy the skyline where buildings met the clouds.

At the end of the hall was an elevator with brass doors, tiled floor, and mirrored walls. It was a common transport from the law office to ground floor and the break room.

Standing in the center of the elevator was a woman with long brown hair that rolled around the shoulders of her velvet purple blazer and long matching slacks. She had a blue shirt underneath and a necklace with a diamond pendant resting easily on her slacks. A Styrofoam coffee mug was gripped by a manicured hand and red painted nails.

Taking a small sip of her coffee, the woman's piercing brown eyes panned the long hallway. There was a breakroom on this floor, but she preferred the ground floor as it was the most popular. She did use the one on the current floor from time to time, when she wanted to be alone.

Of course, the one at ground level had its wild frequenters whom she sometimes joked about being literal hens.

Making her way to the ground floor, the sound of hyena-like laughter and cackles chimed in her ears like a drumline, pounding more excessively and louder with each step she took. She started to smile and raised her eyes towards the ceiling. "More your scene than mine, old friend, but I do enjoy their company."

She wasn't sure what it was about the women of the breakroom that she liked, but she almost craved their company. They were more peckish for gossip than the group of high schoolers that used to come around when she was younger. She despised gossip, and normally shied away from being involved in their routine conversations, but enjoyed listening to them and silently pondering their personalities.

The ground floor break room wasn't all that large, just a fifteen by ten foot room with sand colored walls and brown carpeting. The tables scattered about the area were circular. There was a refrigerator positioned next to the marble topped cabinets along the back wall, and a porcelain sink in the center of them.

"I can't believe she said that!" Cried out one of the women. The woman took a deep breath and entered the room slowly, hoping to make it to her food first. "Oh my god, can you believe what Randy would say."

Another woman, tall, with curly grey hair and wire glasses resting on the tip of her nose, waved her hand at the blonde and shook her head. "Oh please. Paula, Randy is just as bad." It wasn't long ago that she was subject to office gossip, but she made it clear to the ladies that she didn't want to be the center of gossip and would not tolerate anything being said of her when she wasn't around or able to back it up.

They managed to get right her love affair with a doctor that paid routine visits to the building, but my how wild their stories had become. Ranging from her being close to death and the doctor reviving her with only his bare hands, to a number of crazier tales.

"I don't know Janet." Paula leaned over, curling her lips and raising her eyebrows. "Did you know she and Randy might actually have a thing going on?"

"Really?" Asked a third woman. She was more rotund, had long silver hair and rounder glasses than Janet. "That's juicier than Ms. Klein and Dr. Tyler!" Raising her eyebrows, the woman set her coffee cup down on the counter and opened the refrigerator. Spotting the Tupperware container with her name upon it, the woman let out a calm sigh and grabbed the container.

A fourth woman, heavyset and with a flush of grey and white hair going down to her chin raised her rounded head and closed her eyes. "Oh Sharon, not even close." At least Nancy had her back on the matter of gossip. "But I heard through the grapevine, that she and the rugged doctor might have a child together!"

With a cough, she shook her head and placed the container down onto the counter. She removed a saran-wrapped sandwich, then the small salad bowl with it, and proceeded to unwrap it.

"Really Nancy? At her age?" Janet leaned forward, her eyes opening wide. "Are you sure?" The woman dropped her shoulders and looked back at the four, wondering if they were aware she was there and this was their way of telling her they wanted her to sit down with them. "Oh men in their forties should have a vasectomy."

"Why?"

"Can you imagine having a baby at forty? Possible but difficult on the body."

"Sure, but I think the child is older."

The woman turned her back to the counter, leaning against it and raising the sandwich towards her lips. She blinked twice, watching the women with a smirk, then chewed a bite of her sandwich.

Another woman entered the room, she was closer to her age and wasn't a usual part of the gossiping hens. Sensing she didn't need someone getting the wrong idea about her, she swallowed her bite and moved forward. "What did I say about talking about me without my being here to back things up?" The four women gasped aloud and waved happily at her.

"Trina, come sit!" Paula proclaimed. "We were waiting for you."

"Yeah." She picked up her coffee cup and moved to the table, taking a seat at the fifth chair. "You knew I was here." Janet leaned away from the table, raising her hand to her chest.

"Of course. We wouldn't talk about you without you in the room." She scooped up some of her salad, humming gently as she took a bite.

"Well don't let me stop you now, but I will fact check you."

The four women leaned in, with Janet leading them in conversation. "No more gossip." Trina's right eyebrow arched and she lifted her head a bit. "We want the full blow by blow. Enough speculation and mystery. You're always going on about how 'that's not correct', but you never tell us how things actually are."

"Boring and uninteresting." She poked a finger out, still smirking. "That's how things are. Nobody should be interested in my life." She was going to have to mention that to Jade. "I eat steak and work out frequently, that is how I maintain my form and physique."

"You have to understand," Sharon said, "You are the most intriguing piece of talk here." Trina lowered her fork and turned her head a bit, looking confused and uncertain. "You don't talk about yourself much, so we only have our idle chatter to fill the blanks about who you must be."

"Wow." She laughed to herself and rolled her eyes upwards. Once married to a man of mystery, evidently she became a woman of mystery herself. Evidently the saying was true, she turned into the person she married. "I prefer observing and listening opposed to doing all the talking. You do the talking, I observe, that's how this relationship works so well. It's worked so well these last few years, why change up now?"

Paula's eyelids fell halfway and the woman's thin lips curved into a smirk that matched her own. "Because we want to know, and will keep talking about you until we've figured you out." With a sigh of defeat, Trina shrugged and picked up her pepperoni, ham, and cheese sandwich.

"Fine. I'll fill you in on a few details, but by god I'm not giving you my life story." She looked into their eyes and chuckled. "Lord knows that's giving too much to this thing of ours."

She wasn't sure exactly where to start, but she was at least grateful to have an opportunity to set things right. "Here's the deal." She sipped on her coffee, then took a bite of her sandwich. "I tell you some 'juicy information' about myself, and you don't gossip or talk about my life anymore. Will that work?"

"Aw, but your life is so fun."

"No. No it is not." She laughed gently and set her sandwich down. "I don't need the entire building talking about me or figuring out who I am." Hell, there were probably enough college students in all of California doing exactly that. "So I would prefer not to be the subject of office gossip."

"Got it."

"You have our word," Nancy replied. The others nodded, often following suit with Nancy since she was the older of the group. "We won't talk about you anymore. Just let us know a few things…"

"Sure." Trina took another deep breath and grabbed her coffee cup. "I can do that." The others thanked her and she closed her eyes. "For starters, this outfit I'm wearing? A good friend of mine, since passed, bought it for me a very long time ago." She grasped the cup firmly and hummed. "Also, the doctor…my fiancé…has a brother that is directly responsible for our being together. The brother was a mutual friend."

"Significance?"

"Getting to that." She didn't want these women to assume things about her past, so she wanted to be careful not to give them too much while at the same times she knew some of what she had would require a bit more information.

She accurately had a child with every man she slept with, she wasn't a slut or a whore. These women could be old enough to understand that, while at the same time, they may be old enough to whisper judgements amongst themselves.

"Because a man I dated in my past, an abuser, impregnated me." The women scrunched their faces and nodded as she raised the cup towards her lips. "I didn't have the wherewithal to take care of a baby at the time, and was in fear of mine and her life. So I gave her up for adoption. The man that adopted her would be Jason."

"Oh, I see. You didn't know him, or did you?"

"I did not." She sipped the drink, inhaling through her nose and swallowing carefully. Her soft sigh seemed to push the cup from her lips. "Now his brother happened to be a part of these crazy friends of my sister." She hummed and opened her eyes halfway to peer out at the women. "Kind of like you guys. They had their thumbs on the pulse of society and had to know what was going on in the world."

She spoke with a degree of sarcasm meant only for herself, and to her pleasure, the women nodded without catching the ire. "So you knew his brother?"

"Correct. Beck has spent years trying to convince me to meet Jason, and he finally got that to happen. In a very crafty, skillful way…Getting me hired by his good friend, Judge Baker, who happened to do work daily with Jason."

Sharon turned her head, with one skeptical eye looming over her. "You were married once, weren't you?" Her heart broke at the memory of Jesse. It still hurt, and it would always be a source of pain, but thankfully she was able to move past that.

"Right. I'm widowed." Her fingers tightened around the cup as she lowered it to the table. She released the cup and folded her hands in her lap. "Jesse was a good man, a fantastic man. I loved him dearly and will always love him."

Sharon raised a hand, motioning towards her. "You love this man as well, right? Jason?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation or doubt in her mind. She needed to explain how it came to pass that they were together, however, otherwise they may get the wrong idea. "I want you all to bear in mind that I never approached him. Even now, he first approached me. I told him who I was, but that did not deter him."

"Good, that's good. What about your sister? You don't talk much about her. Why?"

"There's some contention there." Trina shrugged and picked up her fork. "I'll always care about her, but I can't take care of her or continue to watch over her. She's got a personality disorder that has really taken its toll on her. Not to mention my friend, Beck, is still trying to take her in for something she did long ago."

Beck was actually closing in now. As much as it pained her, she knew her sister would face justice eventually. Beck still worked as a detective, teaching as an adjunct professor on Tuesday nights with one class a week. He also taught an online course. He enjoyed teaching, and was likely to leave the force to teach full time.

Once his primary goal was finished, that was the plan.

"Now." She leaned forward, raising her eyes towards the women. "Where shall I begin?"

* * *

We've seen her present day, still don't know much about her current life but we're getting there. What are your thoughts here? Fine day for office gossip


	53. The Widow

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: My attempt at some first person, as Trina now narrates her own past.

* * *

Chapter 53 (The Widow)

June 14, 2027 is a day I will always remember, but not with any particular fondness. No, this day was yet another cool day for summer. The AC was on full blast, though we didn't need it.

Sasha was nearly five years old at the time, and her sister was ten. Megan was outside helping her father with the yard work while Sasha remained inside. Sasha wanted to help her big sister and her dad, but it wasn't allowed because of her heart condition. Megan was more attached to her dad than Sasha, but by that same token, I acknowledge how smothering I can be when it comes to my youngest.

It's caused a degree of sibling rivalry between my daughters. It's difficult not to smother, given Sasha's medical conditions, but I'm trying to baby her a lot less.

"Momma look!" Sasha held up a picture of a dog that she drew. The dog consisted of two brown ovals, one large and one small. It had two lines between them to form a neck, and four underneath that extended to smaller circles. It was colored in with crayon. "I made a puppy."

The child laughed and ran up to place the paper in my lap. My heart rose and I lifted the drawing with a wide grin. "It looks wonderful Sasha. I'm putting this up on the fridge."

The hum of the lawnmower outside filled my ears, pleasing them. The grass had become overgrown and I'd been bugging Jesse to have it mowed for some time now. My preference would have been to hire someone, but Jesse is a proud man that has never liked to pay someone to do a job he could do himself. It was worrisome though, because he had been having a lot of chest pain lately; so I don't want him overdoing it.

It's gotten worse lately for me, with the dreams that keep coming. Every now and then I see my old friend, Sasha, and I can see her dancing arm in arm with my husband. I know part of him will always love her, and part of me will always feel like he never belonged to me. He was always hers first, and she his.

Placing my daughter's drawing on the refrigerator, I gaze lovingly at the joy in Sasha's eyes. Whenever she smiles, the day gets a little bit brighter. Oddly today, her tenderness can't shake away the feeling of grief gripping at my heart. Try as I might to understand this feeling, I cannot do so.

Outside the window, Jesse is passing by with the mower. Megan is in the flower bed across the yard, watering the plants. Jesse's long, wavy hair is damp with sweat and he looks as though he hadn't slept in days. "Something isn't right," I whisper carefully so as not to alarm my daughter to the anxiety growing within me.

My husband has always been a proud and strong man, and in that, he has not made an effort to visit the doctor despite the odd pain he'd been feeling lately. Instinct warned to go outside and make him stop mowing, mostly because he looked exhausted. Instinct suggested to grab Megan out of the yard and away from her dad.

Simple tasks never wore Jesse out, and for him, mowing was a simple task. Today, he was breathing heavily and his eyes seemed to be flitting about.

Hearing the mower stop, I rush out to the porch and see him leaning against the top handle with his elbow hanging over and his right hand sweeping his brow. "Jesse, why don't you come inside?" He looked up at me and with a chuckle, shook his head.

"I'm okay dear."

"You look worn out. I'm worried about you. Come inside and rest." Jesse flashed a smile and waved his hand in the air. His chest moved outward and he turned back towards the mower. "Jesse."

"I need to get this lawn done. I'll come in when I've got this finished." He needed to do this task piece by piece. We had a large backyard that wasn't meant to be mowed in one sitting.

I knew better than to force him, so I went back inside to relax and watch my little one play some more. Jesse started up the mower once again, and its hum once more filled my ears with a melody that soothed and filled me with a strange exhaustion.

I was in my leather recliner and drifting off when Sasha climbed up into my lap. She curled into a ball beside me and I put my arm around her, protecting her as though she could fall off the chair at any minute. My eyes became heavy, so I closed them and willed myself to drift off to sleep.

The dream comes to my mind once more, and I saw my beautiful friend again stepping out of the darkness. She had a white spotlight that surrounded her, and a look of serenity in her eyes. Her arm outstretched towards me and I reached to try and take her hand, but my eyes deceived me. For Jesse stepped into view, placing his hand in hers.

My heart stopped as the pair looked my way. "Borrowed," whispered Sasha. She turned towards him, sliding her arm around his neck and gazing tenderly into his eyes. I tried to make a sound, but couldn't-I could barely move a muscle in my hand.

Sasha appeared much crueler in my dreams than she was in life, like a succubus intending to take my husband from his wife and children. For a moment it crossed my mind that perhaps these nightmares were an omen, but I knew the reality of dreams. They were nothing to fear, for they often meant little.

Just then, Sasha's head turned and her expression turned to panic. "Put the little one in the bedroom." I jerked my head back and my body jolted awake. The phrase was still fresh on my mind, and carried the weight of an order.

My daughter was fast asleep, so I lifted her up and carried her into her bed. As I tucked her in, I saw her eyes open up partially and her tiny fingers caressed the top of her brown comforter. "Mommy?" She yawned. "I'm not so sleepy."

I slide my hand through her hair and kiss her forehead. "Go ahead and take a short nap sweetheart, you look worn out." Sasha pulled her stuffed bunny, a white rabbit named Snowball, to her side and curled up.

"Love you, mommy."

"I love you too honey."

I left the bedroom once she was asleep again and closed the door behind me. I felt a rush of fear and grasped my chest, not knowing why I felt so anxious.

I could tell moving into the living room that the lawn mower had stopped. I hoped this was a good sign that Jesse was done mowing the lawn and had come in to rest, but I didn't see my husband anywhere.

There was a thickness forming in my throat, making it difficult to breathe as I moved closer to the door. Through the window pane, there was a sight that sent a shiver through my body and froze my fingers upon the knob.

The lawn mower was in the dead center of the yard and Jesse was on his back. Megan was kneeling at his side with tears in her eyes as she shook him with such vigor that he might fall apart. "Jesse!" With a new ounce of strength, I pushed the door open and ran outside.

Megan looked up at me, whimpering fearfully. "Daddy won't wake up. Momma, why won't he wake up?" Paralyzed by fear and grief, I fall to my knees and place my hands on his chest. I feel only a slight pulse, and shallow breaths. "He fell over and laid there, I thought he was tired, but then he stopped moving. Momma, what's wrong with daddy?"

Tears stung my eyes, like bleach. "Megan go inside." My words trembled and my fingers started to curl. "Go inside, call 9-1-1." I saw her eyes grow huge, and after several seconds, my child bolted to the door.

In my heart I knew he was gone, all the pleading and grief in the world wouldn't change that. I wept uncontrollably, however, with my tears spilling across his chest until the paramedics arrived. Megan stayed inside, keeping a watch over Sasha. It was bad enough Megan had to witness her dad's death, Sasha was much too young to see something like this.

My thoughts on how to tell them their daddy was gone hadn't occurred to me at all, because there was no preparation for something like this. For me, it was like losing a part of my soul.

The funeral was hell. Both of my children wore patterned black dresses, matching my own. They stood on either side of me, gripping my hands. I couldn't read my oldest daughter's expression, she looked angry and hurt but also seemed to be trying to remain strong.

Sasha broke loose from me, running up to her father's coffin and trying to raise herself up as though she wanted to climb into it. "Daddy wake up," Sasha cried, "I want to play with you." The girl's voice broke and her tears poured along her cheeks. "Please daddy, please, don't go."

I knew I should pull her from him, but my heart was breaking so much I couldn't act like I knew I should. My family watched on as well, all with silent and sorrowful gazes. Even Beck was present. I wasn't sure why he was there, but I didn't want to know. I couldn't be bothered.

When I saw his brother, I knew. Jason was on call at the ER when they brought Jesse in. Jesse was already gone, but it was up to him to diagnose the root cause. Jason looked at me with a frown. I could see in his eyes he recognized me; the kook from the store a few years before that seemed to know his daughter.

It didn't matter.

He walked up and extended a strong hand. I took a deep breath and shook his hand, closing my eyes as he reached up with his free hand to pat my upper arm. "I'm so sorry for your loss." I gasped out and reached up to my chest. "I wish I could have done more."

"You've done more than anyone could." I smiled politely, thanking him with a nod, then pulled away. I approached my husband's coffin and slid my fingers along the wood top while gazing down at Jesse. "I love you. I will always love you. I'll be strong…" I looked up to the sky, my voice shook and my body trembled. "Take good care of him Sasha…"

I didn't know the first thing about being strong, but when I looked at my two young girls, I knew being strong was something I'd have to figure out. I needed to get a job again so I could support them. It would be the first thing I do.

The months that passed were the hardest. I hit the job boards day in and day out while my two daughters sat around the television in a feverish attempt to distract themselves from the lack of a father.

Megan was hit the hardest from what I could see, and she was beginning to lose some of her childhood innocence. The girl was toughening up, becoming more protective of her little sister, and even myself. It was the last thing I wanted to ever happen, but I didn't know how to prevent this change in her.

Sasha followed her around like a puppy, mimicking her older sister and doing everything with her. Once in a while, Megan would wander off to the park down the street, playing dangerous games such as jumping on the rocks in the creek or climbing rock structures there, and Sasha would follow suit.

I mourned my husband's loss differently, eventually coping and coming to terms with his being gone. Every now and then, I would think about the daughter I gave up so long ago, and I would be glad she didn't have to deal with such a loss. Though, from my understanding, she never had a mother.

Eventually Beck approached me with news that Judge Baker was hiring for a new secretary and assistant. I still had knowledge of paralegal studies and could do the work of a judicial secretary, so I took his advice and applied.

To my pleasure, I got the job, but little did I know that Beck placed me directly in the path of a doctor that I had tried to spend as little involvement with throughout the many years that had passed…

* * *

So here we see what happened to Jesse. What are your thoughts? Likely Beck's having the same bit of this in his lecture, but he'd probably choose carefully how to discuss the matter due to Rachel's (and ulitmately Megan's) presence.


	54. The Last Man

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: My attempt at some first person, as Trina now narrates her own past.

* * *

Chapter 54 (The Last Man)

I'd been working for Judge Baker for a while, it was late 2029 when it happened that the awkward silence between the doctor and myself finally ended. To be sure, we'd seen each other quite few times since I started working, which I was more surprised by than much else. Even still, I hadn't opted to talk to him, rather than focus on my work.

"So, you know my brother?" Jason asked one day while stopping at my desk. I raised my eyebrow and looked up at him slowly. He was holding a folder in his hands and wore a brown suit, indicative of getting ready to testify in court.

I found him strangely attractive, even now with Jesse's death still fresh. I was moving on from Jesse, mind you, but I hadn't given serious thought about attractions to somebody since his passing. Jason was one I'd always been attracted to, however, but I've always done my best to avoid dealing with him if I could. For the last year, this task proved near impossible. Perhaps I made it obvious that I wanted little to do with him, but I needed to at least be civilized.

"Possibly."

"Beck Oliver. He says he knows you." Jason ran his hand over the back of his neck and looked towards the window. The sunlight spilled across his face and broadened shoulders, highlighting them in my eyes. I pulled my gaze away for fear of letting any attraction whatsoever show.

The physical attraction was clear, but it was more than that. This was the man that raised up the child I gave away. I knew from Beck that he'd done a tremendous job, and I was impressed. There was still the old fear I had that he would think I'd take Rachel from him, but this wasn't my intention at all. It never had been and never would be.

"I do know him. We're friends, but our friendship's a strange one." Jason looked confused, but I didn't expect him to understand what this meant. "We knew each other when he was friends with my sister."

"Let me guess. Tori Vega?"

I did a double take, stunned that Jason knew about her. "He talked about her?"

"Yeah. Hell, I met her a long time ago." I squinted, unsure what he meant by this. After a few seconds it dawned on me that Jason was the one everyone met briefly at some party Mr. Sikowitz threw for the group. "The redhead dragged me off, if I remember." He smiled and looked up, chuckling at the memory. "God that was a long time ago. My brother was there, but obviously we didn't talk."

"Right. Well, Beck and I didn't become friendly until much later." I didn't like to talk much about my past, since I figured I'd moved on from it. Either way, it was interesting to know Beck mentioned her. "So, he's talked about me to you?"

"Not much." Jason crossed his arms and raised his shoulders. "Only that I should talk to you. Not sure why." I wasn't sure how to respond to the statement, other than to nod and continue to smile. It wasn't that I wasn't interested, but I needed to avoid certain issues that could arise. "Anyhow, I'll see you around I suppose. I need to get moving."

"Okay, you have a wonderful day."

As time went on his interest in me seemed only to grow, as did my own. He was intriguing, and the more he talked to me, the more I wanted to talk to him. It got to the point that I was just happy to see this man walk through the doors.

We didn't share so many things about our life, but there were a couple of times we talked about Rachel. I never told him I was her mother, but a part of me couldn't help to wonder if there was some part of him that knew. Ever since the day at the store several years ago, he would have had to suspect.

It was amazing to me as well that this man had never been married. Sure he dated here and there, but Jason's priority had always been taking care of Rachel and focusing on their lives. He told me once how he'd never been interested in going out with anyone, that nobody caught his eye-or the ones that did were usually taken or otherwise unavailable. He left ambiguous how many of these people he'd come across.

Our meetings tended to be brief, and it wasn't as though he was always there. We never got too deep in our conversations, and never thought of talking outside of work. It was easy for me to do things this way, because there were no strings attached.

One day he came to me, nervous and shifty, as though he didn't want anyone else around. "Nervous about a trial?" I shut my laptop so I could pay more attention to him, smiled gently and folded my hands on the top.

"Not entirely." He cleared his throat and breathed in slow. "I actually wanted to ask you something." My eyebrows rose up and I leaned forward, growing more and more eager by the moment. "Would you like to grab coffee sometime?" My heart stopped and I froze, staring into his eyes with the most stunned expression that I could form.

"Coffee? You mean…" I tilted my head and started to stand from my chair. "How do you mean?" It was clear what he intended, but I was in such a state of shock that it wasn't registering properly what he wanted. I couldn't go out with this man, it was simply unheard of. "A date?" Jason closed his eyes and smiled back.

"I guess so. My daughter has been going on and on for years about how I need to go out with someone, and even Beck has put in his suggestions." Jason ran his hand along his neck and looked off to the right for a split second before glancing back at me. "I've always found our talks to be great, but we always have little time to talk."

"I…" My heart was beating so fast I felt like it was about to take off. A part of me had always wanted this, even before I ever met Jesse, and even in the last few years. "I don't know what to say." I kept telling myself that it couldn't be, that it was simply impossible. Once he knew who I was, I'd run him off. "But I'm not so sure you'd want to have coffee with me, Jason."

He frowned, his eyebrows moved together and his hands lowered to his sides. "Why?"

"Because of who I am." I walked around my desk, stepping directly in front of him, then leaned against the edge of the desk. "Because of what I haven't told you-what I swore Beck into silence for years ago. You wouldn't want to be with me, you'd be afraid I had the wrong intention."

He let out a chuckle and closed his eyes. Confidence surrounded him like an aura, leaving me with a great deal of surprise. "Why not just tell me, and let me be the judge of that."

My hand slid along the desk surface and the lower left corner of my lip tucked underneath my teeth. "Okay." As I bowed my head, I tried to contemplate how I could tell him the truth. We'd become friends over the years, but this was different. If we went out, he needed the truth, and that truth could very well cause him to turn away. "Then let me start…"

I lifted my head, gazing into his eyes. I took a deep breath and tried to speak calmly and with as much honesty as I could. "I want you to know, I never asked Beck to put me in a job that would result in us meeting rather routinely. I never once intended to invade or interrupt your life. I don't want you to think this is anything but just something natural, something happening based off coincidences in our lives that led us to intersect."

"I would, if I believed in coincidences." He smirked and leaned to the side a bit. "I think I know what you're going to say, and it changes nothing. You've caught my attention, and I would like to get to know you more."

"So would I." I exhaled and shut my eyes. I needed to say it, in the form of ripping away a bandage. "Jason, Rachel is my daughter." My eyes opened and I saw no change in his posture or demeanor, save for the rising of his eyebrows. He knew already from our prior talks that I had given up a child somewhere along the lines, but that was the extent of it. "Her birth father was an abuser, a druggie and a criminal. During those years, I didn't think there was a chance of me surviving, much less a small infant, so I did the only thing I could think of…I gave her up."

"I see." I kept quiet, not knowing what else there was I could say as I waited for him to respond. Jason didn't do much, so I watched as he walked over to a chair and took a seat. "That would explain how you knew who she was, and it would explain why Beck has always been so eager for me to meet you."

"Now you have." Jason curled a finger over his upper lip and stared down at the floor with slanted eyes. "What do you think?"

"I've always wanted to meet you, to talk to you." My jaw fell open and, despite my shock, I continued to wait for his clarification. His fingers slid down to his chin and he started to chuckle. "I'm impressed. You've come a long way from the person stumbling over in the store…"

I stifled a laugh and smirked, rolling my eyes as I moved forward and crossed my arms. "Even at that point, I went a long way. I'm a lot more, a lot different, than I was all those years ago." Evidence enough was the fact that I had zero trouble talking to him since I started working here. "Even now, there's still a small fear that was a great one back then."

Jason clasped his hands between his knees and his forehead crinkled like paper. "What's that?" I walked over to him, standing before him.

"I didn't want to talk to you because I was afraid you'd think I was trying to take Rachel." I wasn't done with my honesty. At my age, I knew it was better not to withhold anything. Some things were best left unsaid, or discovered later, but where Rachel was concerned everything needed to be said. "I've always been attracted to you. You as a person, you know."

He raised his head, looking up with surprise. "Really?"

"Yes. I would see you from time to time, watch how well you treated her. Even Beck would tell me what a great father you were." I dropped my arms and glanced to the painted portrait hanging on the wall, studying it as a brief distraction before looking back to him. My heartbeat was racing even now, without any sign of slowing. "The more I saw of you, the more I heard, the more I wanted to know. Then these last few years, it's been great talking to you."

"Same. You're a good person, Trina." My heart skipped and my smile grew further.

"Thank you." I sat in the chair beside him and looked off to the wall in front of us. "If you still want to, I would love to grab coffee with you." I felt a rush of nerves that I hadn't felt for quite some time, they were exciting but frightening "I just wanted to make sure you know what my intentions are. I don't want you to think I would take advantage, I don't want you to think that I'm trying to weasel my way into Rachel's life by dating you. None of that is me."

"I'm the one asking you for coffee. Keep that in mind." I chuckled and started to nod. His point was a good one, mostly because she could have taken advantage if she wanted to and asked him a long time ago. "I'm not stupid. I know there's an interest there, so I can tell it's more than just feigning interest to get close to your birth daughter." He sat upright and cleared his throat. "In truth, I've always kind of suspected."

"You have?"

"Ever since the store. I didn't want to say anything, though. I'm glad you're honest."

"Thank you." The excitement in me was like a rush of fire setting me ablaze. I couldn't wait to go out with this man, to know more about him and see what had to offer you. "You need to know, I have two daughters and I am a widow. You probably know that, actually. You were at the funeral…"

"Yeah."

"So, name a time and place. We can do more than coffee if you'd like."

He grinned. "Randall's Steakhouse, six o'clock."

"Sounds good to me."

That first date was much easier than I thought it would be, most of my fears were due to anxiety over going on a date so late in my life and so long after Jesse's death. Still, it was with a man that I could see a promising relationship beginning.

My girls accepted him quickly, though Megan took a little time to warm up to him. It was understandable. As for Rachel, I had yet to meet her. Most of this was my own fear of rejection. We tried several times to meet, but something always got in the way.

Even my daughters took it hard. They always wanted to meet her, to get to know her and let her know everything they could about how great and awesome their mother was.

It was easy to fall in love with him. He was a man that I felt I'd known for much of my life, and he was gentle. He was caring, strong, and considerate-respectful even.

I will never forget the talk he had with my daughters one day, where he sat them down with a photograph of their father and told them to never forget the man that raised them. He promised that he would never attempt to replace Jesse, never try to erase his memory, but that he wanted still to be there for them and treat them as a father figure ought to.

It was during that conversation that Megan finally started opening up to him. It was important to me that she see my dating another man wasn't my trying to replace her father, but living life and moving on.

As it turned out, all of the waiting and all of the stress paid off. I'm not sure the relationship would have ever begun without Beck putting me in that job, but I'm thankful to him either way. There is no doubt in my mind that Jason is the one for me.

* * *

Trina has grown remarkably as evidenceed here. What are your thoughts? Do tell


	55. Time Draws Near

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 55 (Time Draws Near)

Trina took a long sip of her coffee, peering over the rim to study the ladies' reactions. All of them were gazing up with tensed brows and thoughtful gazes, which told her they were thinking very hard about some of the details of her story. "Did I hear right?" Paula asked. Trina pulled the rim of her cup away, peering down at the paper rim, wishing she'd remembered to grab her usual metal mug. "The good doctor hasn't been with anybody? All these years? A man like that?"

"No that's wrong." She raised her eyes and shrugged. "Married, he's never been. He's dated here and there, even had sex with someone when he was still in college." There was a good deal she didn't want to discuss about Jason, because like her, he was an extremely private man.

Jason was by no means a perfect parent. He did well as a father, and Rachel very well could have saved his life. When he was younger, like Trina, he'd gotten on the wrong side of the tracks. His teenage years were littered with fights, and even he had that same kind of abusive step-father.

The only difference in that case was he fought back physically were Trina did not, and that only caused him more blows. Eventually his uncle helped his little sister and nephew escape that marriage and they moved to California. His mother eventually remarried her first husband, the one that had an affair with a Canadian prostitute many years ago.

"Originally, he's from Texas." The ladies nodded at her addition. Jason had a girlfriend in college who wound up being crazy and tried to fake a pregnancy to get him not to break up with him. He'd even fallen into a brief depression which ended when Sikowitz got him back into martial arts. Then, Rachel came into his life, and he had someone to care for.

All of this made him very understanding of Trina's life when they started dating and she opened up a bit more to him.

Sharon's fingernails tapped the table and she began to hum. "What about your little sister? I know you don't say much about her. How is she doing?" Trina leaned back, taking a deep breath.

She hadn't been entirely honest about Tori, and several details about her sister she'd asked Jade to intentionally leave out of her lectures just in case. "My sister's up in New York with a child of her own." The women looked at her with their eyes bulging and mouths dropping open. "It's a tough situation, if I'm honest. Someone with her disorder."

The best way to describe borderline personality disorder: I hate you, please don't leave me. A person with that instance would push and pull, drive someone on a rollercoaster ride. These things were known. She didn't want to say Tori had gotten worse since the girl was taking therapy and had gotten a little better, but she didn't believe someone with borderline personality disorder could ever be one hundred percent better.

She'd grown worse verbally as she aged, and now demanded her child take constant care of her. If ever the child disagreed or said they were taking too much grief, she would tell them, 'I carried you for nine months and went through pain of labor for you. You should take care of me, you should do this.'

Holly and Gary were eager to take the child under their wing, especially since Trina knew if something were to happen, that she would find it much harder to take custody. Something was slated to happen after all, since Beck and Judge Baker were finally ready to make an arrest.

Tori wasn't necessarily trying to be abusive, but that was the problem. Someone with that disorder used guilt as a weapon and painted themselves a victim without realizing they were doing it. She'd dated men that would complain about her behavior, and she'd cut herself with car keys and show it to them, telling them they were causing her this behavior. When they'd leave, she'd cuss at them and say she had always known she'd leave.

Even as her child reached dating age, she felt threatened because whoever that child dated would take the attention away from her. She would threaten them, one time running after one of these dates with a pair of scissors, and another time telling them all she needed to do to be rid of them was 'go downtown with some money'.

"Moving on from that subject. One of you mentioned vasectomies earlier." Trina pointed at the group and her eyebrows rose. "I slightly agree, but I could never ask for that to happen."

Nancy nodded, lifting up her hand. "And has Jason had one?" Trina pulled back the corners of her lip, unable to keep from letting out a laugh.

"Never." This was a man that didn't intend on going through a surgery like that in a million years. "I refuse to get my tubes tied, so I'm not going to force him into getting a vasectomy."

"Mhm." Nancy raised her hand, pointing three fingers up. "You've only slept with three men in your lifetime, right? Three boyfriends." Trina crossed her arms and smirked, taking a mental note of the trend Nancy was establishing. "You've managed to have a child each time."

"Okay."

"What happens if that trend continues? At your age, having another baby-"

"Would be difficult, but I can deal with it. It's not like I'm fifty or older, girls." She was barely forty. Yes it would be harder on her body, but fortunately not as hard as it would be if she were much older.

She knew to be careful, especially since she and Jason were sexually active. They didn't sleep together too much, but it was at least once or twice a week at this point.

"You were once into martial arts, right?" Janet inquired, likely wanting to change the subject. "We've always thought you look great for forty." She chuckled once, thankful for the compliment. Her body wasn't as great as it once was, she had slight pain from time to time due to age, but overall she was still in good shape.

"Jason and I regularly practice martial arts. I've even given my daughters a chance to see if they'd be interested in it." Sasha was more artfully inclined while Megan preferred to read and write. "As far as I know, Jason got Rachel involved in it from an early age, and she still enjoys practicing." She leaned back, stretching her back and letting out a sigh. "Also, we're involved in yoga. He's got a gym in his garage as well, so we do lift weights and jog in the morning."

"You're living with him?"

"No. I'll visit his place or he'll swing by mine. It depends on the mood and the time."

"I suppose it makes sense." Janet moved her hand in a circular motion. "You know that girl you mentioned, Dr. West?"

"Yep. What about her?"

"She's been really crucial to the world of probation and parole. I hear she's giving a lecture at one of the schools in town." Trina rolled her eyes and shrugged. Of course she knew Jade was giving one, but it mattered little for her anymore. "Oh to be a fly on the wall in that lecture."

Her eyebrows rose and she started to chuckle. "No. No you don't want to be." She leaned forward, grabbing up her coffee cup and raising it towards her lip. "Some of her lectures you don't need."

Jade had multiple lecture subjects, but always told Trina when her life was to be one of the subjects lectured on. "Do you know how lucky it she's in town?" Nancy laughed and pat her chest. "I've heard she's often selective with where she goes, and the teacher that picked her up I believe had to ask a couple of times."

 _"Here we go again."_ Trina sipped her coffee and closed her eyes. To her knowledge, Jade's most recent lecture wasn't a matter of a teacher begging. Jade told her she was looking forward to the lecture and said yes with only a little reluctance.

Her phone began to ring, so she grabbed it up without a single thought and answered the call, grinning when she heard Cat's voice on the other end of the line. "Oh Cat." She turned around in her chair and took another sip of her coffee, sighing as she glanced sideways to the women who were now going on about Jade's lectures. "You don't know how happy I am you called."

Cat hummed for a bit. "You're on break?" Trina's eyes darted back over and she coughed as the coffee went down the wrong pipe.

"Yes." She rubbed her chest and shook her head. "My shift is actually almost over." Judge Baker was letting her finish up early for the dinner that night, he wanted her to be with family.

"So that means you're with the chatterboxes?"

"Yep." She heard Cat snicker and narrowed her eyes as the girl started to tease her.

"Oh honey I'm so sorry for you."

"Uh huh." She straightened her posture and set the cup down on the table. "No you're not."

"Why do you torture yourself with them?"

"They provide me with entertainment." She stood up and walked to the trash can next to the counter, dumping the now empty cup. "So what's up?"

"Well. Speaking of gossip…" She groaned and raised her eyes to the sky. "Robbie got a text from Beck earlier. Apparently Beck wants to hook Jade up with Andre, since they're both in town now." She lifted her head slowly, pondering how and why Beck would even be in communication with Jade.

She felt her heart clinch and shook away the worry rising up in her. "Andre, huh? He's changed a lot since his days in high school." Andre used to be a player, picking up a new woman each week. It was an odd pair, but the way he was now might make a good match for Jade. "I trust Beck's judgment, I guess. He seems to be pretty damn good at his instincts and setups."

Cat laughed airily. "You mean like his pitting you and Jason together?" She closed her eyes and started to smile. "Speaking of which. I got a text from Sasha, she and Jason are heading your way."

"What? They are?" She pulled her phone from her ear and frowned when she saw she had a missed call and a missed text. "Ugh, I only just turned my phone on."

"I figured you had it silenced, otherwise they wouldn't have contacted me. I was going to try and call you first, then I was going to head over." Trina rolled her head to the left and folded her arm over her stomach. "I've gotten a few texts from Mae too."

"Something must be going on. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, well, about that…" She peered out the breakroom window and gasped when she saw Jason and Sasha down the hallway.

"Oh! Cat, sorry to cut you off, but they're here" Cat grunted in reply.

"Alright. They'll fill you in. Call me later if you can."

"I will." She hung up the phone and glanced at the women at the table. The looked up to her almost expectantly. "I've got to check out ladies. Jason's here with one of my girls."

It was strange that Megan wasn't there too, but the teenager was probably off in her own world somewhere. Usually Sasha would be with her, but that wasn't so alarming as how guilty her youngest daughter looked.

She could tell something was up, or that Sasha had done something she knew she shouldn't have. "Alright…" She pushed the door open and walked down the hallway, raising her hand. "Jason, Sasha, over here!"

Jason looked up and Sasha started sprinting towards her. "Mommy!" Trina knelt and opened her arms, taking her daughter up as the child threw her arms around her neck. "I love you momma."

"I love you too dear."

Jason approached with a knowing smirk. "She's buttering you up." Trina laughed as Sasha started to kiss her cheek and say how she was the best mom in the entire world.

"I know," she whispered, "What's going on?"

"It might be best to let her tell you." He pointed to Sasha and cleared his throat. "Sasha, maybe now is a good time to let your mother know what you and Megan are up to?" Trina felt a heaviness in her heart and looked sternly into her daughter's eyes.

Sasha bowed her head and started muttering. "It isn't anything really bad. Not like pranking or going somewhere momma tells us not to. Like the freeway when we go on walks."

Trina blinked twice. "What?" Sasha's eyes widened and she began laughing nervously. With a sigh, Trina set Sasha on the floor and pointed to a nearby bench. "Sit. Now." She caressed her forehead and groaned as Sasha climbed onto the bench. "Okay, I'll forgive your last statement for now. You and your sister will be in a lot of trouble if you keep going out there. It's dangerous."

"Yet you might not ground them for that," Jason remarked, "When you hear what they've been up to." Sasha bowed her head and clasped the front edge of the bench seat. She kicked her feet forward and started to whine.

"It was mostly Megan's idea, I only follow."

Trina sat beside Sasha and pat the girl on the back, speaking softly. "Sasha, if it is something bad…something dangerous…I need to know." Sasha whined again and shook her head.

"Not bad. She wanted Rachel to know about you." Her heart stopped and she froze on the spot. After several seconds, a tremor could be felt shooting through her body. "So she went to Beck because that's Rachel's uncle."

Her thoughts travelled back to what the ladies in the breakroom were saying about Jade's lectures, then what Cat said about Beck matching Jade up with Andre.

She knew Rachel was taking Beck's semester course.

Fear and anxiety swept through her, forcing her heartbeat into a race it wouldn't win. "What are you telling me Sasha? What have you and your sister done, dear?"

"You were always talking to that Jade lady, he knew about your life and was a teacher. We wanted her to tell Rachel about you so Rachel would understand and accept more." She closed her eyes and dropped her hand to the bench. "Mr. Beck seemed to Megan like a good place to start so she convinced him to have your friend lecture."

Trina stood suddenly, agitated and afraid. She knew what was in Jade's lecture, and none of it was information she ever wanted Rachel to learn in a classroom. "This is not good." If anything, she wanted to tell the girl everything herself. "We have to stop it."

"But momma, we just wanted Rachel to know." Sasha started to tear up, looking up with a frown. "Did we do something really bad, momma?"

Trina let out a sigh and knelt down, caressing the side of Sasha's face and smiling tenderly while gazing into her eyes. "No sweetie, of course not." Sasha smiled back and leaned forward, setting her chin onto Trina's shoulder. She put her arms around her daughter and lifted her up. "You're not in any trouble, Sasha." She glanced up and at Jason. "Although Jason, I might have to tear a new one into Jade and your brother."

"Fair enough," he replied.

Sasha's tiny legs wrapped around Trina's waist, and the girl slid her arms around her neck. "Why was it wrong, Momma?"

"Sweetie." She walked swiftly down the hall, with Jason fast behind her. "There are certain things in Jade's lecture that I would have liked to talk to her about."

"We just wanted her to know how great you were, momma. So she would come see us. We wanted to be with our sister."

"I know baby. I know."

"We didn't know about tonight's dinner. We didn't know she'd be there."

"It's okay, sweetheart." She made her way out to her car and looked over at Jason's vehicle with a frown. "Jason? You want to ride with us? We can come pick up your car later."

"Sounds like a plan." Jason opened the back door and helped Sasha into the car. He then shut the door and looked at Trina with a sigh, placing his hand on the top of the car. "God only knows what's going through Rachel's head right now."

Trina ran her hand over her arm and pressed her lips together. She knew Rachel was struggling to accept her, and the girl had been avoiding her for a while. She thought tonight was a sign that Rachel was coming around, but now she was scared Jade's lecture might push the girl even farther away.

"She knows we're together but naturally and that I actually care about you, right?" Jason smiled and put a hand on her upper arm.

"Of course." He kissed her forehead and leaned back slowly. "She knows we're happy."

"I've always wanted to sit with her, answer any questions she had." She opened the car door and growled. "There's nothing in Jade's lecture that I wouldn't have told her, but most of it is something she needed to hear from _me_ , damn it." She was about to go off on everyone, and even now, was using all her strength not to do so.

Halfway into the driver's seat, she felt Jason's hand on hers and looked up at him. "Trina." He leaned in, speaking with a hushed voice while looking into her eyes. "Don't be angry with your children, okay?"

"I'm not."

"I know, but consider they don't need to be punished for doing something they shouldn't have this time around. Tell them why what they did wasn't the right course of action, but keep in mind their reason for this whole thing."

She breathed in slow and deep, closing her eyes and then mustering a smile. "They just wanted to get close to their sister, I know Jason. They're not in any kind of trouble, I don't need to ground them right now."

"Maybe right now, anger at Beck and Jade would also be less important."

"Yeah. I need to talk to Rachel. Both of us do." She motioned to the passenger seat and cleared her throat as Jason leaned out and chuckled. "Get in and let's go. We can talk on the way."

"Sure." He hurried in on the other side and shut his door quickly. "I think Beck may have his phone silenced. I've been trying to call him on the way here, to tell him to stop the lecture."

"Silenced but not off. Cat was just telling me he texted her a little while ago. Did you text him?"

"You know I don't do texts, right?" She laughed and started up her car. It wasn't surprising Jason wouldn't try and text Beck, he never got around to bothering with text messaging when he could just call. Besides, he was likely driving and even calling was something he didn't like to do when driving. "What do you need me to do?"

"Cat's only a minute or two away from the college." She shifted the gear into drive and flipped her hair back over her shoulder. "Call her and Robbie." She narrowed her eyes. "Mom and Dad too."

Gary was now fully retired, but her mother wasn't. Her mom left the hospital many years ago and was teaching part time at the college. "Holly will get there faster than Cat, but one of those two _will_ get there before we do. Tell them to go and put a stop to the lecture."

Jason pulled his phone out and nodded swiftly. "On it right now." She breathed out slow and pushed down on the gas pedal. This wasn't how she envisioned meeting her daughter at all, but now that it had come to this, there was no way around it.

She would do her best to remain calm, though her nerves were going haywire at the moment. "I never intended to meet Rachel in the middle of a school classroom, Jason." Jason squeezed her hand gently and nodded with understanding. "How do we do this?"

"Carefully. We don't want to start a scene in front of her classmates." That would be hard enough. They could take Rachel outside of the class if need be, she wasn't going to storm into Beck's classroom and start a scene in front of all of them. She knew better than to do that. She could wait until his class was over and students were starting to go home, but she needed to insure the lecture over her life would end first.

That was where Cat and her mother would come in, hopefully. They knew how to go in and calmly disrupt the classroom setting to tell Beck something important. Given the lecture as it was, her presence would only cause an undesired effect because the entire class may actually recognize her if Jade included photos.

* * *

Here we go guys, the time has come. What are your thoughts about the things in this chapter? What do you see coming up?


	56. All of Time Shall Stand Still

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 56 (All of Time Shall Stand Still)

Arriving at the college, Trina was sick to her stomach with nervousness. She knew both her mother and Cat were drawing in to the classroom to tell Beck to stop the lecture, but the truth of the matter was she needed them to be there. In as much as she needed Jason and her daughters, she needed their support as well.

Nearing the criminal justice building, Trina had her phone on speaker to listen in as Cat made her way to the class. "She's been labeled many things in her life," she heard Beck say to his class, "In her younger years it was always something that carried a negative connotation. Even while on probation, she thought of herself as a criminal from time to time, giving herself a false label simply because everyone else in her life had done that. The real labels, however, the ones that are true are exactly who she is: A mother. Someone important. Someone wanted by those all around. She's found success in her life, she's found happiness, and above all else, she is the exact opposite of a criminal."

She breathed out, her heart swelling with relief and joy. "You know I can't be mad at him." She glanced at Jason with a proud smirk, causing Jason to chuckle. "He's felt bad about a lot all his life, and has never stopped trying to make things right or put some kind of joy into my life."

"Such as having Rachel present at your wedding?"

"Yeah, or keeping me informed on how she was doing."

"He's done what he can, he's a good person." He didn't have to atone for anything anymore. It made sense to her why he would have allowed Jade to lecture for his class, for Rachel, because he would have wanted Rachel to understand who her mother was just as much as Megan and Sasha did. "You know something?"

She stopped with her hand on the door handle and turned back as Jason placed a hand over hers. "What, Jason?"

"You told me once, you made him swear never to tell me anything about you." He wagged his eyebrows and tilted his head. "You didn't say anything about Rachel." She chuckled and bowed her head in an attempt to hide a growing grin.

"Sneaky bastard. Found a loophole."

Cat's voice sounded out over the speakerphone, so Trina looked down to her waist where the phone hung. "Beck, hey, how's it going?" Mae was the one who replied first, clearly shocked to see her parents at the classroom.

Holly and Gary were next to speak, much to Trina's surprise. She hadn't known Gary would be present, but it could have been he was at the college with Holly. "Can you step outside for a spell?" Holly inquired of him. "I have an important matter to discuss regarding the college."

"Right." Cat added a note, and Trina opened the college doors with a deep and courageous breath. "Mae, sweetheart, you forgot your textbook." She heard Jason snicker and shook her head.

Her friend always had witty ways to interject herself. Before going inside, however, she felt Jason squeeze her hand and looked up to see him gazing at her with concern and love in his eyes. "Are you okay?" He asked her. "You going in there. Will you be able to do this?"

She took another deep breath and closed her eyes, thinking of every time she got close to talking to Rachel. In the past, it only took the girl's presence to drive her into a fit of tears. No matter how strong she'd become, she knew this was still the most difficult thing she would ever do.

"I'll be fine," she answered finally. Jason furrowed his brow and frowned at her. She pushed the door forward, stopping once more to stare at her shaky hand. "No. No I'm not okay, but I know it'll be okay. You're here, my parents are in there, and even my zany best friend's there."

She blew out once more, and winced when she heard Rachel's voice come over the speaker. "What is everyone doing here?" Jason let out a surprised grunt, raising his eyebrows. Like him, Trina was fairly certain Rachel wouldn't have let it slip in front of her class that she knew her birth mom or even was aware that Holly and Gary, after the lecture, were her grandparents.

The class might have figured it out.

"I didn't forget my textbook," Mae said loudly, "I didn't need it today."

"Oh ho dear," Cat said between sharp laughs, "If ever you needed your textbook. Now is the time. Now come on out, your blouse needs to be adjusted."

"What? Mom, no."

"Your mother's right," Robbie said quickly, "It's too open! You need to close the higher buttons."

"Dad!"

"Do not get your father started on those shorts, sweetie."

"My god!" Robbie gasped out and it wasn't long before Trina heard Mae protesting his pulling her from the class. "How did you get past your mother wearing those?"

"Hey! What did I do? You're here about Rachel, aren't you? I'm not leaving her side."

"Good." Cat cleared her throat. "She's going to need you, anyway." Trina rounded the corner and saw in the distance of the hallway that her parents, Cat and Robbie had Mae standing outside of the classroom door. "I want you to go back inside and get Rachel and Ryan out here…."

"Why?"

"You'll see in a minute, but it's better we don't cause a scene in the classroom."

"Oh." Mae crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "You mean like going in and telling me I left my textbook, then complaining about my outfit? Which, just so happens, to be the outfit college girls wear these days."

"Don't remind me." Cat rolled her eyes. "We wore them too in the old days. Mostly for attention or our own comfort, but they sure as hell got a lot of attention. Plus, you hear that? You're wearing old people style! Old people clothes."

"Mostly unwanted attention," Robbie replied gruffly, "I do not need hormone fueled college men ogling my daughter."

Beck stepped out of the class, closing the door gently behind him. "What's going on?" He folded his arms and looked at Holly with great concern. "What seems to be the problem?"

"I'm going to have to ask that you end your class for the day," Holly replied, her sharp gaze peering beyond her silver bangs. Beck hummed and shrugged.

"You're a fellow teacher, you know the campus doesn't like us to end our class too early without a valid reason. What reason can I give them?"

"It would be better you send them home." Beck looked beyond them and started to pale once his eyes made contact with Trina. He bowed his head and scratched behind it.

Just then, Megan came out of hiding and stared down the hallway. "Mom?" Her face twisted with shock and irritation. "Sasha, what did you do? I said not to tell mom or Jason!"

Sasha walked towards her older sister, shrugging. "I was bribed by ice cream, sis-sis. I'm a weak, weak girl."

Before Trina could say anything, she saw a movement in the window of the classroom door preceding it sliding open. Just as it did, Rachel emerged from behind, stopping Trina dead in her tracks.

"Uncle Beck? Mr. and Mrs. Shapiro? What's going on?" Rachel shut the door behind her and looked at Mae. "Is Mae in some kind of trouble?"

Mae shook her head and pointed to the door. "Maybe go grab your boyfriend, Rach. Dr. West too. I think class is dismissed."

"Dismissed?" Rachel looked down the hall and her eyes went large. "Oh god…"

Standing behind Mae with his hands on her shoulders, Robbie leaned forward and spoke softly. "I'll do that." His bushy moustache blew with an exhale from his nostrils and he turned to Beck. "Would you come in as well? It is your classroom."

"Yeah," Beck remarked quietly. "I don't want them leaving the class right now though. Seeing Trina will generate too much attention. I'll put on a video for them to watch relating to probation, have them take notes and tell them I'll quiz them on it later."

"Good idea."

"I still have over an hour of class left…You understand the college dean and my bosses aren't going to accept me ending a class that early simply because of one student."

"We understand. Come on, let's give them some time."

Trina waited for the two men to reenter the classroom. Staring at Rachel, her legs were like cement and she could feel herself turning into a statue. Megan and Sasha stood at Rachel's sides, creating a perfect picture of the three of her daughters together.

She felt a stab of nausea in her stomach, worse than what had been occurring to her lately. As much as she wanted to run to the bathroom to let it spill, she swallowed her fear.

Her hands closed firmly and her eyes could not pull away from Rachel.

All the times she'd crossed paths played through her mind. From the time she gave Rachel up, her passing the girl at the park or even seeing her at the store. Each time ended the same whether she wanted to admit it or not: A frenzy of tears and sickness.

 _"Be strong,"_ she told herself. _"You won't break this time. Not this time. Not now."_

Jason squeezed her hand gently and she felt a sense of relief flowing into her. Holly and Gary, standing together, smiled knowingly and motioned their heads towards Rachel. Cat approached her, placing a steady hand on her back. "It'll be okay," Cat said, "We've got your back."

Mae appeared to be doing the same thing for Rachel. Soon, even Ryan was stepping out of the classroom and taking Rachel's hand in his. Trina could see the look of support in the eyes of her two youngest daughters, but the silence in the area was deafening.

Everyone was leaving it up to them to move, yet neither of them could budge.

Between Rachel and the door now stood Beck and Jade, both holding their breath. It felt like everyone was doing it, with each too anxious or scared something terrible might happen.

For years, Trina played in her mind what would happen. She would dream about what to say to Rachel, and how to explain everything. She had it all written like a script in her head, the tale of Marcus and why she'd given the young girl up.

She hoped the terror in her eyes wasn't obvious, but she could see the same fear and uncertainty in Rachel's. Like her, the younger woman had streams of tears rolling down her face.

Jade took a shawl that she had with her and carefully hung it over the classroom window. Her movement seemed to ease the tense energy in the atmosphere, but barely.

"You would think," Rachel whispered finally, "That Scott would have it harder. Without even realizing it, Dr. West brought up his father in the lecture." Jade did a double take and Trina chuckled through her tears. "He already knew everything about him, though…"

It was true. Sinjin had gotten other girls pregnant. Those girls probably told their children plenty about him. He disgusted Trina now to this day. "Poor kid," Trina replied with a shaky voice, "Must hate the guy."

"Yeah. Yeah he does." Rachel took a deep breath and moved forward slowly. Trina gasped out, remaining still and watching as her daughter continued to inch towards her.

She steeled herself, tensing from the anxiety and not knowing what would happen next. It wasn't easy to read the girl right now, and for all she knew, Jade's lecture could have made Rachel like her even less.

To her surprise, and relief, Rachel moved hugged her tight. A sudden gasp and cry escaped her and she felt the tension in her body wash away. "I don't hate you," Rachel said.

Her knees went weak and she pushed her arms around Rachel, breaking down into a fit of tears. This time, however, they were different. They weren't tears of grief, but of joy and relief. "I never wanted to give you up," she cried, "I just never saw any other option. I didn't…"

"I know. I know that now." Rachel wept with her, looking over her shoulder. "All my life I wanted answers. I wanted to know. Dr. West…helped a bit with that. I understand more. Willing to talk." Rachel looked up into her eyes and let out a dry chuckle. "I didn't know how I was going to do that…I knew you made Dad happy, to the point he's ready to propose."

Jason coughed and Trina raised her eyebrows, looking suddenly over her shoulders. Rachel blinked twice and sighed. "Oops. Okay, so I might have ruined that plan."

"Yep," Megan muttered, "Now we _know_ she's our sister." Sasha hummed and nodded.

Mae started chuckling and put her hands behind her head, smirking deeply. "You girls have no idea how meddlesome Rachel can be when she wants. If she had known where to find her birth mom, she's fantasized about hooking her dad up with her for years…and would have done it if Mr. Oliver didn't beat her to it."

Rachel bowed her head and quickly cleared her throat. "Kitten. We're kind of having a moment here."

"Sorry."

"But yeah I confess, I might have tried that if I had the chance. If I wasn't already angry and wanting answers." Rachel took a deep breath and set her forehead against Trina's chest. "I might never have been able to accept you without the lecture in there…"

"So I did do some good," Jade replied with a relieved sigh. Beck cleared his throat and waved his hand before her.

"Don't forget who asked you to lecture in my class. Think you would have agreed if you knew Rachel was in it?"

"Probably not."

"Okay enough." Gary spoke above the group, his voice seemed to boom as though coming from an amplifier. "Everyone out if you're going to keep talking! Give them some time together."

Rachel took a step back and slid her hand around Trina's, smiling through her tears. "Let's go for a walk. We can walk around the campus and just talk, the campus is really beautiful right now."

Trina wiped her face with a tissue and cleared her throat. "You want to? The two of us?"

"Yeah…I think it's important."

Trina looked back at Jason, still surprised by the slip up about his coming proposal. She knew it was better to not leave it hanging, though talking to her daughter was just as important. "Rachel. You know…you know I told your father who I was when he asked me out, right?" Rachel nodded. "You understand I did not and would not date your father to take advantage of his being your father."

"Yeah, I got that." Rachel's eyes dipped down and her voice grew quiet. "Does he make you happy?"

"Very much."

"Do you love him?"

"With all my heart." Trina placed a hand onto Rachel's shoulder and the girl looked up into her eyes. Just as Jason had done likely done the same cliché of asking her father's permission-which she knew must have happened given a recent hour long dinner Jason and Gary had, she needed to have Rachel's blessing above all else. "Rachel, if I were to marry your father, could you accept that? Could you accept me? Is there any part of you that would doubt or even question my intentions?"

Rachel smiled back and wiped her eyes, shaking her head. "I don't question you at all, and I could accept you…but I want to get to know you. I need to know who you are." Rachel glanced back at Jade and shrugged. "I kind of do, but I want to hear it from you."

"Then let's go for a walk."

"Great. Before we do go, I know my dad had this big plan to propose to you at dinner tonight." Jason crossed his arms and raised his hand over the stubble on his chin. His index knuckle tapped his upper lip and his eyebrows closed together. "But since it is kind of out in the open now…"

Trina winked and whispered to Rachel. "My answer is yes." Jason looked at her, seemingly not hearing her. "But let's let him wait for a bit."

"Ooh that's evil." Rachel spread her lips into a wide toothy grin. "I like it." Megan and Sasha, who had moved close by heard it as well and were grinning with their approval of the idea as well.

Jason pulled his hands behind his back and stretched a bit. "You'd think all three grew up together already…"

* * *

So everyone came together for the two it seems. They've met, finally, harder than hell though. Now they'll have a chance to truly connect. What are your thoughts of everything that happened here in this chapter? I think the good thing is Trina can't really be mad at either Beck or Jade, or her daughters, everything that happened really helped not only Rachel to understand and accept but for the two to come together.


	57. The Talk

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 57 (The Talk)

The campus was indeed beautiful, perhaps more so than Trina had noticed in the few times she'd been on it. There were sidewalk paths coming from four directions of the quad, stretching to the blooming fountain of water in the center. The criminal justice building sat behind them, an old library when the campus was first built. To their left was a larger building, the business and foreign language building.

On the other side of the fountain, the sidewalk in front of them ran towards the street, where the administration building and bell tower sat on the other side. Currently the bell tower was letting out a musical chime. To their right were the first ever dormitory buildings which were now a computer science building and sorority building. There was a sidewalk path between them, stretching out to the street where the student center sat on the other side.

Large oak trees lined the sides of the paths and were scattered throughout the grassy areas. Tall bushes also framed the circular fountain and sidewalk path around it. The sun glittered off the trees and swayed with the warm wind.

Trina and Rachel walked together in silence, neither knowing what to say or even where to begin. It seemed unnecessary to say much, and yet it felt the entire world were holding its breath waiting for someone to speak.

Occasionally Rachel would see somebody she knew and wave at them. As they passed the two small buildings that used to be dorms, Rachel looked back at the criminal justice building with a sigh. "What do you think is going to happen back there while we're gone?" The girl asked, finally breaking the silence. Trina looked over her shoulder with a smile and shrugged.

"I don't know. Jason and my parents will probably take Megan and Sasha somewhere. Jade might leave as guest lecturers do."

"Unless she wants to see how this all plays out."

"I guess so."

"I'd hate to leave them waiting for that." Rachel chuckled and Trina smirked. "Uncle Beck has to stay with the class, so he's not going anywhere. Same for Ryan. Mae, on the other hand…"

Thinking of how Cat and Robbie were regarding Mae's attire, she had a pretty good idea what would happen. "They've probably dragged the poor girl home by now and are getting her to change, meanwhile educating her on why her outfit isn't appropriate." Rachel laughed and then let out a small sigh.

They went silent once more, crossed the street and entered the side doors of the large student center. "You know, people are going to think you look like a professor in what you're wearing."

"Probably."

They made their way around a corner, leaving the obvious food court and moving towards the Mesquite Café. Upon entering, Rachel pulled out her wallet, handing them the student ID. Just as Trina was reaching for her wallet, Rachel put up her hand and pointed down to the cash in hers. "I've got you."

Trina lowered her wallet and furrowed her brow. "You don't have to." Rachel smiled back and handed the cash over to the cashier.

"I want to."

They made their way through the buffet line, grabbing a few grilled chicken breasts, mashed potatoes and vegetables. Rachel seemed to know where she wanted to go, so Trina followed her, heading past a half-raised wall and towards a booth in the back beside a window.

They set their trays down and sat across from one another. "Normally I prefer the food court." Rachel picked up her fork and looked at it, checking for cleanliness. Trina did the same, as it was a familiar quirk of hers-she hated going to a restaurant or diner and eating off unclean silverware. "They have more filling food, and it tastes better. The only difference right now is it's quieter and more private here in the café."

"Makes sense to me. It's probably better to eat light right now anyway."

"True. Don't want to be too filled up when we go to dinner tonight." Rachel grinned. "Assuming Dad still plans to after the whole proposal thing slipped back there…" Trina laughed. It would likely still be planned, since Jason never seemed to be one to cancel plans he made at the last minute.

Trina watched as Rachel begun to eat. A sense of pride and joy filled her heart as she marveled at the beautiful woman her daughter had grown to be. It was enough to just be here, she didn't need to eat.

After a minute, Rachel's eyes moved up towards her and she lowered her spoon from her mouth. "You know…" The girl set her silverware down and leaned upright in her seat. "I've always wondered. I've always had questions, never any answers. A lot that I heard from that woman's lecture might have answered things, but I still wish I had heard them from you."

"I wish you had too."

"I might not have given you a chance to give them though." Rachel's lips flashed a brief smile, then faded. "Jade's lecture was needed. I think, though, you probably should have her not lecture about you anymore though."

"I'll be honest. I've thought about that."

"There's a lot of personal stuff in there. Stuff that maybe shouldn't get out. I've learned a lot about more than just you, I learned more about my dad's life and about my own. My best friend just had the entire class learn she was born before her parents ever thought about marriage, and of the horrible rift her conception caused between her parents and theirs." Rachel dropped her gaze and shrugged. "I'm into psychology, and I can't even begin to tell you how many people are going to start looking at us with pity and so on, and it isn't going to feel good."

"I know." Trina bent her arms on the table, raising her clasped hands beneath her chin. "Why do you think I don't like knowing when or where Jade gives her lectures? I should have paid more attention, otherwise if I had known about today, I would have stopped her."

"I'm glad you didn't, though." So was she, especially now that she realized how much it helped Rachel to understand and accept where she was coming from. "She probably has other material to use, other lectures to give, she doesn't have to use your-our-life anymore."

"Right."

Rachel took a deep breath and stared down at her food, gently nudging it with a fork. "You know. They were your bullies, and now they're your friends." The girl chuckled. "How do you even feel about that?"

"Oh god." She couldn't begin to describe how it felt, there were so many different emotions coming and going regarding them. One hand, she didn't know how much was genuine friendship and how much was guilt, but on the other hand she was happy to have them. "Well Tori got jealous a few times over the years, complaining about how her friends were flip-flops and all of a sudden they all seemed to like me when they used to hate me."

"Ever feel like it wasn't genuine? Ever doubt their friendship?"

"Sometimes. Cat, not so much, but Robbie I thought at first he didn't care and was only there because of Cat." Rachel hummed and nodded slowly. "I mean hell, the guy dropped me from a damn harness because I insulted his puppet." Rachel's eyebrows rose slowly and Trina poked a finger out. "Your uncle, it took a good while for me to come around to him."

"Seemed like it from the lectures. Seemed you didn't really start accepting him as a friend until after your stepdad's death."

"Right. He kept coming around more, kept being supportive after that, and of course I was trusting him to let me know how you were doing without telling Jason everything there was to tell about me."

"And then Jade?"

"Mostly professional. I mean we got friendly, especially after told her I wasn't angry anymore, but we'd never be best friends." Trina folded her arms on the surface of the table and raised her eyes up. "Then there's Andre, I didn't really associate much with him."

Rachel grunted and shrugged. "He didn't appear in Jade's lecture, and all Uncle Beck said was he moved and got married."

"Oh he was definitely involved." She chuckled a few times, remembering Andre's role in everything. It wasn't much, but he played a part that she never mentioned to her probation officer or to Jade. "A big part of his change was because of me." Rachel raised her eyebrows and leaned forward.

"What do you mean?"

"He was like Beck. He found out I was on probation because he saw me going in. He was Beck's best friend, always would be. Well we talked, he actually tried to go out with me…I gave him a week." She winked and Rachel gasped. "I wanted to see if he could actually have a serious relationship. There really wasn't anything there, and this was during a time I was still hurting over my sister's friends, so it didn't last of course. Still, I would always talk to him about his playboy demeanor, going from girl to girl without ever settling. Meanwhile, he started to care a little more, stopped being so fickle and wimpy."

"Amazing."

"I think he was trying to change himself so I might give him a chance, I don't know, but he knew I wasn't interested. You know he actually beat Sinjin up?"

"He did what?"

"After what happened, Beck and Jade let him know-much to my aggravation-and he went to beat the hell out of the guy." Trina let out a sigh and closed her eyes. Her fingers traced her right temple, rubbing circles into it. "He actually keeps in touch. It's interesting how much he's changed over the years, so I'm glad your uncle is thinking of putting him with Jade. That's an attraction he's always held since high school, and the way he is now, he'd be a great person for her."

"Kind of like your attraction to my dad, huh?" Rachel smirked and Trina's cheeks flared up. "Every time he was brought up in Jade's lecture…how long were you in love with him before you actually finally let yourself talk to him?"

"Oh god." Trina fell back into her chair, sliding her hands along the table. An uncontrollable smile formed on her face and she chuckled nervously. "I should have known that question would come up." Rachel put her folded hands up under her chin and slanted her eyes, humming twice. The girl's grin seemed to match her own.

"I think it's interesting. You and Jesse marrying because you both loved each other, yet you both also still had feelings for someone else at the same time."

Trina snapped her fingers and pointed out. "Jesse still carried a flame for his girlfriend that was murdered, and yes, I carried something for a man that I felt I would never actually talk to. Both of us decided that we needed to focus on what was reality, and what was reality was the two of us. I loved him as much as I fell for your father."

"But you never went up to my dad because you were too afraid to talk to him."

"I wasn't ready. I couldn't go up to him when I was a simpering mess. Jesse was the first 'man' I'd been with, up until him all I'd ever been with were boys. Jason was a man too, is a hell of a man, how could I ever have been ready to be with somebody like him when I wasn't even mature yet?" Rachel hummed, her eyes dipping towards her food.

"I'm glad Uncle Beck put you in his path then." Trina chuckled softly and nodded. "I'm glad you're here." Rachel exhaled sharp and closed her eyes. "Tough questions now." Trina frowned, her stomach started to twist with worry and she braced herself for what was coming. "Marcus. What…What was he like? I mean, aside from what Jade's lecture was all about."

"She pretty much hits the nail on the head with him." Trina sighed and let her shoulders fall. "There's not much to say, and I wish I could tell you more about him." Rachel pressed her lips together and closed up her hands. "He was charming at first, but like almost everyone I dated, didn't want to talk much about his past. He was an athlete, my type obviously. He was nice, friendly, like how a good relationship is supposed to start. Then he became, well, a monster."

"An abuser."

"Yeah."

"I guess…I guess he's better left in the past." Rachel unclenched her hands and dropped them into her lap. "I don't really care to hear a lot about him. I have a dad, a dad that has always loved me and raised me to be as good of a person as he is." Trina smiled, her pride returning as she gazed at her beautiful child. "I love my dad, he loves me. Marcus…doesn't matter. Marcus is just…." Rachel breathed in and grabbed up her silverware, then proceeded to stab her chicken with it. "He's just a sperm donor as far as I care."

Trina retained her smile and raised the center of her eyebrows. "I get the feeling Megan would say the same about Sinjin. You're right though. People like Marcus, like Sinjin, are better left to the past. Both of you have, or had, fathers that took care of you and loved you…there's little point in lamenting over someone that never once cared."

"Maybe he could have. Who knows?"

"Maybe. I didn't believe Marcus would have been capable of it. Do you think I should have given him a chance?"

Rachel shut her eyes again, chewing her meat slowly. Once she swallowed the bite, her eyes opened back up and she spoke softly. "No." Trina hummed as Rachel turned her eyes up to her. "No, I think you did the right thing by giving me up. That decision was based on love for me, right? My own safety. You were the first person that ever loved me and ever did something to protect me in making that decision. I'd say it was the best decision you could have ever made, and maybe, the best decision you could have made for my life."

With those words, a huge weight rolled from her shoulders but the shock hit her like a tornado blowing her away. She was impressed with how mature and how intelligent Rachel had grown. "I-I don't know what to say." Tears welled up in her eyes and her lips turned up into a bright smile. "I'm glad you're able to see that."

Rachel flashed a gentle smile and lifted a bite of her chicken with her fork. "So…you thought my dad was hot and sexy for how long?" Trina's eyes bulged and she started to laugh at the smirk Rachel was forming. "Since you laid eyes on him, right?"

"Um."

"Well? Is he everything you ever imagined him to be?"

"He makes me very happy." Trina relaxed in her chair and flashed a timid smile. "He's a strong man that impressed me very early on with how he was able to handle the responsibility of being a single father." She pulled her hair over her shoulder and cleared her throat. "It's not easy being a single parent, and after Jesse passed, I gained a deeper respect for your father."

"Even still. Sex is probably pretty awesome." Trina raised her eyebrows and smirked back. She wasn't about to answer that, but in her mind she agreed; the sex was mind-blowing.

"I don't think you really want to know how the sex is between your father and myself, dear."

Rachel tilted her head, chewed for a second and then raised her hand, gagging. "No. No I really don't. I'm only being silly."

"Image is planted in your head isn't it?"

Rachel's face twisted in disgust and relaxed with a heavy sigh. "Sadly." The girl bowed her head and Trina reached over, patting her on the hand.

"Sorry sweetheart."

"I only have myself to blame." Rachel blinked twice, then an evil smirk developed. "You know, don't tell Dad, but the sex with my boyfriend is pretty damn good too." Trina grunted and shut her eyes as an unwanted visual popped up in her head.

"Oh do be careful honey, you're my daughter. You know my unfortunate track record." Trina smirked back evilly and Rachel's eyes began to widen. "I've managed to break the record of sex to pregnant ratio. Every single guy I've had sex with…and only one I was married to."

"You weren't married to Marcus?"

"Nope. Thought about it, I know he was probably thinking very seriously about it."

"Ah." Rachel played around a bit more with her food. While waiting in silence, Trina felt her stomach lurch once again as a strange foul odor came to her.

"Ugh, you smell that?"

"Smell what?"

"Nevermind…"

Rachel raised her fork, tapping her cheek and humming. "Hold on. You keep saying every guy, not 'almost every guy'. It's not three for zero, it would be four and one, unless…"

Trina winced. Her hand moved beneath the table and slid over her stomach. "You know Rachel, I did have a feeling your dad was going to propose. I would have first, but not without your blessing."

"Uh huh." Rachel dropped her eyes and began to grin. "Don't change the subject."

She was pregnant, but hadn't told anyone yet. Her doctor wanted to keep an eye on her. She wasn't far along, but thanks to advancements in technology, she knew the gender already. It would be the first time she had a son.

"The ladies at the office might have been right. I probably need to get my tubes tied."

"Oh my god." Rachel gasped out and her mouth opened wide as she shot up. The girl hovered over the table, pushing her hands forward excitedly. "You are aren't you? I'm going to be a sister."

"Technically you already _are_ a sister." Trina took a deep breath and looked down at her stomach. "It might be more accurate to say you'd have a little brother."

"Wait." Rachel frowned and started to sit back down. "What would you have done if I didn't accept you?"

"Been heartbroken. I wasn't going to marry Jason if you didn't want me around."

"Even with a baby?"

She closed her eyes and nodded once. It would have been a difficult decision, but she felt like she would have had to make it. "I wouldn't risk you thinking I was trying to get pregnant just to force myself into the picture."

"How long?"

"Not long. About few months now."

"Does Dad know?" She opened her eyes and started to nod. Rachel tensed her brow and sighed. "Wow, would he have been okay with your decision to not stay together if I didn't…"

"The last thing I ever wanted throughout my life was to make you think my intentions weren't right. I would never have wanted a bad relationship with you…I was going to try and tell you at dinner tonight, but I didn't know how to do it. I was afraid of what you might think."

Rachel stood back up and walked around to her side. She leaned over, hugging Trina's neck. "I'm glad you're going to be in my life. I'm glad I'm going to get to know Megan and Sasha, and even have a little brother coming."

Trina hugged her back, closing her eyes and breathing in gently. "I've loved you from the moment I first held you, and I cried every time I didn't get a chance to hold you again." Rachel buried her head into Trina's shoulder.

"I love you too, mom." Her heart stopped and her wide eyes filled with fresh tears. Her jaw fell open and she began to tremble as Rachel squeezed her. "I love you too."

* * *

Quite the talk, tell me your thoughts of the chapter. There's still a loose end or two that needs to be tied, and then it's all over...


	58. Closure

Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 58 (Closure)

A family trip was the last thing on Trina's mind when it came to the proposal, a baby on the way, and talking to her birth daughter; but it couldn't be avoided. Rachel was about to meet her aunt for the first time, other than another scenario that was going to occur.

While on the plane, she was distracting herself through a phone conversation with Jade. Beside her sat Jason, reading a fitness magazine. He was currently complaining about inaccuracies and things he would be doing differently. Rachel was to her left, reading a novel about a girl going out into the wild to find herself. Megan and Sasha took the seats next to Rachel, with Megan listening to music on headphones and Sasha snoring on Megan's shoulder.

Beck was in the row in front of them, grading papers and muttering about the airline's cold coffee.

"So you don't want me to use you as a subject of lectures any longer?" Jade inquired with a calm and quiet voice. "I will respect that decision, but I wonder…why?"

"I just think it's time to move on." Trina curled her left hand over the front of her armrest and looked towards the airplane windows. "You've contributed to the field of probation and parole in so many ways, you have a good deal of material to lecture over, but I think there's no further reason to continue lecturing over my life. The past is what it is, past, and I think both of us are ready to move away from it and get on with our lives."

Jade took a deep breath and paused. It left Trina unsure what the woman was thinking, though she knew her request was already accepted. "You're right. You're no longer on probation, and your life has turned out remarkably well. I'm not sure, honestly, if probation helped you truly or if it was something else…"

"It was a huge part of that growth." She looked to her parents with a smile. They were across the aisle in the two window seats, with Holly sitting at the window and gazing out at the crystal blue skies. Gary had a pair of reading glasses on and was checking the newspaper. "So were my parents. So were my children. Jade, probation helped me get off my alcohol addiction, it helped me change my life and get away from drugs and negative influences, but it was only a small piece of the puzzle. It wasn't the only thing. I think even you learned that…didn't you?"

"Well." Jade paused again, eventually sighing and clearing her throat. "Beck had a great deal to say, a great deal to teach. So yes, I do see that probation was not the sole factor in helping you become a better person."

"I think, to an extent, you're also holding onto the past a little. It's time for you to let it go. Time for you to let me go." She already got Beck to stop feeling so guilty over the past, and now it was time for Jade to do the same. "As you know, I let you go a very long time ago. I get the feeling telling my story has been your way of trying to make up for something that you did in the past, but you don't need to make up for anything anymore. Do you understand?"

"I do." She could have sworn Jade was smiling, at least she hoped this was the case. "I just hope you continue to do well as you have been. I mean, I know you will. I wish you the best, Trina. You and your family."

"Thank you. You too, Jade." She moved her left hand to her lap and started to smile. "How was your date with Andre?" The woman laughed, and for the first time in a while, started to sound like herself.

"God it was nice to relax for a change. He's toned down a lot, grown up a lot. I've never seen him so respectable, but I'll admit I haven't seen him in twenty years."

"Everyone's changed, Jade…" She reclined her chair and started to sigh. "That's what happens, people change. Circumstances change. You make the best of what you are able. Learn from the past, grow in the present and make a better future."

"Perhaps you're right. Maybe it is time for me to settle down. Even Beck says it might be better for me to stop giving guest lectures and consider teaching at a university level. He might be right."

"The guy _has_ gotten to be fairly smart. He knows what he's talking about, Jade."

"Too bad it took me so long to realize it, and to respect him."

"Ah." She smirked, recognizing that phrase from somewhere. "Met his wife?"

Jade's voice fell flat. "Yep. Met her after you and Rachel left. She came by because Beck's car was in the shop and she needed to give him a ride home. We had a long…satisfying talk."

"Without anything being thrown?"

"I've grown out of my throwing things, Trina."

"Of course you have." She closed her eyes and chuckled. "I hope everything works out for you and Andre. Keep me informed."

"You do the same, Trina. Give your sister my regards."

"I don't think there's going to be much time for reminiscing. Beck's giving us about half an hour to an hour tops. We're not allowed to let Tori know of course, but yeah…it's that time…"

"I'm sorry, by the way. I know how hard it must be."

"It's hard enough knowing I only have an hour to give my sister and knowing that in the end I have to be involved in her arrest anyway." Even though she asked long ago not to be, working for Judge Baker set her right in the office of the very man working towards her prosecution. As far as Tori was concerned, she wasn't just working for the enemy, she _was_ the enemy. "I've said it once and I'll say it to my grave, I will always love my sister. She is a fugitive of the law, however, and there is no other choice but to arrest her."

"I know. I can't imagine what you, or even Beck is going through. It's amazing he's even allowed any time with her."

"He's doing it to let her meet Rachel. He thinks she deserves that much, and Rachel needs to meet her aunt."

"Yeah." Jade took a deep breath and Trina could almost feel the sorrow in the woman's breath, as it closely matched her own grief. Strong as she was now, it was difficult to remain so. She only hoped Tori wouldn't figure something was up. "I've got work to get back to, so I'll leave you to it. Andre and I are going out later, taking his kids to play minigolf. I'm excited to meet them."

"Have fun. Best of luck to you."

"You too. Another time. Goodbye Trina."

"Goodbye."

As time passed, Trina was overjoyed to see her sister getting along with Rachel. Tori hadn't changed too much physically, though she gained a little weight in twenty years and had cut her hair to her chin. She was still ordering her daughter around, who was sixteen years of age now.

Gary and Holly were prepared to take the child away, and by the time Beck mentioned he and his backup of NYPD officers were ready, they were already doing so for the sake that the girl wouldn't witness her mother being arrested.

The arrest was painful to see. Jason kept the girls in the other room while Rachel stayed in the main room with Trina, watching as Beck cuffed an irate Tori. "You've wanted to get me in handcuffs for a long time haven't you?" Tori said with a growl. Beck's face was tight and his jaw locked in place, but Trina could see the relief in his eyes.

"Sure," he replied, "but not in the way you're suggesting. Sorry."

With the arrest came the trial months later, Beck was regarded well for his determination and efforts in never giving up on his case. Tori had been given a life sentence with the possibility of parole in thirty years, a difficult sentence for Trina to accept, but one that she could deal with.

"It's almost a shame," Trina whispered to Rachel, "It's almost a shame that it had to end like this for her. Probation might have helped save my life, and I didn't ever have to face the risk of prison, but for my sister I don't know what to say…"

"I hope she'll find her peace one day," Rachel replied calmly. "I know it's possible." Thirty years was a long time, and it was a shock that the opportunity was even there for Tori. She'd be sixty-five when she was eligible, but maybe, just maybe prison and parole would help her to turn her own life around.

It was bittersweet justice. Tori wasn't inherently evil, not nearly as evil as David had been. Maybe there was a chance for reform, Trina could only hope. "You will still be a sister to her won't you?" Rachel looked up at her with a hopeful expression. Trina smiled gently and nodded, without question.

"I always will be."

Even though she had her own life to worry about, she wasn't going to give up on her little sister. Sure, she couldn't visit the girl every day but at least she could still stay in contact.

Trina and Rachel looked out at the backyard, watching those in play with bright-eyed and proud smiles. Jason was trying to teach Megan a few martial arts moves, which the girl was struggling to pick up on. At the other end, Sasha was pushing a baby stroller around, laughing wildly at the small boy gazing at the sea of grass around him.

Inside the house, Holly and Gary were preparing a meal for the family. Beck and his wife were visiting with their children as well, but they were all inside. For Trina, all she could think of was how happy she was that her life turned out as positively as it had. She had confidence in the future, perhaps more now than ever before.

Whatever came next, she'd be ready for, and her family and friends would be there with her. For now, this was the end of a long part of her life, and the beginning of something new.

* * *

With that, we end this tale. I hope you have enjoyed it as it has gone on, and I appreciate everyone that's reviewed and given their thoughts. Let me know what you think of the end, and don't forget to go check out my newest mystery novel "Bury the Past", which I put out tonight with the knowledge that the final chapter of this would be put out. Thank you once again, I hope you enjoy all that is left to come.


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